Bonus Content #3

For a surprisingly good, fluffy, pretty, fun example of my last post ("why not to settle"), try Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. No eternal perspective here, of course, but there are people re-evaluating their priorities, finding what's important, and looking beyond the surface to the great things underneath. I very much enjoyed it!

Also, yummm.

Mountains and Stars (The Counterblog)

In which we shall see: A cheesy title, a poor mother's (metaphorical) heart attack, a refutation, goals, quotes (from people who know), and the satisfaction of getting all this off my chest.

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A couple of weeks ago I went home, sat down with my mother, and said, "Guess what? I met someone, and we're getting married! He's very nice, and he's got a job, and we get along pretty well... and really, what more can you ask for, right? I mean, he goes to church (most of the time), and if our senses of humor don't actually mesh (he doesn't actually have one) he's OK if I tell a joke now and then, and he'll be a very supportive dad. We don't have much in common, and there aren't many things we want to do together, but he'll stick with the family, and the kids are really the important thing anyway. Come on, kissing is overrated, isn't it? We're both happy doing our own thing, and I'll finally get to say I have a husband and children, even if he doesn't much like my friends (eh, I don't care for his). I'm sure you'll like him, once you get used to him - just like me! But if you don't, it doesn't much matter... we're in it for the kids, after all, and that's fine with both of us. Really." She was thrilled, though for some reason she keeps calling me every hour or so and asking, "Honey, are you SURE you've thought about this enough?"

Well, of course I have. After all, at my age, what's the point of holding out for anything better (i.e. true companionship, laughter, growth, an eternal connection) when there's almost no chance I'll get it (since I haven't managed it this far)?

* * * *

What a load of bunk.


When I first stumbled across this article I thought, "OK, she (the author) makes some good points..."but I immediately realized that they only applied UP TO a point. She talks about being less judgmental, being willing to give people a second chance, to look beyond the obvious to what's inside - all good advice. However, she completely misses what should be otherwise apparent: that marriage is NOT the goal. Being "relatively content" in our relationships is not the goal. Holding onto the best happiness we think we can achieve (even if it's far from ideal) is not the goal. Several prophets make this particular point, here quoted from Alma 34:32: "For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." And if you think being "content" is the way to go, please remember: "...[Men] are that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25).

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we know that there is much more than this life for us to look forward to. Marriage is not a matter for "here and now", it is intimately concerned with eternity. Without this understanding, it perhaps makes sense to concede that major sources of happiness (i.e., children) can supercede other, more nebulous potential sources of joy (i.e., romantic love). It's a logical conclusion, and well-demonstrated as a practical path in the article I've linked. It only works, however, without the complete knowledge of what our Heavenly Father has laid out for us. Something that is good enough for now is almost certainly not good enough for FOREVER. And how can we expect to have joy and greatness in the eternities if we don't learn to recognize it here first?

The end-all, be-all of our time in this life is not to get married, according to the scriptures. It is absolutely a worthy, vitally important, highly desirable goal (and indeed, a saving ordinance), but the bottom line is that we are here now to "prepare [ourselves] to meet God." Participating in an eternal marriage relationship is undoubtedly a fantastic (and even ideal) way to help do that - it is, however, not the only way. Imagine the conversations two different women might have, standing before God at the last day (as we all will do) when the Father asks, "And what did you do with your life?"

• - The first might respond: "Lord, I did all I could to be married. I accepted every blind date, I met with therapists and counselors, I attended singles events and went on cruises and signed up for every online dating site I could find. I regularly spoke with perfect strangers and posted personal ads; I prayed and fasted and partied and went to singles' wards until they kicked me out. I never turned down an invitation for a date, and yet I just couldn't quite make it happen. I did try my very best to get married."
• He might then ask, "But what else did you do with your life?" to which she could only answer, "Well, there wasn't really time for anything else."
• - Consider the second: "Lord, I had a wonderful life. I met so many amazing people, and I'm so grateful for the opportunities You gave me to serve and get to know them! I'm also so thankful for the talents You gave me - there were more than I thought possible, and they allowed me to learn and experience so much. I so enjoyed traveling, and seeing all the wonders and beauties and mysteries of this world You created. I got to know my family so well, and we were a tremendous support to each other through all our difficult times. I did my best to date and appreciate others for their hidden qualities as well as their obvious ones, and I made such good friends... I went to church, studied my scriptures, attended the temple, fasted and prayed, and did everything I possibly could to live up to your hopes for me. I was never able to marry, though I hoped and wished and worked for it - but I thought that since I was doing all I could I would trust that You would take care of this one thing I could not accomplish."

