Who am I,
that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me




led this song for worship at cf.
wasn't sure whether or not to lead it cos it seemed like not many ppl knew it.
but in the end i led it cos the lyrics went v well with today's talk.
and it went well, so thats good.

not in the mood to study.
fortunately no essays waiting to be done (whoa!)
so can just listen to worship music and read my new book "why trust the Bible" although i already do.

just got back from CF.
led worship today.
went well.
not as good as last time i feel, but still ok.
and i had 3 talented musicians playing :)
which was great. the same 3 ppl as last time.

hmm.
feel quite sad now.
really miss cf. and cg.
like withdrawl symptoms :(
won't be able to go for cg this fri cos i'll be at blackpool.
BOOHOO.
i just love worshipping God together as a fellowship.
maybe next term if i lead worship again i'll extend it and sing more songs. but then cf will end late. perhaps can try to convince the next com to have a prayer and praise night. that would be nice.
oh yes.
but there is Word Alive to look forward to.
yays.
6 days of fellowship, worship and learning God's word.
wowee :)

went for a nat sci formal at Queens last night.
s'porean and msian nat scis, that is. lovely people :)
group photo! nat scis plus one extra engineer. haiz.

the brothers have decided that i should post their photos on my blog.

i miss u both :(

david summers is this great guy who works on plasmids and wrote a book on them.
he also lectured us last term on this topic.
his lectures are entertaining yet informative- i leave the LT feeling like i've learnt sth.

so halfway through one of his lects last term he told us a joke.
its quite a culture-specific joke cos it involves brit stuff.
but its a good joke haha.
thats why i remember it.
so here goes..

Sherlock holmes and Watson went to an open air market in a foreign land.
They went to the first stall, and realised that it had lots of clay pots.
And in these clay pots were bits of cut fruit.
They thought it was rather strange, but decided that different people just had different eating habits.
They walked on, and came to the second stall.
This stall had many clay pots as well. And in these clay pots were cakes cut into small cubes.
Both thought it was rather odd, but neither said a word.
The next stall they came to had jugs instead. Peering into the jugs, they realised that all the jugs contained custard.
Growing evermore puzzled, they walked on, and the next stall also had jugs- this time filled only with whipped cream.
At this point, Watson couldn't take it anymore and burst out "this is the strangest market i've ever been to! what on earth is going on?"
and Holmes said "no i don't think its strange at all- i think its a trifle bazaar (bizarre)!"



yep thats the end of the joke.
after the lecturer told the joke there was this stunned silence.
you could practically see everyone thinking.
then we all got it and there was this slow groan of realisation and chuckling sweeping across the LT.
hehe.
the brilliant wordplay :)


another joke i came across:

the chicken and egg lay side by side on the bed.
the chicken was smoking.
the chicken turned to the egg and said "i guess that settles that"

:)

looked out of my window in the morning yesterday and saw this:

it snowed! so pretty :)
brought my camera along to lect and prac in hope that it would snow again.
but it didn't, so we decided to take a photo in the LT instead.

me and tianyi in the LT after pathology lect! waiting for path practical.

see we do study in this place.

today was and will continue to be a terrible day :(

slept 5 hours...
10-12 pm had cdb lect in the morning, then an hour break to mug.
12-1 pm lunch with the a.* ppl who came to visit from s'pore. but the food took so long to come that i only managed to grab a starter.
sadded.
1-2 pm went for cdb supervision, which was terrible cos the supervisor asked questions i really couldn't answer. and neither could my sup mate, so we just sat there feeling stupid. argh. and then after she explained the ans, she wasn't convinced that i understood and kept asking "are u sure" argh. and in that "u r stupid" tone.
sickening!!!
i thought we were gg to talk abt chloroplasts and in the end she talked about chromatin structure. i really can remember la.
2-4pm rushed to path dept for practical. played with bacteria. they stink.
4-5 pm rush back to my room to mug last min
5-6 pm pathology mock test! with negative marking. and like nus med, each question has 5 true/false statements. unlike nus med, the marks are cumulative, so its possible to get a negative mark for every question (ie no cap at 0)
wat fun.
630-8 pm meeting in town for a cf-ciccu joint event we are organising.

