the one with all the thoughts...

To be a mother, a father, a brother, a sister
To be a teacher, a disciplinarian, a friend
A foe...
To be the one who lifts them up when they're down
TO be the one who corrects their wrong
TO be the one who motivates and becomes the wet blanket
To be the one they turn to and yet not depend upon
To be the one who sees them through
To be the one who imparts his experience
TO be there and yet not there
To be the one who steps aside so they can shine
TO be the light that pierces the darkest night
To be a hope, a joy, a burden, a smile
To be a trust, a betrayer...
To be sincere, honest and just me...

WE may take up many roles in the lives of ppl
WE may be forced to play some part
Whatever it is, whatever it takes and whatever the cost
Play it well...

Somehow after a wk, walked into one of the offices and i somehow stumbled upon this song. And it sounded so familiar. And i remembered abt a yr ago this was the song tat we once rehearsed to in one of our exercises. A journey and a conflict of staying and leaving. Anyway realised whr i am there are many lines to tread and many fine lines not to cross. Just the passing wk, I reli gave my boys something to think abt. And somehow raised the bar on my expectations of them. Furthermore am reli beginning to anticipate how they will grow in the comin wks.

Anyway am pretty tired, frm wat i m certainly not sure...

off...

as i'm typin this probably my boys are like changin up for lunch and preparin for the chin-up regime. just touch down at home after duty manning the coy phoneline(more like manning the couch as i had practically nothin to do). Anyway it was an interestin wkend. Kinda full of certain events tat got me ponderin on that empty sunday.

Wells honestly that last sat wasnt a gd one. Left home feelin as if i've wronged someone esp dad i guess. It just felt as if he were fuming at us i guess. THat is us boys at home just stuck at the com and like not wanting to lift a finger. I could justify my stand yet i hate to even make one as they are all practically excuses.

Anyway on my empty sunday, somehow was filled with insights. Guess wat, becoz of a movie it somehow struck me at how i've somehow been entering in this world of self-isolation. ANd it was interesting how i was shown wat i was becomin. Its something i dun wanna be or happen. BUt somehow i was glad of the lil glimpses of lights tat kp me seeking the world outside and not be encapsulated by the thoughts that could make me just grow cold. I guess wat i found interestin was the lines that governed the relationships i had.

To my fam, frens and of course my boys(who i think are still in the process of changing right now). BUt honestly i reli thank God dat i din get consumed by my own thoughts. SOmehow on tat empty sunday i was filled again. Recharged and just assured once more that even as i walk the uncertain lines, my steps would be measured.

HOnestly, there's more to say yet not sure how to word it here. been havin a bloggers block. yet i guess there are reasons why things happen. Reasons why we do the things we do. Reasons why we structure and make our relationships as such. Reasons why we hold back and let go. ANd hopefully the only reason we're doin this is not for ourselves(gosh cant believe its my old sch motto) but for others but ultimately becoz its the right thing to do. Free to do wat's right. Free to follow ur heart. THe catch is who's in ur heart...

I guess it all comes down to dat. anyway still wondering wat i'll be doin later... oh ya now my boys are prolly fallin in for lunch...oh wells till next time. now i'm off to bed and probably a peace of mind hahas.