Newborn Pics

I use the term "newborn" pics here lightly.  Because of our time in the hospital and then getting home and adjusting, we didn't have Caleb's pictures until he was a month old.  But hey-I'll still call them newborn pics because it's easier than 1 month pics. :)

We opted to do his pics at a studio in Spanish Fork due to their prices and the work on their website for newborn pics I favored over others.  We hadn't used the studio before, so we weren't sure what to expect.  We showed up a few minutes before our scheduled time, but our photographer wasn't there yet.  She ended up being about 15 minutes late-so we were unsure at this point if we had made the right decision.  We got Caleb in and out of his car seat and ready to go.  As soon as the photographer started to work with him and us, we knew we had made the right choice to go there!  She was absolutely amazing with him!  And let me tell you, he was a difficult baby that day!  He had never been so fussy as he was that day.  We will chalk it up to his circumcision that week and being in an unfamiliar place. After 90 minutes of shooting, we hadn't been able to get many good shots because of how fussy he was.  The photographer graciously offered to reschedule for another day so we could try again.  Of course we did this!  This sweet lady helped us out so much! We basically got 2 photo sessions for the price of one because she wanted to ensure we got good pictures.  And she worked great with the props I brought in myself to use.  So-2, 90 minute photo sessions later we were done.  We loved so many of the pics, and hope you enjoy them too!

Our First Month At Home

The first 4 weeks at home were filled with smiles, tears, laughs, cries, naps, learning, worries, mistakes, and so very much love.

We came home on a Friday night and spent the weekend together with just the 3 of us. (Lots of visitors of course though!)  That Sunday my dad and mom came over and made us dinner, cleaned up, and helped out with Caleb.  Having a meal fixed and cleaned up for us was such a blessing!  Sunday night my parents headed home and my Aunt Marva came to stay with us for the week to help me out while Alan was back at work.  This first week at home and following week were filled with me learning how to do a lot of things.  I had to figure out more with breastfeeding and pumping, and learn how to try to make my body only make the milk I needed and not tons more. I breastfed openly if it was only girls in my home, haha!  Nursing under a cover when learning the whole thing was just too difficult!  (Also, any sense of personal space or privacy goes out the window when you have a baby...you just don't care anymore!)  I was healing from my c-section still, but managing to get up and down off the floor and from couches just fine.  I was dealing w/the whole bleeding mess that comes with having a baby, and that part is just not fun.  We were also dealing with wires attached to Caleb too.  Picking him up and carrying him around just wasn't a convenient option due to the monitor, so we pretty much stayed downstairs once we came down in the AM and didn't go up back until bed time.

The first week home we had Caleb's 2 week checkup, and my 2 week appt as well.  Luckily Aunt Marva was there to help cause I didn't know how I was going to leave the house for the first time alone with him, a diaper bag, AND the monitor.  Turns out it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be-but I was definitely grateful I wasn't figuring it out alone the first time.  I fed Caleb whenever he was hungry, but tried to stick to the every 3 hours schedule we were on in the hospital.  We did diaper changes and got peed on A LOT!  Little man thought he was a fountain at diaper change time...it would just shoot up and out and keep on going! haha! :)  We learned that Alan would sleep through Caleb crying at night and mommy would wake up to take care of him :)  Because of the monitor and wires I wouldn't take him to the nursery at night because it would require unplugging and moving all of that too.  So we just set up a little diaper changing place on the floor in the area outside our room and I would sit in the computer chair to nurse him.  At weeks end-it wasn't as hard as I'd thought it would be to adjust to a baby at home!

Week number 2 found me and Caleb home alone.  We started to establish a routine, specifically in the mornings.  I found myself making a goal to be showered and ready for the day by at least noon.  And honestly-those first 2 weeks there were lots of days I was barely making that cutoff time.  If Caleb didn't sleep well I'd often allow us both to sleep in a little later in the mornings.  I was pumping less often to tell my body to stop making so much milk so I wouldn't feel like half my day was spent just pumping.  Me and Caleb would take selfie every morning to send to daddy at work.  We dealt with lots of throwing up due to his reflux, and I quickly realized that although I had thought the 30ish burp clothes I had made would be too many-in fact-it's barely enough. I felt like I was doing laundry ALL the time.  We spent a lot of time taking naps together with Caleb sleeping on my chest-and those moments right there made every other difficult moment completely worth it. :)

