stop procrastinatin...

I know there is things to do but time and time again i dun do it. I hv a mind teeming with ideas yet I dun put them down in words. Is it fear? Is it tat I wont be accepted? But thank God for the msg today.

another beautiful day

weird tat i blog at the start of my day. but just wanted to type this out becoz its another day to just go out and experience the wonders of God! hahas. If everyday were a sunday but it cant be becoz everyday is different and we are all given 24hrs each. So how will I spend my day? Will I be a blessing or will I be cursing? We shall see... :)

Get real. WE may all think we are walking alone, but seriously wats the fun of tat? Love my church frens and reli thank God for em. And yea I guess I love my bros too. And I hv to admit I reli do miss em, had a fren ask me why do I kp doin wat I'm doin to my bro. becoz we're brothers and tat I dun get to do tat with him or my boys durin the wk?

quality time with ppl brings u out. wells gotta get ready then. God bless!

in the midst of disappointment...

what a wk i'd say. apart frm enjoyin nature and imparting knowledge, i honestly reli feel exhausted. to the pt that i reli cant feel my own feelings. Personally I kinda feel low after the wks events. My boys seem too difficult to teach and make them learn the littlest of skills tat can be imparted. Then again it always seems like i am fighting a losing battle. Trying to get through to them seems like me with a lil spoon tryin to dig out an entire cave.

Then again, as I think it out. These boys reli hv a lil to get out of this entire 2yrs. First and foremost its their size and because of tat their ability to aim high and far seems reli limited. Like it gets me thinking, wats the pt of makin em roll, crawl and fire if they just end up sittin on their bums drivin a tonner for the nxt 2yrs?

I don't blame them for who they r or the situation they're in. Its probably becoz of poor decisions in their lives or just plain old circumstances that these guys end up the way they are. As much as I want em to live a certain way and to appreciate certain things, it seems tat it never works. This wk I reli reli reli feel dat I kinda failed in my task.

Then again, probably I expect too much frm them. Cmon I've never reli experienced this kind of situation in my life. Mixin with different walks of life and reli walkin on a thin line of goin down to their lvl and being a person of authority... And its been how many mths and I still don't know why they r the way they are.

And everyday can seem like a bombardment session whr we just flare up non-stop. Frustrations frustrations. To the pt of reli I just wanna throw in the towel. But whr's the pride of leadin this ppl? Whr was tat spirit of never givin up and showin em the right way to take? It seems like I'm circlin and slowly spinning into a ditch tat I may never get out. Even after pushing a guy to tears it seems tat they just cant work...

Ok I'm not sayin everyone is the same there are those who are workin, those who are tryin, but everytime I look at the ppl I'm leadin, it seriously just makes me feel so low. Like why cant they be like the rest? Why cant I see a single soul tat is willing to listen and just shine? Time and time again they disappoint. Time and time again they get into trouble. There were times whr there were glimpses of hope. Glimpses of change. But it just is tiring tryin to teach and win this ppl over. Draining.

It makes me understand even more that as much as men try to change others, its totally impossible unless God is in it...

ps. Dun wanna dwell on all this negativity anymore...shall just stop here.

connection

Just had a lil thought. I just like to connect to ppl. And honestly with authority comes responsibility. As much as the ball is in my court most of the time, I hv to respect them as ppl. As who they are. THey are after all ppl who are made in His image. Even if they end up hatin u. Love overcometh even the greatest of hate because He is Love and its His love tat is in us tat allows us to love...

If one thing i enjoyed today, was seeing them learn and enjoyin. Though the stds may not be as high or good. The pt is, they learnt.

Connecting...Many a times how we treat others reflects how we understand How God treats us...

If God didn't make the first move
We would forever be stranded
If God didn't make the call
We would never have answered

If He didn't pave the way
We would forever be lost
If He didn't die for us
WE would never have been forgiven

Having been loved
Yet we love not
Having been chosen
Yet we take it for granted

I think of the judgement
I am reminded of my salvation
I think of my salvation
I am reminded of your grace

You made the connection
You gave us a reflection
Of your light as you live within us...

