It sucks when you have things but you can't say, it sucks even more when you have to keep it all to yourself knowing that it's not good to let anybody else know.

There are things that you can share, but there are some that you know will have consequences if you do. Not even on an online blog, where it's evidence for others to view. Privacy is not present unless it's kept within your own mind. Only there can it be safe, where no one else can access it. But it sucks that you can't even discuss it openly. Whether it's right or wrong, you have to base it on your own judgement. I feel pretty bogged down and restricted.

I have been killing off so much of my friends and contacts, because of the current situation. No social media appearance by me except on skype, what's app as it's private messages. I've drifted so far that it's almost none significant anymore. It's a risk I took, and is it worth it? I don't know now, perhaps I'll know it 2 years down the road. Use to be one that is known to be sociable. Now? Anti-social more like it. I talk lesser now, and I attend lesser of those gatherings. I can put up a front to chat with people, but honestly, I don't enjoy big group gatherings cos it's all too cliche, all too fake.

Many people have move on and found a job, with some friends still in their degree related jobs. But mostly they are changing out of the field. It's true. One seldom stays in their choice of study as what you study is not exactly the same as what you apply. However, most people don't dare to venture too far, due to the "I don't think I know the stuff" mentality. Except some particular jobs where specific knowledge is required, I believe we can fill in the boots of another job easier than what we thought, IF we put in the effort to learn. Job opportunities are there for us. Look for somethign that you like and enjoy, and not just something that you go earn $. It becomes meaningless.

At this very moment, with everyday of my stay in KL, my alone-ism is getting stronger day by day, and I can feel my character growing in that direction. I'm getting stronger in terms of making decisions and I'm getting even more independent. Well, that's the nice way of putting things, the other side of it would be I'm getting more loner and particular about what I want in work. In my position, there's a need to be and when no one dares to make a decision, I just have to do it, and be responsible for it. That's just how it is. At the end of the day it's all about decisions, good or bad, depends on which side you are standing on.

Everything happens for a reason, and I believe that it's always an opportunity to be explored in every dire situation. Now that there is mass resignation coming along, it's time for me to bring in my own warriors who will battle it out together with me. Changes happen and it's good to have new blood, all eager and hungry for more. When things have stagnate for too long, it's never healthy. People get complacent and lazy.

I fancy the challenge I'm getting at work now but at the same time, I don't particularly enjoy parts of my work as I don't see the true value in it. Knowing that part I do plays a big role in the direction of how the sales performance will be gives me motivation to push on, but it's not my fonte and it just doesn't feel right. Honestly, I don't think this is the path I want to take in the long term. I'll learn what I can at the moment and see how I can utilise the skills I acquire.

4th time BTO balloting failed. What luck I have. I really wanted to settle down and have a place for myself, but HDB isn't helping by giving me all this rubbish ballot. Is it a sign for me to hold on? Is it a sign to tell me think twice ? Whatever. Life still goes on and I'll continue my search for another home again. Perhaps I'll continue staying in KL for long.. that's a possibility. I'm enjoying my time here in KL at the moment. Life is pretty good. Just how much you want to spend actually.