a lesson in acceptance, patience and love

camp. How do I summarise it? all I can say is Praise God and Thank God for it. for the circumstances, for the opportunities and the testings. It was just amazing how everything fell into place. I reli wanna hear how the Lord provided for campers night, I reli wanna noe how the Lord had worked in this Kids lives, I really wanna noe alot of things that happened in it. But what abt God? What does God want me to know abt this experience? What does He want to teach me? I actually wanna spend this time thinking of the journey He has put me through.

I guess it only hit me a week back that we were running a camp we wanted to run. Not a camp God wanted to run for his glory. But praise God for reminding us of this lesson that ultimately He was the camp commandant. And I thank God for this opportunity in knowing that the camp wasn't about me, what I wanted, my desires for the campers, but what God wanted for the campers(He knows best) and me!. I Know He wanted to tell me that He was in control. He wanted to test my ability to accept people for who they are. To be patient especially during very trying moments( i can recall lotsa moments when patience was tested) and to love everyone unconditionally (how sensitivity played a part). There were moments when I felt anger or harsh words would settle it but then again i was humbled and reminded, how would Jesus do it?

Its not by might nor by power but MY spirit...

I guess the ability to last that long for 3days, working long hrs and dealing with v.young ppl(my group members were like half my age) and just being able to concentrate in serving them, its reli by His strength and His spirit that He sustained me. I was to my limit and I thank God for giving me grace especially when I was snappy. And I was thankful for one break through. And God's been good, even for games, knowing the first day flopped becoz of weather and the condition of the venue( i was reli discouraged since i was involved witht the games but read on------>), thank GOd for "hints" on wat to play next(though we planned somethin alr but we cracked our heads till 3am and when we were at our wits we just prayed to God, "just tell us what games to play we can't do the thinking.") through sharing it out with the other leaders, and hearing wat the ppl were expecting. So yea tat resulted in the games on the second day. And we had to accept it because of who they were and what they were looking for. Even if it meant scrapping a bible study summary because they were being who they were. (A daunting task of prayer because we realised the young ppl arent reli searching and i guess it's something to reli ask God for wisdom and guidance). God helped us maintain tat balance, and gave us the sensitivity to be sensitive to ppl and their limits and their needs and desire. Praise God.

BUt i guess ultimately the bottom line is tat it was a good camp. A camp where we learnt more about God's sovereignty, God's grace and ultimately that He is in control and that it is up to Him to do wat He pleases with His servants. But to compare camps with other camps? Hahas, its unfair to do so. Every experience is a unique lesson or a lesson to build upon lessons we've learnt. And i've seen lotsa camps and had desires for this camp to be as meaningful to the campers as it was to me, like to me the biggest lesson was firstly to accept who is God, to hv the patience to see Him work in me as well as other's lives and lastly to channel God's unconditional love that is working in me(as i begin to accept who I am in His eyes) to others and love them not as objects but as people God loves. But for them, I just let God work because its not me who can change their hearts or move em, but God.

So i dedicate this song to all of us who are in some ministry and may hv felt downtrodden and are not seeing results tat we desire, maybe we shdnt look at ourselves but look at God and what He desires in us first. And this camp showed we all need Jesus, even me. I need Him even more as I need His love, patience, kindness, wisdom in this ministry. And I know the camp doesnt end here. Because it only begins afterwards, when reality strikes and where we are confronted by our fleshly self.... Praise God for He is Good always.

It's not by might nor by power but by my spirit
It's not by might nor by power saith the Lord

We'd like to think that we can handle problems on our own
We buckle down apply the steam work our hands down to the bone
But when we've gone around in circles and there's no place left to turn
The Lord reminds us quietly there's a lesson to be learned

It's not by might nor by power but by my spirit
It's not by might nor by power saith the Lord

We try and try in our own strength to make things come out right
We think and plan and organize and try with all our might
But when we finally reach the bottom the end of all our own
The Lord reminds us once again in me you'll find your home

