a lesson in acceptance, patience and love

camp. How do I summarise it? all I can say is Praise God and Thank God for it. for the circumstances, for the opportunities and the testings. It was just amazing how everything fell into place. I reli wanna hear how the Lord provided for campers night, I reli wanna noe how the Lord had worked in this Kids lives, I really wanna noe alot of things that happened in it. But what abt God? What does God want me to know abt this experience? What does He want to teach me? I actually wanna spend this time thinking of the journey He has put me through.

I guess it only hit me a week back that we were running a camp we wanted to run. Not a camp God wanted to run for his glory. But praise God for reminding us of this lesson that ultimately He was the camp commandant. And I thank God for this opportunity in knowing that the camp wasn't about me, what I wanted, my desires for the campers, but what God wanted for the campers(He knows best) and me!. I Know He wanted to tell me that He was in control. He wanted to test my ability to accept people for who they are. To be patient especially during very trying moments( i can recall lotsa moments when patience was tested) and to love everyone unconditionally (how sensitivity played a part). There were moments when I felt anger or harsh words would settle it but then again i was humbled and reminded, how would Jesus do it?

Its not by might nor by power but MY spirit...

I guess the ability to last that long for 3days, working long hrs and dealing with v.young ppl(my group members were like half my age) and just being able to concentrate in serving them, its reli by His strength and His spirit that He sustained me. I was to my limit and I thank God for giving me grace especially when I was snappy. And I was thankful for one break through. And God's been good, even for games, knowing the first day flopped becoz of weather and the condition of the venue( i was reli discouraged since i was involved witht the games but read on------>), thank GOd for "hints" on wat to play next(though we planned somethin alr but we cracked our heads till 3am and when we were at our wits we just prayed to God, "just tell us what games to play we can't do the thinking.") through sharing it out with the other leaders, and hearing wat the ppl were expecting. So yea tat resulted in the games on the second day. And we had to accept it because of who they were and what they were looking for. Even if it meant scrapping a bible study summary because they were being who they were. (A daunting task of prayer because we realised the young ppl arent reli searching and i guess it's something to reli ask God for wisdom and guidance). God helped us maintain tat balance, and gave us the sensitivity to be sensitive to ppl and their limits and their needs and desire. Praise God.

BUt i guess ultimately the bottom line is tat it was a good camp. A camp where we learnt more about God's sovereignty, God's grace and ultimately that He is in control and that it is up to Him to do wat He pleases with His servants. But to compare camps with other camps? Hahas, its unfair to do so. Every experience is a unique lesson or a lesson to build upon lessons we've learnt. And i've seen lotsa camps and had desires for this camp to be as meaningful to the campers as it was to me, like to me the biggest lesson was firstly to accept who is God, to hv the patience to see Him work in me as well as other's lives and lastly to channel God's unconditional love that is working in me(as i begin to accept who I am in His eyes) to others and love them not as objects but as people God loves. But for them, I just let God work because its not me who can change their hearts or move em, but God.

So i dedicate this song to all of us who are in some ministry and may hv felt downtrodden and are not seeing results tat we desire, maybe we shdnt look at ourselves but look at God and what He desires in us first. And this camp showed we all need Jesus, even me. I need Him even more as I need His love, patience, kindness, wisdom in this ministry. And I know the camp doesnt end here. Because it only begins afterwards, when reality strikes and where we are confronted by our fleshly self.... Praise God for He is Good always.

It's not by might nor by power but by my spirit
It's not by might nor by power saith the Lord

We'd like to think that we can handle problems on our own
We buckle down apply the steam work our hands down to the bone
But when we've gone around in circles and there's no place left to turn
The Lord reminds us quietly there's a lesson to be learned

It's not by might nor by power but by my spirit
It's not by might nor by power saith the Lord

We try and try in our own strength to make things come out right
We think and plan and organize and try with all our might
But when we finally reach the bottom the end of all our own
The Lord reminds us once again in me you'll find your home

Its Not By Might - Psalty

d-day

its just an army term. been up since 5.20..actually was rolling ard reluctant to even get up. even at this moment i'm still unpacked...hahas(packin kinda simple anyway). but ya just spent time with God even how reluctant I was hahas. Asked for grace and indeed thank God for the readings. wells this is it. today is the day. yesterday during the leaders meet, as i prayed and heard others pray, i am affirmed that it is His work altogether to do as He wills for the camp. was reading titus just now, and was reminded that the blessed hope for us (even christians) is the gospel. We can't forget the gospel. And I thank God for it daily. And in chpt three we are in need of grace to be meek unto all because we were children of disobedience once....yea prayin for tat even if the camp becomes a kids camp, I just let the Lord make it HIs camp. and yea i may be underestimating kids but I know we shd suffer them not to come to the Lord and I pray we don't be the hindrances but a tool in directin them to Christ. Christ is for all and we shd not package Him for young kids, teens, adults, God is no respector of man, He is fair to all(reminds me of the prodigal son's elder brother and how he said all I have is thine but we must be merry for your brother was lost but now is find and it just reminds us tat God loves everyone equally and we must not withold the joy in seeing others come to our father as well)

pray for this 3days, tat the Lord use us well and the devil not set foot on the church grounds and plant thoughts or deceive us. ok off to pack!

purpose in my heart...

revisited Dan 1:8-21. Daniel knowing who his God is purposed in his heart not to defile himself but made concrete measures in his life to stay "set-apart". He put into practice that good thing tat was revealed to him through God. So i spent the morning thinking, reading and just praying. Looking on my life, its not tat disciplined as it should(and i just came frm army?) and I see tat i never did like Daniel. ya i said i will. but concretely? Did i purpose it with God? many a times we just say say but we never do it, we say things of ppl, bks and stuff, but hv we talked to em(gave a chance to practice grace), read em(gave a chance to exercise wisdom and discernment) and stuff.

So ultimately wats the manual of my life? its not just bks written by many authors or bestsellers(i'm speaking of them christian bks) but ultimately I hold fast to the word revealed by God to me. The word tat i Hold. THE B.I.B.L.E. There can be many contemporary authors commenting on this bk and they can be powerful, but not as powerful as the bible is. and when it speaks, its inexhaustable just like it did today. Daniel did wat he knew pleased his master. So wat are u purposing in ur heart to do daily? I've made a purpose to wake up daily and practice spiritual disciplines. I know it sounds like its easy for me. BUt let me tell ya a secret, I've struggled with them. But for the past 2days, I've realised and God helped me realise tat i needed to buck up on this part of my life and its not just for the camp, but for my life. Its not abt me. Its abt God and He is helping me appreciate who He made for His purpose.

So how has the word spoken to ya today? How has Jesus the word(John 1) spoken to ya today? Let the word speak.

Word of GOd speak, pour down like rain...wash my eyes to see your majesty...

Word Of God Speak - Mercy Me

don't walk ard, stay on the altar..

Been reflectin this past few days, realised that someone aint happy that we're actually regrouping and actually puttin a firm hold on wat we stand upon. It seems tat he and his minions are slowly taking hold of many things. Discouragements, worries, and settling wat needs to be settled and ya gettin all busy and stuff. Then I was reminded, wat am I doin to prepare myself? How m I preparing the field for rain to fall? I may pt my finger the other way BUT i realised it has to start with me. It has to start with me daily for the nxt few days reli preparing myself to accept, to be gracious and to reli depend on Him to make the camp glorifying to HIM. And for me to be empowered to face the challenges ahead. Its not abt me. Just as it says in day 1, its not abt me, its all ABout God. (purpose driven life)

there is so much we can do, prepare, salvage or introduce, but how abt the ppl coming? Hv we reli considered or reli surrendered this whole camp to Him or its just say say only, I confess I hv not been faithful in this. I confess that I procrastinate in this and I struggle to do it becoz i get caught up with things....but is tat so? PROCRASTINATION IS A SIN....it will lead to idleness and then temptation and then sin.......

