i'm back!

wells i'm back home. all i can say thank GOd. And u noe wat, the only sad thing is tat i lost my sim card or i just cant find it. Gotta go back to camp later and do my medical. Bkout then start updatin wat happened this past few days...

the debutant

i din noe we had such traditions. Esp for gals here to hold an 18th birthday party as such. Thanks to tito deo i got a taste of the culture of my ppl. I wondered as I sat at the table, "how did i get myself into this party?" BUt nonetheless I thank God tat I was able to meet up with tito Deo's family. His wife and children. Met up with Che Che's family. Dint meet che che in singapore, but oh wells, i'm wondering if i grow up would i do somethin like tat for my child?

THen tito deo shed some light on tat topic. Last night he reli told me his feeling abt the party tat wats the pt of doin tat? Its nothing. So much money yet its nothin if u dun have God. He told me his experiences abroad how temptations set in. He told me how he cried every night to God. He said he earned quite a sum of money, yet the problems set by it were too much. He was away frm family, and his one desire was God. He wants God and his family. I can sense the joy. HE said even though he isnt rich, his riches in heaven are greater and eternal.

a simple man and i thank God for him. And pray the Lord keep watch over him and bless him and his family.

He did tell me tat his daughter did have somethin like tat. A big party, but she decided to hold it in church. Tito deo cooked for everyone. He said there was alot of food and the Pastor also preached in the party. and i was like wow. He said the daughter's plan was for her friends to know Jesus.

i took a step back and thought, wow. in our lives how hv we shown the preciousness of Jesus in our lives? At the back of the tricycle he began singing "i love to tell the story!" and i just sang together with him. wow. wat a joy it was. he even encouraged me to keep prayin for my bros as I told him how I wished my brothers knew christ. as in reli trusted Him and given Him their lives. tat was somethin.

Tito Deo,"with God no worry."

anyway i wondered if tat girl was reli happy on her 18th birthday.

wells wat a testimony was Tito Deo. and I know he is happy.

as for me, wells thank God for His grace and mercy. reli. was listening to this sermons by Pastor AL martin. Thank God. How we need to be strengthened daily by his grace.

oh wells shall leave it here now. hahas

frm the phili

i recall the last time i blogged abt philippines. Anyway here I am in the land I come from. Somethings here only happen in the philippines. Intended to actually put pics on but i brought the wrong cord.

Spent most of my time with tito Deo these past 2 days. He took me to many places in Manila. And he was shocked that I havent been to some places a filipino shd be and know. Wells he showed me the "poor" areas of philippines and a place that looked like a night market in taiwan. Seeing wat i saw, the only word i can find is this, contentment. Tito Deo is a special guy. Just walkin beside him and talkin with Him, even though I know he finds it difficult speakin to me, He is so full of joy. Simple, kind and has a heart. THank God for Tito Deo. Anyway Tito Nonoy has been pretty busy the past 2 days. They are reli an accomodating bunch of ppl. Even typin this on Jobel's laptop is reli somethin. How blessed are they. Its the pinoy spirit i guess. The hospitality and all. And I dun want tat to die in me becoz its just pinoy to do so. We shdn't worry just like tito Deo says. We have more treasures in Heaven than here. So help as much as you can. And as I think yea. Even when u noe ppl can fail you just help.

wells been spendin some time with Him in my lil comfortable guest room. Haha. Solitude. And just thinkin of things. Cant wait to go to tat camp.

you may think there is no system in philippines? wells just call it systematic chaos. And jeepney rides are comfortable and ya nice. And once you're familiar with the sytem its not reli a problem to go frm place to place. OH wells will try to update as much as the days go by. Must think of pasalubong for the ppl back there...oh wells gonna snooze before i'm goin out for dinner with Deo and Family.

I'm in love!

i'm hrs before flyin off. WElls my itinerary for the wk is 3 days of goin round the city or other areas, visiting, sight seeing etc. Then starts i guess the LDC camp. HOnestly I'm going with actually no expectations in mind but with one just coming to seek and find. And I'm not sure who I'll meet what will happen. But yea I just told myself that I just need a break. Maybe that's the only expectation. Seeking for that somethin that I cant find.

Anyway that aside, today's msg was into the love of God. The words spoken today just reached and stirred me to actually write this. As I was listening I was thinkin of the many "loves" I have the many desires I want, the many lusts I want. Yet this one line stuck out today. The fact God sent His son to die shows that above everything else our salvation is more impt than anything! Sometimes we do take this love for granted. We begin searching for the love that changes every now and then. A love that fails. Love which has conditions and expectations. A love that betrays and is selfish. A love that isn't patient. A love that is not opened and free. A love that isn't giving but taking. A love that rejoices being in the dark. A love that is so full of guilt and weary.

