stupid spanish language.
why must everything have a gender huh.
spoon is female and plate is male.
who on earth thought of these things.
grrr.

Tengo muchisimo deberes pero necesito estudiar para mi examen de Espanol.
Y pienso voy a fallar.

God does answer prayers.
i've been experiencing that lately.
then why i am i so.... annoyed?
God gave me what i asked for.
but i don't want :(
its the right thing to ask for, so i did.
and it is happening.
but i'm not happy :(
argh.
patience.
thats the lesson i'm learning now.
1 corinthians 13:4.

salsa cuppers was held on 17 feb 07

pre-competition shot with my dance partner, hai han.

so there were abt 10 couples in the semifinals.
they played music for abt 2 mins and we just danced.
i thought we did quite ok.

then we were recalled back for the finals- 5 couples out of 10.
and we danced to another song for abt 2 mins as well.
the second song was much nicer than the first.
it is, in fact, one of my fav salsa songs. and i feel stressed dancing to that song cos i've got this video clip of these 2 pro salsa dancers social dancing to it, and when i hear the song i just remember how good they are and i feel inadequate. but oh well. i still love the song- la salsa nunca se acaba.
our number was 109.
and some ppl in the audience were like shouting our number in the middle of the finals to show support.
so nice of them :)
but that made me a bit stressed.
so the second dance didn't go as well as the first.

the 5 couples in the finals were ranked.
out of the 5 couples 2 were on the team- us and the team captains.
so obviously the question on everyone's minds was- who will get the first place?
and as it turned out, we did!
yays.
and the team captains got 2nd.
and they were Not Happy.
oh wells who cares haha.
its all over now.

i went to london today.
arrived at 1030 am.
headed straight to the dance studio place.
danced from 12-2 pm, had a break from 2-230 pm, then continued dancing from 230-430 pm.
4 hours of workshops.
not that physically taxing really.
but very mentally taxing.
had to think and remember lots of things.
so i was v tired at the end of it all.
but it was a great workshop- i learnt nice shines (amongst other things) from it.
so i'm happy :)

then i went straight from the studio to the tube station to take a train to kings cross.
took me an hour to get there loh.
via the highly efficient london underground system.
that never fails to have delays/shut down lines.
fortunately i could catch the 615 pm train back to cam.

arrived at 7 pm. yes. 45 mins.
then i rushed to churchill for malaysian night.
i thought i was late cos i arrived at 720 pm and it was supposed to start at 7 pm.
but in the end the show hadn't started yet.
and everyone was like "they are working on msian time"
hehe.
so good loh.
i didn't miss anything.
yay.

play was really very very good.
*applause*
very entertaining, and the actors were all v talented.
the dances were good too!
i was, and still am, very impressed.
thoroughly enjoyed myself :)

the worm that spat on me
its from the phylum Onchophora.
meanie.

decided to listen to the song Mama by Il Divo.
one of their few english songs.
so i actually understood the lyrics.
which made me cry.


Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes

Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you Mama

I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama


i miss you mummy. :(

Supervision

Estoy muy cansada y necesito trabajar. Pero quiero bailar.
sigh.



had my supervision today.
i read half the paper (thanks for offering to help haihan- but its ok, the paper covers stuff beyond the scope of Part IA development..) then went for supervision hoping for the best.
and she asked me the question i knew she would ask "so, what is this paper about?"

when my lawyer friend asked me that question last night i said "er. its about flies, wings and genes."

but obviously i couldn't say that.
so i kept quiet. then she said "what did they discover?"
so i said "that the vestigial gene is sufficient for wing development"
then she said "what evidence is there"
i said "ectopic expression of the gene led to wing development in other organs"

she gave me a look.

then said "ok lets go through this from the start"
so i spent an hour learning how the fly wing is made.
halfway through that she said "do u know what a fly with a mutation in vg looks like?"
i said "yeah.. the wings are tiny"
she said "do u want to have a look? i think i have some flies"

so we went to the lab she worked in.
and its a development lab.
apparently she did have vg flies. but her lab mate did.
"he breeds vg flies to feed to his worms cos they can't fly so the worms can catch them"
wat is this man. cheating one loh the worms.
she found the flies. i looked that them. then lidat loh. see before liao.

then she found the worms.
so disgusting.
they were black and icky.
"the worms shoot out neurotoxins to stun their prey before eating them."
wah lao. then still need wingless flies. goodness. lazy worms man.
then she opened the bottle containing the worms and took one out.
she put it on her palm.

and it spat at me.

