there was a time i believed rainy days are sad days. For the past few days in camp it always rained in the mornin so it kinda changes our program and we just go to breakfast straight. However the amazing thing tat happens everytime it stops rainin, i look out the window or walk along the corridor and its always there. A rainbow. It never fails to amaze me how wonderful it is tat a promise has been kept for so long. The first time it appeared was after the great flood and everytime i see it, it reminds me of His promises to me.
And reli my worries are just no more. But rather I'm blessed with the ppl i'm mixin with. From diverse places and all and its just interestin how things are unravelling. Slowly as the days go by I am more assured more "inspired" to aspire. Anyway yea i realise some of them keep askin me and reli they wonder if I've ever gotten angry b4 or scolded my recruits. Hahas i hv no idea why they say tat. BUt yea come the nxt phase I wonder if i can still stay cool headed and be open and learn. Coz after all i'm not as KILAT as you guys think coz reli I've lost touch with some basics. But yea gotta read up on em. And just come to Him if ever I feel low. And honestly its moment like this tat i enjoy becoz its this moments tat reli test my dependency on Him. Tat show tat He is there.
anyway things at home seem to be alrite but still it just seems like if only kinda feelin. Like there's lotsa things to do since the hse aint done and its just frustratin lar tat the ppl livin here don't wanna lift a finger. Hai dun wanna get worked up but yea just cast this care. Coz reli even my parents are startin to complain to me....it sucks lar(cant think of anythin else to say) but its just frustratin but oh wells no need to let it affect me coz honestly there's not much i can do but be there when i'm ard...
wells one other shock this wk, hahas apparently i got the best commander for the mth of april. Not sure how true tat is but its just shockin. THanks to my 2ic i suppose...hahas. Manz i wonder if anyone would complain abt me gettin tat but overall it doesnt matter lar. Hahas its just an unexpected bonus...
if its gonna rain like this durin my nxt phase manz i'll be a living greenhouse...hahas
i m not reli the best person to talk abt this. But i guess its reli somethin many of us are dealing with at the moment. Being who you are. Not puttin up false fronts or barriers. Or living double lives or anythin of tat sort. i bet u noe wat i mean rite.
One face at this place and another face at another place. And i guess at the back of ur mind u'd be thinking manz this isnt right but oh wells i'll just go with it anyway becoz its ok for now. I'll get out of it soon and then u start reasonin and reasonin and the principles ur lives are based upon slowly crumble.
Now i hate to ramble on but i look at my own life and realise tat yea living a life and admiting tat ur not wat ur words say u are is tough. Wats tougher is just making that realisation. And making a drastic change takes courage of a different kind. Then again, sometimes we just hv to go through life living on the edge to realise how gracious HE has been... And reli i look back I honestly thank God...There were mistakes, big ones, and reli after makin too much mistakes, i made this decision to just stop tryin on my own and reli break me...
I am crucified with christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but christ liveth in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave His life for me.
if ur all is crucified it means there's nth to hide. And watever pride we hv we gotta put it aside...and i guess gotta crucify it. Not the literal but in a way put it away. Slowly. ANd when i think crucify, its painful and a slow death. So the old man will never go away so soon. BUt it doesnt mean goin to the extreme and being sooo rigid. Its balance, as much as we live on His grace we gotta balance it with the pursuit of puttin away wat we thought was impt and to acknowledge tat we gotta get on the right track....
ok dun wanna go into sermon hahas. but i guess its the constant examination of ur life everyday tats impt. anyway its a process. Its a slow walk...and sometimes when i feel i've grown tired He becomes the pit stop...
anyway day two, and reli all my worries added to nothing. Thank God tat there is still time and reli i'm so gotta study adn reli pray and reli just reflect on things. Cant wait to see wat else he has in store for me....its just an amazing journey tat will never end. and the more i retell it the more i realise how wonderful God is. And reli its a process of healing. Process of removin guilt in our lives if we just live as truthful as we want.
