As I'm blogging this down, I can't help but tears just roll down my eyes. I am fine perfectly from the outside but my body needs some serious repairment. The first week of 2017, we went to collect my x ray results and had a review with my chiropractor. The results were disappointing and I am not quite sure when I will actually recover. She told me even a year of treatment, I won't be back to normal as this was accumulated over 10 years.. resulting in a stage 5 condition being severe. Again, twice a week of treatment is recommended. After birth, I was back to my pre pregnancy weight within a week. A total of 7kg weight gain gone but still some flabby skin. The only struggle I had was walking, I cannot walk normally like how I used to. Though it wasn't obvious, the constant pain never go away.
After the review, I wanted to baby carry Raelyn with a carrier but was stopped by the nurse. She said it will be bad for my back and ask raymond to baby carry her instead. Deep inside , my heart broke.. I just want to carry her for as long as I can but this little gesture just doesn't work for me as she grows bigger each day. Mum said that I should seek a second opinion and visit other doctor. This pregnancy has taught me to never listen to professionals sometimes. Since I was diagnosed with scoliosis at the age of 10, no doctors ever told me how serious it can be. Now that it occur to me, I don't even know what I can do to make myself feel better. No one can understand the emotion rollercoaster that I kept within Because everything looks so perfect from the outside.
Sunday, January 08, 2017
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
The last lap
It's week 33 now, the clock is ticking and I barely can get any proper sleep. The tailbone hurts, the pubic bone hurts.. I don't know how to find a good position to lie in. These 2 weeks, she grew so big that I felt like my tummy gonna tear apart soon. To curb with the throwing up , I changed my diet to lesser white carbs and it does helps except that there really isn't much options outside. Dear is not the kind who opts for healthy choices, not suppose to eat salad outside but I don't really care anymore. I just consume what I can. The last visit to the Gynae at week 31, she said I eating better but not gaining the normal preg weight. Apparently i'm gaining only half of what other preg are getting .. oh well it didn't bother me after all. The fact that I threw up throughout, I cannot be expecting that as long as little R is doing well. She's such a fighter, so resilient! I'm amazed how she learn to suck out all she needs to survive. Good job little one! Keep yourself small though.. because I'm terrified over the natural birth.
We decided to go for natural birth but there's so much thoughts running through my mind. Why?
Did my research, studies and found out that scoliosis will not allow me to enjoy the god sent epidural in times of pain. Not too sure but I guess my rotated spine gonna makes thing not seem better.
With my pubis dysfunctional, a c sec will double my pain as the pelvis pain may not go away after labour until proper treatment is seeked. What's more is a GA with c sec ... and how our body reacts to after causing a slowdown with breastfeeding etc. So the mental prep is natural birth with no epidural. Not someone with high pain threshold I would say.. terrified on the thought of it. Just last night, I was telling dear that if after labour and I can't get off the bed or walk because of the pelvis pain, I'm not sure if I can manage my emotions. It's been a struggle telling myself to be strong , how I looked back the no of months that I been through, I honestly had no idea how many buckets of tears were drained away. The last thing I want is an immobile self. I'm trying hard to be independent , driving even now , doing groceries .. only avoiding activities that deteriorate my current condition.
Just a month more to go, hopefully she comes after my birthday allowing me to enjoy my last twenties. This year is not a good one apart from this not so smooth preg, he faces some difficulties at work.. but I believe 2017 will be different definitely.
Finally we got down to packing her stuff.. she has so many clothes that I can't figure out where to start. Lol, you're gonna be a fashionista and having the privilege of wearing all your clothes only once and it will be passed on. Looks like you need more than just clothes... because you have nothing else apart from that. Till next week I see you, I hope things will get better though I doubt so. We'll pray for things to progress smoothly.
We decided to go for natural birth but there's so much thoughts running through my mind. Why?
Did my research, studies and found out that scoliosis will not allow me to enjoy the god sent epidural in times of pain. Not too sure but I guess my rotated spine gonna makes thing not seem better.
