i'm such a blur sotong! T-T i miss out something again! alamak!

^^

I Was Here

You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see

Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lady-antebellum-lyrics/i-was-here-lyrics.html]
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?
I was here

i miss you

(i cant make out who the singer is hmm)
was watching my friend's video today and there's this really nice music in the background!

there's like different versions
this one http://ccmixter.org/files/hansatom/30742
and this one http://ccmixter.org/files/Zapac/31428

nice!

everyone likes their opinions to matter. it is definitely ok to not heed anyone's advices but your own. but did u even take time to listen, hear and take them into consideration?

thoughts while bathing.

i think it must have been pretty depressing to read my blog. aye, wondering if i should like just blog elsewhere and not tell anyone about it. i mean, if one keeps reading depressing or sad or just negative posts from a friend.. haha i dont think it will do any good too right?

but the whole purpose of this blog is kind of for me to vent out my frustrations, rants and all the negative stuff i wanna say so that i would be more positive in like actual interactions with people mah.

and i have no idea why, but recently, many these few months or something..while bathing i get extremely irritated. i just lump different events that have like tiny similarities or even make up a whole new situation up in my head that doesnt even exist and get very pek chek and angry over the whole thing. seriously. =( this is extremely stupid and i know it and of course i do some damage control before i blow up and stuff. but why do i have so much anger brewing in me?

i used to have the most creative /productive thoughts when i bathe! and i aint kidding either. like when i'm stuck trying to solve a problem or when i was doing fyp.. most of my progress in ideas came to me when i was in the toilet. haha it sounds wrong but its absolutely true.

i think it is(or was) rather therapeutic to let the cold water like run through your face and stuff? but arghhh, so much negative energy in me these days or weeks! rawr! maybe that is why i have a pimple outbreak!

i really dont like being angry so i cave in rather easily. but sigh, sometimes some people thread over more landmines in a genuine attempt to put out the first one. rawr. and it pisses me off so badly but i know i shouldnt be cos the intention was good and stuff.

rawr :( i need to sleep earlier and drink more water.
annoyed with all the pimples on my face. and cos i keep trying to peel them off, i think i'm gonna leave like a whole lot of scars again. stupidity. zzz. sigh. really annoyed and upset. and wanted to settle the bank loan today, but haven gotten around talking to my mum about borrowing money yet. cos i'm just freaking lazy and dont even feel like talking about it. seriously. procrastination once again. i hate myself!

on a lighter note, haha the problem about painting with the colour you like, is that i'm reluctant to clean/remove the stains on me cos its so pretty =X but oh well, of cos i have to since i'm going out.

reluctant to go out these days too. transportation itself is so expensive =( sigh, if only my parents are rich.. or i am rich or smthing.

ayee, thought i shd listen to some of her songs as a tribute to her.

and shit i really cant stand it. i'm really getting fat. pissed off.
gotta seriously diet! omgosh! MUST. =(



(a song stuck in my head while listening to the radio while painting haha)

fear vs courage

not sure if i wrote about this before. but as i grow older.. somehow my fear of stuff gets worst.

its because i know how bad my skin condition can be that even when there's a small little outbreak i freak out and get super worked up and irritated and scared that it may lead to something worst. which is more often then not isnt the case. but because i get so worked up and stuff, probably its a self fulfilling prophecy ?

and just because i couldnt sleep well for 2 days in a row, i dont feel like going to bed for fear of not being able to sleep again. how lame can i be right? but yes, i really dont like being unable to sleep =(

then again now that i think of it, why cant i look at things another way?like because i healed from the rashes, so with the little bit of rash i should be thinking to myself it'd be ok since i recovered from it before mah. (ok this seriously doesnt work.. haha cos healing from rashes takes a freaking long time and lots of determination not to scratch. rawr.)

sigh, there's like so many ideas in my head but its just so difficult to organize them and articulate what i wanna say properly. this is why i fail my essays.

this fear is kinda similar to that embedded in the elephant that is tied to a tiny stick. except for them it isnt really a fear rather a belief that its impossible to escape. but if they didnt lose hope they would have been free. (or maybe shot dead by the hunters, but lets be more hopeful here. haha.)