hai tats all for now...cant wait for the wkend. feel just like my trainin days. hahas wells isnt is still tranin days? lol
Savior I come Quiet my soul remember Redemptions hill Where Your blood was spilled For my ransom Everything I once held dear I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross Where Your love poured out Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down Rid me of myself I belong to You Lead me, lead me to the cross You were as I Tempted and trialed You areThe word became flesh Bore my sin and death Now you're risen To your heart To your heart Lead me to your heart Lead me to your heart
PS(added at 52mins past midnite) An answered prayer!!!! Hahahas. Thank God. Wells I passed the thing i was dreadin. Hahas. Apparently it was a just pass but anyways a pass is a pass. And the nxt step is to reli just pray even more. Hahas.
happy is somethin we do for ourselves. Blessed is wat others do to you so you feel "happy" but in a more wholesome way. Ok maybe my definitions are all wrong. But anyway who would expect tat in the noisiest of places you'd have the most quiet moments with Him? I never expected it but ultimately I cant deny that He ministered to a need in my life. A constant reminder and reassurance that He is all I need.
honestly this past few days i was like i always am always runnin in circles. but a fren told me somethin tat i hv to work on and somethin quite strikin in my life. And its soemthin i gotta make known to Him. but anyway wat i am abt to say many wont agree but honestly can we doubt that God can meet u wherever u are in wat ways He wants to? I'm not sayin this is the only way. We can list lotsa ways but God is limitless. How can we contain Him? But honestly I guess this experience is personal. Unique to myself and its between me and Him. I know some of you may think I'm crazy or am compromising or wat. But honestly in the heart of worship when all the music fades away as I stood and reflected on the words of the songs flashed on the extravagant screens, i felt or I was convicted and reminded that Jesus ur all I need. I'm not sayin this for the sake of being religious or to defend myself or my position. Its just sharing another encounter. Just like my previous posts where a certain circumstance God can provide u with a way. Who can understand How He moves?
But I suppose only If u have a relationship with Him and seek Him and want to know Him and reli allow Him to take FULL control of your life, you'll experience alot of things tat u urself could not believe. Honestly lookin back on my life5-6 yrs ago, i wouldnt be speakin this language or in this manner. God was just another subject in a textbook called the bible. It had no meanin to my heart. I had the knowledge but it wasn't my life. My life was mine and i wanted to live it on my rules, my grounds, my way, my everythin till 3 yrs back when He spoke to me in His special way. The day He gave me my life verse everythin was different and slowly as he moulded me to be who i am today, i'd say God is not a subject nor is he just somethin we talk abt for the sake of it. He is who He says He is in the bible and the more I read it the more I realise things I nv thought could be true nor could I hv imagined nor could I hv understood. And I cant kp livin the life i used to live because i'm different now...
religion and being religious is tat ur tied down to a practice, tied down to traditions and superstitions. I'm not because I'm tied down to Him and what He says in His word. Wats more impt? if i were religious and impose everythin on u i'm no different than the pharisee...Yet as i let u see my life and who i am, i let u see tat its this constant wantin to be experiencin His presence in my life tat I want and its not me tat i want u to focus but a God who is there. And i guess u gotta think, but i suppose we'll all argue our own ways out...but this i'll say, i went there today expectin nth but to just see wat its all abt, but leavin tat place i felt blessed because one of the songs moved me and recharged me. I didnt ask to be blessed. But I was, He wants to and if its through tat do i deny tat its Him? Do you know when God speaks to you? ANd when God is seeking out for you? And i wonder how many of those youths who left tat hall, would think abt the encounter they had not because of the emotions tat the songs gave but because they know He was there and Him being abba Father. The environment may not be glorifyin to some but do u deny this omnipresent God the power to be there wherever whenever he chooses? I dun force this, because I know countless explanations will never make ppl understand till God meets you where you least expect it. it could be in any situation, circumstance. An accident, a concert, a triumph, a failure, in weakness, in health. Nothin is impossible. Its just between you and Him. Not you and ur nxt door neighbor. Not because of wat I say or becoz wat others say. Its u and Him.