With my pubis dysfunctional, a c sec will double my pain as the pelvis pain may not go away after labour until proper treatment is seeked. What's more is a GA with c sec ... and how our body reacts to after causing a slowdown with breastfeeding etc. So the mental prep is natural birth with no epidural. Not someone with high pain threshold I would say.. terrified on the thought of it. Just last night, I was telling dear that if after labour and I can't get off the bed or walk because of the pelvis pain, I'm not sure if I can manage my emotions. It's been a struggle telling myself to be strong , how I looked back the no of months that I been through, I honestly had no idea how many buckets of tears were drained away. The last thing I want is an immobile self. I'm trying hard to be independent , driving even now , doing groceries .. only avoiding activities that deteriorate my current condition.
Just a month more to go, hopefully she comes after my birthday allowing me to enjoy my last twenties. This year is not a good one apart from this not so smooth preg, he faces some difficulties at work.. but I believe 2017 will be different definitely.
Finally we got down to packing her stuff.. she has so many clothes that I can't figure out where to start. Lol, you're gonna be a fashionista and having the privilege of wearing all your clothes only once and it will be passed on. Looks like you need more than just clothes... because you have nothing else apart from that. Till next week I see you, I hope things will get better though I doubt so. We'll pray for things to progress smoothly.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Pelvis Pain
Things hasn't been much better in any way when the pelvis pain hit me at week 22, in between my hospitalization leave. I am getting frustrated as to what is this pain that causes every step I take to be a chore. It hurts as though your muscles are pulling apart. Daily chores like changing, showering, changing sleeping positions takes a toil out of me. Can I scream? I cannot... Because no one understands. To lift a foot just to walk the next step makes me think twice if I should even start walking. I called in to gynae after bearing this pain for 4 days over NDP weekend thinking that I have over strain or stretch too much during yoga. She said it was normal and told me to take panadol if I cannot bear the pain. Tbh, I was pissed after that phone call. Normal again?! The times I threw up to hyperventatilation and every single thing I experienced is NORMAL. Hell no! No one ever told me this is normal in their preg, rather I asked and no one I knew go through this. Why must I be so special? I complained to dear that if everything gonna be so normal then why should I even spend so much to see a gynae? The normalized thought made me felt like I should change a gynae... He said I was being too sensitive and she prob see so many patients and these are really normal symptoms. Fine! Will asked her in 2 weeks time while I struggle everyday in these small little movements of my legs. Somehow my instinct tell me is not normal and I'm not gonna take this as an answer.
Visited the gynae and I told her my issue... She said it's too early to feel this pain. It's right at the center of my pelvis, something that people experienced it only closer to labour when your baby gets engaged. I knew it! Thank god, I didn't get normal as an answer as I want to get rid of this pain. Now from a psychiatrist to a chiropractor I was referred to. Good.. There's a savior I thought. Week 23, finally I'm gaining 1.5kg and little R is doing great. She managed to suck all the nutrients she needed and gynae said,'Fat thighs!' I chuckled... Just like me fat thighs as I thought in my mind. 'Long legs...' And I heaved a sign of relief.. Cannot imagine fat and short lol!
That's something that keeps me going is the ultrascan of little R. Somehow I feel happier seeing her growing well despite my body breaking down in every single part except for the face. Apparently that's pregnancy glow.
Two days later, we visited the chiropractor and she was very professional and well equipped. I really learnt a lot more of my condition for her. Let's just say not to take scoliosis lightly. I have a rotated spine from what I recalled from an X Ray which I took 5 years ago. I suffered severe back and calf ache which cause insomnia or sleepless nights throughout ever since I started working. Apparently, pregnancy hormones loosen the pelvis to get ready for labour and as a result my pelvis decided to rotate. This causes pain especially my right side. She did a nerve test to identify the blockage of nerves as these help to send information to your body. She also asked me to push and pull using different parts of my hands, arms, legs to test for my strength. The last examination was on my pelvis which was so painful so badly that I wanted to shout out but I held back. Tears just welled up in my eyes.. That pain was like someone trying to break my bones. I just couldn't put down in words... I don't know what is labour pain yet but I would like to believe my pain threshold is high for now.
Read up quite abit on misalignment pelvis which can cause natura birth to be not possible. I asked my gynae on epidural with a scoliosis if I can take it. She says yes but I might not get the full effect. Research on pelvis pain also could result in fractured pelvis bone if no necessary precautions is taken. Thank god, my gynae did not tell me is normal as it happens to one lady where her nurses and mid wife told her is normal to feel this pain. This causes her to be in wheel bound after birth. Am I scare? Yes, I am.. Won't you? Options to my mind includes c sec with GA because of epidural is not going to take effect , it has to be GA. Is this what I want? No... This is the last thing that came to my mind. I am upset as I signed up for hypnobirth wanting to learn how to cope with pain as I somehow know that epidural might be something I cannot rely on during natura birth and I need to learn how to cope. But now... I am not sure anymore. Gonna wait for my nerve report and what gynae recommends.