830 pm start work again! 2 essays and 1 prac paper due tmr.
thats 3.
by 5 pm tmr.
and in btw now and 5 pm tmr i have 2 lects and 1 prac. and of course sleep somewhere in btw as well.
haven't done them yet cos i've been mugging for the stupid mock test.

no matter wat it looks like, life here is not a piece of cake.
there are fun bits, but when it gets down to work, its madness.
argh.

and then i shouldn't complain.
as ben, the past CG leader used to say "some ppl will kill to go to uni, and u are in cam"
yes.
if i had known wat studying here entailed before i applied, i would still be dying to get in.

i was sitting in the LT day after lect waiting for a prac to start, when the door opened and this ang moh guy walked in with an asian in a suit.
and the ang moh was like "and so in camb, we have a tripos system, where you choose 4 subjects in ur first year, 3 in your second and specialise in your third... blah blah blah"
and the asian was nodding vigorously and clinging on to his every word.
clearly a prospective student wanting desperately to get in.
i could see it in his body language, his eyes.

and then i looked around me.
the students milling around the LT were already in cam.
and so am i.
i have so much to be grateful for.
yet i keep complaining.
i'm sorry Lord

now to write those essays..

but first, my third cup of coffee for the day.
and its only the first day of week 2. whee.

denis alexander came to the CF to give the talk on Genesis and Evolution today.
he addressed common questions such as "where do adam and eve fit in in light of evolutionary evidence?" and "was there death before the Fall"
as well as my question on Intelligent Design (ID)- something i should be thinking more about. glad his answer gave me a bit more insight.
hai han came for cf for the first time! yay!
coerced by me and sara haha.

i like his treatment of the topic.
he started off, very aptly, saying that in the end wat really matters is in the end is our belief in Christ as our Lord and Saviour- issues such as genesis vs evolution are really secondary.
how true.
because we can argue till the cows come home on whether or not the evolution of the 30-part bacterial flagella motor proves ID or disproves it, and no one will be able to know the truth.
but the one truth that we do know for sure is that Christ paid the price for our sins- that we may be saved from eternal separation from God and be reconciled with Him.
a glorious truth that i rejoice in.

bought a book that he wrote, titled "Beyond Belief: Science, Faith and Ethical Challenges.
got an autograph too! hehe :)

according to weatherunderground's forecast, it might snow on tues, wed and thurs.
there is a 30% chance of precipitation, apparently.
ooo
i hope it snows.
it will be insanely cold but v pretty :)
at least before all the snow turns muddy.
better than insanely cold and windy with no snow.
its been v windy lately.
so windy that a huge tree got blown down.
the weather recently (ie this winter) has been v strange.
its been (relatively) v warm in most european countries, with most countries that usually expect snow not seeing any yet.
like it snowed a few days after Christmas last winter in cam, yet the temperature was hovering above 10 deg C this Christmas.
v odd indeed.
all this global warming.
no wonder the english can talk about the weather all the time.

i love my CG :)

just got back from CG.
we had potluck for dinner, so that was nice.
but the conversation was even better. was nice catching up with everyone.
we ended with a bizzare food-finishing session that involved a bunch of us trying to convince each other to finish the pork. that was hilarious :)
hadn't laughed so hard in a while.

then we had a v short worship session followed by bible study.
today we looked at 1 Peter, which talked about hope.
there was this part on joy as well.
so we discussed the meaning of joy and why as Christians we are called to be joyful.
and we concluded that if we move beyond acknowledging the gift of salvation to really living out this truth, then we will, as a natural result, be joyful.

then we shared about our hols and prayed for each other.
as we shared we encouraged, joked, analysed, praised.
and as we prayed for each other, i felt really blessed to have this fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ.
truly, what really sustained me the whole of my first year and last term, especially during exam term, was the prayer support and encouragement from my CG.
not just normal encouragements, but that with bible verses, with a reminder of God's promises.
the mutual accountability and spiritual growth helped my spiritual life a lot.

i really don't know what i'll do without CF and CG.
i thank God for them.

