yesterday i received a nice fat letter from cam.
i thought "yay! at last.. more info about the place. the accomodation forms maybe? or the orientation package?"
and then i opened the envelope.
out fell a letter and 2 thick stacks of paper.
the letter said a lot of stuff but basically it meant "surprise! u have homework. do it."
and indeed there was homework.
stack of paper #1: math
stack of paper #2: chem
wattheheck man.
i don't want homework!!

you said you'd try.
i told myself i would too.
i meant what i told you.
every word.
at times i struggled.
i wondered if i should tell u how i really felt.
and i did.
but u threw it back at me.
it hurts.
no one saw the tears in the darkness as i made my way home alone.
what difference would it make if i were in cam.
i'll still be alone anyway.

just got home from the cumsa fresher's chalet.
felt a bit strange going for a chalet in august.
it was fun!
i'm glad i decided to stay over
got to know everyone better yay
and i got to meet my subject "parent" at last after emailing him for a few days. quite interesting to be able to put a face to a name at last.

since its a cumsa event, there were msians there too.
cumsa= cambridge uni msia spore association.
sth lidat lah.
there was this guy from across the causeway who looked like an ah beng.
he is slim, with long floppy hair that tends to cover his eye.
he speaks with the typical sing-song spore accent "you know ah....don't think that..." and his favourite "wtf"
but when he says "wtf" its more hilarious than vulgar.
he plays mahjong quite well, and was trying to teach some of us mahjong ettiqute.
"ok roll the dice liao immediately must keep then start counting ah.. or else you play with old ppl they slap u ah"
but he is a really nice person and a very entertaining one too.
and then we found out more about this ah beng from his peers.
"oh he topped his college for engine"
"he 16th in the cohort for engine leh"
"his tutor said he under performed leh.. should have done better one"
wattheheck.
scary person!
but nice person. no airs at all.

i was reminded that i had signed up for lacrosse during the tea party.
and was informed that it is "actually a contact sport" and its "rugby with sticks"
...
but i'm going for it anw cos its so quaint and english and enid-blyton-malory-towers-st-clares-ish.
so funky man.
read about it as a kid... never dreamed i would actually get a chance to try it!

left in the afternoon... and went to changi airport for lunch.
ate char kuay teow at the staff canteen.
so nice~
gonna miss the food here man.
no more pasta for me.

i managed to engage a "tour guide" to show me around yay~
there's a cam ccf bbq on friday.. looking forward to it :)

i feel as if i'm leading a double life.
a spore life and a cam life.
had the fresher's tea party on saturday, going for the cumsa chalet later.
meeting lotsa new ppl with one thing in common- our uni.
meeting them reminds me of what is to come.
separation from the people in spore, leaving everyone and everything behind.
leaving the spore life behind and embracing the cam one.
and now its the painful transition period.
i don't know when i started using the phrase " 5 more weeks", but now its a reminder of how short a time i've got left here.
a haunting countdown.
and i'm so unprepared.
so many many things to do.
buy textbooks, get entry clearance, visit teachers at mg, collect my ballet cert, organise gatherings, buy new clothes, pack my room.
i need more time!
my mum says that if i don't dance so often i'll have more time.
which is true since dancing takes up my whole night- the "after dinner" part of the day, which can be used to do other stuff.
but i'm not going to stop cos i think this is the only period in my life whereby i can really dance 3 times a week. or even 4.

i'm starting to listen to more chinese songs now.
was introduced to Tong Hua and Yi Qian Nian Yi Hou by my little brother.
nice songs!
i like Tong Hua.
now everytime i hear the song Lao Shu Ai Da Mi i think of chinatown.
because the cd shops there blast this song regularly.
even heard the english version there.
initially i didn't like the song at all cos of the senseless lyrics.
but now i listen to it with bittersweet feelings- a reminder of the happy times at chinatown (read: xen) and the shortness of the time left.

saw lihao off yesterday.
couldn't help but imagine myself in her shoes.
imagining myself like that in abt a month's time.
scared.
sad.
very sad.

went to nus today.
crashed med lect in time for the muscle lecture.
by a prc lecturer.
his slides were quite good.
one could see that he really did put in the effort to make understanding easier.
so i did understand wat was gg on.
quite interesting, really.
unfortunately all i could remember from biomed was that muscle EMicrographs have light and dark bands and some lines. and that there the actin and myosin and the actin head binds to the myosin and moves it forward then *ting!* there is contraction.
so i pretty much started from scratch.

spent most of my time looking around to see who was in med.
saw many many familiar faces.
slight tinge of sadness on what might have been.
make that heartache.
consoled myself with images of cam.
concentrated on the lecture.
learnt quite a bit.
i learnt abt triads (2 terminal cisternae + t tubule) and the nice little invagination of the sarcolemma in smooth muscles- "flask-like" i think they are called.
i learnt that "a myofibril is made up of many repeating sarcomeres"
i think.
and there are many myofibrils in a muscle cell.
yay.
have been quite confused about that since... a long time ago.
finally cleared that up.

then i went for lunch with lw, ts and ivan.
then we went to collect my laptop.
and as a result, the 3 of them were late for their lecture.
so sorry guys.. thanks :)

went home, went to meet jy at arab street.
bought pretty beads and had almond milk smoothie at the nice ambrosia cafe.
but i only tasted ginger and no almond so i felt quite cheated.

went to xen.
we went to xen on sat, thinking that we would wear nice clothes and video the performance piece.
but of course when we went there justin decided that that won't do.
we needed to learn new stuff.
so we did.
and yesterday we were rewarded with sore arms, legs, and for me, butt.
didn't really feel like gg to xen today.
was almost dreading it.
but of course we went- its selene's last day at xen.
sad :(
practiced the new stuff we learnt, got banged up a bit more.
then justin realised what bad shape i was in and decided to cut one part out yay.
learnt even more new stuff- adios jump and a bit of styling- fun!
was forced to perfect the flip.
really didn't think i could do it well enough to video.
i was really quite lousy and jy suffered for it- i'm sorry!
but of course justin would not be satisfied with a so-so flip and wanted a passable one.
so with his and yq's help i finally managed to pass.
yay~
its still a bit scary to me but at last i can do sth presentable.
on saturday i really thought it was impossible.
but the impossible did happen with a lot of shouting, pushing, forcing, slapping and teaching on justin's part.
so it was worth it.
and so we filmed the short new variation stuck into the old one.
i enjoyed it very much- i love dancing! especially a sequence i know well. then i don't have to worry and i can enjoy myself.

but it wasn't a very happy dance experience today.
i was sad cos u were sad.
do hope you'll cheer up.
i really do.
i've got a month and a week left in spore.
i would like to make the most of it.
hope you would too.

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!

i passed my driving test!
hip hip hurray!
*jumps up and down*
a grand total of 16 points no less.
*hides in embarrassment*
but who cares.
pass can liao.
yay
really really thank God for helping me through.
before the test shaun smsed me Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
how true.
and so many people prayed for me.
thank you all so much`:)

i was just informed that i haven't been blogging so here goes.
i'll be taking my driving test on thursay.
i'm so scared :S
please pray for me.

so.
driving today was bad.
actually it was ok.
until the instructor said pull to the side in front of the main building.
then he said "reverse"
so i reversed.
and i was waiting for him to say stop.
but he didn't.
so i continued reversing.
and i took my eyes off the rear view mirror long enough to realise that his eyes were closed so i slammed on the brakes.
but it was too late.
i crashed into the car behind.
then my instructor woke up.
then we got out of the car, as did the other ppl in the car i crashed.
then more instructors gathered around.
and they started talking and talking.
all i could see was chipped paint.
i do thank God for that.
when i felt and heard the crash i imagined a squashed car.
but in the end it was a car with a bit of missing paint.
and my car got a scratch. and the bumper became a bit loose.
then the instrcutor told me to get back in the car and we continued the lesson.
then he said "don't worry lah... its ok"
ok.
then the rest of the lesson he spent every available opportunity trying to kick/push the bumper back in place.
i couldn't see where it was out of place cos it looked ok.
but he went on kicking and pushing anw- when i parked, when i went up the ramp, blah blah.
so it was a most disconcerting lesson.
ah well.
sad :(

watched charlie and the chocolate factory at last.
yay :)
they changed the ending!!!
so there isn't much hope of a sequel.
unless they decide to hop into the great glass elevator one day and push the "up and out" button again.
had a starbucks chocolate iceblended during the movie.
so it was a very chocolatey experience.
yay.

then on the way home i had to cross the overhead bridge.
then my shoe decided to come off.
i was about to put it back on when someone decided to kick it away.
but it didn't plunge off the bridge and get run over by a car so its ok.
so childish loh.
fat lot of good that 5 months did :p

driving yesterday was tragic.
i was sad :(
then i went up the bus.
and started thinking about my tragic life.
and then i suddenly thought of how good God is.
the many, many packets of blessings that He has sprinkled amply into my life.
and i gave thanks.
i gave thanks for the fact that He has given me so much more than i ever expected, or even asked for.

yesterday i gave thanks for the state of my employment.

in january i was jobless when everyone else was gainfully employed. and God gave me the best job i could ask for- a job at NUH. all i did was to send an email.
soon after that in feb, mrs foo asked me to work at HC as a bio relief teacher. all i did was to go to hc to visit mrs tan.

so i ended work at nuh on 31 march and began work at HC on 1 april. the job paid well, i got to stay in touch with what i learnt, and i got to make new friends (ie other relief teachers and some funky students)
then the june hols started, and i was unemployed again- in time for my trip to london.

when i came back, i slacked around for a bit, until i received a call from cheukka asking me if i wanted to go back to hc to teach for a bit. i thought about it and told the PW head that i wanted the job. so i was back in the workforce!
after 2 weeks i was unemployed again when the original PW teachers returned.

i was resigned to slacking my days away when i was roped in to join the nus rag.
there, i met this girl, grace, and she asked me if i wanted a job writing assessment books. i did, so she introduced me to her friend and he gave me his supervisor's contact. and now i'm busy writing an O level bio assessment book. back in the workforce again.

i look back, and i am amazed.
amazed by the incredible way God has planned these 8 months of my life.
everything just fit in so nicely.
i look forward to living out God's plan for me the rest of my life.
thank you Lord.

last friday was interesting.
reached xen at 7 plus. started dancing at 8 pm.
went to union at 9 plus to dance.
left at 10 plus to go to nus to rehease for a dance.
went back to union at 1 plus to dance.
went back to nus again at 3 am.
put on make up, changed into costume... went for full dress rehearsal at 5 or 6 am.
actual performance at 11 am.
went for lunch at holland v.
got home at 2 pm.
slept from 3 pm on saturday afternoon till 9 am on sunday morning.

monday.
danced again.
realised that our xen performance piece was screwed.
decided to go back on tuesday to rehearse.
its a teeny bit better now.

that piece means a lot to me.
we started working on it since... march.
from the first variation (which we took a month to learn) followed by the double windtunnel one we learnt at the now-defunct actfa at MS, to all the difficult shines... all that remain an intergral part of my memory of xen- and of salsa. to finally finish the piece and be able to dance it relatively well at an increased speed- that made me so happy. there was a certain sense of accomplishment, even though we may not get to perform it outside xen. to be able to dance that piece well meant so much to me- and when we couldn't dance it on monday, it broke my heart. to hear you say on sunday that it was pointless to practice it hurt me even more. u say u didn't mean it. i do hope so.

i don't want to say "whatever".

i'm home!
i'm amazed.
went to oynx with some a.* ppl.
had a pact with j to leave before 1 pm cos we both had sth on the next day.
we arrived at 1030, entered the club by 11 pm. hung around till 12 siting, armchair dancing and peering at the dance floor and waiting for sth to happen. at 1205 we had enough and went to dance at the edge of the dance floor. at 1230 we decided that the music was lousy and since the dance floor was still empty anw we went back to sit down. 1235 a nice song was played so we went back to the edge of the empty dance floor to groove again. 1255 j and i rememberd our pact and decided to leave. just when a whole group of girls decided to hit the dance floor. bah. was tempted to stay since there was finally some action on the dance floor. but its good to have a pact with someone- keeps one in line. so we left the couple alone and went to hail a cab. then i came home.
the end.




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today is my last day as a PW teacher!
and the students managed to prove me wrong.
for once i finally managed to feel that i'm doing something useful. like i'm really helping the students.
i went through the essays with the students in class.
then this guy who was initially quite sarcastic and buay song actually asked me if he could email me his essay for me to edit after i've left hc. quite touched that he was actually taking PW seriously at last.
then 8 other students handed up their essays.
so i had to mark the essays between 920 and 1120.
i was cold and tired and hungry in the staff room.
but i had to read and mark those essays.
so i plodded through them slowly.
then i received smses from some a.* guys "we are in hc!"
so they came to disturb their teachers and disturbed me as well.
so i had even less time to mark the essays.
but i do thank God that i did finish marking it all at the end.
so i sat at the consultation area and 1120 and waited for the students to arrive so that i could go through their essays with them. and waited. and waited.
then suddenly they all appeared, hot and tired from bio prac.
since they were late i only had a few minutes per student.
so i had to rush through everything with each student, arguing with them and highlighting points to them.
they were quite appreciative and i felt that i was actually transferring some knowledge to them and that felt good :)

then i met the a.* guys and yl at the canteen.
and yl suddenly suggested "lets go for a manicure!"
so i said "ok!"
and we went for a manicure at holland v.
french manicure to boot.
horror stories of fungal infections being transmitted through such services raced through my head but decided to shut them out. shouldn't think too much sometimes.
jm and this other guy went shopping while we got our nails done.
they returned while we were drying our nails.
then i got into a discussion with the guy involving neurons and some computer programme that applies the working principles of neurons into calculating...sth. can't remember what. then we discussed how the programme worked.

him: blah blah blah... matrix... blah blah blah... input.. blah blah blah... differenciate.... blah blah... output.
me: oh. i know what differenciation is!
him: *amused look*
me: cell specialisation!
him: dy/dx!
so we sat in a manicure shop surrounded my nail polish and discussed differenciation.

anw
as a result of out manicures we were late for the a.* tea session with the impt ppl that a.*
or so we thought.
we took a cab down only to realise that we weren't the last ppl to arrive.
bah.
but since we entered the room with our hands stuck out in front of us in order to aviod smudging the polish, most of the ppl around us got a good look at our nails haha

went to bouna vista mrt station on the way home.
was queueing up to top up my ezlink card when i saw.. a bunch of med fac flag day pple!
including tengsoon and liwei.
so i had to say hi.
lw was carrying a purple pig balloon.
and ts was like "i'll make u sth"
so he took out a black balloon thing, pumped it with air and twisted it into a flower!
so now i have a black flower balloon.
yay~



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tragic.
my worst nightmare has almost come true.

i'm teaching PW. however, the new syllabus means that they each have to submit an essay which will be in their GPF.
the workplan set out by the PW heads states that the essay is due this week!
which therefore means that the students are getting jittery.
so the more enthusiastic ones have already done the essay and are asking me to look at it. (ie mark it)
oh no oh no.
so now i have a small pile of essays to read. and mark.
feels like i'm marking a GP essay!!!
and i don't like GP!
don't like PW either!
and now i'm doing both!
argh.
nvm.
last day of work tmr.
yay~
then i can proceed to dance intensively.



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