Last night week 24+5 days was terrible. It was close to midnight and I started to throw up 3 times till bile came out again. Every time it happens, I cannot help but feel depress. I feel so weak and the thought that he is going to travel tomorrow for 4 days make me feel so helpless. I cried like a little girl asking him not to go... He divert and switched the topic avoid it. I was mad. All I wanted was to hear him say is ok, everything will be fine during days that he is away. Things got worse when the pelvis pain hit me badly at that moment, again I grit my teeth bearing the pain for a good few minutes before it goes away. What a night to end but yes, it happens.
To all mum to be, what ever happened.... This shall pass. I'm feeling ok next day and moved back to my mum's place for these couple of days. Bless me with good feelings and health till he is back.
Visited the gynae and I told her my issue... She said it's too early to feel this pain. It's right at the center of my pelvis, something that people experienced it only closer to labour when your baby gets engaged. I knew it! Thank god, I didn't get normal as an answer as I want to get rid of this pain. Now from a psychiatrist to a chiropractor I was referred to. Good.. There's a savior I thought. Week 23, finally I'm gaining 1.5kg and little R is doing great. She managed to suck all the nutrients she needed and gynae said,'Fat thighs!' I chuckled... Just like me fat thighs as I thought in my mind. 'Long legs...' And I heaved a sign of relief.. Cannot imagine fat and short lol!
That's something that keeps me going is the ultrascan of little R. Somehow I feel happier seeing her growing well despite my body breaking down in every single part except for the face. Apparently that's pregnancy glow.
Two days later, we visited the chiropractor and she was very professional and well equipped. I really learnt a lot more of my condition for her. Let's just say not to take scoliosis lightly. I have a rotated spine from what I recalled from an X Ray which I took 5 years ago. I suffered severe back and calf ache which cause insomnia or sleepless nights throughout ever since I started working. Apparently, pregnancy hormones loosen the pelvis to get ready for labour and as a result my pelvis decided to rotate. This causes pain especially my right side. She did a nerve test to identify the blockage of nerves as these help to send information to your body. She also asked me to push and pull using different parts of my hands, arms, legs to test for my strength. The last examination was on my pelvis which was so painful so badly that I wanted to shout out but I held back. Tears just welled up in my eyes.. That pain was like someone trying to break my bones. I just couldn't put down in words... I don't know what is labour pain yet but I would like to believe my pain threshold is high for now.
Read up quite abit on misalignment pelvis which can cause natura birth to be not possible. I asked my gynae on epidural with a scoliosis if I can take it. She says yes but I might not get the full effect. Research on pelvis pain also could result in fractured pelvis bone if no necessary precautions is taken. Thank god, my gynae did not tell me is normal as it happens to one lady where her nurses and mid wife told her is normal to feel this pain. This causes her to be in wheel bound after birth. Am I scare? Yes, I am.. Won't you? Options to my mind includes c sec with GA because of epidural is not going to take effect , it has to be GA. Is this what I want? No... This is the last thing that came to my mind. I am upset as I signed up for hypnobirth wanting to learn how to cope with pain as I somehow know that epidural might be something I cannot rely on during natura birth and I need to learn how to cope. But now... I am not sure anymore. Gonna wait for my nerve report and what gynae recommends.
Last night week 24+5 days was terrible. It was close to midnight and I started to throw up 3 times till bile came out again. Every time it happens, I cannot help but feel depress. I feel so weak and the thought that he is going to travel tomorrow for 4 days make me feel so helpless. I cried like a little girl asking him not to go... He divert and switched the topic avoid it. I was mad. All I wanted was to hear him say is ok, everything will be fine during days that he is away. Things got worse when the pelvis pain hit me badly at that moment, again I grit my teeth bearing the pain for a good few minutes before it goes away. What a night to end but yes, it happens.
To all mum to be, what ever happened.... This shall pass. I'm feeling ok next day and moved back to my mum's place for these couple of days. Bless me with good feelings and health till he is back.
