Friday, December 22, 2006

knotty...

the longer this yarn of life is spun, the more entangled they become. With mangled thoughts, and interwoven distraughts. in a world where ppl dun see eye to eye, where hearts are never as one, its sad that our focus is not the same...

we desire convenience, we desire everyone bowing down b4 us, we expect to be adhered to and boy do we expect to be heard. What if God took ur voice away? Ruined ur desires and shattered them like clay? What if he dismantled ur authority and bring you down to your knees? What if he made everything so difficult for you? Would you by then accept the fact you were wrong? Would you still thank God for throwing your life in dissarray? When do we end our journey? Its not up to us to decide...

the world sets retirement dates, I can only say my service ends at my death. Sometimes prolly I say this because I dare say it but it'll be my ending if i dun live up to my words. Because I know all men can fail. I've learnt not to trust in men always. For they can disappoint you. they can take a word and break ur heart. ANd i noe i will fail unless I hv God on my side.

I understand we all have to remember our past, but remembering is one, holding on to a past tat has become history is something we ought to let go. The traditions we had held on to will change, because after all it is man's doing. But the message is forever the same. The focus is evermore the same. All this knots have to be untied and let loose. And I noe I cant do it, only God can. The healing can only be through God.

Sometimes I wonder why all this things happen. Why does one brother in the same faith hate another? Why cant we accept a person for who he or she is? Or why is it you turn away when you know I'm in need? Or why do you talk behind my back and stab me and not say it in my face? Why does one spread lies abt one brother and sister? WHy cant friendships be true and innocent? Why are ppl as such? Why am I like this? If ever the world was so perfect, there'd be no need for improvement and renewing of our lives... Sadly it isnt. Sadly everyone isnt. And sadly ppl just grow numb to all this. And all the more enforces how sad it is to depend on humans...coz they will one way or another fail u...

but in God we have victory...and prolly not many will understand wat that means....and I have yet to taste true victory once more... Coz its not abt me or you anymore...

in randomness...

i kinda typed something out last nite, but somehow my com showed its attitude side and just restarted and i kinda got frust over it and just shoved all those thoughts aside and went straight to bed for awhile. honestly i really dunno wat to think abt nowadays. esp with a tight schedule and demands to meet by this wkend. becoz on the 26th i'm off to philippines for a holiday.

but oh wells am not complainin. i'm not doin this for myself tats for sure. and yes i noe there are other things i wanted to do but it seems dat i cant go abt doin em till prolly nxt yr?

its like a rift and day by day it grows ever much bigger...

oh wells.... another knot to pray abt now....

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Thai trip 2006 Chiangmai/Chiangrai/Wawi/etc

hofinally able to get my bum off my bed to write here again. Been sick for 3days straight since the last day of the trip. And have been silently reflecting and reminiscing the happenings of the 7 days in Chiangmai. 3 words it was worthwhile.

all the struggle for the 7 days to kp to task was one uphill task that char and our main leader "aunty" ruth had to face. frm the moment the plane lifted at 6.00am S'pore time to the last note played at the Wachi Warit Secondary Sch at abt 8.30am (chiangmai time), it almost seemed that at the rate we were goin everythin was impossible. But I'd say thank God that we pulled through despite the mishaps(well not reli mishaps cant think of better words) tat occured.

let me name a few, for a trip that required a detrimental amt of focus, we were tempted by the cheap and prolly fake goods(but look considerably original and sometimes better than em) that was available at the nearest night market, also with all you can eat buffets that range frm 4dollars to 8 dollars who wouldn't wanna whack the food down and go food trippin for 7days, even the long journey frm chiangmai to chiangrai to wawi village that took a whopping 3hrs plus i think was a struggle in itself as ppl started throwing up here and there. And I think for me the worse struggle was the attitude player that refused to play our music for us to sing and mime and ended up having a mind of its own and play a game of skip the music on the disc. There were many other struggles even before this whole trip began and the 5-6mths endured by our dear leaders is endurance only God could give.