I've been toying with these thoughts, WE HAVE NOT LOVED THEE AS WE OUGHT. we hv not given everything as we ought. We have not laid ourselves on the altar as we ought. wells maybe we did one day, but we stood up again and walked again(if u get wat i mean, imagine a sacrifice on the altar standing up? Its the daily surrender, daily death to my ambitions, my expectations, my dreams, my goals. Its building that house on the rock and when the storm comes it'll not crumble. I think construction was on a standstill, and Joel Mohan ur right when u said procrastination and excuses. hahas. okok God ur just so good tat u send reminders and ppl and I know I hv to keep on building on you DAILY. Not a one off thing k. I'm writtin this here so I can remind myself time and time again. So tat i dun start walking off the altar again but just die to myself everyday.

How do I feel now? SERENE CHAOS. hahas. peaceful anxiety...knowing God is going to do something despite all the uncertainties and it says in Ps 37, delight urself in the Lord and He will grant the desires of my heart...wells honestly my desires? hahas its basically His isnt it? hehe ok lar. interesting How it says He will may it all come to pass and we shd just wait on Him...(vs5,6,7) Nothing to worry rite?

wells Ps 51:17, sacrifices of God are a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I know tat there is nothing I can do for this camp. I cant change mindsets, can't change ppl's hearts or tell them abt things tat amaze me because God hasn't opened their eyes. God has to do it. So i'm just leaving it in His hands. As much as I want to be in control, see things happen, its not up to me, or up to my ability becoz only God can do tat. so I entrust it to Him. everything. Its not only for this camp but every single day a sacrifice on the altar....tats wat God wants me to do, delight in Him daily.

Not I, but Christ - The Wilds Music

wats up?(just a short story)

i'm writting a critique about me. i think I know me yet i don't noe me. I see me in the mirror and I ask myself who is that person staring back at me? Do I know you or do you even know me? I analyse again with a thought of me in me....I ponder and wonder, compare and decipher, contrasting the many me's from times past and from times that should be.

Like how come I am giving excuses where I used to not give up and reli put my all into something i believes in. Where i'll be so devoted, so INTO it and not let anythin get in my way. Tat's me...or so I think abt me.

I couldn't care less wat others thought of me, or so I thought that of me, but deep within me it did matter becoz there is this little hint of an insecure me. A need to feel needed, a need to be somebody's impt someone or even a thing as long as it longed for me...

I felt contented with me, i knew me....

but little did I know....

what I thought I knew abt me, shocked me. Why can't I be the me I want to be. Why when I worked so hard everything seemed to crumble. I just can't do it, I just tremble at the thought of it all. Even when people remind me, people guide me and yet I just cant be able to make me do it. I know. I know. yet when it comes to the time to reli believe in me, i just say i cant...

it affected the whole of me...what's wrong with me? everything tat seems good for me becomes distorted......

I began to hate the face in the mirror, I began to loathe at every glance I made at me, I couldn't believe that I am me, how and why can I still stand here and cause everything tat has happened ard me...i know i've gone this far but why do i still hinder me from carryin on...

i was in a whirpool, I couldnt get out of it, I was being sucked in. All of me was diminishing slowly, I didn't know now wat would become of me. where was I? where am I? who am I? I kept tumbling down and down into this abyss not knowing where it'll end...will it end i wondered...

as I tumbled down, all of me was clinging to an unknown hope. I dunnoe wat made me think of it, i knew it. I know it. BUt i never believed it becoz I just cant believe it all....

i dunnoe which part of me uttered it, but I remember the words I said, "Take my life, and let it be, LORD!" Save me!...I can't take me anymore!

Like glass shattering, and the clanging of cymbals, a trumpet sounded and the abyss ended and light flooded the darkness. I fell in the arms of a man and He shone so brightly that I had to hide my eyes beneath His glorious wings. He set me down and I dare not look up becoz knowing me, I didn't deserve this. And he said,"Fear not my child. for you are mine. You may not know who you are, but I know you. I have searched you and tried you, I know your downsitting and uprising, even to the strands on your head. From the moment you were conceived, I knew you. And now I call you to be mine and acclaim to all that it was never about you. You have lived your life following the path everyone is treading and now I call you to a narrow and difficult path, you may doubt me, yourself or even the people you will serve but I am with you always. And nothing can separate you from my presence."

He reached out His hand and touched my lips, and he reached for my heart, and breathed new life in it. It was beating and new blood was flowing. It wasn't mine. It wasn't me. IT was Him. He was in me!

Tears overflowed and i couldn't lift my face from the ground as I could still sense His presence, yet when I lifted my face, He was gone yet He was still there. Where? I could sense Him, I could feel Him, I placed my hand on my chest, and there he was in the deepest chambers of my heart. He is encompassed me with His never ending embrace.

I took tat step and never looked back. All the hate before has turned to praise for I have been fearfully and wonderfully made, for He has searched me and tried me and knows my downsitting and uprising and that I cant escape His presence even to the deepest darkest depths of Hell He is there, just like He did when I was saved...

Now as I a look at me, I dun bother abt who I see, becoz I only wanna see Him in me. It's no more abt me or about that person nxt to me or the other person I know who walks with me, for they are just like me, but its all abt Him. And the mirror is His word that i hid in my heart tat as I walk this life, ppl dun see me, but Him in me. I pray Lord you be glorified, not me. Tat a sinner saved by grace wants to see you be glorified more than Him. That more sinners see that in the darkest deepest and most upsetting of times, He is tat light setting sinners like me free! and I carry on working out my salvation in fear and trembling.....


Found this song. Remembering the times I loved and am still in love with psalty kids praise and How I thank God tat I grew up with this songs. (they were cassette tapes and I recall how we looked for every tape produced. Amen praise the Lord!)

__________

i dunnoe how to title this post. Probably just keep it blank just for the sake of it.

I dunnoe why I fear to come to this place to jot down my thoughts and reflections and points of view. I dunnoe why it becomes scary sharing lifes' journey. We are only scared when we are in the dark, but in the light, everything is revealed and there is no worry or fear. For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind.(frm 2tim1:7) therefore why do i fear writting this now?

I was just readin eph5 and this 2 verses spoke up or pretty much describes wat i'm feeling,
5:12

For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

5:13

But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.

in the previous verses it was mainly imperatives by Paul to the ephesians, Namely wat a child of God shd be.(put in its simplest of terms. not gonna go through it but go straight to it)

Why this 2verses speak is becoz if shame and guilt come in, it means I hv sinned. Or am in sin and am too ashamed to even speak of the disgust of my very own actions. Its natural to be ashamed of the things tat weigh us down. Ashamed at the filth tat we've been gone through or am goin through. But ok pardon at the gravity of the words. But sometimes why we hide away our lives frm the light that has lifted us away frm this darkness is because of? Sin. If we are walking in the light nothing shd be hidden even so the Light will reprove it.

i just wanna come clean. wells i did mention in one of my posts abt this thing tat has affected my life. Quoting frm the post "i;ll just pen this down" "Also during this age I was introduced to pornography. Dirty shows. Degrading shows which I know has corrupted this mind of mine. I can say blame it on my brother and his frens for coming over to our place to watch it. It was to me at that age interesting. I was wondering what was that all about. And honestly sometimes I wish that I hadnt been exposed to it(i'll explain when the time comes)."