Sunday, August 07, 2016
Pre natal depression is real
Not too sure where to begin this post with... Been almost 3 years.
We have moved to our new place at Senja in Jun 2015. It's a lovely home of ours where we spend around $80k on everything in the house... happy to stay in this spacious abode with our private life. In November 2015, dear and I did a crazy thing to travel around UK and Europe. Something that I have been wanting to do it since young but never know that it was be done. It was an amazing two months traveling over 10 countries to 24 cities in 62 days. Arriving in London -> Scotland -> Netherlands -> Belgium -> Germany -> Czech Republic -> Vienna -> Italy -> Switzerland -> France and back to London.
Nothing short of fun, exploration , risks and adventures that stays in my memories for life. Hoping to do this again in the future after little one comes along.
It has been a roller coaster ride ever since I found out I am expecting this little one in March. Easily could have been a year where I cried the most, puke the most and having all kinds of unexpected incidents... hospitalized and having to go on drip twice. Facing the reality that I actually am having pre natal depression which was excruciating as I couldn't control my emotions. The number of times I wanna end this little life in me silently. This experience has been traumatic for me that I even wish to go through... probably this post will serve a reminder the next time he asks for no. 2. Couldn't imagine going through one more time. So it started when I missed my period and I instinctively knew it gonna be it. Refusing to test.. I waited and waited as I was having almost 2 weeks of cramp thinking my period is gonna come. Missed... late for 3-4 days, decided to test. Tested the first kit and within seconds, I thought thank god.. no double lines so I went to shower. Told dear to check it again and he said it shows two lines, I could feel the blood within gushing... praying that it was spoil, it didn't happen. I am not expecting... after I showered, I rush over and took a second look. There was a faint second line. I stared at it for a few seconds, tears well up and next moment... i was sitting on the floor crying. I couldn't express how upset I was and no it wasn't that I don't love kids. I just didn't want to get preg all along, taking care of a kid, raising a kid mean so much more responsibility that I am not ready for this at all. The fear of giving birth and the difficulties of being preg was in my mind. Never had I thought this will happen. It took my weeks to get over and things got worst during the same week, I had bleeding in week 5. While driving to the gynae, I cried again.... my thoughts were - Could it be I didn't want the kid and God decided that I was not ready so he is gonna take it away. Again, I was held with mixed feelings, I said to myself that I didn't mean it.. and I am scare if it is gonna happen. After the check, everything was fine after medication and bed rest.
The thoughts of getting rid didn't stop time and time again, there were times.. I called my sister, dear crying uncontrollably over the phone that I didn't want this. I couldn't write in words how disappointed I am to allow this to happen. Week 6, it got worst as the morning sickness kicks in. None of my friends whom I know go through this as bad as I did. Days when I eat and throw up 8-10 times a day. I was feeling all so depressed, lost ... I have phobia of eating. I didn't even know what I can eat. Not even a cup of milo.. even a few mouthful of rice turns me off. I'm so tired. I want to give up so badly. Everyone who knows told me that after first trimester, I will be better.. I was looking forward to second trimester. Hanging in strong, my body gave way in every means it could. I fell sick, I was having cramps, muscle aches, sleepless night, throwing up never stop and it was at its peak in week 12. I decided that's it, my body is not even absorbing water. Went to KKH the whole day for drip. I was taking medication every other day for anti nauseous.. it works at times but not always. Still went ahead to BKK with drowsy medication and we didn't even explore the place, mainly spending my days sleeping. I thought I was better as I only threw up thrice in that 4 days. Every week, I look forward to being better but it failed my expectations.