On a whole I think the youth who embarked on this trip learned alot frm one another, i got to noe ppl whom I just see and know exist in church but never reli connected with. Got to understand em better and got to build up bonds btw em. And I hope the friendship doesnt stop there. Coz the fellowship we had was reli something. And I think its true that the feeling that we had up that mountain is all but memories that we all reminisce and wish to hv for a lifetime. As it goes down one thing is that this trip has alr been marked down as history.

Anyway enough of dat now abit on the ppl we ministered to, frm Fri to Sun we ministered to children at the mountain side of Wawi village. Our base for our Vacation Bible School was to be the church hostel (pic below) there which is a 45min winding journey frm the resort we were staying. And the thing abt this place is dat we come in the mornin then for lunch is 30min up to our lunching area. But the rides were cool lar hahas almost every ride included singing and screaming and just plain old silly fun and games...


Our crazy ride up...(anyway sorry for shaky vids...hahas)







our crazy singing on the ride up...






wells apart frm our tryin thai, hahas we did hear them sing the real thing... and i think this is one of my fave listenin to em sing. its been ringin in my head for days lar. The song they are singing is the Thai version of As The Deer. Goes like this lar,

Cit winyaan kha krahaai prajau
Dut dang kwaang nooi krahaai haa nam
Song pen khwaam prathanaa
Heng jit chai kha thii yaa sansen pra-oong

Song pen long kambang thii khaam kheeng
Song pen puu diaw thii khaa rak thaa thuun
Song pen khwaan prathana
Heng jit chai kha thii yaa sansen pra-oong







seeing them sing in the state they are full of voice, is beautiful yet poignant in a way that it makes me wonder wat they are feeling when they sing tat song...

but i dare say tat the amt of joy and fun i think we brought there was beyond anything that could be compared for yrs to come. As in comin at 10 every mornin for three days, givin em attention and havin fun with songs and games. i'd say it was reli a privellege to take part in such a trip. PLus i think in the past few yrs i dun think they've seen tat many kids, on the first day was 31, second was ard 82, and on the final day we were there it was close to a 100. It was really a God send. Coz we din even work the land and they just came probably through the persuasion of their own frens. But overall i think everyone frm the kids up received a special blessing. anyway a few more photos b4 i end. and no more vids less i cant compile em anymore...hahas i think i dun hv to explain em....just let the pics tell the story themselves hahas wells in the process of makin tat vid for everyone and i noe i still owe ppl stuff for vids and stuff hahas gosh...wat a busy christmas wk...






wells, just to orientate u abit, top photo is the kids i took care of and my assistant and u shd prolly noe who're my favs judgin by the photos. The big grp was all the kids and us. And the final one i guess is a pretty significant a pic. Its all of us in action in the sec sch. and i think wats significant abt this photo is tat all we could do throughout the trip is just look forward and despite all the resistance we met, we just took the way that He made...

unsure if i'll post more abt chiangmai. but its just a privellege tat i m in this trip after all... considerin dat i'd be in ns if i hadnt retained and dat furthermore if i hadnt met aunty ruth at all i wouldnt hv this chance to touch lives and be touched as well...hahas so overall i guess nothin is reli wasted. And i guess as our theme song goes, He will make a way for me....

with love and strength for each new day...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

undescribable...

somehow i just cant understand myself. that feelin tat just wont come out and i myself cant describe. its there but its not. i dunnoe prolly becoz i'm so focused on the things to come(and prolly take higher priority) tat it seems tat all forms of "distractions" hv been put aside and so on...its good...yet its bad...tats wats weird. its confusing yet numbing...its crazy...

its like i go abt my days as if its the only day i hv and yet the moment i wake up and do my things...its seems dat i've wasted tat day...how fulfilling the preps may be but somehow i feel like i'm in a frozen state...oh wells...

to put it simply sometimes i guess distance kills...silence deafens and longing hurts...i've lost this ability to express tat side of me...prolly its been dead since dat day (hahas)...but its weird...its like i dun seem to want to feel dat way...and like shd i? probabaly dats why i'm like this becoz i just put aside real feelings dat i hv to deal with...

to begin with wat feelins do i hv at all?

oh wells its just undescribable for now...
that aside...had this thought while chattin last nite...
As fellow stoners we are ppl's stepping stones to greatness....
cant seem to complete tat but oh wells u'll get wat i mean i suppose come tomolo...hahas