!!!
wat is this man.
stoopid worm.

then we went to this smelly room full of flies. in tubes la.
and she discovered these petri dishes she left there since summer- full of baby horseshoe crabs!
still in some membranous structure.
they looked exactly like the adult ones, only much much smaller.
SO CUTE.
then she said "they are still alive!"
i asked her how she could tell.
"they are moving!"
oh. right.
and indeed some of them were.
i was amazed.


i guess that experience brought me back to the reason why i love biology.
because Creation is just so amazing.
the little crabs were like 0.5 cm in diameter, yet they look just like the adult.
i remember the last development prac i had last year, where i got to see the embryos of chickens and zebrafish.
i could see the individual blood cells cruising through the capillaries.
i was stunned by the beauty of it all.
just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes.
how totally awe-inspiring God's handiwork is.

"how can you be a scientist and still be a Christian?"
how can i not?



so after the supervision i concluded that my supervisor is quite nice after all.
so not too bad.
though i still think that she thinks i'm v stupid.
but oh well.
its ok.

Pre-supervision

i have a one-on-one supervision tmr.
me and my supervisor in her office.
with her pet flies.

i'm v scared of her cos she is v scary, with the ability to make me feel v stupid.
her:"how do u test for ..."
me: "er... run it on a gel, then transfer on to a membrane and probe?"
her: its not really possible... i'm not sure how that can be done. but assuming it can be done, what will u do next?
me:....

like hello. when she said "its not really possible" i knew i was doomed. then she still made me go on. like wat the heck. digging deeper and deeper into my own grave.

which is why i'm so worried now ah.
i have to face her alone cos my sup mate is not gg tmr.
which means that i must answer everything on my own.
and i've just discovered that we need to read some paper for discussion tmr.
a paper on Drosophila wing development.
and she is a development expert.
and we are only gg to have development lectures in 2 weeks time.
translated: i don't understand the stupid paper at all!!!!!
1:15 am now.
supervision at 1 pm.
abt 12 hours to comprehend the paper, sleep and go for lecture.
goodie.

once again, a classic example of how life in cam is not all formal halls and getting drunk.

today is the last day of the 5th week of lent term.
ppl are usually hit with the 5th week blues at the start of the 5th week, ie last thurs, but i wasn't. so i was quite proud of myself.
until yesterday. i developed symptoms of it.
and now its full-fledged.

to me, 5th week blues are characterised by a general feeling of depression, of being so thoroughly overwhelmed by weeks and weeks of undigested lecture notes and incomprehensible supervision essay topics that one is truly lost. yet the looming Tripos means that one needs to battle against this feeling of being lost, and strive to make some sense in the sea of notes. but one feels like just sitting there and staring and the wall and not doing work because one is unmotivated.

translated:
i feel damn sian.

i guess God does answer prayers, in ways that are totally unexpected.
was feeling rather uncertain and worried last night so i decided to call huixin and xiaoen, who listened to my whining and agreed to pray for me.
such loving sisters!
and i prayed too.
but somehow, i guess i couldn't imagine how on earth God could answer those prayers- it seemed almost an impossible task.
so i doubted.
but in the end, the events that unfolded really showed me that God does indeed work in mysterious ways, and i should stop putting myself in God's shoes and helping Him plan what is going to happen to me.
because i'm limited by human knowledge, and God is wise.
His plans are perfect, and i should learn to trust in Him.
and i should continue to pray.

