it's really not abt me...

Lord sometimes its just so easy to give up right now. When things just seem so uncertain and so ya cluttered, clouded and just so frustrating. Even when i did my outburst in the name of fun and all i guess there was a tinge of the feelings tat's inside and suppressed. BUt m i here to justify them? Or shd I say I shd feel this way? THat its my entitlement and that I deserve it? its normal to feel this way- this i accept.

its not the first time I've seen such things nor is it the first time i've heard of all this but amazingly sometimes I myself don't understand why don't I react so big and make a big deal out of it? Is it because I don't care or wat? Wells sometimes when u choose to care ppl will brush u aside because u don't know them too well or because of wat they think of you. I think its more of the latter.

all this compare and contrast, all this comments all this bad mouthing and gossiping and saying who's right who's wrong and this i cant trust you, you're not genuine, you're not biblical, everything must be Godly, this is not glorifying, its false teaching, you're not capable, you're speaking untruths, i talk behind your back and smile in front of you bla bla bla bla....and the list goes on.

wells honestly who'd wanna be in a place where there is so much of this? who'd wanna be in a place where it seems so "lifeless" so hostile and where ppl cant be contented and thankful and appreciative. thank God ppl are starting to realise and wanna do and give rather than just keep taking and expecting something to be done for em.

i bet the devil and all his minions are so pleased to see such things happen and they dun even have to intervene or become obstacles because after all the obstacles are ourselves!

sometimes its just easier to just forget abt it. so much easier to just run from this. then again at the back of all this thoughts and frustrations and unhappiness, I think and remember My Lord Jesus.

in the face of death and opposition, He didn't exert His right over them nor did He ask God the father to destroy them, He humbled and submitted Himself to the will of the Father. Even when ppl were mocking him and bad mouthing Him, as He hung Christ just prayed for them c.f luke 23:34....

and paul nicely puts the attitude Christ had, he just humbled himself even though he was equal with God He chose not to show it. Phil 2. And paul urges that we put the mind of christ. Practice it because He is the example. Not some commentary some guy wrote or some pastor or the elder or that brother who gives a v.good testimony or is so active in the ministry or can sing v.well for the choir nor is it anyone else but Christ. If we look at men we can be assured of one thing. They'll fail. BUt if we look upon Jesus, the perfect man, the son of God who was blameless and sinless and obeyed the Father till death, what's there to be frustrated abt because everything is in His hands and in His control.

*STOP*

wells to put it simply. this situation seems like a giant that we have to face whether we like it or not. and unless we stay stedfast unmovable in the lord our labour is not in vain. 1cor 15:58

and yea i guess in all things we have to thank God. That now we realise we need him more. and now is the time to exercise our faith that indeed God you will turn things around. That indeed you will be glorified not me.Not the perfect planning nor anythin tat I've done. That ppl will see that it was you who in your own time and with abundant mercy and grace have shown favour to your beloved...as echoed in your psalm.

Ps.13[1] How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?[2] How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?[3] Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;[4] Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.[5] But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.[6] I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

a day of feeling guilt and shame is enough to feel the emptiness. Lighten mine eyes!

and now its not abt who noes it all, its abt in whom we trust. i know i cant prevail alone. But in your hiding place Lord you will prevail!

in christ alone will I glory. because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

another hmmmm....

not sure wat to write abt... hahas. okok i got things to do at the back of my head but its all abt puttin it into work and stuff. anyway been lazing ard this wk alone...hahas come to think of it i'm thankful for the past few days and how God has blessed my family.

anyway in life there are somethings you just cant control. and there are things that just cant be explained but they happen and u cant do anythin abt it but accept it.

so wat are the things we can control? we can control our actions, our reactions, our emotions, our decisions. wells i dun mean to be rigid but ultimately its how u view it. especially i guess when you are a new creature ur actions and reactions hv to be different...

nvm... i found this set of lyrics...guess it speaks to ppl who r just sick and tired of the way things are goin...

Healer heal me

Savior save me

Maker change me

Lover love me

Cuz I'm so tired of living for

The kind of love

That only lasts for a while

The pain, the shame

Tear me up inside

Chorus:

So I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I cry out for You

Would You please speak to me

Healer heal me

Savior save me

Maker change me

Lover love me

Cuz I'm so tired of living for

The kind of love

That only comes and goes

But Your love

Your love lasts forever

Chorus:

So I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I cry out for You

To hear you speak to me

Yes I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I run hard for You

To enter Your rest

sometimes i just cant wait to finally rest in You. how easy it is to just fall on your knees to get back on our feet...