I guess the time is now. It says in Eph 5:8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:

Like the evangebracelet, light has no part in darkness, and I thank God i'm declaring war on darkness. I know some of us boys/men/guys or even gals dun reli like this topic I'm declaring war on. Becoz the word itself brings out this defense mechanism or maybe this nah i dun do it all the time, or maybe like PORN er why ya talkin abt tat...tats taboo...or oh no tat subject again. We become uneasy, uncomfortable, queasy, so best way to avoid this unpleasantness is bury it deep(but warn ya my fren if ya bury it and keep it in the dark, you're nourishing and incubating it to have a stranglehold in your life) and maybe some would say Never in a million years would it control me. BUt I thank God for those of you who have not been afflicted or aren't facing this dark cloud for preserving you. But I urge u dun get curious, dun be deceived nor be fooled tat what P(for convenience sake) portrays is REALITY. Just like Paul Urges in Eph5:3-5 let fornication and all uncleanness... not be named among you, or to be put into a more formal term let this WILFUL INDULGENCE not be named among u.

BUt if u're like me struggling and warring against this very cloud tat covers the gracious rays of Light tat shine on us so abundantly, do not be disheartened tat u will not inherit God's Kingdom nor will u be in a lesser standing then those who arent covered in this cloud because since we are children of Light all things tat are reproved are under light through our Lord Jesus and this LIght is the redeeming saving power of the Cross. Rather than speak of us being the victims of P, let us be victors as we share our hidden burdens to one another and be brother's keepers out of love rather than judge one another and go eeeeyer.

If we look at it, we thank God for making us sexual beings, for making us desire women(AMEN) and for creating sex(yes he did create tat which many think are sinful and I say it's not and I thank God He has assured me its not and we are meant to enjoy it), but becoz of sin we hv this perverted view of it and say it is unholy. What P reli is and it comes along with the M(hmmm how do i put this but if u can link it good enough but this moment i'll put it along as fantasising) is basically man's way of coveting tat which do not hv. Because sex is meant for those in marriage. And tat is without qn because sex and marriage was made during the perfect world before sin came.

So i wanna say it openly, I struggle with purity in my life. And though I am ashamed tat I fell tat i'm ashamed to even speak of it, and its saddening to hear, but I must burn the bridges tat lead me to this shame. And know that the work of the Cross is enough, the fact christ beared it all is everything. Which means not making pledges or sayin i wont do it again because lest we be called out of the light we who were dead will be given light(because if we're in the dark and are dead wat can we do?). Jesus is tat light. Its His power tat can make us stand strong. Now I'm not sayin or I pray I'm not giving the idea tat its ok to sin. NO its not ok. God is saddened at the fact His child is still walkin in the dark and not realising the light he is in, wat i'm sayin is to acknowledge it and embrace the light. Let the light reveal tat which is in the dark and be free. So make war. Declare war. wells it doesnt mean u do it like me but i pray you who is strugglin, let not those voices speak to u and say u r unworthy of Him, because He is always ready to forgive. Always. and tonight is gonna be when I'll praise Him for its a long time waitin to say this and deal with this.

and i thank God for sending ppl, and circumstances and healing in my life.

Never forget the power of your testimony. though u may think ur story is nothing compared to other ppl, you are His creation, His story to show how great He is in your life. you may hv said a sinners prayer, you may hv reaffirmed your faith, you may have been baptised or may hv accepted some persons bracelet or story in ur life. But it doesnt end there. Everyday is the same process of acknowledging who He is and by living it out. He is blessing u, He is talking to you, He is reaching out, He is doin so much for you, but have u sat down and reli thanked Him? or hv u read the words He wants to say to u? How have u kept this relationship goin? We are so blessed with many things yet we are not grateful at how gracious He is in everything. Take time to be Holy.

this past few days i've been reli reli caught up with laziness, tat only now thank God i'm workin. and in a mths time I'll be reli working. got the teaching thing at NIE, thank God for it, esp in times where the economy seems like shambles, thank God for jobs and for this door. As for KC, kuya, i want to go, but it seems like i may not coz of this job. But if the door is shut we know for sure tat the door between you and me isnt till it reli is. But yea gonna pray for tat. Miss ya. and for camp prep it seems tat God is reli merciful and gracious. thurs gonna work with some of the com on the bklet and other things, and thank GOd i'm talkin with Sujay and the games. gonna talk more with him this fri. looking forward to dec. and there is rumour i'm goin to philippines in dec after christmas...hmmmm. kp ya all updated.

anyway i stumbled on this song...i guess let that passion for christ help us walk in the light as children of God. though we may not hv the courage to step out of the darkness don't ignore the light tat is shining on you...let it show you that there is nothing to fear.

.

How's your love life?

my first new wk away from regimentation. Still cant get my computer to work. Or more like I just gave up on tat fella. So I was pestered by someone to type somethin since i'm not reli doin anythin. and i intended to wake up at 6 today and exercise, but i guess the bed was reli comfortable. anyway i'll make up with salsa at 7.30 later. hahas.

anyway interestin title aye? How's your love life? its a valid qn too.

I can ask it in many different ways yet, the first thing i noe tat would come most of ya, love life? You mean between me and a significant other? Me and THE ONE. Wells if you think it that way, ok good. Coz ur interested in my earthly matters. But watabt my other love life? With the Significant One? Have you ever wondered if its fine?

ANd I pose this qn not only to myself but to others as well. How's your love life with God? Do you even have one in the first place? And if this thing abt a love life with God unsettles u or confuses you, and ur thinking wat in the world am I talking abt, How can this God who is so holy and mighty be so personal?

The answer is simple, because He is. Because He wants to. He's reaching out. Has always been reaching out. Frm the first man till now, It was never reli abt us but Him.

The relationships we have are mirrors of the beauty of the relationship we can have with a King, Saviour, Lord and friend.

Am I just sayin this out of my own words? Hmmm, wells the Bible does say somethin abt a Love relationship with Him. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

If He didn't first love us we wont be able to Love Him. It's His love that compels us to this relationship. This love life. But to love Him? What's tat suppose to mean?

John 15:10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

Keeping His commandments. Obedience. TOugh right? Coz we know we're not faithful to this love life. We are adulterers in our own ways. Because our old flesh seems to over power the spirit in us. But is tat always so? Is it not that because of the cross He has overcome death? And that the shackles of sin which we were once bound were broken because of His death on the cross? So is it valid to say such things? No. If we keep on sayin I'm weak I'm weak, its like telling Jesus our Lord and saviour, I dun believe you are my strength to overcome my difficulties in life.

He showed the example of a love relationship with His father. Obedience to the pt of death on the cross. He died for us. It showed the ultimate act of Love that our Father in heaven has done. Ur life, ur salvation is more impt than His son.

So how is ur love life? What hinders that from flourishing? How are u abiding in His love if u dun keep his commandments? If u dun abide in Him?

We always wanna be tat perfect person for tat someone who is on earth, who just like you and I will one day die, but are we trustin in Him to make us that perfect person for Him who is the same yesterday today and forever?

I'm not sayin my love life is perfect. I'm not sayin I hv the answers.

How do we know how to keep such a relationship if we dun read His love letter, dun talk to Him, dun think of Him, dun spend time with Him. We can set time with those ppl on earth but God? whom we shd give our all, we devote maybe just a sunday or a saturday?

So how's your love life? I'm thinkin of tat too. How is my love life, because just as it said in
matt 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.' This relationship demands our priority, it demands our first as everythin else is secondary and over time will be added unto you. And if u are not in this relationship or want to have it, just ask. He has always been wanting to Love you. And it doesn't end by just accepting in word, its a life long process of melting u in His furnace to become the lover who'll enjoy Him forever...

So HOw's your love life? I'm working on it!

How

1yr 10mths u were always there...

its another close to a chapter. another piece in this big puzzle tats been laid out for me. this will always be a tagline in my blog....

i just glanced through my previous entries a yr back and i realised wow. Who is tat guy talkin there? Who is that person always so cool abt things happening ard him and the confidence he has in his God? And why is his outlook always so positive? What makes him say those things?

1yr 10mths. What a transition, what a phase in life, what a walk with my God!

