Mental note to self about marriage.

Dear Ainaa,
I know it feels like everyone else at your age is getting married these days.
But you are:
Not going to do it just because everyone else is doing it too.
Not going to slide and settle just because 'he' is the only option available
Not going to lower your expectations

Instead you should:
Focus on developing your career
Save up and invest
Pray hard, and be friendly
Explore and travel you can while you are still single

Signed, sealed, delivered with utmost affection,
Ainaa.

what matters the most

Wanted: mentally stimulating conversations. Teach me something I don't know about the world. When I ask for an opinion, don't say "I don't know" or worst, "I don't care". Wittiness is a plus, sarcasm is optional, humour is a must.

wavelengths

His eyes danced up and down. At the same time, I scanned him from head to toe. Satisfied with each other's appearances today, we smile. That is how we greet each other. Sometimes the first thing that pops out of our mouth is "apa benda u pakai ni???" Or "i tak pernah nampak pun ni, baju/seluar baru ke?"

I guess that's the reason why many people say I am the feminine version of you, and you are the masculine version of me. The truth is we are more like brothers and sisters than friends, and I am glad we still are after 5 long years.

confrontation

That day when you said I questioned too much was the first time I felt speechless. You said I talk too much even in movies, nothing can subdue me once I start. Not even a side glance or a poke in the hips. But that day, I don't need any of those.

"Who do you think I am?"
How can I answer that question. You told me you hated labels, but I needed something solid. You told me you have no plans, I needed directions. You told me you have big dreams, so do I.

Everything changed since then.

"Go with the flow"

A lot of people asked have asked me why am I in such a rush to start working.

Let me ask you again, what do you hope to achieve after completing your degree?

Most of them will say they will just go with the flow. This mentality scares me. If you don't take charge towards where you are heading, someone else will decide it for you. If you don't keep up, then you will be left behind. While everyone else is grabbing opportunities, you sit around waiting for life to happen. I am sure you have personal, financial, and career goals to achieve.

Rezeki ada di mana-mana.

not young forever

Seeing old people in their walkers and wheelchair is a reminder to myself that I will not be 22 forever. I will not walk tall, upright, and strong forever. Most importantly, I will not live forever.
I wonder what lives have they lead, tears they have shed, unfulfillments and regrets.

Was it everything that they ever hoped and dreamt for?
Will my life be everything that I hoped and dreamt for?

I want to win. Always.

We were playing mahjong at Kak Sa and Mira's. My strategy was simple: Be calculative. Do not change plans if you do not know what you are getting into. Weigh pros and cons. As much as you rely on luck to get you through, I am pretty sure I can take charge.

I really really wanted to win at every round.

That's how I am, and I am not sorry about it. I don't 'go with the flow'. I do not sit around and wait for things to come to me. I make things happen, I love taking charge. I do not jump into things without having a long term plan. And most importantly, I don't wait for people.

Because past experiences have taught me to know what I want, and nothing can make me change my mind.

Happy Birthday, Ainaa

Graduation is looming ahead. I feel like I am being thrown out to the world unprepared. Remember Ainaa, you have plans. Stick to it. So go home. As much as I like it here I can't stay here. I need to go home, for all the right and wrong reasons.

I don't feel like I have just turned twenty-two. I am a 27 year old woman, trapped in an adolescent 22 year old body. That's because I can see myself 5 years from now, but not all people share the same sentiments as I do

awaken

Nothing like a good kick in the butt to wake you up again to reality. I've been so lost in my own world, so caught up in my own ideas. Boundaries that I have crossed, words that weren't meant to be said. I wish I could run back to familiar faces, but I realise that's not what I want at this moment. I don't want to go back and turn the time either. I wish I could fast forward and see what is the reason behind this, because the only reason I can see right now is that I should have not relied on anybody else but God Almighty.

The Longest Weekend

How is it possible to have a 4 day weekend? Is it because whenever I am with you I feel like I am on a holiday? Reckless, free, no plans to hold us down. Every hour seem to slow down, a minute feels satisfyingly long. If we can stretch this to an eternity, then I do not have to worry about stopping the time to take all of this in.

inclined

For the past few months, my world has turned upside down, inside out. Because it collided with a different world, so foreign from mine.

I have never felt so insecure in my entire life. But one question puts all doubts to rest. I knew it had to be dealt with anyways. It loomed above us, just like thunderclouds rolling in bringing inevitable shower and rain. I am glad we addressed it, if not my ego will always get in the way.

The problem is, where do we go from here now?

Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey!

I guess the reason why I love hanging out with older people is because they offer a glimpse to what I can achieve, if only I work hard enough for it. the world is harsh, yet I must remain optimistic. All hope is not lost Ainaa, broadening your scope and definitions definately helps. Be flexible, yet firm. But at the mean time, just enjoy being spoiled to bits on a monthly basis :)

offended

Thoughts stemming from ignorant. What is funny to you is actually serious to a critical thinker. That's why it is best to keep quiet if you do not have any constructive point of view. By saying too much it does not cover up the fact that you don't know, instead it just uncovered how stupid you are.

Guidance

It's so easy to fall in love with your own ideas, get caught up in it, unable to see its flaws which will eventually lead to your own downfall.

Reflect often, think critically, and be harsh on them Ainaa. Every input is not meant to point out your negative attribute, but as means for your idea to expand and grow.

selfish

Due to contrary popular belief, I am not choosy; I just know what I want when I see one.

Everything else feels right, except the fact you make me feel like a giant next to you.
Even your samsung S3 looks too big and odd in your skinny palms.

I don't expect you to change or give up your hobbies, they make you who you are.

2 different wavelengths, 2 different worlds. What is your current purpose in my life?