One lived a life of joy. The other did not. Which is better prepared to meet God?

I asked my readers and friends for their thoughts. Here are some quotes from their responses:

"Anybody who suggests 'settling' in order to get married is the correct path is an idiot--to put it mildly. I take offense to the suggestion that I HAVE to get married in order to have some use to the world, or to really find some fulfillment in life. Don't get me wrong--I certainly want to get married and have a family. And I'm certainly doing all I can to achieve those goals. But I am a 25-year old woman with focus and motivation to my life. I've graduated from college and I have a car, a career, a 401K. I desire a relationship putting me on equal ground with a man--I want to walk NEXT to my husband, not before or behind him. That doesn't mean I refuse to date men who don't have a career, a house, a full-paid for car and a Master's Degree. It means I look for a man who has focus and motivation in his life... THAT is my requirement at this point... Some people might think I look at marriage with a cold, almost-scientific view, but I disagree. I think I look at marriage realistically. I hope and pray it still comes in to my life, but if it doesn't, I'm still going to live each day with the goal to be happy. And most importantly, be true to MYSELF."

From Oregon:

"Drawing from my own experience being married, romance does play a big part of my own marriage and I feel is necessary for a successful and HAPPY marriage. I believe it is also essential to have similar interests and things you enjoy together. My husband and I both have college degrees and I find that it was essential for me to have someone in my life who is just as, if not more educated than myself... I have a few friends who are in their 30's and still single. I don't believe for one minute they should settle, just because they are single and not married yet at their age. I truly believe what it comes down to is continuing to have faith in the Lord that your life will be in line according to His will. When we are striving to live the Gospel to its fullest we will be the most happy with or without a spouse. I also truly believe that if we are doing those things I stated above and striving to live according to His will, then we will find and marry in the Lord's timing for us. [My] advice though to those who are single: continue to strive to have balance... You can have what you are looking for - just don't be too extreme and always include the Lord in your choices! I promise it works!!"

And from New York:

"The following quote makes me want to run screaming from marriage, 'Once you're married, it's not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it's about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business.' She couldn't be more wrong. It's not a business partnership. Well it is, if you are Bill and Hilary Clinton, but otherwise it is not. If you are both living the principles of the gospel, most of the decisions about money and child-rearing come pretty easily. And it is about who you want to go on vacation with and it can be more of a "passion-fest" than this crazy woman is claiming (however, it does take some effort, but then again everything in marriage takes some effort). If you can't have fun with this person on vacation, then you shouldn't be marrying the guy. If you can't agree on what's fun you have little to nothing in common,... and fun is mandatory to survive marriage.

One final thought: Marriage is hard. It's really hard. However, it is also amazing. I can't imagine being married to someone who I wasn't totally in love with. Yes, love does grow as time goes on, but only if it's nurtured. You can't nurture and grow something that didn't exist in the first place."

You've all heard the quote that says we should reach for the stars, because even if we don't reach them at least we'll land in the mountains (or something to that effect) - I say, why give up and settle for the mountains (or worse, the plains and river valleys) when the Lord has promised that we can reach the stars - and beyond? Do WE trust that He knows what He's talking about... or don't we? Either way, the stars are still there.