"For when two or three come together in my name, there I am with them." Matthew 18:20

calling all cam nat scis and medics!

there exists this fantastic person in our university.
he is the head of a lab working on oncology and immunobiology and has published many papers on these topics.
he was previously the Chairman of the Molecular Immunology Programme and Head of the Laborartory of Lymphocyte Signalling and Development.
his name is Denis Alexander, and he is also the Editor of the journal Science and Christian Belief since 1992 in addition to serving as the Director of the Faraday Institute for Science and Religion.

so he is quite obviously an authority in the area of reconciling science and religion.
and well-placed to speak on the topic "Genesis and Evolution". Genesis is the first book of the Bible, and has accounts of creation that seem to be at odds with the evolution theory.

which is exactly what he will be doing on 22 January 07, in the Henry Martyn Hall (thats beside Crabtree & Evelyn along Market Street) during CF.

CF starts at 730 pm, with free dinner for first-timers followed by short worship then the talk and then dessert, and should end by 930pm.


so do come along and clear up any questions u may have on the topic, or just to hear the Christian stand on evolution. :)

today is the first day of school for this term
officially.
but it feels like term has been going on for a long time.
starting to feel tired already.
eugene is counting down to the end of term
56 days.
soon soon.

i've been finding it v difficult to smile these days.
just have this general feeling of gloominess.

like today.
i can count the number of times i genuinely smiled.
-when tianyi helped me get path notes
-when eugene also got me notes. though that smile was an apologetic one.
-when i met hongking twice and he said stuff that really amused me- u made my day that bit brighter-thanks
-when i met raj, my big brother on the salsa team during prac
-when there were nice moves in the salsa and merengue with haihan at club salsa.

all my dances, except for the ones with hh and raj, were terrible. i dunno why.
and as a result now i feel worse.

i guess there is nothing much to be happy about, really.
i have an essay due on fri, and a mock exam next week.
and my dancing is in ruins.
and i miss my family.

but i guess there is much to be joyful about.
the joy of salvation and eternal life in heaven.
its so easy to forget that.
a quick look in the bible reminds me of the joy that is promised even i the face of affliction.
grant me Your joy Lord.

Job 33
26 He prays to God and finds favor with him,
he sees God's face and shouts for joy;
he is restored by God to his righteous state.

Psalm 5
11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Psalm 51
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

happy.
just discovered that there is no path prac tmr.
yay :)

then again. everyone else starts lectures on thursday and i already had lect today. so oh well. need to look for the silver lining or else will spontaneously combust.

there isn't time to ease into term.
its more like plunge in head-first.
1 prac this week, with 2 essays due on fri.
and many lects in btw.

finally finished unpacking.
yifan single-handedly carried a huge trunk from the trunk room to my room. which is rather impressive cos that trunk is very heavy.
thanks a lot! :)
next time i'll make sure its less heavy :)

i'm back in cam!

s'pore-london-camb-london-germany-london-camb.

12 jan 07 was exciting.

6 am (s'pore time): left for changi airport
8 am: entered departure hall. bid my family farewell. except for edmund who was in vietnam.
8.30 am: smsed mummy and norman before boarding. the sweet smses they sent made me cry. i've always looked forward to going back to camb- but not this time. my very first trip was exciting cos it was my first trip. the second was ok cos i knew i was going back to s'pore in 2 months. but this trip, i truly dreaded. i missed s'pore even before i left. there wasn't much to look forward to in camb- lect, prac, sup, mugging.
9.30 am: plane takes off after a delay, taking me away and leaving s'pore behind.