I'm still in a reflective mood. Cant stop thanking God for everything He has done for me in this chapter of my life. Of the ppl i've met along the way. Of the grace that I've experienced. Of the ability to serve in the church during this time of busy-ness. Honestly I owe it all to His grace than anything. Its not tat I deserve it but seeing that He has granted the requests I hv desired in my heart, that I wanna hold on to Him forever.

Hai. Cant believe its over. Cant believe it. But ya its finally over.

So how does it feel to be normal?
I do wonder what is normal? Does it mean being in charge of my life? Being able to be away frm systems, protocols, routine? Honestly I dunnoe. a part of me doesnt want it to end. yet a part of me accepts that though its the end of service of my full-time stint, its the beginning of another phase in the defence of this nation...

ok i'm reli being random now but yea. its just amazing. Tats the only word i can think of. Amazing.

So wats nxt? For the moment its finishing this yr. esp in the youth ministry. i reli thank God for wat he has done for the youth ministry this year. You never left us though many ppl have left. and yea i'm looking forward to this period of uncertainty. I'm also waiting for the interview results for my teaching thing. shd i look for a job? wells maybe maybe not. anyway i just wanna say thank you Lord.

I wish i could hv written it in more detail(and coherence) but i just cant seem to piece em all together. These memories will always remind me of a time when you were so close. Even the grace of allowing me to visit my spiritual heritage near the end of this journey is reli epic! I'm amazed that you a God so holy, would do this just for me...

I thank you and praise you! U were always there. Frm 13th Jan 2007 till 12th Nov 2008. You were there. I love you! I cherish you. And I cant thank you enough for all this.

And as I look on, in your time lord!

You have shown me Lord for this past yr and 10mths that you do indeed make all things beautiful even me Lord. And I thank you for the work you're doing in me. And I know this blessing wont stop here. In your time a beautiful thing will happen in the lives of others and I know I must kp sharing this joy with em and pt them to the source of all this joy. The Joy of being in Him, the joy of being a soldier, slave for Him. and you hv indeed kept your word you've given me. Ps32:8. In your time Lord. In your time.

I wish i could put a pic. But yea. till nxt time.

com's in a fix

ok i'm not reli using my pc now, using my bros so apparently my computer broke down, think the hardisks are corrupted or something, so tats sorta holding me up right now frm uploadin pics and finishing up some stuff...tsk. how infuriating tat it cant even repair itself. hahas. easiest is to just re-install windows but means re-installing other things...but oh wells.

anyway will put carry on with other things later once my com's better. it could be a bug could be anythin...i dunnoe tsk...

till nxt time lar  i guess. 

a wk on...

I cant believe how the new puzzle is slowly coming to place. I can't believe that there are ppl in this tgt with me yet it'll take alot of convincing(not tat i'm selling some new thing or wat but to make them trust the Lord more than in me) and prayer for the rest of the things to fall into place.

anyway wanted to say a wk on frm my philippines trip and it seems like yesterday since I've returned. What has changed, what has happened so far? Have I changed? Have I done wat I'm supposed to?

wells the Lord reminded me of who I reli am. or more like the Lord showed me tat i cant keep sitting ard idling away and expect things to happen. Its more get off your bum, start doin and fill ur mind with the right things bro...

burning bridges, building up defenses, strengthening the mind and suffering the flesh. ok all so figurative but truthfully in this walk of faith we must trust that in what we want(as long as its in line with God's will) we know He is watching over it and it's Him tat is completing the work in us but it doesnt mean we lie ard doin nth coz tats not biblical(correct me if i'm wrong). coz its the same as sayin this and tat abt somethin yet ur not involved and not doin anythin so does ur sayin hv any value? 

and i'm reminded in james tat we shdn't be hearers but doers of the word lest we deceive ourselves. Practical no? hehe

anyway thoughts of my SG are coming back again. Kuya Mark tat chat reli lar....like dat lar....hai i wanna connect with you guys again. But oh wells i'm getting busy with the youth stuff dito tat how i wish wat i saw sa lcdc can be replicated here. But here's the reality tat I am reminded time and time again. 1. culture 2. upbringing and 3. priorities...haiya dun wanna compare but wat to do. and a.karis wat u said wat if ppl dun wanna hear wat i hv to say? 

anyway hv to contextualize it here to the culture and stuff. anyways i reli miss the philippines. but we must press on. we must becoz if we keep looking back, i just recall lot's wife....

i still cant thank God enough. He is good. and i treasure every opportunity you give me Lord. and Kuya mark. grabe. :) 

anyway as i look ahead, i got a youth outreach nxt sat, my baptismal on sunday(grabe my testimony took a page and a half in the newsline...) but oh wells maybe put it here tomolo. 

i'm thinkin of you guys.....haiz. ANd I thank God for it. wondering how u all are doin! pipz, emie, irene, k.mark, a.karis, kevin... good memories are a gift! bad memories make u remember His grace. Memories are His way of telling us I was there all along!

Admiring God's creations

sayang i din bring my cam today or i would hv put a pic of wat i saw today that spurred me to write this. oh ya i found this at google images.

when I saw this creature at the night safari i was like pretty amazed at how small this creature was. Esp its legs. The loook so small that my dad was commenting its proportion is abit wrong. But i admired the design. I was thinking who could hv thought of a design like this. And there I was remembering God creating every creature on the land and how he said it was very good. I can only imagine how happy He was. But He was and is.

God is reli purposeful in his creation, nothin can reli happen without someone thinkin of the creatures functions thoroughly? Like we cant say all of a sudden I wanna eat through my nose because I want to be a superior species because we're not meant to although it can still lead to the gullet, we're not designed that way. And although we may hv similar designs to our ape frens, one thing tat wasnt built into em was this, they werent made in the image of God and they weren't given a soul. wells we can carry on with this argument but ya i thank God for creating these creatures(all em in night safari) to remind us of who He is.

anyway tats just somethin i wanna say here. hehe.

sidetrack:

The cost of discipleship?

if it means putting aside feelings and emotions

if it means putting God first in everything

Would you actually do it?

Committing everything to Him and not turning back

A gamble? or an investment?

There is no guarantee or security in the things on this earth

But a promise of an eternal life

Not the kind of life where we keep burning again and again

or a life where its a second earth with all the earthly things

but a life thats beyond anything on earth

where there'll be singing and worship and enjoying Him

so what does it cost to be a disciple of christ?

It cost Him His life on a a tree

What about you?

Will you give your life just like Him

was just thinking of our talk just now. was thinking its best if God's in the center. seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all this things shall be added unto you and that we don't hv to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself because there is enough trouble today(ok if i misquoted correct me but its frm matt 6:33-34) and yea reli everythin else will be added...wat a promise and I'm thankful you do see it that way too because its not reli about you and me. ok will end na here. God's good. 

Through the valley of Baca...

Anyway was crackin my brain for the past days since camp ended how am i gonna write all this because as I'm recalling events in camp, i've been moving forward in puttin my realisations into place(thank GOd of course). But oh wells it doesnt hurt just to mention my lil journey through the dessert and into the wells and pouring of the rains.

To summarise everythin that happened in the past 10 days, i would say its a blessing only God can give. Looking how everythin fell into place and the people who are placed in my path to journey in this life is reli a gift only God can give. How do I say it? Wells Ps 84:5-6 explains it the best.

[5] Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; in whose heart are the ways of them.
[6] Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools.

LCDC Camp, The Lord's Garden, Calamba Laguna 23rd-29th October 2008.

Nothing happens by coincidence. Nothing happens by chance. And this I am assured when I met this person at camp.

Honestly coming to this camp I really had no prior knowledge of anything. Like who'll I meet, wat will I expect or watever. And never did I expect to bump into Kuya Mark. We've got history. Surprising to know that I forgot about him till I saw him on that fine day. And GOd is such a wonderful God that He can send the right person for ya at the right moment. So its kinda a reminder that even in uncertainties, trust is the key here. Because HE will provide. Like He did for K.Mark to help me in my journey in LCDC and beyond-how the beyond will work, wells I know he has left his door open and its up to me to walk in every now and then because in some way he is an answered prayer.