I cannot for one minute imagine that Heavenly Father is ever pleased with the idea that any of His beloved daughters (or sons, truly) would settle for less happiness than they deserve, less joy than they might otherwise experience, less than the full measure of blessings He holds for them. I pity and shudder for the person who makes such a suggestion, especially (or particularly) when their own experience should dictate that they know better. As one of my favorite readers asked: "Should someone wanting to be happy and successful let herself be affected at all by 'advice' from someone who is unhappy and unsuccessful?"

I prefer to reach for the stars, and trust that as I try to use my life to prepare to meet God, He will help me to grasp them.

Cyd


Days I've gone without chocolate: 0 (It was Easter. Cadbury Eggs are a major downfall. I'm starting over.)
Good friends I've seen just today whose experience proves the above points: 1
Sisters-in-law of mine who wouldn't DREAM of complaining about their husbands: 3 (someday 4) ((Hey, my brothers are AWESOME - and they prove it can be done!))

"B(re)aking Up Is Hard to Do"

In which we shall see: A comfort zone, some tragic (yet motivational) shopping, a Spring fling, and a farewell to baked goods.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am deeply saddened, yet obligated, to announce the ending of what has been a truly delicious relationship. The circle turns and the cycle of life moves on, we grow and expand and seek new places, new experiences... often times we leave others behind not because something goes wrong, but rather because things are just too right. We build a comfort zone around that other and burrow in, practically hibernating in the love and goodness, reluctant to move at all. And so, though it tears at my heart, it's time to make public my break-up with Mrs. Backer's Bakery and Pastry Shop. I don't think I'll find another bakery quite so perfect for me - and with a whole lot of self-control, I won't even try.

This week I've been trying to shop for a new Easter outfit, and while the in-store lighting is seldom flattering, it does tend to illuminate certain truths: NOTHING FITS. I'm not kidding. Anything that hangs passably well around my lower half looks tent-like on my upper half, and this Spring's separates are pretty fluffy, with yards of fabric pulled in to ruffles and pleats and a determination to hit a petite pear-shaped girl's absolute worst spots. Perhaps the spring/summer lines are all about motivation - either get in shape or shop somewhere else! That 34-year old metabolism shift literally hit within days of my birthday, and since I don't have the money for a whole new (custom-made) wardrobe, it's time to take stock of my life and cut the fat (figuratively and literally).

Chocolate and I called it quits a few weeks ago, and while we're still occasionally friendly we'll never be as close as we once were. I just can't go back there again. Sugar and I have been on the verge of separating for quite some time, but he's such an attractive flirt that I haven't been able to give him up - some tough love could be in order, along with a thorough housecleaning... one last Easter fling, and I'll show him the door (and kick him through it). I'm looking to get to know some new options - Treadmill has been friendly, Abs Machine is always welcoming (though a little indiscriminate), but I just can't face Stairmaster (our past history is not good, misogynist!) - Dance Class is waving at me like an old friend, so I'll have to make time to get out and mingle 'n move again. I find Free Weights very intimidating, but I hear that with some patience they'll show you a good time... I don't know. They seem kind of intense to me.

Whatever option I choose, it's past time to get out and make myself available again - and to revisit parts of my wardrobe that haven't seen the light of day in quite some time. And since a whole new life requires a whole new lifestyle, it's likely I'll be cutting Charlie Chow's Dragon Grill and Papa John's Pizza (maybe there'll be an occasional weekend visit, for old times' sake) - though the real hearbreaker just might be Olive Garden. Alfredo and Breadstick, I don't know that I CAN give you up (and after all, you come with an all-you-can-eat salad)... but I will do my best to be strong. By the next time we meet, hopefully there'll be a lot less of me to love!

And so, Mrs. Backer's Bakery and Pastry Shop, it has been a 5-star run - and believe me, it's really not you, it's me. All of me. I'll always remember your cinnamon rolls, and nobody gets Tarted up like your Raspberry Cream Cheese! I know you'll carry on without me, and find plenty of others to love - I'm not saying you're promiscuous, of course, just that you instinctively know the way to a person's heart. You won't be lonely for long, honest. A few minutes, tops. But don't despair - I won't cut you off without a final goodbye... I just called, and the baker agreed to hold a couple of cinnamon rolls for me tommorrow.