His sheep know His voice.
This was the song:
You hold my every moment You calm my raging seas You walk with me through fire And heal all my disease
I trust in You I trust in You
I believe You’re my Healer I believe You are all I need I believe You’re my Portion I believe You’re more than enough for me Jesus You’re all I need
My Healer, You’re my Healer
Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You You hold my world in Your hands
Anyway u'd be wonderin wat need was it, wells i'll just share, i realised i'm facin a bout of ringworm on my body. Dunnoe why? probably i can list a few reasons but tat aside. I guess the physical aspect just shows how complacent i was in terms of my own hygiene. I thought i'd never get it because my other bunk mates did and i thought i had a good standard of hygiene. But lo and behold I couldnt escape and I have it all ard my body. I thought it was only on one spot but now its almost everywhr. And I thought it wasn't so bad. BUt the pass few days i discovered more and its spreading. So as I stood listenin to this song, I thought of my ailment and my foolishness. Tat yes I do need healin the day i first saw the ringworm and not be complacent. i need medicine. But as I thought even more i realised tat spiritually my heart could be as sickly as my body and i could be just as complacent. And yes it is. IT is. As much as I want healing for my body, I was so assured that my heart needed the healin more. That physically it doesnt matter but in my heart tats whr i needed HIm the most and He was enough. And i admit I m sick. I am in my inner most parts. We need daily checkups and remedies only He can give...we need to examine our lives and give it to Him to work His way in our lives...If i were to say i m fine u'd be just like me who got the ringworm and it'll keep spreadin unless u admit ur sickness and get the meds...If God wills He will heal this ring worm if he wants to and i noe he can. But i noe there is a greater lesson in store for me in this experience. I m reli down abt this and reli nth to be proud of and never had the courage to say it till now, after hearin tat song i couldnt contain it coz wats there to hide?... Wats more impt? Things tat last or the things tat will decay in time to come? I hv to trust him actively not the passive. That He'll help me go through this one of many storms. And I'm blessed because I m assured that He heals even the most ailing hearts. Maybe u think u may never be able to experience it the way i do, but just ask Him, he is seekin u more than u can imagine. Maybe in His own special way he will come to you. Or He will lead you to Him. My prayer is tat we lay aside wat we know and focus on wat God wants us to know. And after conversations with my fren who went tgt with me, i realised we all hv our pride and our ways of seeing things but i guess we learnt somethin frm each other no doubt. And it was just nice to explain and talk things out and hear each other... I know God will bless ya in His own way and i hv no doubt tat He is workin in you. Will keep u in prayer...
honestly we all hv our skeletons in our closests... we hv many secrets tat we just wanna let ppl guessing or problems we just sweep under the carpet. i just found out i'm facin one of the skeletons tat's kinda hauntin me. hahas. wells its physical and m dealin with it. Probably gonna go to the doc and ask for some stronger meds. it kinda reminds me wat dan said. we all hv to admit there is somethin wrong in us. talk to someone who can be accountable to u so as to make sure u kp to whr ur goin. i realised dat i'm still dealing with the same things. over and over. and now i reli gotta watch my hygiene in the literal sense coz reli i dunnoe why it seems its growin all ard me... sheesh.. But oh wells God makes things happen and i guess i noe why he is doin this.
u noe i m not tat stellar image ppl think i am. tat goody 2 shoe kinda guy. if i showed u wat was under my carpet. U'd say we're not much different just tat we're ppl tryin to break free frm the sins tat hold us back. BUt the more we try by our own might it makes us sink even deeper. hai...remorse isnt the word. Judas was remorseful yet he killed himself. Saul was remorseful but still went back to his old ways....David sinned and repented but he faced the consequences...
hai...sometimes i feel so unworthy to just carry speakin and learnin and teachin abt u. It makes me so hypocritical. but then again i realise this voice is not urs. its just my old self discouragin the new being tat i cant. the voice of truth says this is for my glory.... so i am his so he be glorified...
ok shant leave myself to self pity hahas. got 2 days left... 2 days to mug and 2 days to pack... and 2 days to prepare tat mind of mine for the things to come in days ahead...
i was told by a friend of mine to blog somethin happy. Somethin not so emo not so deep and searching. But then again it somehow spurned me on to think of writtin abt a happiness tat never lasts... anyway this is an excerpt of an idea i hv...thanks to ya...
