Just shut up, and listen
She cries, she laughs
She screams, she rambles
All sorts of emotions, you must acknowledge
Acceptance&Nonjudgmental is what she ask to adhere
Abide by the rules, and you may stay.
Otherwise, leave.
Now.. smile with me.
Boring is the word
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Friday, May 01, 2009 all i ask for is, peace. im feeling so restless and my heart feels a little more hardened.bask in glory happiness, sunshine wash in tingling warmth and droplets dew of the morning and the blues. of all the things i binge and ponder, darkness circles and wrap around in a cold embrace. pieces meshed up like mash potato; to be swallowed, disgested and turn to mush and out our anus just like rubbish down the chute of smelly garbage and mice. im writing nonsense, thinking nonsense. non sense to make no sense of sense. my senses are cut off and i die. i am still, searching and patience is what i ask for now. if only you would give me peace. i ask for the simplest things in life, i ask for things that does not even cost a cent. but, they are just so. hard to come by. i ASK for light to shine on me! i ASK for peace and i ASK for patience. I just need, a little piece of peace - Thursday, April 23, 2009 and all you see are blur letters on the keyboardand all you do is stare as you feel your tears slowly falling, and your heart filled with fire and ache and you taste the salt from your tears, and you feel the bitter resentment and your head pounds as blood gushes through every stream of vein as you feel the strain in your neck you feel numb. - Wednesday, April 22, 2009 It's always less complicated when there are less people/things.Do you think life would be better if it was just me against the world instead of us? Would life be as simple as we hope to be? Cos there's only one person.. You need two to start a fight ...... Life is, afterall.. just about you at the end of the day. - Saturday, April 18, 2009 "cos everytime we touch, i get this feelingand everytime we kiss, i swear i can fly can't you feel my heart beat fast, i want this to last need you by my side.." Love this song. And love the morning. Love the peace and love the serenity. Love the beauty, love the sunkisses. my hair needs a washing but i guess after my late morning jog with rafi. got to start a healthy living. be as fresh as a slice of orange. i am safe and protected from all negativity, in my tiny bubble of sound mind. and i think, its time for a change. i need that change. - Saturday, March 21, 2009 I am light, I am free, I am colourful, I am magical, I am beautiful.You are light, You are free, You are colourful, You are magical, You are beautiful. We are light, We are free, We are colourful, We are magical, We are beautiful. Feel your heart at ease, feel the inner peace. Feel the strength, feel the flow within your body. Feel the beauty. I want to be all that I can be. ----------------- There was a moment yesterday, or was it the day before.. I cant recall. I was affected by what I saw, affected by my environment. Im not exactly great at expressing myself, neither am I great at talking about how I feel. I always tend to see things at a bird point of view, always see two different sides to a situation so sometimes Im afraid I might sound like a walking contradiction. Haha! Anyway, thats not the point! The point is, as much as I try not to allow getting affected by what I see in NICU which is if you dont know, is Neonatal Intensive Care unit.. I still do get affected by it but I would just keep it in and deal with it the silent way. The babies there are really in a critically ill condition. It's really saddening. Babies are so innocent and pure, so its very heartbreaking to see all these tubes sticking into their nose, mouth, umbilical cord, hands, legs, anus. Imagine they are so small and yet they have so many invasive things going into their body. Imagine they are so ill that they cant even cry. They look at you with such sad eyes. After a procedure, they will literally look exhausted. But because the ventilator keep them going, their body will just keep on functioning. Whenever theres an emergency situation, it gets my heart rate running, my blood pressure will shoot up, a panicky feeling will escape me, i will feel faint, worried, pressured, tensed, messy. All messy in my head and heart. But I have to learn to overcome that. I have to learn as much as I can so that I can provide the best care for them. I have to do all within my means for their benefit. To give them as much love and care to aid in their recovery and growth. Alhamdullilah I am in this department, because I guess.. my heart will never turn into stone while nursing. okay i got to go, this is a very messy entry. - Wednesday, March 18, 2009 needs to shave, scrub, moisturize, and.. start exercising again!2 more years. - Saturday, March 07, 2009 i need work to start really soon.Cos, everything is in circles. The circus is in circles. The stage is loopsided. The mic is making funny noises. My costume does not fit. My wig is of the wrong shade. Nothing's perfect I have lost my script. How can I lose my script when it was never really given to me. Each chapter written, was given me there and then. I do a lot of impromptu's, a second tick by and my choice is made. My hands move in awkward positions, i speak a weird language, and my thoughts move around like a ferris wheel do in the speed of light. The lights are blinding. It's hurting, eating into my skin. Eating.. into my skin. I look around and all i see is a sea of blurred faces. Laughter booming, jumping off walls. I am shaken, caught off guard. Tick tock.. tick tock, darkness is all I see. Thousands of tiny little red dots staring back at me as I stare into nothingness. The silence engulfs me and suddenly, I am floating. I feel light, i feel like a speck of dust. A tiny, little.. speck of dust. -
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