one of those wks

been behind my readings, havent been doin my daily devotions and QTs or even spent time praying, realised tat, it affects everything of me. It affects me lar.

How you wonder?

Wells in matters of thoughts and actions and reactions, and patience and kindness and ya basically everything. Temptations cloud the mind, wats pure ends up not pure, i realised tat there's not a day I can't be without You.

Its like i need fuel everyday, spiritual fuel because i cant reli last on fruits, bread and jam...

Lord just like one of the hymns, I need thee everyhour. Its more like I need thee every single minute, second of my life. So lesson learnt I gotta keep the law close, tied to my neck and to keep focused and keep on pressing on....

anyway just wanna take this time to thank Chris and her fam for having my fam over last sunday and reli thank God for friends and getting to know the Mohans even more. God bless your home and family dear fren!

anyway this wk is gonna be short...still thinking of my parents who are in philippines and gotta pray abt this sat when we finally discuss the year for our church's youth ministry. Not easy especially with everyone's idea of the youth ministry and differing opinions and also oppositions to ideas...but basically the main focus is on God's word more than anything and the preaching of the gospel.

anyway shall stop here...gonna look through lesson plans and come to the throne of grace...

aching heart...

didn't reli wanna waste time and let the feelings sink in less i'll be so hai. Just got news from philippines. not reli good news. wells its bad. my aunt just passed away today. my dad said she had a weak heart and according to my mom she fainted and was in the hospital and yea...maybe it was because of that...

the thought that she visited us last year november, the fact i was looking forward to seeing her come again with her children King and Sam-dear cousins of mine. Now my heart aches at the thought of the two of them not having a mother...and it was only a year or two that they lost their father to a tragic event...

thinking of my cousins as orphans...thinking of them not having parents to be there for them, to keep them from harm and to make them smile and be happy...King's in grade sch and Sam maybe in nursery or kindergarten....How will they take it is my thought? And what's happening next...

Family...its more than just a surname...your kin your flesh and blood. I'm praying as I type that God grant wisdom to my dad and comfort as he has lost his younger sister and has to administer how king and Sam would be taken cared of. Its just a blow. I dunnoe why I feel so sad, but how I long and pray the lord be gracious and merciful on my two young cousins. I Pray that Jesus will take care of them. We know You are sovereign and know each path we take, be with them, protect them and Lord I pray that the families won't do anythin to harm them tat they can grow up and not be stunted by this tragedy...my heart just aches.

how death can remind you, our life is like a vapour, here today and gone tomorrow, tita I miss you already just thinking of you now, those few day's i'll always remember especially when you cooked for us-pansit and adobo and tat crab. I remember when I was three you took me on a ferry trip to cotabato to meet lolo and lola, you cared for me like a mom would do her child.

Lord, here I go again, but my heart goes to the 2 cousins of mine, I know you love them Lord. And for my dad, I know he's going back someway, to see his sister for the last time be his strength Lord. I pray that you'd start a work there. I pray lord don't take their smile away...King and Sam God loves you...and i pray in some way God use me to help you out...

I wish I had your picture tita...while everyone is going to be joyous this long wkend, it just strikes as a reminder of the sorry state we're in that happiness is shortlived in this world as it can be extinguished in an instant, but I thank God that happiness is in You. And I pray ppl do find happiness in you...(gosh i cant stop the tears)....

orphans...how blessed are we who have parents...you may not feel it because its probably somethin u've never thought or experienced, how we take for granted, and here they are with none...it hurts when its someone u r related too. haiz...

i'll be fine...but whatabt them? wat a blow to a nice fri evening as i rejoiced making a breakthrough in class...but in everything we give thanks tat we acknowledge tat He is in control...tat He is God, tat we can praise Him still for the reminder. I know He will make a way for King and Sam...

Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns - Casting Crowns

prayer..

I recall the final challenge again. Seated blind folded not knowing what to expect. And a voice whispers in my ear and says, "You're so passionate for the word, you have the passion to serve and to teach but what if no one wants to listen or shares that passion of yours?"