I thought of the times I was happy most. The times when we were together as a family. The times when we did things together. The times when I walked with a significant other and the times where i found pleasure in living the life i wanted. But the more I thought, the more this world sapped those memories away as I was clouded with an uncertainty and a certainty tat said you can keep tryin to be happy...LIfe never seemed so like the movies where the dreams u dreamed brought u to the life u willed. WHere childish imaginations would take you to the moon and maybe one day to the stars. Where wishful thinking could bring a lover a million miles frm here to ur doorstep. Where freedom was just beyond my window. And truth...
You said you'd be back when its over. You said you'll return when you've earned all you can.... But what's enough? What can satisfy ur hunger and desire. Now that you're gone, I've forgotten who you were. All I know of you is just the receipt i receive once a mth telling me you're still alive somewhere in the world out there. I was happy...I'm still happy. I'm longing to be...
ok...not tat happy a post. But honestly I was pondering when am I happy. WHen my family is tgt. When my mom and dad are smiling and my bros are just being boys lar. Arguing laughing fighting and just being best buds. Of course I hv a special place for my Staje ppl. Despite all the history btw me and some ppl but truly its like a disease tat has no cure coz I'm hooked. And of course the ppl dear to me in church. I realise sometimes expressing our affections for each other seems pretty reserved and sayin tat u care for em brings out more controversy than comfort. Maybe its the way we say it or the way we do it. But regardless I feel the same way as i do with my staje ppl when i'm with em. Though abit reserved but still myself. Anyway friends do make a difference in my life as much as my fam does...
anyway am abit tired...and yea i guess this is who i am. funny was thinkin of the msg today. we gotta be careful with wat we say sometimes coz ppl do listen and watch how we live...consistency. I guess tats wat we all are lookin for. Strivin for I hope. COz honestly we hv many different ways of approachin life in different circumstances. But in all those situations how true are you? Just a thought i suppose. Being true, being open not hidin anythin. But then again a fool says everythin in his head a wise man noes when to say and when to kp quiet and noes the right words to soothe a heavy heart...
A scene at setosa the other day...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
i din expect to actually just sit in shock when i read the 2nd letter in 2 years stating the same reasons. So wats the plan? Wats the nxt step? Wat do I do now? Cant even think of a title now. My head was racing and my pulse i guess was racing. It felt as if i was sucked into a vortex of uncertainty. But its so easy to put it aside and say i've tried and start arrowing and blaming whatever and whoever...Because face it, bad things happen in life and who noes it could be good. But before it overwhelms me(which i'm sure it wont) I think I'll play a gideon and reli pray now and do wat Ps.46:10 does...
Be still and Know that I am God:I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted among the earth.
I went through the test today and i had fun and actually quite blessed by the prayers and well wishe's of fren's. Anyway i'm just abit tired to go on typin anyway. I may hv started typin at 0057 but its now 0200...so yea i'm copin with it.and i'm facing it and i know God will comfort me in the best way He could. And I know I want His will and if His will is tat i dun get into this then so be it because after all i'm trustin in Him and holdin fast to his promise in rom8:28....
who else can keep me safe? in whose arms can i come to daily and snuggle up and rant and cry and lament? No one can replace the comfort only You can give. The comfort of God and Godly friends who can see and bear the pain u hv... In a crazy world like this where ppl chase for things tat wont last. I thank God tat even if i dun go further in my education I'm thankful I am chasing the one thing tat is certain in such an uncertain world. IN moments like this I can boldly speak and smile because its not the first time and God will make a way.