Week 3 we got to have Alan's mom come and stay with us for a week!  She came on a Saturday I believe and stayed through the next Sunday.  Caleb got to get to know his grandma Hubbs that week and loved his cuddle time with her.  Janet came with us to Caleb's circumcision appointment that Monday, and also made it to his follow-up appointment that Friday.  She also got to come with all of us to Caleb's newborn pictures we did that week!  It was such a help to have her there for even just the little things of helping with the diaper bag, bottle, etc.  As new parents we feel like we are kinda playing catch-up or running behind all the time, so that little bit of help made a big difference.  The end of this third week we celebrated Mother's Day as well. What a special day for me!  Historically I have struggled a great deal with this day, as it always made me so sad to not have a little baby of my own.  This year was fantastic.  Alan surprised me a day early on Saturday with flowers, chocolates, a "Worlds Greatest Mom" mug, a card from him, and a card from Caleb.  The cards brought tears to my eyes and I was so grateful for the husband I have who made me a mommy, and all the love and support he is to me.   The weekend also ended with Caleb being able to meet his Grandpa Hubbs, Aunt Susan, and cousins Jeff and Austin who all drove down from Idaho.  This week was full of memories for sure!

Week 4 found us finally settling in to our routine and life as a family of 3. We were done with visitors and house guests and could finally figure out how to be just us.  And while we LOVED all of our visitors, it was a very welcome break to have a quiet house for a few days.  We finished Caleb's newborn pics (another post on this and copies of the pics to come) and tried to find new ways to pass our days since we were still stuck indoors! (Doctor told us not to take him out in public until June!)  We tried to make it to Alan's softball game this week (even though it was a week or so early to take him outside), but the weather didn't cooperate, so we stayed in again.  We did start to take walks this week though and absolutely loved it! Caleb would pass out as soon as we started to walk and I just loved the fresh air and being outside!  Life finally felt normal again and we were finally able to get rid of his apnea monitor this week!

We realized that life before Caleb meant we slept in on weekends, got a full nights sleep, and left the house whenever we wanted to just run and grab something quickly.  Life with Caleb now meant little sleep, long days, planning to leave the house that sometimes didn't end up being worth it, and we wouldn't trade ANY of it!  Caleb is so incredibly perfect and loved and it's unexplainable the worry, love, and care you can have for your child.

Caleb's Birth Story-Part 2

So here we are.....Thursday April 9th has come to an end and Caleb is 24 hours old.  I am off the IV drip (which I have since been reminded was the Mag drip) and feeling much better.  I've managed to eat small amounts of solid food and am able to walk across the hall now to feed Caleb every 3 hours.  Alan is staying at the hospital with me and Caleb and sleeping in the previously mentioned very uncomfortable chair/bed. :)

Caleb ending up spending a total of 9 days in the NICU.  Because we are now over a month since his birth I don't remember in enough detail to write down how each day progressed.  So.....I'll summarize and try to recap each issue/concern that happened while we were there in its own paragraph.

The original reason he was admitted was low blood sugar.  Because of this-every time we fed him they had to poke his heel to draw blood to check his levels.  Anything under 45 was too low.  I believe the lowest it ever was was in the 20's.....It was alarming low at that point, but he bounced back.  Anyway, we were feeding him every 3 hours, so that meant a new heel poke every 3 hours.  They did this for the first 7 days of him being in the NICU.  So. Many. Heel. Pokes.  Poor little guy. His heels were blue and purple with bruises from all the pokes.  He cried each time a nurse would touch his foot because he knew what was coming.

After his first few days in the NICU he ended up having to go under the bili lights too for his jaundice.  This was a very minor issue/concern and he only ended up staying under those lights for about 24 hours.  He LOVED his time under the lights however.  It was like he was laying in a tanning bed and on vacation :)  He would just sprawl out under the lights and sleep for HOURS!  He was so warm and comfy during that time-I'm sure he was sad when it ended....except for the eye covers....I bet he was glad to get rid of those.