Today somehow I was confronted with that situation. As much preparation and questions and games you can plan- it can be the right thing to me but when put in front of them it could just be nonesense. I realise its tough. Ppl say its probably my teaching methods, maybe i dun play enough "interesting" games or I'm just too preachy or maybe plain old boring. Then I hear some say that they prefer other teachers than me because they like their style, but even so if they dun show the fear of the Lord or are not affected by the scriptures or dun even have tat basic interest or motivation to learn more abt God the Father....then wat for if lives aren't change?

I dun intend to put them down, maybe I dun reli understand them enough or maybe I'm just expecting too much from them or don't reli know them enough. 2 wks with them and it seems that I can't break through to them. Maybe this is wat I hv to admit. I can't do anything. All I can do is to sow the word as faithfully as possible and leave the change to God. Leave the growing and the convicting to the Holy spirit. I can't expect them to know the things I know because they don't know. I can't expect them to rise to my level because I know they are still growing. I see potential, I see a group of ppl whom the Lord can use for His glory. I can't blame them for their disuprtions and noise making because that is who they are. Interest can only be kindled by God. It is God who changes not me....

My role is just to be tat vessel, to remember that He is the vine and I'm just a branch and this 18 days of the new year is just another period of prunning so that I can grow in His grace and to show forth His glory in my life. I always marvel at my Dad's perseverance. My dad's never ending desire to accept ppl for who they are and teach despite ppl's hearts not tuned in to what the lesson is abt. I admire at the thought of Stephen preaching and even when the crowd threw him out and stoned him he prayed that GOd not charge them for this sin. I admire Paul who despite his reputation chose to defend the cross and to proclaim to live is christ and die is gain. I marvel at this ppl of faith and I wonder, God what is their secret? How do they still see hope in the light of all this trouble?

1 Tim 1:1...Jesus. He is the hope...

i think i'm not prayin enough. like many say if the word is food for the soul then praying is like breathing...just like in a relationship, sms's and emails cannot compare to a conversation on the phone or meeting face to face...i believe I know wat i need from God. Even as i think abt Jesus and His disciples, I bet he knew their weaknesses and He didn't get frustrated unlike me. But He turned this realisation to a teaching point for His disciples...And even if they were who they were He continued to teach them and not give up on them, He is a restorer of ppl...I think of Simon Peter when Jesus ask Him thrice Do you love me? to assure Him that God accepts who He is and is charging Him with the task at hand...Praise God for restoring our souls.

sometimes i feel i need to convince them, but then again i am reminded its not abt me...its not abt me...I shan't be puffed up, I shall just be faithful to who I believe. All this frustrations are just the devils way of psychoing me that I m inadequate and useless. Jeremaiah just came to mind. He had a tougher time, prophesying to a generation of ppl who will not listen yet God said carry on to prophesy and warn them of the judgement. He cried, He prophesy and yet He did wat he was called to...

So if I'm put into this I hv to stay true to the calling and stir up the gift and desire God has placed in me. So despite all this difficulty I still praise you Lord. For I know its all abt you. Lesser of me more of you. You take control, you humbled me, and you are reminding me that I'm just ur vessel, your tool to do as you wish to your ppl. You are my help, my guide, my might and strength. I pray u teach me not to fear, but to be strong and of good courage. I know you are with me all the way and ur word would not return void. I pray for my kids and lift them up to you tat u be real to them. But I've learnt through them that there is more to learn abt you...

i'm always reminded again tat its not by might nor by power...I hv to trust you even more...Be my might and power Lord. You increase and I decrease...

and i thank you Lord for this lesson and u always bring me back to this song...and to the word...that ultimately its all abt you.

Its Not By Might - Psalty

worries? or unnecessary thoughts...

I don't know whats with me, anyway yesterdays prayer meeting, thank God for aunty lilian's prayer. In my heart I really felt strengthened and reminded and Loved by a God so big and holy, that He can use the words of someone else prayer to remind you and comfort you and encourage you that I am the Lord your God.