Silly why I said all that. Its so obvious isnt it? But I still wonder why do we pursue a love thats just ordinary and only extends within my own boundaries? I admit I was once snared by it. Trapped and lost I thought that was the end of my journey in love. But the love I've experienced and I'm in now isnt the one's you can pick up in the bookstore. Its not abt etiquette or being well mannered. It's the sudden realisation that the love in this world is futile. It cant give that which lasts forever...

we all know. That which lives in our hearts will always keep reminding us. Yet its sad that many ignore it to the pt we grow numb from it. Reminds me of wat Paul said to the thessolonians... Quench not the spirit. I know what it feels to quench it. To compromise and say its ok. A lil bit longer. A lil bit longer. I'll pray. I'll do anythin but that....we all know too well don't we? The warning signs are all around us. BUt still many just take the drop.

And I guess the qn we all hv to struggle with is where is your heart? Who holds the keys to your heart? We know the answer yet we dont do it. And I guess many a times when we say God is speaking, we just say it becoz we felt the stirring of the spirit. But in the end wat do u do abt it that matters. In james it does say be ye doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. Live it. Do it. Simple? For some yes, others or shd i say many its mainly no.(silly coz even in our daily lives, such as my past year and 10mths wearing the green its all abt walking the talk. Especially when u r put in a position to lead and teach but why in matters that will take us to eternity its another story...)

I'm in love. And I know there are times when I've been unfaithful. Putting other things on top either than Loving Him. Jesus. (stewardship lesson just now) its somethin i'm workin on and not take for granted this gift.

Anyway one thing I learnt this year is this, people change. People can disappoint. People can fail you. And people can hurt. But after all that, I still thank the Lord for the trials that come my way.

okok shall stop. I wonder in 10days wat can change? Even if it does I'm certain that the Love that covers us all will never change, yesterday today forever!

i'll just pen this down...

many people think that i'm just some mr "righteous" as experienced today. ANd I was thinkin wats bad abt doin wats right? Am I uncool tat I seem like so law abiding? SO upfront in your face goody goody boy? Wells apparently I feel that you guys can do bad better. (I say this in a matter of fact tone because I know during ur age I was much worse then u guys)

where do i begin?

when i was younger I believe thats where my double life began. I guess some ppl do noe abt me during primary sch I was a real hooligan. From the ages of P2-P3 I was like a mini warlord in my pri sch. Though my grades din suffer or anythin but despite coming from a christian background I just lived my life fightin for the fun of it. I rem getting caught for leaving the sch premise just to buy "capteh" during curriculum time. I even remember beatin this guy up and throwing a cupboard on top of him after sch. But I suppose the limit came when I was fightin in class during lesson time. The teacher was teaching and I was rolling on the ground. But that all ended when I was transfered to the first class of tat pri sch. I had found 2 friends. Good friends. And I think its by God's grace that I went to that class. From a hooligan I ended up becoming a prefect for the remainder of my yrs at that sch. I was "good" by ppls standards. But suffice to know that during this period I was in the discovering age. I picked up smoking for 2wks as I saw my elder bro doin it. Dun rem how many times i've tasted that deathstick during that period of time. But thank God i wasnt hooked because my mom found my brother out and soon enough supply was curbed. Also during this age I was introduced to pornography. Dirty shows. Degrading shows which I know has corrupted this mind of mine.

I can say blame it on my brother and his frens for coming over to our place to watch it. It was to me at that age interesting. I was wondering what was that all about. And honestly sometimes I wish that I hadnt been exposed to it(i'll explain when the time comes).

Anyway tat was one side of the picture(outside church) in church I was a gd boy. Unknown to many, I was singin in kids church had lotsa church frens, always had the head knowledge of Jesus and His disciples, was in boys brigade(even was squad leader by the time I was 11). I only knew the bible like bed time stories. It never meant more than anything. Memorising verses, Knowing the books of the bible, knowing all the names of God Had no meaning but a means to show how smart I am. That I know all this. I wore the name christian in church but outside of that, in my past time etc, I was just like anyone in this world.

Pretty much this continued till I went to sec sch. I worshpped in church. Sang praises to God but at home I was listening to music that cursed every few seconds and talked abt violence. One group I followed because of its sad lyrics talking abt the meaningless of life and how your life fades. I was attracted to it. Even the screaming and shoutings of one band attracted me so much tat i got "lost" in it.