Honestly feelin rather "poetic" Just had an idea of an item for the ju-eng nurses. Just sorta wrote the opening number or so but still in the process. Somehow just kiv it in my mind and see wat my subconscious mind will do and of course not forgettin God who'll just feed in the right things into my mind...Wells the other thing is i hv to prepare a video which is due in 1wk...pressure huh? prolly start somethin tonight...

Man as much as i m lookin forward to things I must always be cautious and draw my strength and focus frm the right source... I m physically tired... Yet I cant wait to just push on. Cant wait for this 2 wks to end... Cant wait to see the ppl I miss so much... Cant wait to see prayers answered and lives changed... Cant wait for my bad habits to be taken away bit by bit...

opportunities...can come frm anywhr...


interestin.

watch and pray....

Will kp this short because I'm kinda runnin out of time. Still lazy to take public transport outta here to camp. Say its because I'm just dreading goin back. If only everyday was sunday. I feel tat this yr is the yr my work with the youth starts. There are many exciting things waiting in the wings and I just cant wait. And I know there is reli things to hope for because God is movin.

ANyway its just been 2wks and the thing that GOd has put in my heart has been actualize and am reli watchin wat else He has in store. Yesterdays yf session was reli nice, and I realise tat I've come to terms with my past and tat I am not ashamed of it. I admit it yet after all the sharing I just feel tat I need God even more now. SO that the fire will kp burnin. Gonna be 2wks b4 i see the youths again.

ANyway I've realised i've hurt another close fren of mine. As much as i had wanted to do the project, it just seemed impossible to come to a common time and moment to spend time on it. Haven't reli reconciled but I pray tat i would be able to speak to him because everytime there is a call frm him the time doesnt allow us to even talk or my mind is on something else. I don't know but is this how God wanted it to be?

There are things I know i can never control. Tat's why I watch and pray. As much as I can plan, things can always happen. Tat's life sometimes. Its just how we overcome the changes and kp lookin forward.

I can never run frm the things tat occured
What happened happened
If it happens let it happen
But remember is it because of Him

THe one who made the earth go round the sun
ANd made the stars to shine by night
The one who made us who we are
And gave us life again

IF he's in control then why do we still hold on
To the things we want just let it go
Let God...

If its your choice to watch and pray
So will I because it seems like the best way
For us to watch and wait
For the promises to be fulfilled

Just as ABraham, Isaac and Jacob did
So shd we...
Everythin in His time...

You make all things beautiful
In Your Time
Lord Please Show me everyday
That You'll Do just what you say In your time...

Let's just be true to ourselves. Let's not hurt one another but rather respect each other. If ever we were meant to be together, Let God show us the way. For He is God and He is in Control. Therefore just watch and pray!

my year in revision...

"Lord, grant me strength with great resolve,I'll strive for what's ahead
To serve Thee with a servant's heart,no matter what it takes
Turn my heart away from the temptations that I'll face
Draw me near to Thee for in Thy presence I will gladly stay"

"ANyway wats my life ahead for the yr 2007? ARmy is one, two is this, my greatest desire is just to burn consistently this 2007, no more foolish dec christian. ALso for my bros, esp joel, he'll be alone in sch now and knowing who he is he may do somethin foolish. But i guess its for my bros to discover that somethin I've found. SOmething only God can show."

How much more can I say, honestly I've learnt one thing in the yr 2007, is tat in everything just commit it to the Lord and let Him show you the way. And as I read back my post on the 3rd of jan, the Lord has been faithful. He has given me something tat some cant even imagine to hv. As much as many say they dun hv time or are tired, I just feel energised just being involved. And am reli grateful for the opportunities that hv come.

So I guess 2007 was a good year. A real eye opener in really experiencing God. Anyway, gonna share something amazing tat happened over the youth camp.

