sacrifice...

hv u ever come to this stage whr u begin to wonder why you even bother to do wat your doing? Why can't you just be like the rest and be normal. just like the rest who have "normal" lives. But I wonder is my life reli normal? Wats the norm btw?

i've probably shared alot abt this to some but time and time again it truly is amazin wat's been goin on. And I need to remind myself of that because not everyone is given such an opportunity. And time and time again I will face uncertainty and doubts and i will question whether I am deceiving myself. BUt I realised now I'm facin the period of time whr i hv to again trust immediately. Because wat seems to be planned seems not so. Wat seems to be good a few mths back seems not so. And discernment is the uttermost need for now because I noe there will be lotsa ppl giving advice but out of all of tat its the still small voice i want to hear.

Just read 1kings 19 abt elijah after doin some great task ran away for his life. And he reli just forgot his faith. But amazingly God was there for him. Even when he thought there was no one else but him in the faith God assured him tat he wasnt alone.

I'm not sayin i'm an elijah, I'm just sayin even the greatest characters in the bible hv their flaws but its always God who goes searchin for em. (God sent an angel to comfort him). Even when I think i'm not the right guy, there were many in the bible who thought the same too but in the end they were who God wants to use. and he uses anyone Its amazing how just plain old fisherman were the chosen few to be the ones to revolutionise a world tat is so in need. Lets be honest we are all searchin for soemthin to fill our lives. I've found mine, but I've gotta hold on to it because let's face it if its precious to you, you'll never want to let it go.

anyway sacrifice. Tat's the key word. Sometimes its interestin how the devil wants u to think u've sacrificed so much while others havent, then again its a selfish thought tat can just kp you spinning. Coz u'll be so focused on ur problem and wont see beyond it and others ard u. Sacrifice. I would say there's not much i've done even when i look back. Others hv sacrificed alot for their ministries. Yet some ppl don't see it but at least I noe God does. He always will. Even when ppl will doubt u or tell u off, i know whom I trust.

Just a thought, to those in the faith how real is the word to you? is it life givin? does it convict u and hold on to you? and its always the same thing we know yet we dont do and james says tat is a sin....oh wells.

anyway do i say my life is normal? i guess not. even if i miss out on lotsa things ppl do, i still hv a life. you can take everythin except that bk i kp in my bag. and i guess the sermon today says we are ordinary ppl livin extraordinary lives with an extraordinary purpose and because of our knowledge of who God is we give him our worth to honor him because he is worthy. But we are still stricken by the bug of i'm not good enough and most of the time its just satan whisperin to us tat we cant where in fact Jesus has already done all and we just hv to confess our weakness and tell him of our inadequacies and acknowledge it all coz tats all he wants to hear. because through his sacrifice on the cross he gives us strength to obey. anyway in the midst of all this a fren sent this song and yea reli somethin tat i needed. and i believe God sends angels in our midst to minister to us even when we feel horrible... Just thankful and blessed...and this is somethin i've learnt, to work it out myself and not rely on others other than God to fill the gaps in my life. thank you Lord...

I will offer up my life in spirit and truth
Pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You
In surrender I must give my every part
Lord receive the sacrifice of a broken heart

Chorus:
Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Saviour, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of Your name
For the things You have done
Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart

You deserve my every breath for
You've paid the great cost
Giving up Your life to death, even death on a cross
You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin
Opened up the gates of Heaven, and have beckoned me in

What can I give
What can I bring
What can I sing as an offering, Lord
(What can I give
What can I give to You, to You)

move our generation

Lord, hear our cry
Come heal our land
Breath life into these dry and thirsty souls
Lord, hear our prayer
Forgive our sin
And as we call on your name
Would you make this a place
For your glory to dwell

Chorus:
Open the blind eyes
Unlock the deaf ears
Come to your people
As we draw near
Hear us from heaven
Touch our generation
We are your people
Crying out in desperation

Bridge:
Hear us from heaven,
Hear us from heaven,
Hear us from heaven (4x)

Just felt moved to just jot this down and share this song. Was walkin home just now and this song played. And as i was thinking we are reli needy ppl and the young ppl of these days are a generation tat needs God more than ever. I know you're thinkin who am I to assess them? BUt honestly the generation today are in need. Too much bad news hv I read and heard and I'm prayin through this song tat God will make His presence known. I'm not the best vessel because I know I still am weak in areas in my life. But if the Lord wills he can use anybody. And knowing tat even in the work I'm doin I reli hv to "fast and pray" and reli be still and know if it's wat you want. there may be doubters there may be ppl who wont see the need but reli there is just so much we can do. It can never be accomplished by our own hand.

