I'm truly and fully me again, joy!

I realized recently that my emo bone has finally dissolved into nothingness. I can't be happier about that than I already am to have known that for myself.

This means I've already forgiven myself for what I shouldn't blame myself for (because I wasn't the one at fault in a big way). I am glad... really, really glad about that! 진짜!!!

Deciding to disappear from the world of the person who had hurt me badly was the best advice I took from a very wise friend. The moment I realized that I didn't even remember that person's birthday until it was over for quite a while... was the best thing in the world.

Being busy lately probably helped too. I've had to move house and be busy in unpacking and setting up stuff in the new place within the last 3 months; I've had to travel to India for a week in June; I am in the midst of a transition into a new job role and making sure my soon-to-be ex-team mates understand everything that they need to pick up (quite a number of areas to cover here).

It also seems that my pile of DVDs and "DVDs" had been quietly growing and they are crying for some attention too. :P

I've also added tennis into my schedule recently since my tennis partner had decided to be back in action... (whee!! more exercise and running on court).

It's time to regain some creative writing juices... hmmm...

Intention vs Action & Effort

Intention x ZERO Action x ZERO Effort = Wishful thinking

Wishful Thinking when made known to another person = NATO

Intention x Action x WRONG Effort = Barking Up the Wrong Tree

Intention x Action x SUITABLE Effort = Potential to Successfully Reach your Goal

In short:

• Having wishful thinking and NATO gets you nowhere near your goal.
• Barking up the wrong tree gets you nowhere too... but you might learn something for trying anyway...
• Putting in the right amount of effort and the right type of effort will bring you closer to your goals

No amount of "What if..." and "I wish..." will help you get a real answer. At the end of the day, we are the ones who are responsible to help ourselves out in whatever situation we might be in.

_{LEGEND:
NATO: No Action Talk Only}

Let me go... release me from this hell

You had my trust and my heart yet you were immature and broke it all
Now you tell me that you hope that we can mend the broken fences
When you have the dagger that wounded me still being held in your hands

I can't let you be by my side when you are like poison to my open wound
You are like gangrene on a limb, that I need to live without

Let me go, I may yet come back
But give it TWO years or more... maybe even forever

You broke me into a million pieces because I let you have my all
But more than anything else you have no one but yourself to blame
You were immature and stupid to let things roll the way they did

Things, they will never be the same again and I truly want to leave it all behind
Continue to pretend that I've never met someone quite like you, my soulmate

You took me for granted in every way - inconsiderate on how I'd feel
You chose not to speak to me in person at a crucial point in time
You made assumptions that were unfair to me
For these very reasons I may NEVER be able to forgive you

Let me go, I may yet come back
But give it TWO years or more... maybe even forever

Yet after all said and done
Perhaps you never really knew me and I never really knew you
What's said and done is reality and cannot be reversed or unsaid

If you really care about my sanity
Hope no more, severe the chains that bind
Free me... just let me go

(It's not cool for me to keep feeling oh-so-low!)

My prayer for the New Year

God save me please, hear my plea. I trust in thy power.
Let me heal from whatever pain that ills my soul.
Let me stop crying because of it.
Let me learn to open my heart to trust and love again
And let me be loved by someone deserving.

I want to be whole again.

Amen.

---

Sharing the song that keeps me sane

Video: 安室奈美恵 (Namie Amuro) Get Myself Back

Lyrics (in phonetics) | English translation of the lyrics