I've been spending the last few days reading the book of genesis. Especially the story of abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I was just thinking, never in the story has God left these men of faith alone! God always took the initiative to tell His ppl, I am the Lord your God. And it just reminds me of the act of grace God did for us by sending His son. Praise God for His mercies that endure forever.

Been awhile since I've had time to sit here and consolidate things in my head, wells firstly I guess I've realised how immature I reli am in one aspect of my life. And I realised that there is this depravity in me that I pray God will deal with me as He pleases. As I feel its bordering between delight and obsession. And I recall it was one of the things under the category of relationships. I suppose I need the great physician to deal what He deems right.

Also I'm thinking what am I gonna say to the cyf this saturday for their anniversary, it may seem easy to just pick any favourite verse and give it to them, and I was thinking any one could, but I just want to encourage them and challenge them? God be my wisdom in this as I think I know what to say but yet I'm not sure if I should say it.

Another thing is I have to learn how to do things quickly and really have tricks on my sleeve, dealing with younglings is a joy as well as a frustration. If I had it my way I'd be just screaming and shouting but still I know as much as God's word needs to be sown I let God do the changing and let God just use me in whatever role He deems best.

I'm pretty much miss my ex-co in my youth group, wells last Sunday I MISS them as we didn't have that sunday school time we enjoy but I pray the Lord Keep us close and the Lord show himself real to them. And I suppose I shouldnt use excuses but just drop em a msg and say HI. I realise its that same thing that actually Hinders me from God being able to use all of me. I pray ur journey with the Lord this year is really good and its not somethin we should separate as church is one thing my life another, your life is just one and the boundaries are spelt out in the bible....oh wells just abit of frustration but I thank God for grace to abound as I learn to accept, to love and to appreciate others for who they really are.

I really don't noe what to ask the Lord this year, it seems like alot of things, but this one thing kinda came to mind while typing, to be whole in Him. I was wondering after yesterday's prayer, the psalmist when He wrote Ps19, they had only the bk of the law, yet they can rejoice, and How it can convert one's soul from sadness into rejoicing. It was only the bks moses wrote(to us its just mundane if we look at numbers, leviticus and Deuteronomy) but ok I myself have not really read it all but I see alot of God taking the initiative there. Who would spell out a way of life for an entire nation? Who would bother to teach slaves how to be conquerors of lands and nations? I think not even the greatest person in the world could, but a God full of love for His ppl.

Yet some of us forget that it was God who loved us a sinner first that made Him make a way for us to enjoy Him. Even when we feel as if He wasn't there, i can just picture a father letting His child play in the play ground running and using the see-saw slide and swing correctly and when He needs a helping hand would run to His father to ask for Help and He is always watchful and vigilant. I can picture a Father who will discipline His child when He does wrong and is in need of correction. Its just amazing the thought of God. Praise God. But I tell myself not to be presumptuous but I guess just as the psalmist says, I have to be whole in the word. And in v 14 in ps 19 to have everything tat goes in my head and heart be acceptable unto Him.

Sometimes the complicated things in life become simple in light of His word. Thank God for the word that makes wise the simple.....

the simplest thing of casting all our cares...for HE cares for us...

Cast all my Cares Upon You - Kids Praise and Worship

looking forward...

i wanna say that its been awhile. Blessed christmas and a Blessed New year to all! I know its abit over due but christmas happens all the time as we constantly remember daily the amazing grace given to us by our God above as well as the ability to wake up to a new morn daily.

I thank God for the ppl who have wished me well for the coming year, and I thank God for every remembrance of the ppl I've come into contact with over the last year. I may not be the bestest of friends or the bestest in initiating alot of things, but i thank God tat he reminds me of this little weakness of mine.

But I read yesterday this verse and the verse was read again today in worship, how interesting it is tat we went through philippians 3 yesterday and talking abt achievements and saw wat paul thought abt achievements. That its nothin more than dung! And that to know Jesus is the greatest thing we can achieve ever.