The final concern we faced in the NICU was him learning to eat enough on his own without the feeding tube.  The feeding tube didn't get put in during his first few days in the NICU, but I don't recall now what changed or happened to make them put it in.  In either case-he got a tiny orange tube put in his nose and taped to his cheek.  He absolutely hated the tape and tube on his cheek and pulled it off several times.  When he first got the tube they told me they would give him formula after I fed him until he met the required feeding amount.  I was SO disappointed at hearing the word 'formula'.  I wanted him 100% breast fed.  Luckily for me-my milk fully came in that night and Caleb never had to have formula through his nose tube-they were able to give him 100% my milk :)  Hooray for small victories!

So, our routine each day Thursday through Sunday went like this:  At feeding time-Alan and I would walk across the hall to the nursery.  We had to get buzzed in.  We'd walk back and let the nurse know we were there, and then we could start the process.  We would have to wake him up to eat.  To do this we'd unwrap him from his blanket and change his diaper.  The nurse would come in and check his temp and blood sugar. By this time he'd be awake, sometimes crying, and ready to eat.  I would sit in one of their green rocking chairs and Alan the other.  We'd roll his IV stand closer to us so he could reach ok and I'd begin to feed him.  Because of how tiny he was, and me having larger breasts, the football hold worked best for us initially for feeding. I'd get a pillow set up on my side and off he'd go.  The nurses were all amazed at how he just knew how to latch on and eat from the very beginning with as early as he was.  We never really struggled with this, and for that I am grateful. Alan would sit with us and just be supportive during this time.  When I was done feeding him either me or Alan would burp him.  Then we'd take turns just sitting in there and holding him after eating/burping before we left.  We were usually in there with him for about 90 minutes.  So that would give us another 90 minutes to ourselves before we would go back and repeat the process. Once we would leave Caleb we'd go back to our room so I could pump, we could eat, sleep, whatever.  Alan was incredibly supportive this first few days at the hospital and I don't know what I would have done without him!  He kept me with a full cup of ice water and made sure I was drinking it.  Made sure I was eating, had food when hungry, brought me clean clothes, make-up, etc. He made me lay down and sleep and just sat with me to make sure I was ok.  Such an amazing husband :)  Then on Sunday night Alan went home to sleep as he had to go back to work on Monday.  Technically I was released from the hospital Sunday night as well-but because Caleb was staying in the NICU I stayed at the hospital doing what they called boarding.  We paid $50 a day for a room and the meals to keep coming.  That way I could stay and be there to feed Caleb and not have to worry about driving back and forth, etc. So I went home with Alan briefly on Sunday night so I could shower and all, but then went back that night-not missing a feeding.

Our routine starting on Monday was nearly the same-but I got more control over Caleb in a sense.  At each feeding I could come in and start things on my own. I took his temp and just told the nurse what it was.  I changed his diaper, could pick him up out of his bed on my own, etc. Monday also gave me a nice surprise and I was able to give Caleb his first bath!  Our sweet nurse helped me learn how to do it and another nurse took pics.  Caleb loved his bath so much!  He relaxed in the warm water and each time we poured water on his head or neck/shoulders he would just relax in to it and get a smile.  It was so adorable!  He loved his head being scrubbed too and it was so cute.

We kept up this daily routine of diaper changing, heel pokes, taking temps and nursing throughout the week.  We also added in weighing him before I would nurse him, and then again after to see how much he'd gotten.  It took a few days of having to supplement with the nose tube, but eventually he started eating enough from me all on his own!  We had our ups and downs with feeding time as it would break my heart each time he didn't get enough, because I knew he'd have to stay in the hospital that much longer.  I cried on many occasions to my sweet husband because I didn't think I could handle any more. It also broke Alan's heart to see our little guy in the NICU getting poked, prodded, with tubes and wires attached....but he was always there to comfort me despite how it made him sad too.

We arrive at Thursday...the 8th day of life and the 8th day in the NICU for Caleb.  He was finally eating enough on his own he could take out his nose tube!  And because of this-he also got to come stay with me in my room for the first time since being born!  I was excited, and oh so very scared. :)  I was going to have him alone overnight for the first time.  And Alan wouldn't be there because of him needing to sleep and work.  What if I didn't hear him cry when he needed me?  What if he was too cold and I didn't realize it? What if I couldn't do it on my own?  I was so nervous and scared. Alan came and stayed for much of the evening with us, and then reassured me that I would be just fine with him over night.  He left, and it was just me and Caleb.  I had to take him in to the nursery still every time he was ready to eat to weigh him and take his temp and all....but then back to my room we'd go to eat.