Now coming to my sec sch years, I think this dual life syndrome was v.evident in sec sch. And it so happened that I fell in love secretly with this gal. Parents din noe but suspected it. I was still attending church and sunday sch like no one's business not knowing reli applyin the headknowledge into the heart. I was compromising. I was living in my own world for my own selfish desires. And the object of my love became an object of my lust that to this day I still thank God tat i din go beyond. I look back and realised that it was reli grace.

Anyway I would love to carry on but I think I'll jsut stop here. Shall pen it down another time. Honestly I dun think I'm reli dat good or perfect. I was reli foolish when I was young. Smart in my own ways. BUt God is reli amazing that He still saved a wretch like. Even though I feel abit infuriated with that comment it saddens me that many still live on borrowed faith. Not realising how gracious God is to them(like me before). Because like them when I was their age I thought I was alright. I thought it was ok. Just close eye here a lil bit. But bit by bit I could have lost more. BUt thank God that He restrained me. Taught me. And even now I do struggle with sins of my past. I daily pray for that continual hope that I'll be cured and free(because he's changing me). I still feel that I m the worse ard. So ya I'm not as good as u think. I'm still the sinner saved by grace. But everyday I know that if christ is the center of my life which I know He is. I am a new creature. Old things are pass away behold all things are become new. 2cor 5:17. And I believe that I m not who I was before. The things tat I like before I am not fond of anymore. I know my one desire. Its not to read the bible in a year. Its not to be more wise, but ultimately my one desire is to build on the relationship i have with my Lord.

amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...

*whirrring sound*

ok ignore the titles coz reli i am running out of title names. Hahas. BUt reli there is this whirring sound frm the com tats ya noisy. ok nvm.

anyway i just wanna say tat in all the difficulties we've been through, and serving, we must remember that it is a privellege. That even when we think we are the only one's labouring, its such a joy to know how the Lord is blessing others in His work.Wells this i learnt last wk during the Sunday School retreat. 

God owe's us nothing. We owe Him more than anythin. But truly one thing tat struck me today was that we are not indispensible. We are mere vessels for His use. We are just another tool in His plan. So wat makes us think we are v.impt? God uses anyone He choses. And this I have learnt many times. And i guess rather than feel so down becoz of the turn of events, we gotta just be steadfast and unmovable becoz we have the Lord behind us. It hasnt failed. The Lord never fails. So why do we feel discouraged? BUt rather we thank God for times like this to see how real He is.

I suppose wat we all lack these days is grace. Is placin trust and hope in ppl. I know for certain tat we all arent on the same level of maturity nor do we hv the same stds as others. ANd its sad to see tat we expect ppl to be on the same lvl as us. And becoz of tat we say we cant associate with em? I know i hv this prob. Esp with my bros. BUt if Jesus did tat oh boy. WE would nv have access to salvation at all. Many a times it shocked ppl to see Jesus hangin out with sinners. Ppl were puzzled why He bothered. ANd we all know the reason yet why doesnt our lives show it? Rather then look at others why not look at the mirror and see if u see christ there? We ought to reflect Him. Sometimes it starts with us.

Rather than becomin ppl who bring peace we are more of like policemen, no different frm the pharisees. Yes full of zeal but for wat purpose? But wat then of the christians in acts? Where is the love we hv for others? The love christ had for the lost? The love we show in correcting others? Rather than bitch, gossip, complain and comment why dun we just teach it, live it. But out of love. Because if its not out of love then wats the pt?

oh wells i guess i've gotta be resolved in all this. BE certain and sure. And i need God's strength and wisdom in all this. even as it seems tat we're at wits end. But we gotta endure. I dun believe its time to leave this ministry. But I know if I want to the Lord will pave the way. BUt this is between me and God. And it may seem tat learning of elijah's story The Lord did pave the way for him.

so wats in it for me? I just gotta be thankful that He is using me and its reli a privellege that a God who is just so amazing tat even w0rds cant describe uses ppl like me. ANd reli to seek HIm while He is near and with all my Heart.

but yea lets jsut finish this year. and not be fearful of the obstacles becoz only through tat will we see God at work.

*machine sound*

hahas seems like i'm running out of title names. Anyway just wanna say that i thank God for seeing me through to this day. as i look back and wonder. hahas its amazing i can write it down here. yea. I'll keep it at tat for now. hehe. i'll probably say more laters...