i passed the quals!!
praise God.

i'm officially a phd candidate.
took a while.


my brain is now saturated with science.
been hearing about science in talks and posters for the past few days.
eat sleep science.
cos its a scientific conference.
which is good, cos i feel that i'm learning.

but its also not so good, because i go on facebook and look at the photos of friends at salsa congresses, clubs, having fun, and i'm drowning in scientific info overload.
my life is just not as fun.
i guess its the path i've chosen.
no 9-5 job, with fun after that.

this phd thing is a lifestyle.
biology all the time
i love biology, and research, but sometimes i can't help but feel like i'm missing out on other more exciting things.
one can always say 'its about balance' and 'time is made'
which is true.
its just a matter of how long it takes to graduate.

i'm stressed.
the phd qualifying exams are in 15 days time and i'm so unprepared.
why am i always so unprepared for major exams?
i feel transported back to the time of tripos.

just read journal entries from the time of tripos.
its been a while.
and remember the stress i felt back then.
this isn't as bad as that.
and God saw me through it all.
God is a faithful God.

on graduation day, we sang 'great is Thy faithfulness'
how true.
i did not get here by my own strength or ability.
God put me here.
He will see me through it.

'do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which is beyond all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.' philippians 4:6,7

i don't like saying goodbye
this studying abroad business used to be fun and exciting
now its just work in a foreign land

spent national day this year in singapore
in fact i've spent every national day in singapore i think
cos its during summer hols

but this year it felt different
when kit chan sang Home it swept me back to when i was in primary school and heard it for the first time, and i remember bits of what life was like then, and what i've gone through to the present day.
and i knew that i was home, truly.

ok that was a lie
i knew i was home when i saw my parents at changi and felt the humidity in the car park.
but the song reinforced it.


i've said goodbye so many so many times
and it really doesn't get easier
in fact it gets more difficult cos everyone is growing older and it is worrying.

i hate saying goodbye
but i need to be strong and carry on
then i can come home, truly.

last tuesday (the one that just passed), in the midst of my crazy schedule, i decided to make a beef stock following Julia Child's recipe.
because i've finally procured cheesecloth, that elusive thing that is required to bundle up all the herbs.
and at 245 am, after 4 hours of simmering, the stock was ready.
and i was sleepy.
so i decided that it was time to strain the stock.
and so i poured my beautiful stock througha a seive in to my big glass pyrex bowl.
i had enough stock to fill 60% of the bowl when suddenly i heard pop.
i looked down and saw that the glass bowl had completely cracked around the middle, depositing glass pieces and my precious stock all over the table.
it was 3 am, and so it took my tired brain some moments to process the information it received from my eyes.
so i just stood there in stunned denial for 2 minutes.
then i cleared up the mess.
fortunately i managed to salvage about 1 cup of stock that was left in the pot.
but still.
sigh

it really has been a not so good week.

its saturday and i made it through the craziest week in one piece.
very similar to tripos, just without the exams but plus many other stressful things instead.
but they are over now.
yay
slept 12 hours in total for 3 nights.
surviving on caffeine and adrenaline.
so last night i just crashed.
and slept for 12 hours straight.
yay.

this week is a killer week.

i need to read a 17 page paper by tmr and do a write up on it.
i need to complete a ppt presentation summarizing my data from my previous rotation for discussion with the PI tmr.
i have to present at lab meeting on friday.
i need to write a program by friday morning.

and somewhere in there i need to fit a salsa team practice and lab work for this rotation.

the post-doc i'm working under has been super understanding about me not doing much bench work this week. very grateful for that.
will have to make up for it next week i guess.

woke up to a thunder storm this morning.
it was pouring.
smsed the post-doc to say that i would be late.
so i waited for the storm to pass (abt 30 min) before heading to lab.
saw a rainbow as i was cycling to lab.
it was a big, perfectly shaped semi-circular rainbow.
and it looked super close by
it was beautiful
reminded me immediately of God's covenant
and how He is faithful to His word.

it sux to be separated from the 3 people i love most in this world.
my parents and my grandma.
for 5 more years.
i will work hard.
so that i can get out of here soon.
and so that i won't have to leave them anymore.
and i will save up.
so that i can go back more often.