Without frosting.

Baby steps, baby.

Watch out for falling baked goods,

Cyd

P.S. The returns are in, and the counterblog is on its way!

Days I've gone without chocolate: 21 of 24

Stupid things I've done today: 1, with good intentions

Final exams to grade today: 0 !!!

Essays to grade today: 13 (out of 26 kids - why won't they just do their work!?! Bleh.)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! (Even Though We Missed It)

In which we shall see: an invitation, a greedy kid, a 6-inch tall "little green man", environmentally friendly mascara, a misplaced holiday, and a heartfelt visual.

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I enjoy St. Patrick's Day for the chance to break out a few of my favorite pins. This one hasn't been very effective yet, but I'm hopeful (and maybe I just haven't met any Irish men)! The second is practically an heirloom - back in the third grade we were instructed to write a letter to a leprechaun. Being the avaricious (or just practical) little 8-yr.-old that I was, I asked oh-so-politely for a piece of gold in honor of the holiday. What I got was a very nice response attached to a plastic leprechaun pin (and I think I remember a couple of Rolos). The pin was so cute I was almost more excited than if it had actually been gold, and I've been wearing him every March 17th since. (Third grade, people! That's... a very long time.)

This morning in class, ready to ward off any pinching with my two pins, sparkly green jewelry, and even green mascara, I was informed that - gasp! - today is NOT actually St. Patrick's Day. It's more like a "presiding" holiday... Since Easter comes early this year - this coming Sunday, in fact - that makes today "Palm Monday", the Monday before Easter. Evidently the Roman Catholic Church doesn't like to overlap their holy days, so St. Patrick's Day was moved up two days, to Saturday March 12th. If nobody pinched you over the weekend, you lucked out - if someone did, well, forgiveness might be in order!

In honor of the spirit of the day (if not the day itself - this year, anyway) I include here a traditional Irish blessing:

May those who love us, love us,

And those that don't love us,

May God turn their hearts;

And if He doesn't turn their hearts

May He turn their ankles

So we'll know them by their limping.

Slainte!

Watch out for falling... shamrocks,

Cyd

Days a year to officially use an Irish accent: 1

Times I've worn my leprechaun pin: probably 22

Number of final exams to write today: 1

Another One Bites the Dust

In which we shall see: The (Fake) Cycle of Life. Also, candy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The day before yesterday, my Fake Boyfriend got married. I didn't even get an invite! OK, techinically, I was his Fake Girlfriend, and I was a lousy one at that... It started just a couple of days before he left for his mission and we took a picture so he'd have a "girlfriend" to show his companions. I didn't live up to my job very well, though - I only sent him one package during the course of his mission, though in my defense, I did send it twice... It took me a few months to assemble various candies and little stickers and pins and cards and stuff, and I finally shipped it off to Spain. Approximately three months later I got it back, it having traveled all the way to Europe before it was returned to me. It sat, sadly, in my bedroom for about a year before I opened it, took out and replaced all the stale candy, and then packed it in my suitcase to HAND-DELIVER to Spain... Bonus points, right?

Anyway, he got the package, came home, and within 8 months got a real girlfriend and headed to the temple. I should have Dear-Johnned him when I had the chance!

Probably the saddest part is that the picture is the best one taken of me in years, and I certainly haven't looked that good since. Ah, the magic of younger men!

(Oh, relax. As if.)

Watch out for falling turtles (and please look at that "homework" assignment from the last post!),

Cyd


Number of times I've decided to clean my house in the last two weeks - and haven't: 30
Days I've gone without chocolate: 18 out of 21 (yesterday was a chocolate day, in preparation for a week without before Easter)
Number of the world's cutest nieces and nephews I'll be seeing next weekend: 9

Homework

Okay, blog friends, I have a little weekend assignment for you:

Go check out this blog post.

Then read the linked article.