Week 20 - 18th July 2016. I was feeling dizzy in the living room. Went to my bedroom to lie down and I felt nauseous. Rush to threw up and back to bed, called dear to tell him that I wasn't feeling well. As I was talking to him, I felt breathless , trying to catch my breath. I had pins and needles in my hands and legs... I am scared. Feeling conscious, I called in to take off from work. Called the gynae nurse if I need to see the doc, she said she will call me back in a while. After putting off the phone calls, I threw up again. This time, I sat on the washroom floor, knowing that I am gonna throw up again later, I waited.. I cried, shivered, feeling dizzy, lightheaded... the phone rang, it was the nurse... I knew she was trying to tell me something but I couldn't reply. I was catching for breath... My body gave way and I found myself lying on the floor hyperventilating. I saw strain of blood. just a tiny one.. I panic. I cannot control my body, thank god for the nurse who talked me throughout at least for 15 minutes. I felt much better and was told to get myself a sugary drink because I have thew up everything. Walked to the fridge, grab a ribena, sat on the dining table. I was worried to be alone, decided to call my mum. Couldn't help myself but tear again as I talked to her, my legs were numb.. she told me to sit on the floor and stretch. I did as instructed, threw up all the ribena on the floor as I struggle to walk to the washroom this time round. The second time it happened, dear reached home. He face was as white as a paper while I threw up red stuff all over. He paused and waited to ask what did I eat.. as i replied - Ribena. He heaved a sign of relief. Carried me back to the bed, cleared the mess... light lunch and off to the gyne again. Having high blood pressure, I was told to rest.
On Wednesday, as we were walking back home from carpark to the lift. I felt lightheaded again, sat down on the void deck and lie down shortly. I couldn't move. Rested a while and make our way home shortly with his help.
Thursday - we had our detailed scan and gynae appointment. I was vomiting again that morning. During the doctor appointment, I lose my emotions as she asked if there were any other external factors causing what I was having. I broke down... I have been having thoughts to take her away. I am feeling depressed, I have no idea who can take care of my kid when she is out. My parents didn't want to commit... neither do my in laws. I am so stuck... I'm not someone who plan things last minute. I cannot. I worry over finances, I worry over every little thing you can think of. She decided to admit me in the hospital for drip as well, recommended to see a counselor. I didn't opt for that in the end as dear and the doc had a separate discussion , decided though it was good... the decision lies with us. I didn't want to spend that extra money again on this.. telling myself to be strong for all of us. It was a struggle for me. In the middle of night, I found myself tearing unknowingly. I hated myself for allowing this to happen and to feel this way. I felt guilty for spending so much on this and to take him away from work on and off to company me. I am lost. It's week 22 now, I'm having hospitalization leave as hyperventilation cannot be prevented and I needed the body to rest. I cannot walk for every step I take, is a pain around my pelvis area. I cannot even stand on one leg to wear pants. It is torture...
I wish time can fast forward to Dec yet I am worried when it happens, things will be worst as I will feel that I am losing my freedom. I will be losing all that I want to do.... Still a few more months, I only wish that I can better every single day. Not sharing on media or people whom i hardly meet on this news as I needed space to be alone.
We have moved to our new place at Senja in Jun 2015. It's a lovely home of ours where we spend around $80k on everything in the house... happy to stay in this spacious abode with our private life. In November 2015, dear and I did a crazy thing to travel around UK and Europe. Something that I have been wanting to do it since young but never know that it was be done. It was an amazing two months traveling over 10 countries to 24 cities in 62 days. Arriving in London -> Scotland -> Netherlands -> Belgium -> Germany -> Czech Republic -> Vienna -> Italy -> Switzerland -> France and back to London.
Nothing short of fun, exploration , risks and adventures that stays in my memories for life. Hoping to do this again in the future after little one comes along.
It has been a roller coaster ride ever since I found out I am expecting this little one in March. Easily could have been a year where I cried the most, puke the most and having all kinds of unexpected incidents... hospitalized and having to go on drip twice. Facing the reality that I actually am having pre natal depression which was excruciating as I couldn't control my emotions. The number of times I wanna end this little life in me silently. This experience has been traumatic for me that I even wish to go through... probably this post will serve a reminder the next time he asks for no. 2. Couldn't imagine going through one more time. So it started when I missed my period and I instinctively knew it gonna be it. Refusing to test.. I waited and waited as I was having almost 2 weeks of cramp thinking my period is gonna come. Missed... late for 3-4 days, decided to test. Tested the first kit and within seconds, I thought thank god.. no double lines so I went to shower. Told dear to check it again and he said it shows two lines, I could feel the blood within gushing... praying that it was spoil, it didn't happen. I am not expecting... after I showered, I rush over and took a second look. There was a faint second line. I stared at it for a few seconds, tears well up and next moment... i was sitting on the floor crying. I couldn't express how upset I was and no it wasn't that I don't love kids. I just didn't want to get preg all along, taking care of a kid, raising a kid mean so much more responsibility that I am not ready for this at all. The fear of giving birth and the difficulties of being preg was in my mind. Never had I thought this will happen. It took my weeks to get over and things got worst during the same week, I had bleeding in week 5. While driving to the gynae, I cried again.... my thoughts were - Could it be I didn't want the kid and God decided that I was not ready so he is gonna take it away. Again, I was held with mixed feelings, I said to myself that I didn't mean it.. and I am scare if it is gonna happen. After the check, everything was fine after medication and bed rest.