Nxt wk is youth sunday and I've been prayin for it. I wished it could be more than wat is planned but I know there is somethin more than tat and maybe i cant see it but only God knows. BUt even if not it is well with me coz ultimately its His work not mine and its His timing and as for JOY, we see the flaws and I can sense the uncertainties and its limitations and I know its time we sit down and pray and reli plead and wait upon HIm and be still because only he can open eyes, unlock deaf ears, come to them and touch their hearts. And if you wanna shut this door u only can shut and no man can open and if u wanna leave it open u leave it open and no man can close. ONly you.

SO i guess its patience and we gotta be just as james says....like a farmer waitin for the rain he has to prepare the field. and i gotta kp askin for more grace and for the ppl ard to be encouraged. Hear us.... and move this generation for your sake...

anyway i love my wkend...

survived!

ok before i go to the main headin i found this quiz on some of my frenz blogs and its rather interesting. hahas http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

hmmmm interesting...

anyway thank God i survived the wk. One wk down another one to go. Wells I did suffer lar. Been awhile since i've run and dashed and jump and prone and like climb knolls and run down knolls and dig big holes in the ground cover them up pack up carry load do fatigue work sleep for less the 4-5 hrs each day being reli irritated by the slightest irritation frustrated with ppl and myself. And the list goes on. But reli close eye open eye its one more wk of the same thing again. BUt Yea i learnt somethin through this process. Anyway today was inspired in the mornin by looking at the full moon as we went out to the field...

The silver rays focused on him
Telling him the curtains are drawn
Its the beginning of the end
As this soldier marches on

Every step heavier then the last
His mind focused on the task
His senses insync to the rythm
Of the ambience of the pre-dawn lantern

As time dragged on his mind wandered too
It dwelled on places and pictures
On dreams and nightmares
On love and indifference

Will I ever return he pondered....

Shattered by tunes of cracking whips
He was beamed back to his reality
Instinct told him that it's time
Where he'll know he'll embrace it all

Their reply was sharp and swift
Leaving no rests in this allegro
It was a symphonic chaos
A rachmaninov of whizzing lead

He leaves the ensemble and trudges on
Like a ballerina full of grace
Preparing for that final leap
And when the moment arrived....

He felt the sting, his legs buckled in
Like hungry hornets they ate through him
Time was on a hold, his thoughts rushed on
He was so close, so very close

As twighlight set, a dawn began
He thought of that person
Whom he held so dear
So far away yet so close
Oh how he wished he'd feel her here

With the final note, he hit the key
The finale was set it was victory


ok, probably a bit cheesy but yea it was a beautiful day to begin with though ya at the end i did let my tiredness take me. hahas. wells yea thanks for the prayers

21-1-2-21-1-2....

its been awhile since i've reli looked forward to the wkend. and its reli been awhile to actually sit and look back at such an eventful wk.

honestly i've learnt quite alot of things i nv thought i'd learn in such a short span. Furthermore it makes me dig into knowledge that i had known mths back and reli draw upon em and also the fact tat i need to recall and apply it in wat i'm doin. I'd say i am enjoyin wat i'm goin through. But as the days come by it seems tat its much more difficult than the last. The comin wk would be reli one to look out for coz i noe not only do i hv a prob on my skin but also tat i've gotta be part of the team we've forged along the way...

anyway one takeaway tat i can draw parallel to christian living is tat we don't reli apply the knowledge we hv in our heads. We can know, we can memorise we can study and stuff but when we execute it on the ground and in our lives it can show who you reli are...which reminds me of a passage in James. And honestly humility is a value dat we dun value...today out of all the profanities this one instructor said, wat i took away is just one thing...humility and an attitude to learn. likewise in our lives there are times we hv to admit we are lousy and we hv attitude and tat we arent right and we aren't as good as we perceive we are to be because if we compare our lives to the book, we are definitely lacking...