Then please come back and tell me what you think - I'm gathering quotes as I compose a (no doubt very strongly worded) "counterblog". The author of the blog I've linked here won't ever read it (he can't get past the title of my blog) but it will make me feel better to write about it. (The people in my office have already gotten an earful. Heh.)

Read on, friends! Then return and report!

(***Chelsea, you don't need to read them. Heidi, Monika, Kathy, and Mom, you already have.***)

The Once and Future Career

In which we shall see: A history lesson, a crumpet, a job description, a little song and "dance", some snorting, an attack of geekishness, an anniversary, and girls' night out.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am a dramaturg. (No, this has nothing to do with any political affiliation.) If you don't know what a "dramaturg" is, you're not alone - most people, even those in theatre professions, don't know what it is. They've had them in Germany for the last 250 years, but it's only been around here in the U.S. for maybe 40 or so. My first impression of dramaturgy was of some old guy sitting around in a tweed jacket (with leather patches on the elbows), smoking a pipe and saying things like, "Now, when William (or Willie, as he liked to be called) was first writing that play I told him 'Willie, you simply cannot have a happy ending! The young people HAVE to die, don't you see? A MUCH more effective use of emotional psychology, rather! Have a crumpet.'" I thought that a dramaturg was someone who'd been with one theatre company since the earth's crust cooled, and occasionally wrote something avant-garde, if he was bored, for the actors to perform.

Maybe once - but not anymore! (If you've heard the schpiel before, skip ahead.) Today, a dramaturg can do so many things... literally, it's "one who studies or creates drama." My short description is to say that it's someone who provides reasearch and context. For example, a dramaturg may come in to work with a theatre company, and they might start by researching the company's patron base. They'll look at the economic status, community issues, prevailing beliefs and educations levels, and the types of theatre they have responded to in the past. Then the dramaturg will help the company plan the season, based on this research and perhaps using present concerns or events as a connecting theme. Next, a dramaturg would look at each show individually and research down to bedposts and doorknobs - history of the play, background of the author, themes, message, text and language of the script, sociology, culture, music, architecture, costumes, music, food, etc... along with other commentary about the play, and with a focus on the director's particular areas of interest. They take all of that information and parse it down into an Actor's Packet (or, "old school style", simply take ALL the articles and scholarly information and bind them into a production book) which pinpoints relevant information to help the actors as they build their characters.

Further, the dramaturg will make themself available to answer any questions the cast might have, and present any additional research. The dramaturg then goes on to act as a liason between the audience and the play. This might include creating a study guide for adults or young audience members, going out to talk with school groups about the show, and conducting talk-back sessions after a performance. They will often write an introductory or scholarly article about the play or some aspect of it to be posted in the program. They sometimes keep logs or journals about the production process of the play.

A dramaturg might also look at the more literal interpretation of the job as a Literary Manager, or person who helps to develop new theatre by writing or assisting those who write plays. It's a really open, wide-ranging field, and I'm finding it fascinating.
As this point, I've worked mostly in the research part of the profession - I've spent the last year or so researching plays and creating the actor packets. I've worked with high school groups, non-profit theatre companies, and semi-professional theatres.

I've come to realize that I am a complete geek.

Last night I was sitting at a performance of The Civil War out at Hale Theatre. The singing was marvelous, and the fight scenes are wonderful... I kept being taken out of the play, though, by the overly-elaborate staging. I started worrying more about the crew having to keep it all running than I did about the story! During one of these moments of abstraction I started to wonder how one would dramaturg a show like this, what the packet would look like - would I do a timeline of the entire Civil War, or just hit the points mentioned in the script? How would a person research the show without finishing up with an entire book on it? I then started remembering that I only had two pages left to finish the current packet I was working on for a show over at the school, and that maybe I could leave at intermission to go home and get it done. I might have brushed it off and gotten absorbed in the performance, except that the two women sitting next to me were being extraordinarily boorish, laughing and sniggering, both barely under control. One even snorted out loud in the middle of a song, and both of them ignored the dirty looks they were getting from the patrons all around them. (BTW, Civil War is not a funny show.) With that, and the nagging desire to get back to work on my project, I did leave at intermission - and on the way home I realized that only a true theatre nerd would rather be researching a show than actually watching one.