3.30 pm (uk time): arrived in london heathrow airport. prayed v hard that i would be able to catch my 4.40 pm bus back to camb. practically ran from the plane to passport control then to baggage then to the bus station.
4.30 pm: boarded the coach. phew! really thank God for that.
4.40 pm: coach leaves the airport, i start planning the rest of the day and calling ppl up to settle stuff.
7.40 pm: coach arrives in camb, i hail a cab.
8 pm: arrive in robinson.
9 pm: partially unpack my luggage from s'pore. packed a small handcarry luggage.
9.30 pm: fall asleep

13 jan 07

12.15 am: wake up, shower, call a cab to fitz
1.30 am: arrive in fitz, eat dinner that the 3 of them saved for me. yes. dinner at 1.30 am.
2.30 am: leave fitz for the coach station.
4 am: arrive in london stansted airport.
6 am: plane leaves stansted airport.

10 am (German time) : plane arrives in Lubeck airport. take a bus to Hamburg.
11 am: we arrive in our hostel, put down our luggage and tour the city of Hamburg.
11 pm: return to the hostel and crash.

14 jan 07

day trip to Lubeck

15 jan 07

day trip to Bremen.
then its back to camb and reality.

me, sam, soon hui, ee mae. 4 crazy ppl from Higher Ground CG who decided on the spur of the moment after the last CG in michaelmas to go travelling over the weekend in lent. so we did. thats us in Bremen in front of the Rathaus. Lubeck has a Rathaus too. so does Hamburg.

yup and i have lecture tmr.
which is unfair because other ppl doing diff subjects (nat scis too!) don't have lect tmr! cos term is supposed to start on thurs.
lousy lousy lousy :(
haven't even finished unpacking.

met enlin for lunch at nus yesterday- was nice catching up with u babe :)
the goodbye was short and sharp- "bye", turn around, walk away.
its best that way.

the dear girl was a bit late so i waited for her at the science fac canteen.
and who did i meet there but the med ppl.
like aud, fish, mich, liwei, quan yao etc
so glad to see them.
esp audrey- sorry we couldn't meet up properly for a meal- i'm glad i managed to catch u in the canteen!

then went back to the uro dept at NUH to visit my old collegues.
some of them couldn't recognise me haha.
all of them were like "wah you've grown up liao"
was nice seeing most of them again.
the place hasn't changed much at all.
brought back memories.

then went to sim lim sq to meet kelvin who helped me pick out an external hard drive.
that place is so confusing- glad to have had a guide- thanks!

then we went to marina sq to meet the rest of the class for our class gathering.
had dinner at spagaddies.
the guys are hilarious as usual.
v entertaining :)

ended dinner at 9 pm, which was rather early, so we went to Giant, got some bottles of beer, and went to sit by the river.




then paul came along and decided that beer was wrong, so he finished up the remaining beer and dragged the rest of us who where still there to Harry's bar for cocktails- me, oiying, lindsay and kelvin.
i had a grasshopper, which oiying concluded was like icecream.
thats why its so nice :)
chilling out at the bar was great- couldn't think of a better way to end the night.

shared a cab back with lindsay, who is back from the US after 9 months!
got to catch up with her, which was fantastic.


just checked in online for my flight.
soon soon.

argh
so pissed.
don't even know why i'm pissed.
norman was trying to help me figure out why i'm pissed.
we sort of figured out.
its partly cos everything is so uncertain. sort of.
like my schedule for the rest of the week.
though it isn't really that uncertain. dunno. argh.

after thinking abt it a bit more, its also-

partly cos i'm flying back to england and i DON"T wanna go back BOO HOO.
ARGH.
and i feel unprepared cos i haven't packed yet.
i have this terrible nagging feeling that i've forgotten sth- and i'm not even on the way to the airport yet.