You are amazing Lord
All-powerful, unchangable.
Awe-struck we bow to our knees as we humbly proclaim
"You are amazing, Lord"

and so i was taught a lesson of forgiveness.
last night i was fuming cos of the grievous hurt inflicted upon my poor tefal pan by some terrible person.
and then i sat down and calmed down.
and thought of these verses:

Matthew 18

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

in the Bible, the number seven is used to represent great quantities.
so seventy seven is a lot lot.
yup.
so i've learnt to forgive.

xin nian kuai le!
we try to celebrate CNY here in cam.
not that much atmosphere/mood, but we try.

friday: CG steamboat.




saturday: Nat Sci cookout

i am annoyed.
i am VERY PISSED OFF.

for 4.5 terms, since i came to cambridge, i've protected my tefal pan.
only i am allowed to cook using the pan.
and only i wash my pan.
because of the non-stick coat, which means that only some sponges can be used to clean it.
and NO METAL is allowed to enter my pan- a rule i enforce strictly at all my cookouts.
because i don't want my pan to be scratched.

but today, i failed.
i lent my tefal pan to someone, trusting her with it without my supervision.
first time ever.
cos she said she'll use a wooden spatula, which i'm sure she did.

then came the cleaning up.
the ppl who washed the dishes probably just dumped all the metal cutlery into my pan.
and used the wrong sponge to clean the pan.
and as a result there are MULTIPLE SCRATCHES on my pan, and some of the non-stick lining came off, exposing the silver of the pan.
i have no idea who the goons who washed my pan are.
but it was my mistake for entrusting them with it.
4.5 terms of protecting my pan.
i forgot once, and thats it.

damn pissed.
ARGH.
i want my scratchless pan back!!!!

yesterday was my college's Halfway Hall.
which is right in the middle of lent term of my 2nd year.
its to mark the halfway point of our University life in pursuit of a degree.
so fast.
halfway there liao.


pre-dinner drinks.

chris, iain and me.

nice guys. don't talk to them much normally, but it was ok.
they made the halfway hall more bearable.
chris has ginger hair and blue eyes. cool combi. never seen that before. he was highly amused by my fascination.
glad i sat near them, along with steph and desmond, a hk guy.
chose to sit at the wrong table.
or rather, at the wrong part of the table.
dunno la.
didn't sit with the girls i'm closer to, so in the end i was stuck beside this angmoh guy whose name i don't know. bleh.
but chris and iain were friendly so that was good.
should have sat at the other table with my other nat sci girl frens and their (somewhat) strange friends. strange, but very friendly and great conversationalists. darn.

got pennyed.
had to down a whole glass of wine damn fast cos the angmohs are so pro at this sort of thing.
suddenly everyone around me got pennyed along with me so we all proposed a toast and downed the wine.
whoa.
felt the alcohol's effects v quickly.
needed to pee before dessert.
but had to sit there until we finished coffee and mints, the last course.
bleh.

went to salsa after that.
so didn't drink much water.
so i woke up with somewhat of a hangover.
from like what....2 glasses of wine?!
ridiculous.
proves that keeping hydrated is v impt.

dance shot! courtsey of sean.

the performance went ok
hahahaha.
it was pure social
cos we collectively messed up one part which meant that everything after that (which was almost the whole dance) had to be impromtu.
oh wells.
but no one could tell i think
so all is good
haha

my phone rang at 7 am today.
caller ID declared "NORMAN"
so i answered the call.

me: hello
norman: hello. are you agnes?
me: yes
n: i am norman
me: ok
n: are you my sister?
me: yes.
n: you asked me to call u when i got my results right?
me: yes
n: do you want to know wat i got for L1 R5?
me: yes
n: do i sound happy?
me: er. yes?
n: why do you sound so sian?
me: cos u just woke me up.
(and more importantly, i lost my voice. how can i express my excitement when i can't even speak?! so i was whispering the entire conversation)
n: guess what i got for L1R5
me: errr (whoa how to answer...) 15?
n: no, ** (a smaller number... dunno if i should announce to the whole world)
me: congrats.
n: ok bye
me: eh wait... so which jc are u going to?
n: prob pjc.