Turned out to be a pretty good piece of work, too.

Oh, and look! Today's my one-month blogging anniversay! I started on the 14th of February, and 14 posts later it's the 14th of March - I wonder if I should get myself flowers... or maybe just ice cream. I am taking myself to a movie tonight (WITH friends)...

Watch out for falling turtles,

Cyd


Family members I've talked with this week: 5
Days I've gone without chocolate: 17 out of 19
Days I've exercised: (I'm starting over tomorrow)
Number of plays I'll see this week and next: 2.5

Last Midsummer's West Side Spelling Women Story Bee (the Musical)

In which we shall see: Musicals, plays, and movies (oh, my!); gnashing teeth; 80's music (mimes and "No More Words" hee hee hee); masticated aluminium; soggy tissues; a relationship in reverse; several pig snouts; and evolution's day in court (upcoming).

* * * * * * * * * *

I'm back after a few days off - I hope I gave people a chance to catch up! For those of you who suspect that I might be just a little too involved in theatre, I have to say... you're probably right. In the last two weeks I attended six different theatrical productions (plus one movie), and the final four were on consecutive days. I'm trying to cut back, though - in the next two weeks I'm only scheduled to see two shows (plus two Girls' Nights Out, write a final, research a play and present information on two plays, and participate in a blood drive)... I may have to find a few more movies to fill in the spare time!

In Review:

A Midsummer Night's Dream (Willam Shakespeare) - Pioneer Theatre Company, SLC

- Amazing set, some really stellar performances (other than the four "lovers" - they set everyone's nerves on edge. My friend Jared said he was offered the role of Lysander but had to turn it down - just the thought of what he could have done in the part led to much gnashing of teeth), mainly from Puck and Oberon (not everyone's favorite, but I liked him). The costumes were very stylized, very conceptualized, and I felt like they got in the way sometimes... The set included a HUGE moon on the back wall that tracked the time of the play by moving through the phases - fantastic. I think they made a poor choice in deciding not to cut the play at all - lots of the speeches and description are repetitive, and bogged things down occasionally. Excellent production. GO, SHAKESPEARE!!!

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee - Touring Company

- So much stinkin' fun (yes, "stinkin'" - it's set in the gymnasium of a middle school) and just hilarious. They were adults onstage, but we totally bought that they were pre-teens fighting for a chance to go to the National Spelling Bee in Washington D.C. Clever music, terrific characterization, great set - if you get the chance, go see it. (Go see it twice, and you could be onstage yourself as a spelling bee competitor. Seriously.)

Check, Please - Brighton High School Productions

- Such a goofy little one-act play, all about the perils of blind dating. I'm biased - one of my best friends is the drama teacher, and I've gotten to work with most of the students on various productions... This was a blast. It was set in the '80's, and the costumes they came up with were enough to give me major "Flash"backs! (Sorry.) My friend found an '80's tune that coordinated with each frightening character from the series of blind dates, and the students got to choreograph dances to the songs to use as transitions. It was very clever, excellently performed, and hit WAY too close to home. Loved it.

West Side Story (I. Berlin/S. Sondheim) - Weber State U.

- This one was painful. The director has a great reputation, and we knew quite a few of the very talented performers. It was "old home" night for the audience - there were all kinds of teachers, students, former students, and colleagues in the audience, and we had a great time checking in with people. Unfortunately, this was one of the highlights of the evening. The set was great - it was a medium-sized stage, and they made terrific use of the space. There was quite a bit of talent on stage, but sadly, the directing was sub-par; so much of the choreography was lifted straight from the movie, and it just didn't do much for the story. It was fun to watch the people we knew, and follow their little quirky moments; really, there seemed to be a lack of commitment and depth from the rest of the performers. Chewing tinfoil could have been more interesting that sitting through the show. Afterwards, we got to see everyone to catch up a little and gush and gossip, and that was the other highlight. It was a long drive.