And honestly so are my sg mates
Till today I can't reli get them out of my head. How I grew affectionate for my lil bros pipz and kevin. Miss them both. Especially the doin everythin together bit. Even though I had probs with my own language(tagalog), I thank God for just being able to communicate with em and share moments tgt. As for the gals(Irene andEmie), never reli had times of interaction or reli gettin to know who they are, but it didn't matter coz when our sg gets together for games and stuff, we may be dull or dead but once we're on song. Make way ppl SG6 is on the roll. Especially tat finger game! Miss it when A.Karis who surprisingly is pretty mischievious in such games. But yea knowing all of ya just makes me see how amazing it is tat we all came frm different parts, Quezon City, Cavite, Mindorro, Las Pinas city(ok m relyin on the contact sheet for this) and singapore. Its amazing how it seems our main purpose was to separate. Profound? hahas. I guess wat we'll carry are just pieces of each other in our lives whom we'll use to bless others as we've been bless with the company of each other

Special mention to my bunkmates from CELL DE UNO!!!! probably the most hip bunk in the whole of the Lords Garden. HEHE. BUt reli I enjoyed our cabin devotions and sharings and how we wanted to keep awake especially on the last day to just hear one another out(but i was reli zonked out). Then there was K.Mark who'd like trick late comers to sing-only happened once but soon after it was common understanding. Poor cesar fell for tat on the first day(i'm reli blessed by this(cesar) person's life. Shows how God's unconditional love to all. I underline tat highlight watever to ALL, its not limited its to all for all and its whether we respond to it or not.) but in the end wat our cell had was somethin tat i wont trade for anythin. How accepting we were to each other and how durin big events we'd ask each other for help. All applause for CELL DE UNO!



I just miss em. But back to reality JUST.

A camp is basically a reality away from reality. I can say I wish i lived there for the rest of my life where daily we will sing praises and worship. Enjoy the company. But thats not what God wants anyway becoz we're meant to be in the world yet not part of it. To be salt and lights wherever we are.

Anyway its amazing how the journey after LCDC would be. That's why i reli do appreciate this camp v.much for the final challenge where it "rocks" your world.

So I'm here and they are there. Its natural to forget, natural to just not want to put that extra effort and step out of comfort. Its natural. But I'm prayin that I will not forget. And I reli want to stay in touch even if they are so far. Like they'll all say, INGATZ...hehe.

Phil 1:3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

And I'd say its reli God's grace that He will preserve our relationships, be it afar off or closeby. And I'm relatin this both to here and back there in pinas....Its a gift.

the theme song...it still is stuck in my head. But thank GOd!

i'm back!

wells i'm back home. all i can say thank GOd. And u noe wat, the only sad thing is tat i lost my sim card or i just cant find it. Gotta go back to camp later and do my medical. Bkout then start updatin wat happened this past few days...

the debutant

i din noe we had such traditions. Esp for gals here to hold an 18th birthday party as such. Thanks to tito deo i got a taste of the culture of my ppl. I wondered as I sat at the table, "how did i get myself into this party?" BUt nonetheless I thank God tat I was able to meet up with tito Deo's family. His wife and children. Met up with Che Che's family. Dint meet che che in singapore, but oh wells, i'm wondering if i grow up would i do somethin like tat for my child?

THen tito deo shed some light on tat topic. Last night he reli told me his feeling abt the party tat wats the pt of doin tat? Its nothing. So much money yet its nothin if u dun have God. He told me his experiences abroad how temptations set in. He told me how he cried every night to God. He said he earned quite a sum of money, yet the problems set by it were too much. He was away frm family, and his one desire was God. He wants God and his family. I can sense the joy. HE said even though he isnt rich, his riches in heaven are greater and eternal.

a simple man and i thank God for him. And pray the Lord keep watch over him and bless him and his family.

He did tell me tat his daughter did have somethin like tat. A big party, but she decided to hold it in church. Tito deo cooked for everyone. He said there was alot of food and the Pastor also preached in the party. and i was like wow. He said the daughter's plan was for her friends to know Jesus.

i took a step back and thought, wow. in our lives how hv we shown the preciousness of Jesus in our lives? At the back of the tricycle he began singing "i love to tell the story!" and i just sang together with him. wow. wat a joy it was. he even encouraged me to keep prayin for my bros as I told him how I wished my brothers knew christ. as in reli trusted Him and given Him their lives. tat was somethin.

Tito Deo,"with God no worry."

anyway i wondered if tat girl was reli happy on her 18th birthday.

wells wat a testimony was Tito Deo. and I know he is happy.

as for me, wells thank God for His grace and mercy. reli. was listening to this sermons by Pastor AL martin. Thank God. How we need to be strengthened daily by his grace.

oh wells shall leave it here now. hahas

frm the phili

i recall the last time i blogged abt philippines. Anyway here I am in the land I come from. Somethings here only happen in the philippines. Intended to actually put pics on but i brought the wrong cord.

Spent most of my time with tito Deo these past 2 days. He took me to many places in Manila. And he was shocked that I havent been to some places a filipino shd be and know. Wells he showed me the "poor" areas of philippines and a place that looked like a night market in taiwan. Seeing wat i saw, the only word i can find is this, contentment. Tito Deo is a special guy. Just walkin beside him and talkin with Him, even though I know he finds it difficult speakin to me, He is so full of joy. Simple, kind and has a heart. THank God for Tito Deo. Anyway Tito Nonoy has been pretty busy the past 2 days. They are reli an accomodating bunch of ppl. Even typin this on Jobel's laptop is reli somethin. How blessed are they. Its the pinoy spirit i guess. The hospitality and all. And I dun want tat to die in me becoz its just pinoy to do so. We shdn't worry just like tito Deo says. We have more treasures in Heaven than here. So help as much as you can. And as I think yea. Even when u noe ppl can fail you just help.

wells been spendin some time with Him in my lil comfortable guest room. Haha. Solitude. And just thinkin of things. Cant wait to go to tat camp.

you may think there is no system in philippines? wells just call it systematic chaos. And jeepney rides are comfortable and ya nice. And once you're familiar with the sytem its not reli a problem to go frm place to place. OH wells will try to update as much as the days go by. Must think of pasalubong for the ppl back there...oh wells gonna snooze before i'm goin out for dinner with Deo and Family.

I'm in love!

i'm hrs before flyin off. WElls my itinerary for the wk is 3 days of goin round the city or other areas, visiting, sight seeing etc. Then starts i guess the LDC camp. HOnestly I'm going with actually no expectations in mind but with one just coming to seek and find. And I'm not sure who I'll meet what will happen. But yea I just told myself that I just need a break. Maybe that's the only expectation. Seeking for that somethin that I cant find.

Anyway that aside, today's msg was into the love of God. The words spoken today just reached and stirred me to actually write this. As I was listening I was thinkin of the many "loves" I have the many desires I want, the many lusts I want. Yet this one line stuck out today. The fact God sent His son to die shows that above everything else our salvation is more impt than anything! Sometimes we do take this love for granted. We begin searching for the love that changes every now and then. A love that fails. Love which has conditions and expectations. A love that betrays and is selfish. A love that isn't patient. A love that is not opened and free. A love that isn't giving but taking. A love that rejoices being in the dark. A love that is so full of guilt and weary.