Its Not By Might - Psalty

d-day

its just an army term. been up since 5.20..actually was rolling ard reluctant to even get up. even at this moment i'm still unpacked...hahas(packin kinda simple anyway). but ya just spent time with God even how reluctant I was hahas. Asked for grace and indeed thank God for the readings. wells this is it. today is the day. yesterday during the leaders meet, as i prayed and heard others pray, i am affirmed that it is His work altogether to do as He wills for the camp. was reading titus just now, and was reminded that the blessed hope for us (even christians) is the gospel. We can't forget the gospel. And I thank God for it daily. And in chpt three we are in need of grace to be meek unto all because we were children of disobedience once....yea prayin for tat even if the camp becomes a kids camp, I just let the Lord make it HIs camp. and yea i may be underestimating kids but I know we shd suffer them not to come to the Lord and I pray we don't be the hindrances but a tool in directin them to Christ. Christ is for all and we shd not package Him for young kids, teens, adults, God is no respector of man, He is fair to all(reminds me of the prodigal son's elder brother and how he said all I have is thine but we must be merry for your brother was lost but now is find and it just reminds us tat God loves everyone equally and we must not withold the joy in seeing others come to our father as well)

pray for this 3days, tat the Lord use us well and the devil not set foot on the church grounds and plant thoughts or deceive us. ok off to pack!

purpose in my heart...

revisited Dan 1:8-21. Daniel knowing who his God is purposed in his heart not to defile himself but made concrete measures in his life to stay "set-apart". He put into practice that good thing tat was revealed to him through God. So i spent the morning thinking, reading and just praying. Looking on my life, its not tat disciplined as it should(and i just came frm army?) and I see tat i never did like Daniel. ya i said i will. but concretely? Did i purpose it with God? many a times we just say say but we never do it, we say things of ppl, bks and stuff, but hv we talked to em(gave a chance to practice grace), read em(gave a chance to exercise wisdom and discernment) and stuff.

So ultimately wats the manual of my life? its not just bks written by many authors or bestsellers(i'm speaking of them christian bks) but ultimately I hold fast to the word revealed by God to me. The word tat i Hold. THE B.I.B.L.E. There can be many contemporary authors commenting on this bk and they can be powerful, but not as powerful as the bible is. and when it speaks, its inexhaustable just like it did today. Daniel did wat he knew pleased his master. So wat are u purposing in ur heart to do daily? I've made a purpose to wake up daily and practice spiritual disciplines. I know it sounds like its easy for me. BUt let me tell ya a secret, I've struggled with them. But for the past 2days, I've realised and God helped me realise tat i needed to buck up on this part of my life and its not just for the camp, but for my life. Its not abt me. Its abt God and He is helping me appreciate who He made for His purpose.

So how has the word spoken to ya today? How has Jesus the word(John 1) spoken to ya today? Let the word speak.

Word of GOd speak, pour down like rain...wash my eyes to see your majesty...

Word Of God Speak - Mercy Me

don't walk ard, stay on the altar..

Been reflectin this past few days, realised that someone aint happy that we're actually regrouping and actually puttin a firm hold on wat we stand upon. It seems tat he and his minions are slowly taking hold of many things. Discouragements, worries, and settling wat needs to be settled and ya gettin all busy and stuff. Then I was reminded, wat am I doin to prepare myself? How m I preparing the field for rain to fall? I may pt my finger the other way BUT i realised it has to start with me. It has to start with me daily for the nxt few days reli preparing myself to accept, to be gracious and to reli depend on Him to make the camp glorifying to HIM. And for me to be empowered to face the challenges ahead. Its not abt me. Just as it says in day 1, its not abt me, its all ABout God. (purpose driven life)

there is so much we can do, prepare, salvage or introduce, but how abt the ppl coming? Hv we reli considered or reli surrendered this whole camp to Him or its just say say only, I confess I hv not been faithful in this. I confess that I procrastinate in this and I struggle to do it becoz i get caught up with things....but is tat so? PROCRASTINATION IS A SIN....it will lead to idleness and then temptation and then sin.......

I've been toying with these thoughts, WE HAVE NOT LOVED THEE AS WE OUGHT. we hv not given everything as we ought. We have not laid ourselves on the altar as we ought. wells maybe we did one day, but we stood up again and walked again(if u get wat i mean, imagine a sacrifice on the altar standing up? Its the daily surrender, daily death to my ambitions, my expectations, my dreams, my goals. Its building that house on the rock and when the storm comes it'll not crumble. I think construction was on a standstill, and Joel Mohan ur right when u said procrastination and excuses. hahas. okok God ur just so good tat u send reminders and ppl and I know I hv to keep on building on you DAILY. Not a one off thing k. I'm writtin this here so I can remind myself time and time again. So tat i dun start walking off the altar again but just die to myself everyday.