Little Women (the Musical) - Midvale Arts Council

- Really, truly, surprisingly good. I had a couple of good friends in the cast so I felt obligated to go, but I wasn't expecting much. Five minutes into the production I was shocked at the quality of the theatre I was watching in this community theatre show - Astonishing! (Sorry, again.) The talent was good, performances were committed, and they really GOT the relationships between the sisters. I had read a review when I was researching the show for Hale Centre Theatre's version that talked about the Broadway production. That production was technically perfect, and lovely in execution, and yet the show closed in two months. Why? The original production didn't develop the relationships between the sisters, which anyone who has loved the book will tell you is the whole point. HCT got it, and incredibly, Midvale AC did too. It wasn't perfect, but it was engrossing - and once again, I bawled like a baby for much of the second act. You can't get a much higher compliment than that.

The Last Five Years (Jason Roberts Brown) - Andrea Finch Williams' Senior Project, BYU

- Wow. Conceptually, this piece is fascinating: it's the story of five years of a relationship with the woman's perspective starting in the present and moving backwards and the man's perspective starting at the beginning and moving forward - AT THE SAME TIME. Well, in alternating moments, actually - the entire piece is done to music, with the two characters trading off songs and giving hints as to the action and their relationship. They come together at their wedding - the only duet. It was an amazing production - a fairly small theatre (evidently, 50 or so people were turned away because of lack of seats) and was basically Andrea, Kevin Goertzen (whom I worked with on The Rainmaker at Hale when he played Starbuck), and a pianist. A few set pieces, a few props, intricate music, and terrific performances... also, it was free! I totally lucked into one stray seat smack dab in the middle of the third row. I'm so glad to have seen it! Definitely go if you can!

I also saw Penelope, which just opened recently - I very much enjoyed it. It was sweet, and charming, and definitely had an applicable message, plus James McAvoy and his jeans. Interesting production values - it's a kind of mish-mash of London and New York, old money and shabby chic. It may encourage a few new trends!

This week it's off to Hale to see The Civil War (The Musical) which I understand has excellent music, and even better, a stellar men's chorus. (Also, it's starring Merrill Osmond, which for the theatre is kind of a BIG DEAL.) The following week I'm trying to get into Inherit the Wind over at the Grand - this is not only NOT a musical, it's evidently a very very talky straight play. I understand it's an impressive piece of literature, though, and I've got another friend in the cast (who would have ever thought I'd have this many friends?) so it's worth a shot. I may try to take a friend who just broke up with his girlfriend - after all, what better way to cheer someone up than with a debate over evolution?

Watch out for falling turtles (and fly rails, if you spend as much time in a theatre as I do),

Cyd

Meaningful phone conversations I've had today: 0 (but a good one yesterday!)

Days I've gone without chocolate: 13 out of 15

Times I've procrastinated today: 2

Yesterday: 4

The day before: 6

Number of clocks I changed (early) for daylight savings: 8

Men are From Mars, But They've Lost the Map

In which we shall see: Disclaimers, self-editing, italics, sound effects, a sociological analysis, and a glass of lemonade (half empty/half full).

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Disclaimer: The frog from the previous post is starting to get to me. I blog today out of self-preservation.

Situation Reading: I should be working on the research packet for the next play. I need to get to the gym soon. This could be a very long night.

Small Moment of Victory: I'm on Day 8 of no chocolate! **(Okay, I had this whole rambling story here about withstanding the evil temptations of chocolate, but seriously - I started boring myself so I deleted it. The End.)**

Check This Out Moment: There is not much out there that is funnier than a group of theatre people (+ one spouse) sitting around playing a very intense game of "Cranium". HILARIOUS.

And now to your regularly scheduled post:


I have a theory.

(Didja hear the "Dun dun dun"?)

