everyone wants a hero

Been watching the ultraman mebius series silly right? The things I'm filling my mind where in fact I should be doin whats right. This is my second attempt in writing about this "hero".

What attracts me to this story I guess was kindled by the fact we all wish to have someone big and powerful to fight our battles in lives. Whenever there is a monster that is destroying our world, we fight with all our might then when we've exhausted all we can give there is this hero that would step in and continue the fight for us.

Here's an observation, only a select group are equipped to face the monsters in battle. Even in the face of the toughest battles, they will always do their best to their ability to win and not depend on the Hero to appear because in all episodes the Hero's timing is perfect.

Also every character uses their strengths to the best of their ability. Together with their friendship and their perseverance the monster has a hard time fulfilling its master plan of destroyin the Earth.

And the Hero recognising the feelings of the people he is protecting, adapts and is affected by the incidents of the group that is fighting to protect the earth. Likewise him and the band of guys form a bond that not only strengthens the hero but the belief of the people who are fighting on.

OK I didn't mean to analyse it in that sense but there has to be a lesson somewhere around here? What can we draw out from here? See any paralells?

Ultraman teaches values of friendship, hope and perseverance? It does. It even highlights the importance of the reason why you are called to do what you're suppose to do. The belief and trust in one anothers abilities to prevail against the enemy. And ultraman as the defender and ultimate protecter of earth shows that if u stick to it someone would appear and help u.

Wells I don't intend to use this as an object lesson in life. But rather I'd like to contrast somethings.

I have a hero. And I don't have to call him out everytime to fight my battles when I've reached my limit. He has already won the battle and is always beside me every step of the way. My hero doesn't have a time limit of 3minutes before he gets affected by the earth's atmosphere, He is always present and is above anything that is on the Earth because He created it. Furthermore my hero isn't bound to the limitations of His power, because He is all powerful. And He doesn't dwell in one person but dwells in His chosen people.(note the plural)

So I wonder who's fighting your battles? Or are you still fighting when everything is already done? Ultraman will keep fighting. But for me I'm gonna be resting on what has been done because the fights already won. THough it seems the ultraman can resurrect many times, but what benefit does tat give them when they are still subject to the limitations. Whereas Jesus my hero, my saviour, my Lord died once, ressurected once and ascended to heaven once and has always been there and is ruling even though we think evil is prevailing. He may not rule the earth but He rules the many Hearts He has chosen and called and through them they make a more powerful force than any ultraman the world can conjure.

Ok enough of tat....but if ur tired of fighting turn to Him. Because your battles are won already. ANd if you are His chosen He will allow you to.

So will ultraman save the earth? Wells He can in the show I'm watching. BUt I know for sure this hero won't save me from the judgement to come, and come to think of it, I don't think I'd look cool in a red suit, lighted eyes....hehe kidding....

its a weakness I have to admit and deal with. IN doing so I'll let the Lord deal with me as He pleases. I can't expect many to be like me, I can't , I should be more encouraging, less imposing....what ya think?

Ultraman Mebius (Opening Theme) - Project DMM

Despite the drama :)

Spent a moment just now reading through Joshua, at the same time reflecting on the events that have just happened.

God is good! And He indeed is a provider of many things. Today went full steam in my marking, did 80plus worksheets in an hour and now I'm just dreading reading the compositions...but I'm aiming to complete them by tonight.

That aside really just wanna thank the Lord for not dwelling on any of these feelings anymore. But to move on and to just be still. And as I was being still and here came by providence an opportunity to teach and to pass on. Thank God for this opportunities that at such a divine appointment which only God can arrange he brings people to you to aid you. Just thankful.

I read Joshua one and I am just reminded of what the Lord has said, that He will not fail me, He will not forsake me. And If i don't turn from the word my ways will be prosperous and successful. Thank you though I'm still broken you allowed the borkenness to be quenched by the happiness of your providence. So How can I deny your existence? How can I deny and forget your grace and mercy and your marvelous providence and preservation in my life?

Coming back to you and keeping my eyes on you. Setting my priorities right on you. What more can I do? Despite the drama of this life, how else would I live except by choosing to do what is right in your eyes? And what's there to fear? When my walk is blameless for He is a sun and a shield and will not withold any good thing to those who walk uprightly?

There are some things that have to change. Some priorities that need to be laid. But all to please my Lord first. And I'm still thankful for everything.Prove my life by your refining fire!

Be Still, My Soul - RBC Ministries

it was calculated

not really in a good mood. Cant reli stand myself when I feel this way. Cant believe that church is STRESSFUL. its the martha syndrome.

what was the cause of today's despair? I'm wondering if i should use an analogy or just go straight to the point. today I almost gave up on singing and practically thought of just walking out and not looking back. I was burning, I was not happy. But I will just let it be and just glorify God now for holding me and reminding me.