Silly why I said all that. Its so obvious isnt it? But I still wonder why do we pursue a love thats just ordinary and only extends within my own boundaries? I admit I was once snared by it. Trapped and lost I thought that was the end of my journey in love. But the love I've experienced and I'm in now isnt the one's you can pick up in the bookstore. Its not abt etiquette or being well mannered. It's the sudden realisation that the love in this world is futile. It cant give that which lasts forever...

we all know. That which lives in our hearts will always keep reminding us. Yet its sad that many ignore it to the pt we grow numb from it. Reminds me of wat Paul said to the thessolonians... Quench not the spirit. I know what it feels to quench it. To compromise and say its ok. A lil bit longer. A lil bit longer. I'll pray. I'll do anythin but that....we all know too well don't we? The warning signs are all around us. BUt still many just take the drop.

And I guess the qn we all hv to struggle with is where is your heart? Who holds the keys to your heart? We know the answer yet we dont do it. And I guess many a times when we say God is speaking, we just say it becoz we felt the stirring of the spirit. But in the end wat do u do abt it that matters. In james it does say be ye doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. Live it. Do it. Simple? For some yes, others or shd i say many its mainly no.(silly coz even in our daily lives, such as my past year and 10mths wearing the green its all abt walking the talk. Especially when u r put in a position to lead and teach but why in matters that will take us to eternity its another story...)

I'm in love. And I know there are times when I've been unfaithful. Putting other things on top either than Loving Him. Jesus. (stewardship lesson just now) its somethin i'm workin on and not take for granted this gift.

Anyway one thing I learnt this year is this, people change. People can disappoint. People can fail you. And people can hurt. But after all that, I still thank the Lord for the trials that come my way.

okok shall stop. I wonder in 10days wat can change? Even if it does I'm certain that the Love that covers us all will never change, yesterday today forever!

i'll just pen this down...

many people think that i'm just some mr "righteous" as experienced today. ANd I was thinkin wats bad abt doin wats right? Am I uncool tat I seem like so law abiding? SO upfront in your face goody goody boy? Wells apparently I feel that you guys can do bad better. (I say this in a matter of fact tone because I know during ur age I was much worse then u guys)

where do i begin?

when i was younger I believe thats where my double life began. I guess some ppl do noe abt me during primary sch I was a real hooligan. From the ages of P2-P3 I was like a mini warlord in my pri sch. Though my grades din suffer or anythin but despite coming from a christian background I just lived my life fightin for the fun of it. I rem getting caught for leaving the sch premise just to buy "capteh" during curriculum time. I even remember beatin this guy up and throwing a cupboard on top of him after sch. But I suppose the limit came when I was fightin in class during lesson time. The teacher was teaching and I was rolling on the ground. But that all ended when I was transfered to the first class of tat pri sch. I had found 2 friends. Good friends. And I think its by God's grace that I went to that class. From a hooligan I ended up becoming a prefect for the remainder of my yrs at that sch. I was "good" by ppls standards. But suffice to know that during this period I was in the discovering age. I picked up smoking for 2wks as I saw my elder bro doin it. Dun rem how many times i've tasted that deathstick during that period of time. But thank God i wasnt hooked because my mom found my brother out and soon enough supply was curbed. Also during this age I was introduced to pornography. Dirty shows. Degrading shows which I know has corrupted this mind of mine.

I can say blame it on my brother and his frens for coming over to our place to watch it. It was to me at that age interesting. I was wondering what was that all about. And honestly sometimes I wish that I hadnt been exposed to it(i'll explain when the time comes).

Anyway tat was one side of the picture(outside church) in church I was a gd boy. Unknown to many, I was singin in kids church had lotsa church frens, always had the head knowledge of Jesus and His disciples, was in boys brigade(even was squad leader by the time I was 11). I only knew the bible like bed time stories. It never meant more than anything. Memorising verses, Knowing the books of the bible, knowing all the names of God Had no meaning but a means to show how smart I am. That I know all this. I wore the name christian in church but outside of that, in my past time etc, I was just like anyone in this world.

Pretty much this continued till I went to sec sch. I worshpped in church. Sang praises to God but at home I was listening to music that cursed every few seconds and talked abt violence. One group I followed because of its sad lyrics talking abt the meaningless of life and how your life fades. I was attracted to it. Even the screaming and shoutings of one band attracted me so much tat i got "lost" in it.

Now coming to my sec sch years, I think this dual life syndrome was v.evident in sec sch. And it so happened that I fell in love secretly with this gal. Parents din noe but suspected it. I was still attending church and sunday sch like no one's business not knowing reli applyin the headknowledge into the heart. I was compromising. I was living in my own world for my own selfish desires. And the object of my love became an object of my lust that to this day I still thank God tat i din go beyond. I look back and realised that it was reli grace.

Anyway I would love to carry on but I think I'll jsut stop here. Shall pen it down another time. Honestly I dun think I'm reli dat good or perfect. I was reli foolish when I was young. Smart in my own ways. BUt God is reli amazing that He still saved a wretch like. Even though I feel abit infuriated with that comment it saddens me that many still live on borrowed faith. Not realising how gracious God is to them(like me before). Because like them when I was their age I thought I was alright. I thought it was ok. Just close eye here a lil bit. But bit by bit I could have lost more. BUt thank God that He restrained me. Taught me. And even now I do struggle with sins of my past. I daily pray for that continual hope that I'll be cured and free(because he's changing me). I still feel that I m the worse ard. So ya I'm not as good as u think. I'm still the sinner saved by grace. But everyday I know that if christ is the center of my life which I know He is. I am a new creature. Old things are pass away behold all things are become new. 2cor 5:17. And I believe that I m not who I was before. The things tat I like before I am not fond of anymore. I know my one desire. Its not to read the bible in a year. Its not to be more wise, but ultimately my one desire is to build on the relationship i have with my Lord.

amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...

*whirrring sound*

ok ignore the titles coz reli i am running out of title names. Hahas. BUt reli there is this whirring sound frm the com tats ya noisy. ok nvm.

anyway i just wanna say tat in all the difficulties we've been through, and serving, we must remember that it is a privellege. That even when we think we are the only one's labouring, its such a joy to know how the Lord is blessing others in His work.Wells this i learnt last wk during the Sunday School retreat. 

God owe's us nothing. We owe Him more than anythin. But truly one thing tat struck me today was that we are not indispensible. We are mere vessels for His use. We are just another tool in His plan. So wat makes us think we are v.impt? God uses anyone He choses. And this I have learnt many times. And i guess rather than feel so down becoz of the turn of events, we gotta just be steadfast and unmovable becoz we have the Lord behind us. It hasnt failed. The Lord never fails. So why do we feel discouraged? BUt rather we thank God for times like this to see how real He is.

I suppose wat we all lack these days is grace. Is placin trust and hope in ppl. I know for certain tat we all arent on the same level of maturity nor do we hv the same stds as others. ANd its sad to see tat we expect ppl to be on the same lvl as us. And becoz of tat we say we cant associate with em? I know i hv this prob. Esp with my bros. BUt if Jesus did tat oh boy. WE would nv have access to salvation at all. Many a times it shocked ppl to see Jesus hangin out with sinners. Ppl were puzzled why He bothered. ANd we all know the reason yet why doesnt our lives show it? Rather then look at others why not look at the mirror and see if u see christ there? We ought to reflect Him. Sometimes it starts with us.

Rather than becomin ppl who bring peace we are more of like policemen, no different frm the pharisees. Yes full of zeal but for wat purpose? But wat then of the christians in acts? Where is the love we hv for others? The love christ had for the lost? The love we show in correcting others? Rather than bitch, gossip, complain and comment why dun we just teach it, live it. But out of love. Because if its not out of love then wats the pt?

oh wells i guess i've gotta be resolved in all this. BE certain and sure. And i need God's strength and wisdom in all this. even as it seems tat we're at wits end. But we gotta endure. I dun believe its time to leave this ministry. But I know if I want to the Lord will pave the way. BUt this is between me and God. And it may seem tat learning of elijah's story The Lord did pave the way for him.

so wats in it for me? I just gotta be thankful that He is using me and its reli a privellege that a God who is just so amazing tat even w0rds cant describe uses ppl like me. ANd reli to seek HIm while He is near and with all my Heart.

but yea lets jsut finish this year. and not be fearful of the obstacles becoz only through tat will we see God at work.