anyway the title is basically some jargon tat's stuck in my head. anyway gonna miss another wkend nxt wk but reli thank God for the wk.

and here's somethin to ponder, before u renovate the hse buy the hse first...its basic...back to basics always...

i'll keep it short. Today was reli an interestin lesson. Esp in sunday sch. Somethin comfortin and yet it makes me assured. Anyway i think i misplaced somethin again...geez...and its a very valuable item...prayin for grace...wats it with me and this lil habit of misplacin things. Prayin I'll survive the wk ahead...and survive myself as well...anyway we all reli need more grace in our lives. and as i reflected abt things tat are happenin ard me, and the convo's i've had, i reli need grace and reli not to worry abt anythin at all.and remember tat at the end of the storm there will always be a rainbow..

anyway gotta read gal6. and reli make it a part of me.

i just wanna sigh...kinda overwhelmed i guess. With the usual thoughts. And its interestin how things are unravelling how lives can affect wat we do and who we are. And I am seein it for myself. Its interestin and to be frank saddening. I dunnoe why i feel sad for em or why i feel like this everytime i see it happenin right infront of my eyes and i dunnoe reli dunnoe why i even bother. Its like a laughing matter its like somethin we put no improtance to and at the end of the day wat we learn adn put in our heads we just dun put to practice. I know its tough, I m facin a tough time. You think its easy to be placed in compromising situations whr ppl qn whr u stand? You think its easy to be an example to the peers ard me not just at the place whr i am but to the younger ones? Sometimes i wonder and i fear and hope dat if its reli God who they see in me rather than me... And it just makes me wanna go on knees for em and also for my life... Hahas. ok nvm shall just sweep it under the carpet and just add it to the list...

i'd say i failed today as an example. And i know its been how many wks tat i cant kp to the timin. How many wks i've arrived late and even today i came late. And this irks me coz its not good and i applaud and thank God for ppl who make it a pt to be on time. Unlike me... And I can sense tat when I'm like this there is somethin in my life tat i need dealing and i reli need dealing soon...n sometimes its silly tat i take upon others probs when i myself dont deal with my own. As much good u see in me is not because of who i am but who lives in me...probably u wont get tat. BUt yea i've shared with some tat if i had it my way i'd just go and sulk and be emo and just carry on cursing and cussing and just cant be bothered abt anythin...am i angry u ask? wells frust at myself...frust at alot of things...and its just all welled up inside. I've got things i wanna be rid of becoz i m not who i was 10 yrs back but that which was in me then a part of it still is there. It brings me down but it wont...and its somethin i'm dealin with...anyway i've said it so many times here and yet it seems this doesnt seem to get away...

just deal with me. Just break me and break this feelins this emotions and mend up this life. And its comfortin enough to see others grow as well and see their struggles and their happy moments in life. ANyway how deep do we go in our relations with one another?

i've realised dat the facade we put up is just so clear. And the lipservice we pay so sad, and the double agent lives we live and the so on and on and on. I can just list it all down...but for wat? HOnestly we are needy ppl. We hv to acknowledge tat. WE need alot of things and wat we do can never satisfy.

A God who is there. Its amazing how small he plays a part in our lives. How amazing that in all the impt issues in life we shut him out. I've done it before and i know whr it led me. I made choices on my own based on my own wisdom. WE limit him to the shallow surfaces. And it shows. I'll just say a prayer for all of u and hope tat God will meet u whr u r. I know u all know him in the head but maybe u've never reli trusted everythin tats in ur heart to him...its not a gamble...and i thank God i've let go and surrendered parts of my life to him and daily i hv to tell myself this life is not my own....

ok i guess i wont rant anymore...i'm just down lar...reli....and i wish the Lord give me a freshness only he can give in days to come.

anyway i used to hv someone to remind me of my standing. Remind me of whr I am and how far i've gone. Someone to watch my steps and every footin. Now tat I've taken a few I realise tat there is still someone watchin over me and there is still someone in some sort reminding me of whr I stand. And it seems at time irritatin but i dun wan tat voice to be silent because the day the silence comes would be the day i've lost everything.

i'm just in thought....reli...