Isaiah 43: 19
It seems my life revolves on a few verses, but its better than havin none.
i was like surfing and came across this song. hahas. Remember the story of the boy who just had 5 loaves and 2 fish and he just gave it to Jesus and He blessed it and through tat 5 loaves and 2 fishes it fed a multitude of thousands....
I never thought of it as the song speaks... How a boy who just had this lil surrendered it and let the LOrd use it and it blessed many. ANd I was thinkin of my own loaves and fishes tat are in my life. How have I used it and given it to the Lord? And how has it blessed others? But yea I was abt to blog abt my thoughts of the day.
I went back to my sch(AJ) and watched my juniors do their syf piece and it was a nice piece of story telling. HOwever they arent as good as they can be yet due to some things. Not gonna dwell on tat coz it aint impt. Wats reli impt is the whole situation tat the alumni is facin. How all the politics and stuff. Wont say it here coz i dun reli noe wats goin on but frm the dinner i had just now the situation is v.grave and I feel for the ppl who are still holdin on to a dream. And I committed myself to tat same dream and told em i'll be there for em. ANd yes this is my loaves and 2 fish i just wanna give to God and see how the Lord works in this area of my life to be. If He wills he will open a door no man can shut. And reli wat happened on the table is reli interestin and i reli wanna do it.
Anyway wanted to tell a fren of mine when I talked with her on sunday how she reminded me abt the T word. Trust. I guess I've been worryin too much becoz of yea myself. If i were to tell all of ya i'm a person with a confidence issue, u'd probably flip knowing tat I've been on stage and hv done wat I've been doin i wont hv this prob rite? wells i'm still human, I hv fears and inhibitions and inadequacies. And when she said wat she said I was taken aback i suppose. Not reli fully but in a way it just hit me tat ppl are seein how i've talked and walked and why do i feel the way i do now... Its a weakness no doubt and I admit it to ya and its amazing how God comes into perspective... Trust and just like the boy with 5 loaves and 2 fishes i hv to give it to the Lord and He will bless it... Thanks alot to tat fren of mine for pointing me back to our Father.
anyway Tonight i've decided and I know its been too long and I've been running away frm this situation and I guess i'm like gonna give my face to him and allow him to slap it....but yea shall just leave it to God to deal with me abt this...part of my loaves and fishes...
anyway its amazing while typin this entry i just spent some time with my parents. wat a moment we spent in prayer and talkin abt things...if i din come tonight i wonder if i'll have a chance such as this...thank you Father...
and if u haven been noticing, i've fallen for this singer. hahas. wells i just like her songs dats all ok. dun get me wrong! hehe...
Proverbs 31:10-31 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
I was thinkin of re-writting this to express wat I was thinkin but as I read and re-read I felt I cant do anythin much but just copy and paste it here.
Its mother's day today and I reli thank God for my mom who over the years has stood by us boys for as long as we've been here on earth. Reli being a mom aint easy especially when you've got 4 rowdy and naughty boys to look after and as I've grown up I thank God and I pray tat I dont be the the heaviness of my mom according to proverbs10:1... I think i'm in the process of reli being true to my parents and am waitin for the day whr i will be able to let them see all of me well maybe they do see all of me but waitin for me to say it frm mysef. Coz who best to hv buddies than ur parents aye? NOt sayin i'm a mama's boy or wat but reli hv u ever thought u can just hang with ur parents and discuss everythin under the sun and reli mean everything? BUt its a prayer tat I can see workin slowly in my life. And I love my mom. I remember when I was young I used to go up to her and say I love you mama. Almost everytime I found the opportunity. And one time she said dun just say you love me, show it. And i guess its somethin tat i've held on to for sometime. Anyway mother's day is not a one day celebration for mothers. We ought to cherish em daily. As long as they are still here with us. And I thank God for opportunities like last nite and today on the bus ride to grow closer to them... This is for ya ma!