where did my determination go?

i wonder why i have such strong determination to finish/complete a game or quest such as a stupid iphone game or stupid maple jumping quests when i keep failing. i mean, seriously completing those are not going bring any much achievement to me. like probably any other person can just help me complete those, but noooooooo, i am just too stubborn and just wish to complete those on my own. ok, coool personality or whatever. BUT not so cool when i dont apply these to real life. or at least i think i dont. sure stubbornest runs deep in my blood but i mean i am such a slacker/sloth/stoner (whats with the S words..national day coming up?! ) anyway, so there are like so much stuff that i wanted to complete before i start work. look at me now! ahh, nowhere near to even attempting doing what i wanted to do =(

stupid me.

used to be so much more hyped up about everything and having like unlimited amount of energy and drive to do lots of stuff. but now, i'm just.. chilling out, lazing around. mannn, what happened. i used to hate lazing around, can u believe it? no? me neither. hahaha.

no matter how i look at that sentence, the answer is still false. i mean, we need to always upgrade or improve stuff mah.

anyway, ahh, looking at some facebook pictures someone uploaded. and i wonder how people can have that much confidence in themselves. ayeee, a plump girl wearing a super tight leotard-ish material top. >.<

i cant decide if i feel disgusted or envious of the confidence she possess. i think i tend a little towards envious bah. haha.

sometimes, when there's nothing wrong.. dont try to fix it? true/false?

hmm the first time i hear this song, i was like.. it sounds like the song below! RIGHT??? but ok after the first para then it moves in different direction then abit weird. haha.




and oh i wasnt the only one! haha

"Thumbs up if you came here after to listen the Skyscraper Demi's single.
Fabih 1 week ago 16 "

but i took quite long to figure out which song it sounds like though.

Strive to be the second?

There are so many instances that I feel that for someone to succeed, they need to have the perfect timing, and that is usually, striving to be the second one in the market or something.. because the first person will be the one who help you breaks the new grounds. For example, I would be so much more weary about the first insurance agent that approach me. Like, I find him super trustworhty and stuff, but the fact that he was the first person that I talk to about products makes me feel that I dont know enough to commit myself to the product. Hence, although he puts in the most effort to sell everything to me, I still scout around for better deals.. wondering if i should really get that. Unfortunately, I found a cheaper deal and I have no idea why its so much cheaper.. so I aint getting the first. I mean, ok in this case it isnt very applicable, but seriously, if I talk to the second insurance agent first, i probably wont buy from her. Seriously. But then again, cause its the second person I talk I will tend to compare it to the first and so on, but still because I'm tired of sourcing for the best deal, cause it pisses me off, I think I will just get it. Stupid guilt tripping insurance agents. Needa remember that I have my customer rights too. Sigh.

Another instance of the second thingy is that, I dont know.. whenever someone suggest something different out of the blue.. like something outrageous idea, everyone will be like NOOOO WAYY and stuff, being veyr negative. But if its the second time some one is mentioning it.. then its just easier to digest the information and ppl becomes more receptive because they are like preempted and stuff right? (ok, so sometimes if i say "NOOOOOOOO?!" for the first time u are asking me something, maybe u just got to ask me another time another day, and i will be like OKIE! haha seriously. sometimes only la!)

Then in another situation is because normally for the first time people are more wary of stuff hence less daring. therefore after the first encounter they may kind of regret not doing whatever they want to do, hence during the second encounter they will be more willing to take the risks and stuff. Haha, and this was the story behind why I agreed to meet an online friend who became my rather good friend only after knowing each other for like barely 3 days online. =.=

And like sometimes food industries and stuff. Actually I kind of find it so unfair?! As in, if you are the first one to have the insights and stuff to branch into the new field of beverage or something.. like the first one to bring doughnuts over or bubbletea over. Somehow its the subsequent _____ that gets popular and everything instead. because the first person is to test the market, and they need like more resources to market and advertise their products to the people. whereas the second person will just leech on whatever foundation the first person has set down. Right?? No concrete evidence for this la, but i have always felt this way. haha dont know why. Like maybe that how sweettalk business sore. And the first bubble tea stall is gone and stuff. but ok la i dun even noe which is the first bubbletea stall.