The thoughts of getting rid didn't stop time and time again, there were times.. I called my sister, dear crying uncontrollably over the phone that I didn't want this. I couldn't write in words how disappointed I am to allow this to happen. Week 6, it got worst as the morning sickness kicks in. None of my friends whom I know go through this as bad as I did. Days when I eat and throw up 8-10 times a day. I was feeling all so depressed, lost ... I have phobia of eating. I didn't even know what I can eat. Not even a cup of milo.. even a few mouthful of rice turns me off. I'm so tired. I want to give up so badly. Everyone who knows told me that after first trimester, I will be better.. I was looking forward to second trimester. Hanging in strong, my body gave way in every means it could. I fell sick, I was having cramps, muscle aches, sleepless night, throwing up never stop and it was at its peak in week 12. I decided that's it, my body is not even absorbing water. Went to KKH the whole day for drip. I was taking medication every other day for anti nauseous.. it works at times but not always. Still went ahead to BKK with drowsy medication and we didn't even explore the place, mainly spending my days sleeping. I thought I was better as I only threw up thrice in that 4 days. Every week, I look forward to being better but it failed my expectations.
Week 20 - 18th July 2016. I was feeling dizzy in the living room. Went to my bedroom to lie down and I felt nauseous. Rush to threw up and back to bed, called dear to tell him that I wasn't feeling well. As I was talking to him, I felt breathless , trying to catch my breath. I had pins and needles in my hands and legs... I am scared. Feeling conscious, I called in to take off from work. Called the gynae nurse if I need to see the doc, she said she will call me back in a while. After putting off the phone calls, I threw up again. This time, I sat on the washroom floor, knowing that I am gonna throw up again later, I waited.. I cried, shivered, feeling dizzy, lightheaded... the phone rang, it was the nurse... I knew she was trying to tell me something but I couldn't reply. I was catching for breath... My body gave way and I found myself lying on the floor hyperventilating. I saw strain of blood. just a tiny one.. I panic. I cannot control my body, thank god for the nurse who talked me throughout at least for 15 minutes. I felt much better and was told to get myself a sugary drink because I have thew up everything. Walked to the fridge, grab a ribena, sat on the dining table. I was worried to be alone, decided to call my mum. Couldn't help myself but tear again as I talked to her, my legs were numb.. she told me to sit on the floor and stretch. I did as instructed, threw up all the ribena on the floor as I struggle to walk to the washroom this time round. The second time it happened, dear reached home. He face was as white as a paper while I threw up red stuff all over. He paused and waited to ask what did I eat.. as i replied - Ribena. He heaved a sign of relief. Carried me back to the bed, cleared the mess... light lunch and off to the gyne again. Having high blood pressure, I was told to rest.
On Wednesday, as we were walking back home from carpark to the lift. I felt lightheaded again, sat down on the void deck and lie down shortly. I couldn't move. Rested a while and make our way home shortly with his help.
Thursday - we had our detailed scan and gynae appointment. I was vomiting again that morning. During the doctor appointment, I lose my emotions as she asked if there were any other external factors causing what I was having. I broke down... I have been having thoughts to take her away. I am feeling depressed, I have no idea who can take care of my kid when she is out. My parents didn't want to commit... neither do my in laws. I am so stuck... I'm not someone who plan things last minute. I cannot. I worry over finances, I worry over every little thing you can think of. She decided to admit me in the hospital for drip as well, recommended to see a counselor. I didn't opt for that in the end as dear and the doc had a separate discussion , decided though it was good... the decision lies with us. I didn't want to spend that extra money again on this.. telling myself to be strong for all of us. It was a struggle for me. In the middle of night, I found myself tearing unknowingly. I hated myself for allowing this to happen and to feel this way. I felt guilty for spending so much on this and to take him away from work on and off to company me. I am lost. It's week 22 now, I'm having hospitalization leave as hyperventilation cannot be prevented and I needed the body to rest. I cannot walk for every step I take, is a pain around my pelvis area. I cannot even stand on one leg to wear pants. It is torture...