v happy for him.
considering that his prelim results were so terrible that he couldn't get into any jc in the first 3 months, he really did v well.
i'm very proud of you my dear.
*big hug*
sorry i didn't sound excited over the phone- i was, i just couldn't express it.
know that i share ur joy.
and continue to thank God for blessing you so richly.

woke up today with a sore throat and no voice.
which were gradually accompanied by a running nose and cough as the day progressed.
not good.

looked out of the window in the morning and saw this:
winter wonderland~
pretty :)
and cold :(

me and tianyi outside the LTs in Downing Site.

then we went around camb taking photos at the grand old colleges.

outside King's college.

2-4 feb 07, brit salsafest II.
i left camb at 1 pm on fri and arrived at 745 pm on monday, in time to go for cf, albiet an hour late.



handbook and wristband.


2 feb 07

jane drove us to blackpool.
it was supposed to take 4 hours but in the end it took abt 9 hours.
cos we were on the expressway halfway there, when the car moved dangerously close to the back of a truck.
one passenger said "err... jane..."
she jammed the brakes, and the car smashed into the corner of the truck and spun out horizontally across the 3 lanes.
in the path of oncoming traffic.
i braced myself for the collision.
but there was none.
cos from the remaining momentum, jane managed to reverse the car into the road shoulder, and we all got out.
uninjured, just rather shaken.
the front of the car was smashed, but there was no broken glass.
i realised then how blessed we were- to have gotten off with a smashed car and no bodily harm- except for a slight nosebleed (jane).
poor dear. she was quite shaken cos the car was brand new. but somehow she was calm enough to call the police, insurance ppl and tow truck. this kind gentleman in the car behind ours stopped, got out and helped us out.

the police came and left, and we stood in the cold for an hour waiting for the tow truck to arrive.
finally it did, and took us and the car to a depot, from which we were given a lift to a nearby train station. we then took a train to Preston, which was delayed.
we were supposed to catch another train to Blackpool, but that was delayed too. so we took a cab instead.
and finally, at 10 pm, we arrived at our hotel.

i had pasta for lunch before leaving camb, and the rest of the day i just ate museli bars and cookies. sugar overload.

we were late for the performance at 11 pm so i only caught the tail end of it.
There was an item my Elena and Mark Anthony, which was my favourite item of the night cos Elena's danced with so much feeling and showed that through her facial expressions.
social dancing started at abt midnight, and we danced till 3 am before heading back.

i felt that i didn't dance well- my only good dances were with ppl i knew- eg harry, raj etc.
was quite disappointed.

3 feb 07

woke at 9 am, attended the first workshop at 1015 am.
intermediate on 2, by Neeraj Maskara.
first on 2 class in my life. whee!
harry, elena (professional dancer helping out in the class), me, Neeraj.


talked to Neeraj after the class cos he learnt that we were from s'pore and wanted to talk abt the s'pore salsa scene.
ended with a "i'll dance with you later"
YEAH. :)

went for super mario's advanced on1 class after that.
he was aided by this guy Lee.
who is incredibly gay.
but he was very nice- explained all the ladies steps v well.

lunch was a museli bar, then went for 3 more workshops from 1-5 pm.

ended with an advanced on2 class by juan matos.
which was quite difficult cos a) that was the 2nd on2 class i've ever been to. b) i was incredibly tired.
juan matos one of the world's leading on2 teachers. he speaks a mix of spanish and italian. which he does during class so i didn't get half wat he was saying. but it was ok cos he used english for the impt parts.
incredibly hilarious guy- made class v enjoyable.

harry, juan, me!

had kfc for dinner (so unhealthy), went back for a short 45 min nap, and got ready for the night.