Its like even in maplestory, if you are the highest level in the party.. you probably dont get as much exp as the second best if you are fighting in a party... hmm, ok la, maybe not. dont know.

ahh, life's unfair.

我不明白:(

I'M GETTING MUCH FATTER!! CHAM- =( needa diet too, rawr. so many things to do. so little time.

hahaha. *#$%@^*$% complains*

sigh. =( if only i buck up my driving this hols. which was want i meant to do.. but procrastinated like forever.

and the weather is really warm and humid! feel like cutting off my hair. its so thick now that i think its trapping tonnes of heat. but if i cut it away, its so wasteful. ahh, all that time spent leaving my hair long enough to curl it.. all gone. haha and cutting away my dyed hair.. also so wasteful! =X

oh mann, i'm such a sloth. i stoned so much that my head hurts =.=

Hormonal Woes

Its so annoying being a woman.

Lack of estrogen the side effects are:

Low estrogen affects the skin all over the body. You may notice extreme dryness and itching that is poorly relieved by moisturizers and other cosmetic approached.

You may lose emotional stability and contentment, becoming moody, hair-triggered, prone to fits of tears for little obvious reason, irrational, impatient, lacking any self-esteem. You may have trouble breathing, experience irregular heartbeats ("palpitations"), or experiene anxiety attacks.

We may also develop creaky, aching joints, stiffness after being still, and actual symptoms or exacerbation of osteoarthritis, especially in the knees.

But then again when you have too much female hormones or maybe just enough, then u got all emotional too over everything or nothing which is rather stupid too. I mean most woman are emotional right? i assume thats the normal level of hormones. Then, PMS should be caused by too much hormones right? So all in all, woman just needs to be bloody emotional somehow la. Seriously, so emotional for what?! =.=

Tsk, its tough being a woman!

omg drove today for the first time in like 1.5 years?? totally freak out. =( rawr, was so reluctant to drive after the first stop. the feeling is so weird especially u-turning! i never like u turning and i dont understand why thats the first lesson of my driving. then doing 90degs turn feels weird too! and i forgot where is the gear 1-2-3-4-5 la! had to look initially! my parking estimation is like way off.

i dont know why but since young my estimation skills always sux. =.= then recently while making jelly with my friend haha i thought the noodles my mum cook was enough for 5.. but apparently it was actually too little. then i thouhgt a 1.5 litre pot can hold more than 3 litres =.= ayeeeeeeee.

i find it weird how most of the times when i post facebook status, its ppl that i hardly talk to nor meet that comments on it or likes it or something. maybe cos closer frens dont find the need to even comment? like they can just tell me straight in the face if a comment/advice/smthing was actually needed. hmm.

so wanna play maple! rawrr. but i shouldnt! =( sux.

surprises vs shocks

days ago i cant rmb who was talking about jumping out of the plane and having the person push you out for parachuting or whatever. but i realised, i would not be please if that happens lor. i seriously rather jump out on my own count. because i mean if i am scared, what more do i need the surprise/shock element to freak me out even more? the least i could do is to be prepared for the jump i'm going to take right?? and i think this is applicable to all the stuff i dont like. haha like if i'm going out with someone i dont like, i would be a teeny weeny bit less pissed if i knew we were going to meet for hours instead of the few minutes i thought it would be!! arghhh. as in at least i knew what was going to happen then have a rude shock right? but of course if i'm going with someone i like, then u need to like make it known if u need to leave earlier or not la.

ahh, ok i got tired of blogging. pissed. probably didnt made my point but whatever.

some ppl need to understand that, not everything expensive = better and cheap stuff is just plain bad or smthing. its not. and free services not equal bad. some times it just means that people have friends that are really nice to help out you know!

crappy brother. haha

my pick of songs!

Tonnes of memories.