God nv changes, its ppl who do and because of ppl we are the one's to blame for all this unhappiness...rather than being thankful and gracious we exert wat we want on others...rather than being open we cower and bring knives to the back of others with our words. we curse behind yet we smile in front of em...and worse of all we wear his banner on our necks and hearts...how saddening He will be if He sees us this way. But then again God is gracious that even in the most imperfect of ppl he can still do His perfect work. and its only up to us to trust and obey irregardless because we are placed where we are for His purpose and only when he says go will you go and if you noe u gotta go He will tell you so....oh wells....it boils down to you and God...

operation meatloaf....

hahas. ok this is pretty exciting. dunnoe if he can sniff it or not but ya the preps are ready. its all in the freezer now. wells thank God lar for mom. now wondering how we gonna surprise my mom like we're doin with mr G. hahas. anyway operation meatloaf here's the low down.

ok its suppose to be top secret but hahas oh wells cant contain the excitement. and reli i cant believe tat we've planned everythin frm appetiser, main course then dessert. actually haven thought of it but thinkin of balls! hahas. melon balls with mint syrup and lime??? its more like frozen melon balls...hahas. okok nvm. i'm revealing too much. anyway i enjoy doin this things manz. hahas tiring yet satisfying. ok nxt up is how we gonna bring the crowd in. hahas will hv to organize tat with the 2 coordinators and the one who live across the road hahas. hmmmm. wells either than tat just gotta pray! funny rite think this kind of thing no need to pray wells i guess pray the lord see the rest of the things out. Thank God for a dad like him!

anyway was listening to this song and these lines struck out....

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me time and time again

"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"

and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size

to put the giant on the ground

and the waves they don't seem so high

from on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

singing over me

i don't deny that there are voices in my head tellin me tat i'll fail. reminding me of all my shortcomings. realised that there are ppl who wanna see u fall. but its an amazing thing that so far He is seeing everything through so i guess the Lord has the last laugh coz after all i hold onto isaiah55!...who's voice shd I hear when in doubt and fear? wells no time to waste! no time to lose.

I hv nothing to prove. I have nothing to lose! NOthing to hide....hahas this one wells hmmmmmmmmmmm..................Lord you know what's this tat I kp inside. If its to be told you will show the way for u are the light for my feet and a lamp to my pathway!...

okok operation meatloaf is left with less then 72hrs! hahas....

PS. wells i'm walkin with a limp this wkend. dunnoe wats up with my kneee...it just got busted while runnin today. if it persists think i'll see the doc on tue...but ya pray for me...cant bend the darn leg...and ya it hurts....hahas

off the record

honestly i'm not worried anymore. Just let it be...ya even if ppl say such things just let it be and let God be praised rather than say its me who did it all. even if there are i told you so i thank God tat it happened so u can still see it thriving. so wats there to worry. and somethin tat spoke to me today is this verse or shd i say the whole chpater itself....

Is55:8-13

[8] For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.[10] For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:[11] So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.[12] For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.[13] Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

he has promised with his word and wat more assurance do i need than this. and even though i can think of big big things it will all come to nothin if God isn't involved. Furthermore our plans and thoughts can never match or even comprehend the thoughts of God.

but i thank Him tat he has revealed enough for me to do wat i gotta do and to kp on goin and today i noe the JOy will never die when it comes to serving. and there is a reason why God puts words in the bible to assure us...

1tim 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

ya so the challenge is or the thing is if ppl reli see tat we are examples...maybe we arent, maybe we need to improve...even so God help us so tat they see the confidence we have in you.

Ps20:7

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

anyway this song, ya...its based on a verse i visited years back...anyway i kinda like the sound dont ya? lol

the story so far..

finally havin a night where my mind's blank frm wat to write...no big issues...none that i'm worryin abt or wat not. but ya just knowing that in 70days tats all the days left for me to be careful in wat i do as i embark on another interestin walk. even when i feel like i'm the most inadequate person to do this and fearing tat ppl wont step in and help and not knowin wat to do it'll be just another event tat come's and goes. The confidence i hv now is not within me but in the person who's called my name. even though i feel like its reli big how do i start and how do i carry on...it doesnt matter how i feel anymore...because he just wants me to do while He does the rest....

and today he showed me a glimpse of wat to do and i noe he will instruct me and guide me in the way i should go. i pray the Lord build the house so the laborers wont labor in vain...anyway here's a song i kinda like. its by a backstreet boy...hahas anyway its kinda related to wats reli in my head. so wat if its successful and the plans all fall into place...if God isnt in the midst of it then its just vanity....

In Christ alone will I glory

Though I could pride myself in battles won

For I’ve been blessed beyond measure

And by His strength alone I’ll overcome

Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands

But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:

In Christ alone

I place my trust

And find my glory in the power of the cross

In every victory

Let it be said of me

My source of strength

My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory

For only by His grace I am redeemed

For only His tender mercy

Could reach beyond my weakness to my need

And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more

And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord