To round out the online dating trifecta, I signed up for eHarmony - on of all days, Black Friday. Nothing says "I am thankful" like eating leftover turkey and answering questions about your favorite movies and political views in hopes of meeting a mate.

Of the three sites I tried, eHarmony was my least favorite. I wasn't much a fan of the super detailed questionnaire or the convoluted process and steps to "talk" to people. That being said, I have several friends who have met their boyfriends, fiances and husbands on eHarmony so I know it works.

Without boring you with the standard details, I "met" a guy named...Phil. We will call him Phil. 

The day...more like morning...after Phil got my number, my phone dings. When I say morning, I'm talking 5:58 a.m. 

If there is anything you need to know about Angie, it's that Angie isn't a morning person. So you better have a really good excuse for texting that early. Unless you are Bradley Cooper. He can text me anytime, day or night. 

The text was from Phil. This was his first attempt at starting a conversation with me that wasn't on eHarmony. The best part is that it wasn't a text at all. 

It was a selfie. 

Phil sent me a selfie in the back seat of a mini van of he and his niece, traveling with his family to Disney World.

I don't even know your last name, your birthday or where you went to college. But selfies, gotch'a covered. I responded, reluctantly. 

Throughout the week I received a series of pictures of Phil and his entire family while vacationing at the Happiest Place on Earth. To put it lightly, it was weird.

I didn't want to totally write this guy off just because he was camera happy before we even met face to face, but you have to draw the line somewhere. 

And that line was drawn in the form of a tea cup. 

That's right, I was sent a selfie of Phil in a tea cup.

Alice might have approved. But Angie didn't. 

That was the last I heard from Phil.

  

The Disappearing Act

Next up was Mike from Match (again, name changed). I eased in to the world of Match after Tinder was a complete & total flop. Mike's story isn't as much entertaining as it is just plain odd.

And so it starts...second verse, same as the first...Mike and I chatted, asked & answered the standard questions, then he asked me out. 

Our initial date was to meet at a brewery (I appreicated something different) and then go swing dancing - something he did twice a week. WOAH. For a first date, swing dancing with an almost total stranger was a bit...how do you say...totally and compleltely intemidating? At least for me. But, I obliged. 

Plans changed for this and that reason, and we ended up at the bar of a trendy hotel near downtown. I arrived first. He walked in and hugged me, much like Craig, but without the heavy scent of yesterday's wadded up flannel coated in air freshener. 

We sat at the bar, ate, drank and talked for close to three hours. Well, I drank. Quite the gentlman, Mike let me order first and I asked for my signature chardonnay; he ordered water. Woops. Oh well, we were sitting at a bar, so, when in...a hotel bar?

I felt things went really great. He drove me to my car, we exchanged numbers, and agreed we should do this again. Yes please.

I wasn't even home yet when I recieved a text that he heard a song we talked about on the radio and it made him think of me. In case you were curious, it was Neon Moon by Brooks and Dunn. FAVORITE. 

Anyway, We continued texting throughout the evening. I was giddy because I really enjoyed my time with this fella.

A few days went by that I didn't hear from him...which I guess is normal? I mean, what exactly really is normal these days with dating. Anyway, more time passes and still...cricketts. Like for real nothing. 

My birthday was ten or so days after the first (and only) date with Mike, and low and behold who did I get a birthday greeting from but the swing dancer himself. 

I was stunned, not only to hear form him, but also that he remembered my birthday admist all we talked about. I replied and initiated a conversation, one which he did not responded to. 

Mike disappeared, making his grand exit with those three little words every girl longs for: 

Happy Birthday, Angie.

The first guy I went out with was from Tinder. Say what you will about the app, for the 3 or so months I was on it, I found it amusing. The fact that it was completely free as well as required a very minimal profile in the "About" section were two strong selling points, thus why it was the first online dating avenue I turned down. 

Enter Craig - name changed to protect the innocent. Although he wasn't very innocent. 

Craig and I matched or whatever, based solely on a picture. We started "talking" (texting through Tinder) and I found him funny. We chatted about the usual...where we were both from, college (he didn't go), job (waiter), favorite past times (?). 

I was somewhat hesitant based on his credentials. Now, education is important to me, but it is not a deal breaker. College isn't for everyone, as he said maybe 6-8 times during the course of our date. And, I really don't care what you do for a living as long as you have drive & ambition.

Despite some doubt, I accepted a date after a few days of communicating. I was to meet him at 7 at a restaurant not too far from where I live. 

I waited outside for Craig. He showed up on time (I was early, I always am) and gave me a hug. A hug that hit me like a mac freakin' truck. Not because of his size, but because of the amount of original sent Febreeze he apparently doused himself in moments before. Oh my goodness, it was suffocating.

We sit down. Craig is anxious. Like, jumpy, can't sit still, I am afraid he's going to fall out of his chair anxious. Sure, all first dates are nerve racking, but this was almost over the top. 

Flash-forward two hours later - we order drinks and dinner and conversation goes well, but I'm not feeling it. Nice guy, but not for me. He spit a LOT when he talked. Also, Craig has been a waiter for the past 10 years. So back to that whole drive & ambition thing...

The deal was sealed when he said something along the lines of "yeah so when you meet my family...". 

In all the things to NOT say on a first date, meeting the family is probably ranked up there with "Is your friend in your profile pic single..." and "My ex always used to say...".

I saw Craig once more for a drink. I knew I was done after that. When he asked to see me a third time and take me golfing (ha!), I more or less said I didn't think we were in the same place. I thought that was a nice way to end things. 

Apparently not. 

A week later, I am running Saturday errands with Ann Claire at TJ Maxx. I am waiting at the front of the store while she pays and in walks Craig. Holy crap. I didn't think he saw me, but I left AC and bolted to the car anyway. 

Turns out, he did see me and he let me know in the creepiest way. I received a text. "Hey! Were you just in TJ Maxx? I know I saw you but didn't want to startle you." 

It didn't stop there. 

Later that same day, he sends me what was most definitely a fake message. "Hey! Can't wait to see you tonight. I'll pick you up around 6 or so?" immediately followed by a "Oh, sorry, that wasn't meant for you."

Are we 32 or 12? Who does that?

I thought for sure Craig would finally disappear, what with his hot date that night. But, no

I'm enjoying brunch at a cozy, quaint restaurant on the east side of town one winter Sunday. Read, winter. We went out in July. 

That night, I get a text from Craig asking if it was me he saw that day at this particular brunch spot. Again, he didn't "want to scare me by saying hi." 

Craig, I think we are all past the point of you scaring me. 

I didn't respond, and haven't heard from him since. 

Is this thing still on?

I can't imagine any of you are reading this after my three year hiatus, but, here I am. Chalk it up to social media making it quicker & easier to post those random moments that seem to be plotted along the road map that is my journey.

Recently, I've had a string of occurrences in my love life that were just down right ridiculous. I shared with friends, but never thought about writing them all out. 

Until now, that is. 

Let's back things up a little bit. I decided to do online dating a year or so go. There was no real reason that I didn't begin earlier than I did. It has worked for a number of my friends, even taking several of them down the aisle. For whatever reason, I was hesitant. Maybe I was too lazy to fill out all those questionnaires. Maybe I was fearful I would meet a mass murdered. Or maybe I thought I would get stalked at TJ Maxx. Which I did. 

So, for those still listening, the blog is coming back. Be patient as I recount these stories and try to pen as many details as I can. But trust me, they are coming, and I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I (almost) enjoyed living them. 

You can't make this stuff up. You just...can't.