I wonder why do I hold back when I had every right to just let go. ALthough I did let it out I tried my best to keep it in. I understand the situation and the plight and it was not as if we had other choices. I see where they are coming from but why cant they see where we were coming from? I don't wanna pursue anything and I shall just resign to the situation and say Lord I wont stop doin what you told me but I'll just let u do wat u want to.

Forgive me for these feelings and renew this mind of mine. I am reminded of the actions of the people but I will not hold it against them for they don't see the reason why we do what we do. It was calculated but I didn't see the words coming. Nor did I see these feelings controlling my actions. I will not hold it against them but all I'll do is to be strong.

Discouraged? Yes. Unhappy? Definitely. Need to carry on like this? NO. I thank God for stilling my heart and making me see that just feeling the negative makes the situation worse. It just makes one miserable and they won't see the fulfilment of Rom8:28. Why would I hide, why would I pretend nothing happened? I was wrong, I was told off but I will just ask forgiveness and not hold anything against them. I shall just let it go and let God work. If it means eating some humble pie.

I was not a victim but I was a son being tested by His father. He wants to see that I understand what it means to be like Him. To be conformed to His death and to be part of His sufferings. Thank you Lord for this lesson. For this lesson to see beyond circumstances. But I pray people will see you in all this. That you be glorified not me.Have thine own way, Lord!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after thy will,
while I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Search me and try me, Savior today!
Wash me just now, Lord, wash me just now,
as in thy presence humbly I bow.

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me I pray!
Power, all power, surely is thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Hold o'er my being absolute sway.
Fill with thy Spirit till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me!

How amazing if everyone can say this with much conviction.

Have Thine Own Way - Our Daily Bread

break...

lo and behold its the end of the school hols. Decided gonna take a break from my little project of the conversations hahas.

Anyway today's SS on 1cor 6 is very apt. And the here are things that bug my mind:

1. I know my weakness has always been the issue on purity and today the Lord challenged my heart to be pure again. And the first command is FLEE FORNICATION(v18), I was really challenged and I bet the class as well. What does it really mean to flee? Going by extremes it means alot of things. Rather than allowing yourself to struggle why not just chuck it away? BUt chucking it away doesnt solve the matter does it?

2. But why did Paul say flee? He spelt it out in the previous verses that we are members of Christ, our body is the temple of the Holy spirit, our body doesnt belong to us and if God raised up christ and is going to raise us up, we have to be more like him thus the need to be more like him.

3. What are the choices we are making? In verse 12 to put it simply it means that I can do anything but Paul doesnt stop there. He says that yes we can do all things but not all things are profitable and that we should not enslave ourselves to these things. So what about our liberty? For myself I'm thinking of some issues that are bugging my mind. Would my actions stumble anyone just because I can do it and because its something simple would it cause harm to my brother?

4. WE must be guided by love and we must not impose our rights on others. So that means if I can drink, watch a particular show or club because to me I noe how to handle myself there but to others what would they think of you? People are always waiting to see our faults because we wear His blood on us. In the religion column we openly admit and are subjected to their scrutiny so knowing all this should I do it?

5. But that's to non-christians, what about our own brethren who are not as seasoned as you or may be weak in the faith? DO we just do as we like without thinking of them?

Anyway enough of tat, I suppose God gives us the freedom but also gave us principles on how to conduct ourselves. And likewise he has given us the access to His wisdom that will change our mind and heart and He has given us the power to live it. So its not just a matter of chucking things away, its consistency in mind and action and constant communion and walking with our Lord. If He is really Lord in your life, you would not hesitate to be just like samuel and say speak Lord for thy servant hears.

I guess I am pretty incoherent but yea I guess somethings are happening too fast. Teach me thy way of knowing what it means to wait. Forgive me for my inconsistencies for I know without you I don't have the power to conquer.

You have conquered death what more this little thing in our lives. You know what's best for us Lord.

You know this bitter heart of mine,

You know the pain I've felt,

Teach me to forgive and to accept just like you did to me

And I thank You for allowing me this liberty to choose what is right and pleasing in your eyes!

How Deep the Fathers Love for Us - Fernando Ortega

converstions with the conscience (CONT'd)

Have you ever had that feeling where you come to a particular place you just feel awkward? I don't know how do I explain it but i'll try to over here.

It's so funny how I ended up in that place to begin with. I only went there during the weekends and it was just normal. Stop for gas, eat at the diner. But then one day I went to this shop. It sold interesting things. It was as if this shop knew what I was interested in. It even could read what I was feeling on that day. So that's how it began. My relationship with this little shop at this particular place.

So one day I was browsing at their book section. And I picked up this book and began to read it. So it began with a questionaire with deep searching questions. So in my mind I answered them. So from the shop, I began to be infatuated with the book. Every I tried to find my way to that shop and find that particular book. IT was as if the book knew me, but then things turned getting out of hand. I just could not understand why this book started to have a mind of its own. Why was the book tryin to dig deep into my life?

It was scary. Somehow the book had a hold on me. Even after I stopped visiting the store and picking up the book. The pages seemed to bug me and words from that book kept coming back. So I screamed and I cried and just ignored the voices coming from it. It was fun, but I've had enough and the book really freaked me out. Get away.

Then I never heard from the book again....

So do I ever come back to that place? I guess never. It's just uncomfortable and haunting. My experience with that book was just a part of it. Maybe I'm just too ashamed to admit that I actually liked and enjoyed that book. But oh wells, only a few people will ever know like the next story I'll tell you....

Day and night I've been waiting for you but somehow I'm allowing you to do what you like, but heed this warning:

You will never experience the blessing of me smiling at you. Nor will you ever sense my presence in your life. You have rejected the warnings of your friends. Rejected the wisdom of your parents. You have chosen your path and that path leads only to destruction.

You know this yet you continue to run away from the truth. You enjoy it and are too proud to admit your folly. Everything is temporal in this earth. So shall be your happiness. You will be miserable and despised and forever this shall be your curse.

So I floated around and tada I'm in an island. Believe it or not it has everything! Shopping, spas, tanning saloons, a pool and of course the beach. It even has a banana boat ride and water skiing. So exciting! Ah what a holiday....

conversations with the conscience...

Was just burdened to think of this story....Was pondering upon the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:19 "Quench not the spirit" Was recollecting and reflecting on my life currently and basing it on events in my life previously. Ok will start the conversations. Not sure how long will it be.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY TO ME! Been too long. Been too naggy. YOU ARE A PAIN! Every time I do this you will always caution me, you will always stir back memories.

WHY WONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME BE!

Sometimes when people see me, they have this expectation. This expectation that I"m suppose to behave in a proper way. Suppose to do all the right things. Suppose to have the right friends. BUT LOOK, I just made some wrong choices ok. ANd you don't have to stand there and wag your finger at me! I know what you are driving at. I love being in this mess. Far better than the so called "holy-holy" stuff you tend to remind me about. Its so much easier enjoying moments like this then to feel all alone again and bored out by what this pathetic life offers.

You are of no help. Your words go past me. Every time your word goes out, I feel the pinch but that's all there is to it. Just a pinch. I'll rub some ointment and I'm back up again and ready to embrace the "Monstrosity" you describe. You are no different than me. You can't change my mind anymore. I've grown out of you. TOO LONG HAVE I WASTED MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU! TOO LONG HAVE I KEPT YOUR VOICE RINGING IN MY HEAD. BE GONE AND SEVER YOURSELF FROM ME.

I don't need you anymore.

It saddens me to see you in this state. I've watched you grow from the day you were conceived. I've seen your ups and downs. From your first footsteps to your first bruise. I've always been watching and waiting for you.

For many years I've waited at your door. I tried my best through your closed heart to whisper my word hoping you'd hear my voice, I even prayed that ABBA FATHER would break down that pride. And yet your heart remained guarded, ignoring my voice, my wisdom, my guidance.

And so this went on till at last I cried, I broke down that door that stood at the entrance of your heart. And there I saw you cowering in your shame, I held u up and clothed you in my blood that was shed for you and embraced you and called you my child. For you admitted your folly for leaving me out of your life. For falling for someone who couldn't love you the way I could only do. To accept all of you your faults, your strengths your fears. I covered you and held you and ABBA FATHER and all His hosts rejoiced.

You were as the deer that panteth for water. Seeking me day and night, longing for my presence. Daily you'd lift up your songs of praise. You were in awe of me. You were amazed by me and you glorified me in all that you did.

But then as life went on, you grew less fond of me. Every time I came you were too busy. And our communions would be lesser as you grew older. Your love for me was divided. Slowly that door I once broke, you rebuilt. Like the walls of jericho you encircled yourself within. You sang less songs for me, you began to put me aside.

Then crisis came. You were fumbling. You were desperate for answers. You were desperate for a sign. But you looked everywhere except at that place I was standing. But you resolved it because I allowed you to. Yet you did not acknowledge the grace that was given you. But you carried on in your pursuit. Because you've lost your first love.