I wish time can fast forward to Dec yet I am worried when it happens, things will be worst as I will feel that I am losing my freedom. I will be losing all that I want to do.... Still a few more months, I only wish that I can better every single day. Not sharing on media or people whom i hardly meet on this news as I needed space to be alone.
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Missing my wedding preparation days
I don't know how many of you feel this way but I'm totally missing the days when I was preparing for my Big Day. 3 months has past in a blink of an eye. I'm so thankful to have my sisters and friends who were there to help me in every single process of my wedding. I absolutely love it .. from buying items online, DIY my bridesmaid gift boxes, DIY the wedding contract, DIY the whole ROM function room and reception table to the guest 'book'. I enjoy every single moment of it .. no doubt that this is a stressful period when I often had small arguments with my then fiance. I'm grateful to have him always constantly remind me that most importantly is to enjoy the process and not the outcome. Things will still continue as it is even if you have none of the above.
With all these said, I'm still glad that everything went so smooth that I couldn't believe it. I love weddings... it's such a joyous occasion , a time to give a sincere thanks to everyone who matters, a time for old friends to gather and witness the sweet moments.
With all these said, I'm still glad that everything went so smooth that I couldn't believe it. I love weddings... it's such a joyous occasion , a time to give a sincere thanks to everyone who matters, a time for old friends to gather and witness the sweet moments.
My lovely twin sisters who always come up with creative ideas like this!
A friendship which I couldn't ask for more - Li Xian & Helen and of coz... the jealous 'husband to be' photobombing us...
Many thanks to our closest friends to witness our love story
I just couldn't say 'I do' without my girls!!
A snapshot of how cui I looked during our ROM. =X
Our DIY vintage room with words of wisdom by our guests .
The DIY reception table by my sister - Cindy & bridesmaid - Michelle. The cupcakes and macaroons are really fabulous!!
A family picture together with the new addition of my husband!
Our DIY wedding contract ... here goes the
The girls behind the scene of this pretty little thing.
With princess Mickey and my best pal - Melissa!
All my beautiful bridesmaids!
My dearest boat - Rowena :)
Just myself with my favorite blue/white gown
Not missing out my Sirius peeps... with our signature Photo Formation!
We had so much fun at the wedding credits to our photobooth - Running Media
Credits to our photographer - Eric Tan
To the best videographer - Tan Shi Wei .. which we didn't had the chance to take a picture with him on the wedding day itself...
I love the videos he has made for us and indeed every time I watched it , I feel touched... so here it goes...
I'm excited to begin my new journey and start afresh in all that I'm gonna embarked on!
The blessed girl,
Adeline Ng
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Wedding Planning
It's been a year since I started to plan my wedding. There are so many things on the checklist and I just love wedding planning!!!
What to do for a wedding??
Below are a checklist which I thought might be useful to share:
1) Wedding Venue.
Determine the number of guests you will like to invite and budget.
For a more cosy and interactive wedding, consider just your closer friends and relatives.
For couples who have a larger family like mine, a bigger ballroom is essential. I am hosting at least of 45 tables and you can consider the few hotels which can cater a bigger scale of reasonable pricing - Fairmont Hotel (min 40 max 60), Mandarin Orchard ( min 45 max 90), Regent Hotel ( min 40 max 52), Marina Mandarin ( min 40 max 60) and Pan Pacific ( min 45 max 60). I love hotels which high ceiling and pillar less, that way.. all your guests will be able to have a good view.
What to do for a wedding??
Below are a checklist which I thought might be useful to share:
1) Wedding Venue.
Determine the number of guests you will like to invite and budget.
For a more cosy and interactive wedding, consider just your closer friends and relatives.
For couples who have a larger family like mine, a bigger ballroom is essential. I am hosting at least of 45 tables and you can consider the few hotels which can cater a bigger scale of reasonable pricing - Fairmont Hotel (min 40 max 60), Mandarin Orchard ( min 45 max 90), Regent Hotel ( min 40 max 52), Marina Mandarin ( min 40 max 60) and Pan Pacific ( min 45 max 60). I love hotels which high ceiling and pillar less, that way.. all your guests will be able to have a good view.