*machine sound*

hahas seems like i'm running out of title names. Anyway just wanna say that i thank God for seeing me through to this day. as i look back and wonder. hahas its amazing i can write it down here. yea. I'll keep it at tat for now. hehe. i'll probably say more laters...

it's really not abt me...

Lord sometimes its just so easy to give up right now. When things just seem so uncertain and so ya cluttered, clouded and just so frustrating. Even when i did my outburst in the name of fun and all i guess there was a tinge of the feelings tat's inside and suppressed. BUt m i here to justify them? Or shd I say I shd feel this way? THat its my entitlement and that I deserve it? its normal to feel this way- this i accept.

its not the first time I've seen such things nor is it the first time i've heard of all this but amazingly sometimes I myself don't understand why don't I react so big and make a big deal out of it? Is it because I don't care or wat? Wells sometimes when u choose to care ppl will brush u aside because u don't know them too well or because of wat they think of you. I think its more of the latter.

all this compare and contrast, all this comments all this bad mouthing and gossiping and saying who's right who's wrong and this i cant trust you, you're not genuine, you're not biblical, everything must be Godly, this is not glorifying, its false teaching, you're not capable, you're speaking untruths, i talk behind your back and smile in front of you bla bla bla bla....and the list goes on.

wells honestly who'd wanna be in a place where there is so much of this? who'd wanna be in a place where it seems so "lifeless" so hostile and where ppl cant be contented and thankful and appreciative. thank God ppl are starting to realise and wanna do and give rather than just keep taking and expecting something to be done for em.

i bet the devil and all his minions are so pleased to see such things happen and they dun even have to intervene or become obstacles because after all the obstacles are ourselves!

sometimes its just easier to just forget abt it. so much easier to just run from this. then again at the back of all this thoughts and frustrations and unhappiness, I think and remember My Lord Jesus.

in the face of death and opposition, He didn't exert His right over them nor did He ask God the father to destroy them, He humbled and submitted Himself to the will of the Father. Even when ppl were mocking him and bad mouthing Him, as He hung Christ just prayed for them c.f luke 23:34....

and paul nicely puts the attitude Christ had, he just humbled himself even though he was equal with God He chose not to show it. Phil 2. And paul urges that we put the mind of christ. Practice it because He is the example. Not some commentary some guy wrote or some pastor or the elder or that brother who gives a v.good testimony or is so active in the ministry or can sing v.well for the choir nor is it anyone else but Christ. If we look at men we can be assured of one thing. They'll fail. BUt if we look upon Jesus, the perfect man, the son of God who was blameless and sinless and obeyed the Father till death, what's there to be frustrated abt because everything is in His hands and in His control.

*STOP*

wells to put it simply. this situation seems like a giant that we have to face whether we like it or not. and unless we stay stedfast unmovable in the lord our labour is not in vain. 1cor 15:58

and yea i guess in all things we have to thank God. That now we realise we need him more. and now is the time to exercise our faith that indeed God you will turn things around. That indeed you will be glorified not me.Not the perfect planning nor anythin tat I've done. That ppl will see that it was you who in your own time and with abundant mercy and grace have shown favour to your beloved...as echoed in your psalm.

Ps.13[1] How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?[2] How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?[3] Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;[4] Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.[5] But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.[6] I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

a day of feeling guilt and shame is enough to feel the emptiness. Lighten mine eyes!

and now its not abt who noes it all, its abt in whom we trust. i know i cant prevail alone. But in your hiding place Lord you will prevail!

in christ alone will I glory. because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

another hmmmm....

not sure wat to write abt... hahas. okok i got things to do at the back of my head but its all abt puttin it into work and stuff. anyway been lazing ard this wk alone...hahas come to think of it i'm thankful for the past few days and how God has blessed my family.

anyway in life there are somethings you just cant control. and there are things that just cant be explained but they happen and u cant do anythin abt it but accept it.

so wat are the things we can control? we can control our actions, our reactions, our emotions, our decisions. wells i dun mean to be rigid but ultimately its how u view it. especially i guess when you are a new creature ur actions and reactions hv to be different...

nvm... i found this set of lyrics...guess it speaks to ppl who r just sick and tired of the way things are goin...

Healer heal me

Savior save me

Maker change me

Lover love me

Cuz I'm so tired of living for

The kind of love

That only lasts for a while

The pain, the shame

Tear me up inside

Chorus:

So I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I cry out for You

Would You please speak to me

Healer heal me

Savior save me

Maker change me

Lover love me

Cuz I'm so tired of living for

The kind of love

That only comes and goes

But Your love

Your love lasts forever

Chorus:

So I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I cry out for You

To hear you speak to me

Yes I fall on my knees

To get back on my feet again

And I run hard for You

To enter Your rest

sometimes i just cant wait to finally rest in You. how easy it is to just fall on your knees to get back on our feet...

God nv changes, its ppl who do and because of ppl we are the one's to blame for all this unhappiness...rather than being thankful and gracious we exert wat we want on others...rather than being open we cower and bring knives to the back of others with our words. we curse behind yet we smile in front of em...and worse of all we wear his banner on our necks and hearts...how saddening He will be if He sees us this way. But then again God is gracious that even in the most imperfect of ppl he can still do His perfect work. and its only up to us to trust and obey irregardless because we are placed where we are for His purpose and only when he says go will you go and if you noe u gotta go He will tell you so....oh wells....it boils down to you and God...

operation meatloaf....

hahas. ok this is pretty exciting. dunnoe if he can sniff it or not but ya the preps are ready. its all in the freezer now. wells thank God lar for mom. now wondering how we gonna surprise my mom like we're doin with mr G. hahas. anyway operation meatloaf here's the low down.

ok its suppose to be top secret but hahas oh wells cant contain the excitement. and reli i cant believe tat we've planned everythin frm appetiser, main course then dessert. actually haven thought of it but thinkin of balls! hahas. melon balls with mint syrup and lime??? its more like frozen melon balls...hahas. okok nvm. i'm revealing too much. anyway i enjoy doin this things manz. hahas tiring yet satisfying. ok nxt up is how we gonna bring the crowd in. hahas will hv to organize tat with the 2 coordinators and the one who live across the road hahas. hmmmm. wells either than tat just gotta pray! funny rite think this kind of thing no need to pray wells i guess pray the lord see the rest of the things out. Thank God for a dad like him!

anyway was listening to this song and these lines struck out....

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me time and time again

"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"

and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size

to put the giant on the ground

and the waves they don't seem so high

from on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

singing over me

i don't deny that there are voices in my head tellin me tat i'll fail. reminding me of all my shortcomings. realised that there are ppl who wanna see u fall. but its an amazing thing that so far He is seeing everything through so i guess the Lord has the last laugh coz after all i hold onto isaiah55!...who's voice shd I hear when in doubt and fear? wells no time to waste! no time to lose.

I hv nothing to prove. I have nothing to lose! NOthing to hide....hahas this one wells hmmmmmmmmmmm..................Lord you know what's this tat I kp inside. If its to be told you will show the way for u are the light for my feet and a lamp to my pathway!...

okok operation meatloaf is left with less then 72hrs! hahas....

PS. wells i'm walkin with a limp this wkend. dunnoe wats up with my kneee...it just got busted while runnin today. if it persists think i'll see the doc on tue...but ya pray for me...cant bend the darn leg...and ya it hurts....hahas

off the record

honestly i'm not worried anymore. Just let it be...ya even if ppl say such things just let it be and let God be praised rather than say its me who did it all. even if there are i told you so i thank God tat it happened so u can still see it thriving. so wats there to worry. and somethin tat spoke to me today is this verse or shd i say the whole chpater itself....