We survived our first night alone together, but not without tears, frustration, and little sleep.  I think because Caleb was somewhere new, and sleeping in a new bed, he was just a little unsettled and unsure.  He didn't sleep well, fussed quite a bit, and did much better being held in my arms.  This mommy didn't get much sleep that night which unfortunately made for a little bit of a rougher day the next day. But, we did survive. :)

Friday morning came and we were (not so patiently) waiting to hear if we could finally take Caleb home.  He was eating enough now, blood sugar was good, and he passed his carseat test this day too (because of him being before 37 weeks he had to sit in his car seat for 2 hours straight to make sure his oxygen stayed good). 11:00 came and the doctor and nurse came in to say we could take him home that day!  HOORAY!  My excitement was so great, but quickly settled down when they added "....but with an apnea monitor".  My little guy was going to have to be attached to wires still.  A monitor.  We couldn't just take him home and be as I'd always pictured in my head.  At this point, due to the past 9 days, lack of sleep, back and forth to NICU, I just couldn't take any more.  Alan left work early and came to help us get ready to leave the hospital.  But of course we had to work out getting the monitor with our insurance first.  Such a pain! I sat in bed and cried while Alan worked on the monitor and insurance part.  He started around 11:30.  It was 5:00 before we even found out who the monitor was coming from.  And the NICU doctor had wanted us to stay in the hospital with the monitor for at least 6 hours so we felt comfortable with it.  They wouldn't discharge us that late.  I thought for sure we'd be there another night at this point, and I just cried more. I absolutely could not take any more. I wanted to be home with my family.  Thankfully the doctor said we could go home just after being shown how to use the monitor instead of having to stay.  We did a mad rush of watching the CPR video we were required to, and getting 2 weeks worth of hospital stay supplies packed up and ready to go home.  The apnea monitor arrived somewhere around 5:30-6:00.  We got the info on how to set it up, monitor, etc. We dressed our little guy so fast to go home at this point-we just couldn't be in the hospital any longer! In fact-all my planning before he was born of getting cute pics in his first outfit and leaving the hospital fell flat because of how exhausted I was and just ready to get the hell out of there!

We were all packed up and heading out the door! Finally!  Around 6:30 that night we started our way out.  We stopped to say goodbye and get a few hugs from some of the amazing nurses who had helped to care for us during our stay.  We got Caleb in the car and a nurse came out to check to make sure the carseat base was secured in tight enough.  We left my car at the hospital (not wanting to take 2 cars home at this point) and off we went.  WE HAD MADE IT!!!!!!!!!  We were finally home as a family.  We had wires and an apnea monitor in tow, but at least we were home.  There is nothing better in the world than having your little family close together, in your own home, and experiencing that for the first time. :) 

Alan and I are so in love with our little man, and now we could finally feel like we were starting our lives together as a new little family. What a happy day :)

Caleb's Birth Story

On Monday April 6th I headed in to work as normal in the morning.  I worked for about an hour and then headed off to my doctor's appointment, which was now being held weekly.  I had planned to be back to work within a couple of hours-but there were other plans in the works. At my appointment my blood pressure was high (can't remember what it was exactly) and there was protein in my urine sample.  Because of both of these, my doctor sent me next door to the hospital for some tests and monitoring.  I called Alan and texted my boss.  I figured I'd be in the hospital for an hour or two for the tests and then back to work after that.  Once at the hospital they put two monitors on my belly.  One for monitoring the baby's heartbeat and the other to monitor my contractions.  They did some blood work and I did another urine sample.  The urine sample came back with the same amount of protein in the sample as the doctor's office showed.  And with nearly each contraction I had the baby's heartbeat dropped pretty low. After I had been in the hospital for about 3-4 hours I finally texted my dad as well to let him know what was going on.  I think I also texted my aunts, but I can't clearly remember that part now.  My dad happened to be home from work that day, so he and my mom drove to the hospital as soon as they heard from me and spent a few hours with me.  (Good thing they came-by the time I could finally eat-it was like my food they brought me was child proof! Dad had to open my sandwich and peel my orange! lol) :)  I texted my boss again and let him know I probably wouldn't be back to work that day.  By later that afternoon my doctor came in and told me they would be admitting me that day for continued monitoring and told me that I had preeclampsia. I called Alan and let him know the most recent updates and he left work at this point and headed over to me.  My parents also left at about this time.  The nurses came in and helped me get moved in to my room after my dad gave me a father's blessing before he left.  Alan got to the hospital not long after I had been admitted, and he was sweet and stopped at the house and brought me supplies. Clothes, makeup, deodorant, movies, etc. He spent several hours that night with me before heading home to sleep so he could go to work in the morning still (new job-not a lot of PTO saved up-needed to save it until baby came).