Hmm, looking through all my old stuff in my old desktop and clearing some old stuff oo. then found that i watched this anime before! I can rmb the name the songs, but i totally cant rmb the characters and what it is about!

ahh my memory is failing me.

haha then i found tonnes of what type of characteristics u have kind of horoscope stuff. predetermine by ur name , birth date kind of stuff. then haha and this is the description of my tree xD ahh i agree to the strange and full of contrasts statement xD and ok maybe a little of the rest toooo. haha!

WALNUT TREE (the Passion) -
unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility,
difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

hmpf. :(

i was chatting on msn and then i was typing recklessly as usual..

i mean, not caring about spellings andstuff... and i typed

"what subs u teaching dear?"

Then for a moment i saw the word i dont like, ewww! like where did dear came from?
like what was i thinking?? like seriously since when do i ever use such a word?? then i realised, chey no typo, just i forgot a space..
i wanted to say "what subs u teaching de ar?"
the problems of mixing chinese and english in a sentence. haha.

and ok, yah i dont know why, i have issues with the word "dear", like everyone else in the world can use it all they like. but i just dont like to use that word.

then here comes the irony. haha i dont like ppl who are dear to me to use dear on me. its just.. annoying. hahaha i dont know why! cos its too common a word, and u know.. haha.

love this!

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/09/four-levels-of-social-entrapment.html

its so funny cos its so true, but at the same time because its true.. haha sighh.

Ok, yes, finally threw away some stuff lying around my table and made the alumni donation thingy! wonder if they would really give me the luggage tag they said they will send xD not that i want it, but i m just wondering hahaha.

there are so much more things that i should throw away too. dont know if i should throw away my make up stuff. they look alright actually. but wondering if some are gg to expire soon. aye, i hardly even use them. oh no!

pissed off. much.

i'm so restless i feel like killing someone. sighh, i hope i dont look awful tml. sian shit. arghhh. everytime before the dnd kind of stuff i freak out and dont feel like going. rawr. why? cos i always look so awful and i just dont have a sense of whats nice and all. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. then why do i still go to such functions?
cos ok i like such functions, just that the what to wear thing pisses me off greatly. pissed off. if only, ihave like a image consultant haha that helps me settle everything haha. ok off to pack my miserable table.

i'm a koi bubble milk tea fanatic these days. i keep craving for it!

and ayee my national day badge collection is probably not going to make it. yikes. they arent here anymore, hahaha so much for complaining that i walk past them fearfully everyday, but ahh i want the badges! xD the thrill/fun of collecting stuff for the sake of collectingthings =.= like, i want macdonalds cups too if i could. hahaha. tsk~
o
and i cant believe my holidays are ending soon! =( i haven slack enough!!! (and obvious sigh would be my still messy table! hahaha, rawrr never do get them packed for long huh.)

something is terriblywrong with my nose! #*(&#@$*%^&*@

used like at least 50 pieces of tissue already! ARGHH! wasting paper. stupid nose.

http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/six_drummers/

ayeee, i m so tempted to buy so much stuff. =( i wanna shop! T-T

i wanna spend money! but my bank is like having only half of what it had 2 months ago T-T depleting like maddddd. sadness.

The S Factor~

Man, for the past two days I've been approached at my MRT to fill up a "survey" about what you feel the singapore spirit represents or any birthday wishes to singapore. And will since u have to fill it up infront of the guy, is just so paiseh to write anything stupid right? oh well.

anyway, haha thought of a few S Factor thats embodied by the S'pore Spirit!

The best way to hook up a S'porean would probably:

Singlish
Singlet
Shorts
Slippers

Cause with all these you would be SEEXXXAAY! (read it like how the mask read SMOOKIN'!)

ok finee, i'm just bored.

Melanie and Marko~

haha goosebumps esp the last one! ^^

i'm a big fat lazy bum! :(
no wonder i hv such a big bum. rawrrrr
okkk, shall go prac my part.

Somehow I feel that as I grow older, I m getting so forgetful... that or i just lose touch of my body. =.=

Like, recently I keep forgetting to drink water to quench my thirst! And for the recent years I sometimes forget or didnt realised that I need/want to go toilet.

Dont know whats wrong with me. zzzz, feel so stupid =.= and ridiculous!