2) Pre wedding photoshoot. It's important to plan your photoshoot ahead. Why?? Photoshoot is not only about taking pictures! Think ahead of where you want your photos to be taken...
Local or overseas? Remember to take consideration of the weather and as such, it might be good to avoid cold weather such as winter as daylight hours are shorter, you will probably be freezing in your gown.
Finding the right photographer is vital too.
Start looking out for photographers of your style - artistic, fun-loving , scenic or adventurous... A few photographers I really love are Bobby Kiran, John Lim and Derrick Ong. Talk to them on the style you like, make sure you feel comfortable with your photographer.
In search of the right gowns for the photo shoot... before that you will need to note down the locations where you will be taking your pre-wedding shoots. Is it more of buildings, outdoor fields, cafes , on the streets ... colour combination makes a lot of difference. :)
Remember to buy your props as well! Think of creative ideas and you may need to buy props to make the shoots more interesting such as blackboard, picnic baskets , wooden alphabets etc.. visit www.pininterest.com for more ideas.
3) Bridal boutique. Walk along the street of tanjong pajar and you probably feel lost and tired. Before you enter the bridal boutique, read up on forums to see their reviews. It will help as you can shortlist based on the reviews written such as service, gowns selection, photographers, make up artist , budget , etc etc.. Shortlist 3 boutiques, 1st thing to look out for is the gowns. It's easy to find a white gown you fall in love with, but DON'T forget about the evening gown. Usually it's the evening gown that most people tend to miss out. Check out if they charge extra for premium gowns, some boutiques will show you the nicer ones but fail to inform you the extra charges which can be not so worthwhile. If you are unable to find a right boutique, consider Ala cart... and that would mean more homework to do.
4) Wedding theme. Deciding on the theme will help in many areas of your wedding planning such as wedding invitation cards, bridesmaid dresses, flowers bouquet , wedding venue and decorations. If you're confuse about what wedding theme to go for, your favourite colour could be an idea. Themes include having a very fairytale-like which will include pink, champagne, white. Beach wedding - white, blue and yellow. Or even like a country theme - Paris for instance spells blue, red and white.
5) Other miscellaneous - Solemnization, live band, wedding reception, guest books, wedding favours, wedding car , food tasting, wine ...
The list goes on.. wedding is a joyous occasion. It can be tiring but always remember to embrace the process of wedding planning.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Work versus life
Feb hasn't been a good month for me especially at work. Recently, I have been tied up and frustrated over things at work.. things just go wrong as it please. I'm am now given an opportunity to shine , to show my potential. On other hand, the demands from the top is way too much for me to bear. Having 3 bosses asking you to do deliver different projects within the same time period is no joke. With all the meetings I am expecting for this month cum expectations, I'm unsure if this is really what I want.
I haven't been courageous enough for my past 25 years... will this year be exceptional? I'm very thankful to always have Raymond around me to show me utmost support in what I do , so long as I'm happy. Can't be more blessed having to hear him say that... sadly, the issue doesn't lies with him.
Sometimes, I really wish I have my own house right now. Only then, I can choose to do the things I want in peace.
Right now, I only pray for miracles and good luck in the days to come. I can't take it any more blow from work right now.. and how I wish I can shut my ears off from everyone. I ain't no superwoman. All I ask is to go to work from 8- 5.30, come home and eat dinner with my family or spend some time with dear. I do not need to climb the corporate ladder. I may used to be ambitious, but now... I rather have a happy life because I only live once.
I haven't been courageous enough for my past 25 years... will this year be exceptional? I'm very thankful to always have Raymond around me to show me utmost support in what I do , so long as I'm happy. Can't be more blessed having to hear him say that... sadly, the issue doesn't lies with him.
Sometimes, I really wish I have my own house right now. Only then, I can choose to do the things I want in peace.
Right now, I only pray for miracles and good luck in the days to come. I can't take it any more blow from work right now.. and how I wish I can shut my ears off from everyone. I ain't no superwoman. All I ask is to go to work from 8- 5.30, come home and eat dinner with my family or spend some time with dear. I do not need to climb the corporate ladder. I may used to be ambitious, but now... I rather have a happy life because I only live once.
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