partly cos of this guilt that is weighing down on me.
for not studying- doesn't help that my supervisor just emailed me to inform me of
a) a mock test
b) 2 essays to write
die.
then i've also been neglecting edmund, and i'm supposed to be spending as much time with family as possible.

partly cos my dad's leg hurts and we dunno why and its worrying.

partly cos xen today wasn't that fun.
and i had to say goodbye to the ppl there.
got to see a lot of ppl there at last, which as nice in a way, but then had to say goodbye.


i detest goodbyes.
so i told all the ppl at church not to bother to see me off- cos i don't like sad scenes.
sad goodbye to them in church on sunday and that was sad enough :(


good things that happened today before i started feeling pissed off for (seemingly) no reason at all sometime past midnight:
1) got a new haircut and colour. spent a lot of time and money. but i guess it was worth it cos the service was good. or maybe they just had too much manpower so it took 3 ppl to dye my hair- 2 to do the job and one to sit around and chat, and another 2 ppl to blow dry my hair. cool. and the haircut itself took quite long. which is a good thing cos it means that the hairstylist is concentrating instead of rushing. don't like those stylists who rush through haircuts. feels sloppy.

2) met my grandma for dinner at chinatown.

3) got my ballgown shortened. got turned away by 3 tailors before finding one who was willing to alter my gown despite the cny rush.


so it wasn't an entirely bad day, really.
just the past-midnight bit when i started to feel pissed.

oh yes.
just realised sth.
when i next meet jianyang i would have graduated.
whoa~
cos he is not coming back this july and i'm not coming back this dec.
which means that we'll meet either july or dec 08, by which time i would have graduated.
scary. time flies.
must treasure the reminder of the time i've got left in camb.

but i still don't wanna go back :(

i want a time-making machine.
so that i can stay in s'pore longer.
i really really really don't wanna go back to camb :(

not cos i don't like the place- i love camb, and i will miss it when i graduate.
but cos i don't wanna go back to the intense and continuous mugging that awaits me when i return.
argh.

flying on 12 jan.
soon. too soon.
must absorb as much of s'pore as possible within this short time.

happy new year pull your ear.
albeit a bit late.

spent the last few moments of 2006 in church with a huge bunch of ppl watching Click.
then at 11:59 pm someone switched the lights on, and we all did the whole "5...4..3..2..1 Happy new year!" thing, then someone turned the lights off and we continued watching the movie.
so much for that.


its already 3 jan.
so fast.
haven't even had time to reflect on 2006 and write my new year resolutions.


decided to read my old blog post.
wanted to read the 1 jan 06 post but ended up reading the 31 jan 06 post cos it was right at the top. no wonder there wasn't anything reflective there.
but then the 31 jan post was quite pertinent- it reminded me of how much God has blessed me, and how i have no right to complain. at all.


i enjoyed 2 jan 07 a lot.
met up w ivan khoo-yi for lunch and then a milo dinosaur.
talked about the same old things- how the ppl we know are doing, and our future careers.
was fun catching up :)
went home, attempted to do work, then went for dinner with my family :)
then we went to queensway where i helped edmund pick out some clothes. i think i've been neglecting him a bit. :(
then we went for dessert at holland v nydc.
after dinner i really wanted to go for dessert not cos i was hungry, but cos i have happy memories of when the whole family went for icecream at swensens after dinner one day on the spur of the moment in summer last year. that was so fun. i wanted to experience that again, and i was so glad that mummy suggested going for dessert.
so it was nice and i was happy :)


wanted to go to bed once we returned home but i had to plan my day with mummy. we were sitting on the sofa then norman came along and put on the NBA dvd. so i started watching some match. it was pretty interesting. so i ended up watching the highlights from the entire play-offs btw the Lakers and the Sixers- with norman pointing out the players to me.
shaq is really tall.
wonder why the hoop doesn't break when he swings on it.


looking forward to tmr. or rather, today.
girls day out- first w my mummy, then with the babes from church at night.
YAY :)