I have never left you. I have always been watching you. Yet now you've placed me far away from you and doused me with your world's philosophy.

Why won't you leave? Why do you keep sending ppl to remind me? To tell me I've made a wrong decision? Cant you see that I am happy? Can't you see that I know what I am doing? I know you are watching out for me. I thank you 3times a day and maybe if I have the time another extra two times per day.

I don't see why you bother. I know where I'm going! I know whom I'm going to see! But why do you frown upon this choice i've made? I am strong enough. I've been able to see through it. I've been able to weather it. What more this? My friends approve and support me. They tell me how happy I look and feel. I am happy.

I've lost my joy in your house. There is nothing but abounding stress and shame. I can't see eye to eye with some ppl anymore. I've been asking you for help, but it seems you only stand there and wait. And still you frown upon me but what wrong have i done? You said to ask anything of you and you will grant me the joy of my heart? I've grown tired of waiting, tired of all this that I've clung on to this island where i've floated to. A haven away from all the harm and shame. But I still love you. But I can't fully love you like before because there is someone I'm more fond of than you. Outside your house what a gem this person is. Unlike those inside who live their "holy-holy's". This person is true, is real, and treats me unlike any other.

I don't reli need you much. But just keep in touch...

So shall leave it at this. The story has just begun....

I Need Thee Every Hour - Fernando Ortega

thank you lord...

was sitting in prayer on Wednesday and thinking of events that have passed and I suppose that night what struck me was the passing away of A.Dot's father. How God's grace actually works and that He indeed loves those He has chosen. I guess it was compounded with the sharing of Psalms 27 and the singing of Day by Day...

Ps 27:4 "One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple."

Help me to speak this words like the Psalmist...what an amazing desire. How does one speak of that unless He has seen the Lord work through His life...

Anyway God will save in His time. Was just thinking of How the late Mr Tan on his deathbed trusted the Lord will carry Him home. And i was relating this to my brothers at home. I thank God for saving me, but my bros would they wait till on their deathbed to regret all they've done and finally realise God had been at the doors of their hearts? I suppose not just my bros but to many others i know in church who have made bad choices and are living the consequences of it.

Anyway while on the pew that night this prayer was running through my mind...

I thank you for darkness because without it we won't appreciate your light
I thank you for sorrows for without it happiness in you would be our desire
I thank you for moments where we were in sin for without it we won't understand your mercies and what it means to be forgiven
I thank you for bad choices in our lives for without them we would never have seen your grace and the workings of your hand
I thank you for disappointments for without them we'd never understand what it means to keep looking at christ
I thank your for doubts and uncertainties for without them we'd never learn how to trust in the Holy Spirit's leading
I thank you for your silence for in it brings forth the patience to wait upon you Lord
But most of all I thank you for your Salvation for without which we'd never be able to utter praise to you God and creator of everything

At times even when we least expect it, God will give u a song... sometimes the Lord just wants you to let Him worry for you. Let it go to Him. The more I keep looking at others the more frustrated I become. The more I compare others the more irritated I'd be. I'm definitely like Martha who busied herself all day and sad to say I'm not like Mary who chose to stay at His feet.

Day by day with each and passing moment strength I find to meet my trials here....
Trusting in my father's wise bestowment, I've no cause for worry of for fear....

I just have to let it go...Let Him call and convict while I just keep to my walk and live the talk and to remember that He is sovereign and in control. How easy it is to just be discouraged and just say I give up...but yea thank God for times like this....

update

been awhile since i'm able to sit down here and recollect. Things been passing by so fast that i realise that I can barely keep up or catch my breath. I reli need the discipline. To discipline my life ever more. Work load is piling, pressure from all sides not to mention my own self presurring myself. Oh wells cant wait for the holidays. Finally some quiet and peace. Really need a retreat from all this noise.

So where to? Thinking of just going for a day or so where I'd just sit and quieten myself.

Anyway thank God for how things have turned out, the youth ministry, and how God's given 2 for me to walk with this year. Praying that they'd grow and that our friendship and relationship will be wholesome and God honoring. Joy is gonna start nxt mth, suppose to prepare the over all scope for the year am really taking my time for this. ANd there is amazing race to think abt. then this wk, i've got kids church and sunday sch.....

I wonder, am i doin too many things that i'm just like martha? tat i forget the need to sit at HIs feet like mary?

wells back to the main pt, i'm too spread that i've lost the focus...it seems i cant get back to focus again. Wells praying God be my guide and my protection tat i not forget how good he's been to me so far. And that He has allowed things to happen for His glory and I shd not be lazy but keep laboring and pressing on and worryin wont help me....

oh wells hols looking forward to tat....