How do I feel now? SERENE CHAOS. hahas. peaceful anxiety...knowing God is going to do something despite all the uncertainties and it says in Ps 37, delight urself in the Lord and He will grant the desires of my heart...wells honestly my desires? hahas its basically His isnt it? hehe ok lar. interesting How it says He will may it all come to pass and we shd just wait on Him...(vs5,6,7) Nothing to worry rite?

wells Ps 51:17, sacrifices of God are a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I know tat there is nothing I can do for this camp. I cant change mindsets, can't change ppl's hearts or tell them abt things tat amaze me because God hasn't opened their eyes. God has to do it. So i'm just leaving it in His hands. As much as I want to be in control, see things happen, its not up to me, or up to my ability becoz only God can do tat. so I entrust it to Him. everything. Its not only for this camp but every single day a sacrifice on the altar....tats wat God wants me to do, delight in Him daily.

Not I, but Christ - The Wilds Music

wats up?(just a short story)

i'm writting a critique about me. i think I know me yet i don't noe me. I see me in the mirror and I ask myself who is that person staring back at me? Do I know you or do you even know me? I analyse again with a thought of me in me....I ponder and wonder, compare and decipher, contrasting the many me's from times past and from times that should be.

Like how come I am giving excuses where I used to not give up and reli put my all into something i believes in. Where i'll be so devoted, so INTO it and not let anythin get in my way. Tat's me...or so I think abt me.

I couldn't care less wat others thought of me, or so I thought that of me, but deep within me it did matter becoz there is this little hint of an insecure me. A need to feel needed, a need to be somebody's impt someone or even a thing as long as it longed for me...

I felt contented with me, i knew me....

but little did I know....

what I thought I knew abt me, shocked me. Why can't I be the me I want to be. Why when I worked so hard everything seemed to crumble. I just can't do it, I just tremble at the thought of it all. Even when people remind me, people guide me and yet I just cant be able to make me do it. I know. I know. yet when it comes to the time to reli believe in me, i just say i cant...

it affected the whole of me...what's wrong with me? everything tat seems good for me becomes distorted......

I began to hate the face in the mirror, I began to loathe at every glance I made at me, I couldn't believe that I am me, how and why can I still stand here and cause everything tat has happened ard me...i know i've gone this far but why do i still hinder me from carryin on...

i was in a whirpool, I couldnt get out of it, I was being sucked in. All of me was diminishing slowly, I didn't know now wat would become of me. where was I? where am I? who am I? I kept tumbling down and down into this abyss not knowing where it'll end...will it end i wondered...

as I tumbled down, all of me was clinging to an unknown hope. I dunnoe wat made me think of it, i knew it. I know it. BUt i never believed it becoz I just cant believe it all....

i dunnoe which part of me uttered it, but I remember the words I said, "Take my life, and let it be, LORD!" Save me!...I can't take me anymore!

Like glass shattering, and the clanging of cymbals, a trumpet sounded and the abyss ended and light flooded the darkness. I fell in the arms of a man and He shone so brightly that I had to hide my eyes beneath His glorious wings. He set me down and I dare not look up becoz knowing me, I didn't deserve this. And he said,"Fear not my child. for you are mine. You may not know who you are, but I know you. I have searched you and tried you, I know your downsitting and uprising, even to the strands on your head. From the moment you were conceived, I knew you. And now I call you to be mine and acclaim to all that it was never about you. You have lived your life following the path everyone is treading and now I call you to a narrow and difficult path, you may doubt me, yourself or even the people you will serve but I am with you always. And nothing can separate you from my presence."

He reached out His hand and touched my lips, and he reached for my heart, and breathed new life in it. It was beating and new blood was flowing. It wasn't mine. It wasn't me. IT was Him. He was in me!

Tears overflowed and i couldn't lift my face from the ground as I could still sense His presence, yet when I lifted my face, He was gone yet He was still there. Where? I could sense Him, I could feel Him, I placed my hand on my chest, and there he was in the deepest chambers of my heart. He is encompassed me with His never ending embrace.

I took tat step and never looked back. All the hate before has turned to praise for I have been fearfully and wonderfully made, for He has searched me and tried me and knows my downsitting and uprising and that I cant escape His presence even to the deepest darkest depths of Hell He is there, just like He did when I was saved...

Now as I a look at me, I dun bother abt who I see, becoz I only wanna see Him in me. It's no more abt me or about that person nxt to me or the other person I know who walks with me, for they are just like me, but its all abt Him. And the mirror is His word that i hid in my heart tat as I walk this life, ppl dun see me, but Him in me. I pray Lord you be glorified, not me. Tat a sinner saved by grace wants to see you be glorified more than Him. That more sinners see that in the darkest deepest and most upsetting of times, He is tat light setting sinners like me free! and I carry on working out my salvation in fear and trembling.....


Found this song. Remembering the times I loved and am still in love with psalty kids praise and How I thank God tat I grew up with this songs. (they were cassette tapes and I recall how we looked for every tape produced. Amen praise the Lord!)