I've been a blog voyeur for awhile now, and it's bugging me how perverse the whole affair is. My condition now extends to friendster voyuerism too, so that I spend hours tracking how every single person that once crossed my path is doing. More specifically, I fanatically monitor ex-bfs, ex-kinda-bfs, their current squeezes, ex-friends - pointless activities designed to waste what little time I have left over from mugging.
Do I derive anything out of such surveillance? Nothing other than old skeletons dragged from the cupboards, under the bed and in the deepest recesses of my heart. Nonetheless, I persist my voyeuristic activities, eagering lapping up the latest developments in their lives. It disturbs me each time I view their blogs; whether it is from hearing about them, or from my musings about my own sanity, I can never be sure. I am happy to keep up with their developments, am glad when they express delight - and am sad that they seem to be doing so well without me.
There, I've identified it. Narcissism, the disbelief that others can function without my presence when it once meant so much to them. So bloody full of myself, as always. I would dearly love to consult the psychologist-in-training about my ailment, if it is a certified condition, but of course that would be impossible. Maybe I'm jealous that they are able to express their love so freely, something that E's not able to do. After so long, I still hanker after tangible expressions of affection, not being able to contend myself with its manifestations in more subtle forms. Am a materialistic bitch.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Voyeurism
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Xanga
Migrated to Xanga when I was in China, because I couldn't access blogspot while I was there. As I was reviewing the posts made here and on Xanga, I realised that when I migrated, all good sense about writing flew out of the window, and I degenerated into a Priscilla - aimless ramblings about my oh-so-interesting life. I've been writing for the sake of writing: horrors of horrors!
Shall aim to rectify that by resurrecting this one, amen :)
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