I actually din noe wat to write for the skit night, was totally stumped on wat to portray. I guess I thank God for the inspiration and flow of ideas. But wat was more amazing was the part 3 of the skit. The one whr every one of us involved will say things tat define who we are in God. Apparently I learnt this during a sharing/gathering session. It just burdened upon me to just share this because if we don't know who we are in the eyes of God then how can we then move on? BEsides the pt.

Anyway I wanted the piece of paper with references to all the verses and all. I kinda smsed my fren abt it. APparently my fren din bring the phone. But somehow God knew I needed it and my fren passed it to me on the night itself just b4 the play began without even looking at the phone. I suppose wat was more amazing was that I reli din need the paper at all becoz the words just flowed. As in I only had the paper just to check if the verses I picked tallied and lo and behold it did tally with the lines I wrote and reli thank God.

I guess it goes to show tat in watever we do, we seldom see the bigger side of things. As much as we want God to be a part of our daily lives, its God who reli wants us to be part of His awesome plan. THe irony is dat He is always ard yet it is us who isnt.

My biggest burden for the yr 2008 is to reli pray for a specific ministry for me to reli invest in. As much as I've had glimpses of my future, I reli am prayin to see whr God is gonna work and I be used for His glory. Just now while driving ard my mum told me abt a specific request for me to do something for the ju-eng nurses.(write them a skit so they can perform it sometime in august) I wont deny it could be God's leading but I've gotta pray abt it and if it does go through Lord just use me to the fullest.

And honestly for my education and studies, I reli am prayin whr would He send me? I've got plans and ideas. But with the grades and all a part of me cant help but be sceptical. BUt as much as it is, God will make a way and if ever an opportunity beckons then the Lord will show me whr to go. Its already January and the nxt window is this comin march-apr. I reli need ur leading.

Another burden is the love for the youth and the lil ones. One thing the yr 2007 taught me is the joy in influencing lives and reli just being a fren to those ppl would not dare go to. I pray tat this joy never leaves me and this burden to reach out doesnt leave me. I know I hv my short comings when it comes to this and I understand tat many ppl dun reli practice this. But i reli hope as my heart was comforted to hear a stir within my brother concernin christian relationships on How disappointing ppl can be. When ppl cant agree or cant stand one another and just reli cant accept ppl for who they are or wat they are becoming. ANd if they wanna correct a person it shd be all in the spirit of love and concern for the brother. BUt yea the issue is who am I to butt in right? WElls to put it frankly if I am ur brother in Christ I hv a responsibility for you. AS much as this is a race whr we all hv to finish, the only difference with this race with the race of the world is tat we can help one another complete it and the purpose is not to compete. ANd the most impt thing is tat my relationship to u is not two way but three. God-You-me, therefore if I dun hv concern for you I hv diregarded my accountability for you. Oh wells to sum this up, I pray tat I start frm my own home.

I know the challenges are getting tougher,
And the devil will begin to tamper
Because he will always wants to torment His ppl
For giving up all for Him who died on the cross
So as much as he can destroy and oppress
He will always go back in a whimper
For greater is He that lives in me than he that is in the world.
For as much as I can lose in this life, the more that I can gain
Just like Job who kept His peace and faith in God.
Even when all was taken from him
So will I till that day still stand steadfast and sure?
I pray I will.

PS. WE all want to do things For the Lord. We even speak for Him and pass on judgement based on our finite knowledge. But is tat wat God reli wants us to do? The 2 great commandments never spoke abt us being something for Him. But it was to love Him with all our hearts, mind, soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves. HE is the one who makes us who we are. He uses us as His tools for his great work. He gives us the inspiration, the abilities, the talents. As much as we all wanna grow close to Him, we must always rem tat it is only through Him and with Him tat we can only be wat we can be for Him. It was He who initiated it all. It is never a case of I want to do this for Him because He doesn't need you to and because we can't. All He wants is an obedient servant who will join Him and depends upon Him in His work wherever and whenever He chooses to. So I pray for open hearts and open minds and willing ones that will truly want to understand and experience this God in our daily walk. Be it just one who would walk beside me as a companion in the work. Just be who you are and submit and truly want Him to start an exciting life with Him...