I know words alone aren't enough
To express the gratitude you deserve
Tat when I was young I could never
Appreciate you for all you've done
How you woke me up every morning
Till I was twenty, just to get me to school
And one time you even dragged me
And that was so uncool
But then as I began to watch you
And began to love the Lord
I could never thank you enough
For all that you've done for me
Even if I began to list it
I bet the list would never end
For what more can a mother give
As much as you've given me
I pray that I be your joy than sorrow
I could never have asked for a greater mom
Even if you're flawed
You'll always be the person who stood by me
And if your days grow dim
I know I'll be by your side
And show you the love you've taught me
So I may shower it back to you and the ppl ard me....
On another perspective, another reason I was pondering upon this chapter was who can find a woman as described in this chapter? Where can I find one? Wells dun get me wrong, I'm more or less resolved on the fact that the Lord will lead her one day but its interestin tat God has already given guidelines on how to find a woman. Wells not sayin for gals u dun hv a guideline probably the best guideline is how much like christ is the guy ur after? Anyway its guidelines and you decide how u wanna apply em. But yea i'm already lost on wat to say hahas.... but yea i enjoyed my day today... i wish i could say wats in me i had a glimpse of wat to say. oh wells...
But yea i found an acronym tat are reli interestin for us singles today...
I think I'll stick to this tilll the virtuos woman comes knockin in my life hahas....when will dat day come? I hv no idea but till then I've gotta prepare myself for tat day because I'm not tat perfect man and I still hv a lot of flaws to work out. hahas... its just part and parcel of this long journey of life....
decided to rush typin this b4 i do anythin else lest i forget to write it down. I'd say this wk is reli interesting. Its interestin in the sense tat mishaps can happen to anyone and boy did it happened to me last tuesday. How a bus break down can change frm being on time to missing the last ferry "home"... WElls I was short on cash(wells i'm runnin on a bit of debts and i noe its poor stewardship but gotta work tat out soon) and I could hv taken a cab or called home. But knowing home has its troubles I'd rather just face the situation and hold up at changi beach till the first ferry "home". Now I knew I was sick and I had a bad tummy ache tat lasted the whole nite but thank God i managed to hold it up till i reached "home".
But anyway i could hv just sulked at the cicumstances I was facing or just felt horrible the night away but amazingly i didnt. wat initially was a bad situation became a moment of absorbing and being amazed at how wonderful the lord is. which made me send out those msg's to my dear ppl. ok i gotta qualify there are a number of dear ppl ard me but yea i just thought of em and wanted to share my joy. wells it was nice just thinkin of things being alone and absorbing the moments. Armed with an ipod and the swirling waves and a lamp post above my head i just sat and pondered. wells all i knew i was just thanking GOd for moments like this tat make life reli interesting and memorable. Cmon a broken down bus, a missed ferry and a night out at the most ulu part of singapore wat more can one ask?
anyway back at "home" i realised how lazy i've become. only today i wore my lunch clothes while the rest of the time i spent either sleeping or sleepin. But of course i did swim and run and went to the gym but i guess the other mishap that i wanna talk abt was how i forgot my wallet and i missed the ferry out on wednesday. The ferry tat would at least make me in time for prayer meetin. BUt oh wells disappointed as always i just sat in my bunk and spent time alone for a moment. and i guess i did share tat in moments such as this i find myself tested and tried. tested and tried as the devil begins to tempt. But thank God i resisted it. I fought it and almost daily i was faced with such situations in moments of inactivity. which makes me resolved to plan out my days for the rest of the remainin wks b4 i move on to the nxt phase of "trainin"...
anyway still hv some thoughts in my head and i noe there are things to think abt for the nxt few days and things to be done. yea....i'll come back to my thoughts later...i guess
Nv in my entire life did i imagine i'd be this sick. Must be some food i ate dat made my stomach go bonkers and totally my appetite has taken a whack. And reli all i can eat is probably a morsel. Food never seemed so unappealing. I love food but reli i dun feel like i wanna eat it lest just stare at it thinkin tat it will make my tummy go crazy...hai...must be tat yoghurt drink on sat nite...