I recall verse 13, saying (paraphrased) that I shd not look back and say i've achieved much, but to look forward as I press towards the mark, God's std, the high calling that is the crown promised to us(vs14). Its not tat I hv achieved anything, maybe I've had milestones, but i will not hold on to tat but to continue and press on.

This coming year is reli tough. Just 4 days into it and i can feel the weight of it all. There is even a voice tat says, "are you reli cut out for this life for 2009?" "You reli sure you can lead? or why do ppl still not change much?" "You sure u can teach?" "Wait till u experience it". I know these voices aren't from God. But they are my voices, my insecurities screaming out at me. And if u notice the I's in there, where as a matter of fact it shd never be abt me.

I forget tat it was God who placed me where I am. It is God as part of His promise to me tat he would instruct me and guide me in the way i should go and guide me with His eye(ps32:8). I forget that it is God who is the source and that Jesus is the vine. I was reading the story of Noah as my devotion just now, How amazing tat it is God who initiated, all tat He commanded Noah was to build the ark according to its specifications and though he was commanded to bring 2 animals of each kind, in v20 of gen6 we see tat God said they will come to him. Amazing. I was thinking if God didn't do it, would his family be able to? (leadin the animals becoz its alot of animals on the face of the earth and i think its humanly impossible) Its a sobering thought and an encouragin one tat God is in control. When God gives a task He knows we can do it(imagine the specifications He gave to Noah and I bet Noah had some form of skill to be able to build it but even so God is still the ever present help) and for the more bigger task He will be there always, and we just gotta do wat we gotta do.

I guess looking forward to 2009, it seems like doom is hangin in the air, seems like ppl in the church are worried abt the ppl leaving the church, but is it our job to worry? What are the tasks that God has placed us in? It seems its gonna be a tough road, and I'm not sayin I m or hv all the answers or wat, but I thank God for the reminder in 1tim1:1...Jesus is the Hope we cling on to. Even now i feel tat maybe things are happening too fast, that ppl arent seeing the importance or enthusiastic of wat we do, but i was reminded through Noah, maybe my task is building the ark, and He will take care of the passengers in it. And maybe its not so much in the building its in the obedience to His word tat I hv to do rather than the acts of doin.It starts with me. Just as Noah after being commanded, He began the task.

Ppl will disappoint, ppl will hurt u, ppl will irritate, but thank God for grace, tat He gives patience(reminded of the song Amazing grace), I'm reli wondering how to engage ppl and to challenge them(thinking of the ppl in yf, my committee members, my P6sunday sch class and sch kids) and I guess i shall pray to Jesus to help me out. Be my wisdom and my strength and to rest in Him...and to trust in Him(prov3:5-6) and yesterday i picked phil 3:9-10 as my guiding verse of the year:
"And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;"

I still remember LCDC, of the song Knowing you that k.mark introduced tat there is no greater thing. I guess at the end of the day its not abt the ppl i teach, its not abt wat i wanna achieve, ultimately its abt me and my Lord. To know Him more and I guess tats what He wants to remind me, that its abt me and Him and I'm just his vessel. Praise God for everything. And I thank you for this reminder.

Even the thought of how there is alot of work to be done in the youth ministry(its not just abt YF numbers and whether we shd move up or down or we're stuck at one place far too long), In His time He will send the rain. But at the mean time its abt being thankful and gracious and thankful for the link and door he has opened(i'm talking abt making contact with the TTF and actually befriending them and Having them to pray for us and to hv someone feed us and share with them our burdens and to sharpen one another and I feel God has a greater plan somewhere and He is the one who'll open the eyes of the heart of the ppl, not me. NOT ME.) It's a tough year ahead...BUT, its one tat has a lot of promise becoz i noe where i've placed my life on, there is hope!

i am again reminded of this song tat its not by my might nor by power or place of leadership, but by His spirit. Wait on Him and delight myself in the Lord...Thank you Lord for these feelings and reflections. 4days down, 361 more days to enjoy His grace, and definitely i understand wat it means to be strengthened in His grace. 2tim 2:1

Its Not By Might - Psalty