My theory is that the men of my generation are suffering from an identity crisis. (I'm pretty sure I have no idea where to go from here with this particular topic. Away we run.) While every generation in the past century has been one affected by transition, it seems to me that males my age are being hit by particularly jolting, disorienting fluxes in social evolution. It's like they're stuck in at the center of a wave - they're not down in the valley, waiting for the next swell, and they're not riding the current on top; they're halfway down/up, and have no idea which way to paddle.

It seems that single guys my age (and maybe some married ones - I'm not watching those) are caught between the final death throes of chivalry and the birth of complete social "equity" topped off with an icing of metrosexuality. From what I can tell, men 30 years or so older than me seem(ed) to have a fairly good idea of what their roles were in life and relationships. They knew (or were willing to learn) how to work with women to create families and acknowledged that there were "stages" to be moved on to as they got older. The next generation (following mine) seems to have, perhaps, less of an understanding or perception of "roles", but a congenial interaction with females that makes me think equality is becoming an accepted fact, not a necessary fight. Single men in my generation appear to be caught in a kind of stasis - chivalry is no longer appropriate (contrary to their fading childhood lessons) but complete informality is a foreign, unnavigable minefield. Additionally, they have possibly taken the goals of their baby-boomer parents to an extreme: they work to get the house and the car and the recreational vehicles, and then realize they've spent so much time acquiring what they thought they wanted that they have forgotten how to interact with other people - namely, women.

In the meantime, women of my generation have realized that they not only can but will have to build their lives themselves, and so they get on with doing it, eventually furthering the gender breach - since by the time the men are willing to offer what they have gained, women see that they don't really want any of it... or have already gotten it on their own. Mom used to tell me that I should "play hard to get", even though I was never good at or interested in playing mind games. I eventually realized that it was a waste of time for me to ask out anyone my age - all the men I knew responded poorly to being approached by an "assertive" (or other descriptors) female. Today, though, males seem to enjoy being given invitations by girls - my youngest brother is flattered when a young lady asks him out, as opposed to being frightened or intimidated. My roommate, just under a year older than me and gorgeous (you're welcome, Mel, and it's true) hasn't dated anyone recently near our age - the guys who ask her out have been averaging at around 8 years younger than she is.

So what's the deal? The apostles and prophets have been addressing the issue more frequently in recent years ("Socialize!" "Date!" "Get married, you morons!" - okay, not a direct quote) and we're in the midst of the latest round of rumors that singles' wards will be disbanded. Before I came back to my "family" ward I was in a singles' ward for those ages 31-45; in the year and a half I attended there I was visible, I was friendly, the bishopric thought I was awesome, and only one guy asked me out - once (it was a pretty good lunch date - he talked non-stop about his job and all the girls he tried to go out with, but I really liked the restaurant) and that was it.

My only explanation is this identity crisis. Men in my generation are trying to deal with the growth of blatant homosexuality; the onset of male beauty treatments; the recognition that the cheerleader types they've always seen themselves as dating are now 15-25 years younger than they are; the lack of accessible role models; and women who have either gotten tired of waiting and have moved on to create successful (read: intimidating) careers and lives or women who are still so desperate to get any man that they'll allow a guy to walk all over her and thank him for it later. A successful, personable 42-year-old man should not have any difficulty holding a simple, sociable conversation with a single woman within five years of his own age. If he does, there are therapists for that - once he can get past the outdated preconception that therapists are only for crazy people.

It could be that this is only a problem in Utah. It could be that I'm the one who's crazy. Whatever the case, it's time for me to wish the best of luck to my male peers, promise to smile at them occasionally (but only from a distance), and get on with building my own successful career and life. And maybe get a therapist.

Watch out for falling turtles,

Cyd


Meaningful phone conversations I had today: 2
Days I've gone without chocolate: 7 (Sunday was a buy - it's all explained in the story I deleted)
Stupid things I stopped myself from doing today: 2
Things from previous posts about which I was absolutely correct today: 1

Your thoughts?