Tuesday morning came, not really any new updates. By Tuesday afternoon/evening my doctor came in and told me and Alan that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital before I had the baby.  They were going to try to get me to 37 weeks (which would be the upcoming Sunday) before delivering if they could, but there was a chance they would have to deliver me before that if my blood pressure remained high or the baby's heartbeat kept dropping. I admit to having a breakdown when the doctor left and it was just me and Alan.  I wasn't ready yet. I still had 3 weeks left. I hadn't packed the hospital bag. I hadn't put together the pack and play (which is where baby would sleep when we came home). I hadn't cleaned the house. I wasn't mentally ready to have this baby yet.  I wasn't prepared for a c-section. It wasn't what I had planned on, hoped for, etc. But there would be no way to deliver naturally at this point-the baby's heart couldn't take it.  I was going to have a c-section, it was just a matter of it being before 37 weeks, or making it to that 37 week mark.   By Tuesday night Alan had planned on sleeping at home again-but the doctor made a comment that evening about possibly having to deliver that night.  So Alan stayed.  He slept in a chair that folded out to a longer bed.  Super uncomfortable for anyone-but especially so for my 6'2" hubby with his big build.  He was a trooper though.  Although, at some point during this day he told me to "buck up" to which I replied with tons of sarcasm giving him crap for telling me that and him not even being sure about staying w/me because of the bed for him. :)  Tuesday night came and went and baby was able to stay inside me.

Wednesday morning came and I was super tired of being in that hospital bed already.  Part of me (most of me) wanted baby to stay inside longer to give him longer to develop, but the other part of me wanted him out cause I was so tired of the hospital.  I broke out the word search books Alan brought for me.  I started the book he brought me as well.  I watched movies, and watched a lot of TV.  I had visits from my aunts and parents. Phone calls and texts from all family members.  On Wednesday morning Alan was at work and the on-call doctor gave the orders for me to not eat after breakfast (8:00 AM) and nothing to drink after 11:00 AM.  (My doctor went out of town on vacation Wednesday morning-which I had known about). The no food was in case they had to do the c-section that day.  At 6:00 that night I still hadn't been able to eat or drink and was starving!!  However, my blood pressure had remained very high all day, and baby's heartbeat continued to drop with each contraction. At about 6:30 or so the doctor came in and was about to tell me I could eat dinner when my blood pressure spiked higher than it had in the last 3 days.  By about 7:00 I think it was the doctor said it was time to deliver due to my blood pressure and we would be going in to the c-section soon.  At the time the doctor told me this there was me, Alan, my parents, and Shana in the room.  My dad could see the emotion in my face when the doctor told us this, and he asked if we wanted a moment. I nodded yes and everyone left the room so Alan and I could just be us for a minute. I cried and cried to my sweet husband.  It was too early.  The baby still needed time to grow and develop. I wasn't ready. The baby wasn't ready.  But-there was no choice. Our son was about to be born-ready or not.  My dad let my family know what was going on and Shana did the same for Alan's family.  The process was so fast once they said we needed to deliver. Alan and I were taken to get ready. They put him in the white sterile suit and took me in for the epidural.  Alan had to wait outside the room while I got the epidural and they got me ready.  The hospital staff was so amazing during this process. A shout-out to the Orem Community Hospital for this.  The anesthesiologist had helped my dad give me a blessing before they brought me back.  He was a sweet man with a good sense of humor who tried to keep me smiling and upbeat.  My amazing nurse Christi was a huge support. As I sat on the table waiting for the epidural she just held me.  She stood in front of me, her hands on my shoulders and arms.  She rubbed my arms and spoke encouraging words to me, helping me to get through it.  The epidural took fast. As they laid me down on the table my entire bottom half went numb so quickly. It was a very weird feeling to want to help them move my legs, but I couldn't. Once I was all laid down and ready, they let Alan in.  The curtain was up in front of my face, and Alan chose to stand and watch the c-section in its entirety.