Is55:8-13

[8] For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.[10] For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:[11] So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.[12] For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.[13] Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

he has promised with his word and wat more assurance do i need than this. and even though i can think of big big things it will all come to nothin if God isn't involved. Furthermore our plans and thoughts can never match or even comprehend the thoughts of God.

but i thank Him tat he has revealed enough for me to do wat i gotta do and to kp on goin and today i noe the JOy will never die when it comes to serving. and there is a reason why God puts words in the bible to assure us...

1tim 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

ya so the challenge is or the thing is if ppl reli see tat we are examples...maybe we arent, maybe we need to improve...even so God help us so tat they see the confidence we have in you.

Ps20:7

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

anyway this song, ya...its based on a verse i visited years back...anyway i kinda like the sound dont ya? lol

the story so far..

finally havin a night where my mind's blank frm wat to write...no big issues...none that i'm worryin abt or wat not. but ya just knowing that in 70days tats all the days left for me to be careful in wat i do as i embark on another interestin walk. even when i feel like i'm the most inadequate person to do this and fearing tat ppl wont step in and help and not knowin wat to do it'll be just another event tat come's and goes. The confidence i hv now is not within me but in the person who's called my name. even though i feel like its reli big how do i start and how do i carry on...it doesnt matter how i feel anymore...because he just wants me to do while He does the rest....

and today he showed me a glimpse of wat to do and i noe he will instruct me and guide me in the way i should go. i pray the Lord build the house so the laborers wont labor in vain...anyway here's a song i kinda like. its by a backstreet boy...hahas anyway its kinda related to wats reli in my head. so wat if its successful and the plans all fall into place...if God isnt in the midst of it then its just vanity....

In Christ alone will I glory

Though I could pride myself in battles won

For I’ve been blessed beyond measure

And by His strength alone I’ll overcome

Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands

But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:

In Christ alone

I place my trust

And find my glory in the power of the cross

In every victory

Let it be said of me

My source of strength

My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory

For only by His grace I am redeemed

For only His tender mercy

Could reach beyond my weakness to my need

And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more

And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

sot sot wk....

i think its the result of 2 duties in 3days plus the long nite last nite plus all the things ard me tat i feel so jaded...

forgive this thoughts and feelings and all this negativity tat is brewing in my mind. i realise i cant kp havin "sot sot" wks accordin to one person. and ya i guess i gotta learn to accept things as they are. coz i gotta face it. there are wks like this and i know that God will always hv somethin better in store and the reason i'm in such a circumstance is becoz he wants me to see the lessons tat are in store for me. Maybe i wont see it now but in time to come. like now why do i feel as if i'm so frustrated so feelin tat nth is workin and even doubtin the mandate given me. then again i remember this verse tat assures me tat everythin is in his hands not mine and there is no pt to be frustrated or so affected because God is in control and its HIs not mine and i take no credit nth at all.

unless God builds the house the laborers labour in vain.... PS 127:1....

and honestly i guess for the plans tat are set forth unless God builds and works and moves we labor in vain...and i guess tats the issue i'm tacklin within. trust. a crisis of belief. wells i guess not only tat. thoughts of wat i wanna be....oh wells....anyway was thinkin of this song lar will highlight the main pts....

and i guess wat i reli need is a good nights sleep....and spend tonight with Him...honestly today in service i reli missed Him. and i thank Him for lettin me know tat.

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold insideI
will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me

‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

hmmmmm

ok cant seem to sleep since i came back...must be becoz of the tea i drank and the tea tat was suppose to be ice water i drank back at the jap restaurant my frens and i went. well honestly dun wanna sleep coz my phone died and there's no alarm and i dun wanna be wake up late for church.

may wonder why at such an hr why am i typin...hmmmm i wonder too. oh wells i realised when i got back bros arent home just my parents and some other guy i've nv seen b4. ok feelin the effect of the nite wearin on me...or literally being up for 24hrs with i think 2hrs or rest??? geez....aint no super man.

anyway haven reli had a good rest for the past 3days...dun wanna complain or else my mom would nag me again and say why din i come home instead....wells ok made a few judgement calls today.

anyway in need of seeking again. after the msg at yaf and the circumstances and the things before it, it seems as if its another time of seeing God's hand at work.

anyway gonna get some shut eye before i collect my thoughts and just come to him...with all this worries...and i guess i'm not alone when it comes to this....thnk God...

oh wells lets see wat later brings...

it seems as though it's a guessing game
hoping for things that seem uncertain
but why do we still hold on to them
even when the times grow dim and troubling

faith is the substance that is hoped for
evidence of things not seen
show me your faith without your works
I'll show you my faith by my works

whr do i place my trust my all
in me myself alone or in creatures below?
or you creator the Lord of the world
who made the heavens and the earth

my rock, the chief cornerstone
now here i am on bended knee
I sin and still sin my Lord
create in me a new heart pure for thee

I cannot stand the pain i go
deliver my thoughts from temptation within
that my members wont sin against thee


anyway lotsa thoughts in my head...wanna just sit and pray abt it...i guess b4 i lay down later...its regardin some issues lar and some things tat somehow caught my attention today.

open the eyes of my heart Lord...

dun give me tat shag look...

17 days since i've last written here. cant seem to reli find time. sometimes it feels like i'm on a dessert plain wandering out in the wilderness. but its absurd to even think tat way. oh wells been havin back to back wks where things are just back to back. relishing a moment to just breathe and relax and find time to be doin wat I want.

anyway this wk aint no different. but yea been thinkin of lessons learnt and moments whr God was there. pretty basic stuff huh? wells was wonderin wat am i gonna be was wondering wats in store for me?

oh wells wat else can i do when I'm countin down the days whr I've enjoyed many blessings and am looking forward to more. be it good or bad they are in their ways blessings aye?

anyway my boys i guess are reli one of a kind, they're beginnin to sound like me and think like me which is scary...

anyway cant reli slp tonight...ya dunnoe why but the bed doesnt seem so beckoning hahas. oh wells I dunnoe wat tomolo brings or whr I'll be but watever it is though we're tired at the end of the day we're promised rest...wells lookin forward to this wkend...and in 2wks time its just letting the numbers fall off the walll and finally take a break frm all this and i guess get a spiritual recharge.

anyway here's a thought i was thinkin of on the bus trip home....

if it were only simpler to not have known all this,
to carry on goin the way I want,
to indulge to get lost in the crowd
and hv no worries or a lil voice that pricks my heart

if it were only simpler that things are going my way
where i could make things happen for me alone
where I hv no worries no burdens to carry
and people need not bother for my soul
for this life is for me alone

but you've won me
You've set a mark on me
You bought me with the price of your blood
Oh why saviour did you bother to die for a wretch like me?
Coming down from your glory to set this sinner free
I can't understand this great redemption plan

Even now on my knees I plead that you'll
Guide my feet and direct my path
For you are the example, the healer of souls
The sinless man, the hope for all

If ppl saw how simple it was to be on our knees
asking Christ for everything
Even when we are weak, He makes us strong
Even when we sin and are sinning, He pleads on our behalf

You gave the word, you are the word
You prayed for me and still are on your knees
You are my king and you rule my life
even though I still flee and rebel
You will never let me go for everything was done
the day you were nailed on that cross
I can never thank you enough nor say i deserved it at all
yet the love you show I must now reflect it to all


oh wells few more hrs before i'm off to my sunny island...reli need your strength...and yea i reli wanna thank you for everything. it may feel tat i'm alone sometimes but somehow u find a way to remind me tat you are jehovah jireh...we all know the correct answers, we all know wats there to say but do we reli tell him all our struggles or just let pass and say nvm...anyway i guess even when we're tired of life and the things ard us, God does say dun give me tat shag look...i'm with you always...wat a promise aye?