anyway tat aside, actually based on my emotions and feelings i'm on a bit of a negative, realised tat, like i said in my previous post i am "bombarded" with lotsa things to think abt and honestly i realised if i were to think through em I'd go crazy or be in confusion and wont be able to carry on with myself.But thank God tat as much as I feel like i'm uncertain of the things ard me, I realised tat the only certainty is my trust tat He will give me wisdom in times like this.
and reli i finally recognise wat it means to be at the forefront. But let me put my foot down at this, I can see whr this is going. I'm not going to deny wat my parents believe and I believe they know their God because they've trusted Him in difficult times. And I'm happy tat now God is uniting our hearts in a way He only can. And if He is in the center then according to Philippians 3:15, I will hold on to this promise tat He will work things out. And maybe they don't see God as some do but honestly God will show Himself great in His own special way to each and every one of us and correct me if i'm wrong k, maybe to some a great pillar of fire, to some a still small voice, to some signs or some just His word or maybe his angels and I believe He will show Himself great to my family and I in ways I can't imagine...because He can and I believe to you as well.
but reli gee....its how we see it and if we wanna see it.
But i guess things to pray abt, JOY sunday, the youth ministry as a whole, the joy leaders, my family, ps course, my nxt batch of recruits, discernment especially in times such as this, my health( i thought i'd nv get sick this time ard but then again i aint no superman), my physical proficiency test 2wks frm now and my application to NIE...
Some times I wonder Who am I? That I stand before man proclaiming your name and teaching your ways When I myself am inadequate unworthy of You When my life is tasteless, filthy, unpure A hypocrite a double allegiance spy...
But your Love removed all doubts And quenched all fears And assured me tat I m worthy Because all my dirt and my sins Are upon Him who sits at your right hand
So when you doubt and fear And question Your existence Remember It is I who made the rainbow I who made the seas subside And I who has chosen you before the ends of time
SO If you start to say Who am i I will put in your heart the assurance to say i am yours for I called you by name
for the first time i think i appreciate weddings and somehow begin to think wat would mine be. Hahas i noe u'd be wondering why would some guy think of such things but today i found it interestin how the lord can bring 2 ppl together, who hv the same mind and same heart. its just amazin i guess. anyway how much i noe abt the 2 i cant say but as i think abt it wat would mine be? oh wells shall just leave it to Him i guess. And the lesson is tat the Lord noes and He knows its not good for man to be alone and in His time he'll send one so wats the rush when He has promised aye? So wats there to fret?
oh wells another thing i wanna say is tat God is working. He is and i cant deny it. And i also realise tat over the past wks i've been "bombarded" or shd i say hearin alot of ppl out on relevant things pertainin to wat i'm doin in church and i also realise tat the most impt thing in all this is discernment and to reli be wise in my dealings with ppl because it seems i'm in the frontline as one of em put it. OH wells am not here to prove myself because wats there to prove? But one step at a time and after all i'm learnin and i reli gotta ask for wisdom and discernment.
n yea i guess everyone will experience God in their own special way. I wont doubt my parents experience and system of belief and i guess i reli hv to be on bended knees to reli show me and show us. Sometimes i believe tat GOd has his purposes, and we cant be so assertive abt our ways because if u look at it its ur way not GOd's right? But sometimes i agree the easiest thing to do is run away and evade and be strong headed and be against everythin they say, but wat good would tat do? When we face reality it doesnt mean to fight it or wat not but i guess God puts us in situations to reli see how he'll do somethin new and I am hopeful not for the sake or for the fact i'm comfortin myself or wat because I believe and am convinced tat God will make a way when there seems to be no way and watever ppl say it wont bring me down even if i stumble He will lift me up.
A scene at setosa the other day...