shows started at 930 pm, with performances by Leon Rose and Susana Montero and other ppl.
I enjoyed their performance cos it was a combination of salsa and ballet jazz, which they were able to pull off seamlessly. Another couple tried to do that but didn't succeed as well. there are many variations of this theme of course- there can be salsa/hiphop, salsa/pseudokungfu, salsa/ballroom etc. and of course pure salsa, which was what Lee and Shelly did on the last night- but i thought that was a little boring.
Tito and Tamara did a salsa/ballroom combi which was lovely because Tamara was so graceful and Tito was charismatic- he could connect with the audience and Tamara at the same time, which is rare.
Iris de Brito and Osbanis did a salsa/flamenco combi. Iris danced bare-footed, which was amazing considering the number of spins she did. Their item had strong cuban roots, and was a refreshing change from the typical on1/on2 crossbody style of the other more classic salsa items. It was, consequently, received with genuine applause. I believe that one can differenciate between genuine and polite applause, and their item undoubtedly received the former.
I didn't really enjoy the group performances- but I usually don't unless they are very synchronised. A salsa troup that does that very well is Tropical Gem, but they weren't at the Salsafest, so that was a pity.


social that night was okay.
started off with some okay dances with ppl i knew.
all the strangers who asked me to dance weren't that good.
i was sad.
i moved to another side of the floor, and had some better dances.
then i finally summoned the courage to go look for Neeraj for a dance.
he was really nice about it, and the dance went ok. it was to an incredibly fast song, so following was challenging. plus all his variations were unknown to me, so i had to concentrate v hard. add that to the fact that he schose to dance right in front of a sizable audience of good dancers, and u'll get how petrified i was. and then he started shining. i was like "oh shit" cos his shines were amazing and i had a mental block. not good.
so at the end of it all i was quite sad.


and continued to be sad for the rest of the night cos i just couldn't get my dance up no matter wat. i tried dancing with ppl i knew i could follow, but i just couldn't get It. It being a connection with my partner and enjoyment of the dance and music. and good following and good spinning.

left at abt 3 am again, highly depressed.
returned to the hotel room i shared with janzee, and was still sad.
so i concluded that the only thing left to do was to ask for advice. so i rang yen qing, but she was teaching ballet, so i rang justin.
who gave me an hour-long prep talk.
it helped, and i became a bit more positive and was encouraged. thanks!
slept sometime after 5 am.


4 feb 07

skipped the first lesson cos we couldn't get up on time.
went for a workshop by a swiss couple- Candice and Lautaro. was alright.
had yet another museli bar for lunch while watching the Master's Jack and Jill Competition, in which the professional teachers/ performers are paired up randomly with each other to compete in social dancing. noticable absentees were Susana Montero, Leon Rose and Supermario. The couple that won consisted of a guy from the group Big Spenders and Lil Liz. Iris and Elena got into the final round, which was great cos they are 2 of my fav female dacers.

Edie got into the final round as well.
there is this thing going around that says that one can only be an Edie supporter or a Susana supporter. one cannot support both. but apparently some support neither.
i much prefer susana cos she is less showy, more graceful, less obviously business minded and very obviously humble.
yup.


attended 4 workshops after lunch, which ended with a class by Irene Miguel.
i was rather tired by then, but i found the class very helpful- it helped me to get the on2 beat.

i have cdb supervisions on thursdays.
so today after lect ended at 11 am i went to get lunch and then went to the zoology dept to eat lunch and wait for sup to start at 1 pm.
we were supposed to discuss a paper today, so i read the paper while waiting.
and i realised that i didn't know a lot of wat was gg on.
so what to do?
i called for help.
called yijin and tianyi, to be exact.
had to trouble them to help me find out abt dideoxygenin etc.
which they did.
so i felt all prepared for sup.
thanks :)

then 1 pm came.
my supervision mate didn't appear.
at 1:10 pm i called her, and she informed me that my supervisor cancelled supervision and only informed us via email at 11 am in the morning.
....
all that effort for nothing.
:(



i'm off to the Brit Salsafest
salsa salsa salsa.
whee!