It was only moments after Alan was allowed to come in to me that they were cutting me open.  I chose not to watch, but did ask Alan a few times what was happening. Each time he replied with "You don't want to know". Haha. :)  It seemed like only a few minutes later and the anesthesiologist asked me if I wanted to see them pull the baby out.  I said yes.  He held up a mirror for me just as the doctors were pulling our little boy out.  Later Alan said the cord was wrapped around him when they pulled him out, but I don't remember this part. I watched them pull my baby out and take him over to the side of the room to be checked.  I turned my head and could see most of this part, and Alan walked over to the baby.  Our little man was here!!  I had tears in my eyes as he started to cry the sweetest, most quiet cry I'd ever heard.  The only thing I could say was "Is he ok?"  The doctor checked him, and yes, yes he was ok.  They cleaned him off as he continued to cry and then wrapped him up in a blanket and little hat.  They brought him over to me so I could see him.  Alan helped to hold him since I didn't have any strength in my arms to do so.  But I did put my arm up to him and touched him. We got a few moments with him before they took the baby to the nursery.  Alan went with the baby while I was getting finished in the c-section.

After having the staples all done, they wheeled me back to my room.  As I entered the hall I remember seeing mine and Alan's families lining the hallway.  Nearly everyone had come.  I clearly remember my brother Zac and his wife CJ, but the images of the others all blurred together after that.  However, only a few people were missing out of both of our Utah families. I got back to my room and Alan had been in the nursery with the baby.  I don't recall now if I nursed the baby before our family came in or not.....I think I did. I nursed him for a few minutes and then laid him on my chest.  Our family all came in to hear what we had named our son.  As soon as everyone was in the room Alan let me say the name.  Caleb Alan Hubbs. My little man laid on my chest as family got to admire him for a few moments.  Slowly family began to leave (It was probably close to 9:00 at this point).  I was exhausted and didn't feel well.  Because of the preeclampsia I had to be in an IV drip of something (can't remember what now) to prevent seizures.  This drip made me sick.  I mean sick.  I know that part of our family saw me throw up as they were coming in to the room.  And I remember throwing up 2 more times that night too.  I was super grateful for that mean doctor who didn't let me eat all day now :)  After family had gone I was still feeling pretty sick and the IV drip made me feel in a haze and I couldn't focus well.  I remember the nurse asking if we wanted Caleb with us or in the nursery to get some rest, and we opted for them to take him to the nursery.

At some point in the next few hours Alan and I were informed that they had taken Caleb in to the level 2 nursery, or NICU.  His blood sugar was far too low and he needed to be monitored.  This meant no baby in our room at all.When they first told us this I was ok.  Slightly emotional, but figured just taking precautions and all was well.  I went in to feed Caleb every 3 hours still and only had to use a wheelchair to get there once-otherwise I was ok to walk. The next day is a blur.  Thursday I was feeling horrible because of that IV drip and barely remember anything at all from that day. I recall a few people came to visit-but I felt so terrible it took everything I had to focus on someone when they were there and talking and just wanted to sleep.  Most people realized this and didn't stay long.  And honestly, I really don't remember much of Thursday until that night when I finally got off the IV drip and started to feel normal again.  I remember eating crackers Alan brought me as my first food again.  I seriously think I went nearly 2 full days without eating a meal.

Thursday came to an end and my little boy was 24 hours old.  He was in the NICU with me and Alan in a room across the hall.  Caleb ended up spending 9 days in the NICU before getting to come home-but I will write about those days in the next post :)

Maternity Pics