This poor blog has not seen a lot of activity in a long time. I've been putting more time and attention into my chicken blog, Natural Chicken Keeping, because as hectic and stressful as life can be with two kids with special needs, chickens have become my at-home escape.
But today was one of those days that I ran across another blog post that was simply so preposterous, it needed to be addressed... with mom humor.
Oh yes! This is a WONDERFUL idea for the average family...
with no kids...
a few million extra dollars...
and a maid or 3.
For the rest of this, this post is simply another buzzing load of hogwash put out there to make us feel inadequate and lazy.
I feel it is my duty as a realist with kids, dogs, cats, chickens (and hopefully soon goats and horses... and maybe a cow...) to dispel any delusions the above mentioned article may have instilled into the minds of other innocent, overworked, over-stressed parents like myself.
And now fo:
Never throw anything away or sell anything!
Inevitably if you do, your child with sensory issues will be scarred for life! Those 237 cheesy McDonald's toys that you step on every time you walk through the house barefoot?
NO!
The empty box with the Hello Kitty or Batman picture on the front?
Don't you dare!
The almost-empty knock-off perfume on your teen's dresser?
Forget about it!
Because if you do, you will have disposed of the most precious thing that your child ever had... FOREVER!
The crying, pouting and misery could last for weeks!
Find a home for everything!
Yes - everything you have has a place... in your house... somewhere. If you simply can't fit another item in your closet or on your dresser, then try the space under your bed, the floor, the window ledges, the stairs, the entertainment center or your front porch. All of these areas are yours and can be used to keep your stuff.
Counter tops, cupboards and drawers
These are the special places you may use to put the objects you don't want your kids to reach or find. That's right!
Grandma's crystal angel figurine?
I suggest putting that at the back of your coffee mug cupboard. You should keep breakable things together!
Those farm boots that your youngest loves to put on and tromp about the house wearing, leaving a trail of farm fresh poop-laden mud behind?
Definitely put those on the kitchen counter where they'll be safe!
Purses, wallets, vibrators and wedding rings that might lose a rock if you wear them out to clean the chicken coop?
All of the above belong in your underwear drawer... (might I suggest putting locks on your dresser drawers?)
Personalize your decor
Yes - absolutely! All of the hand and face prints on your windows should be those of your own children! The muddy footprints across your carpets will remind all your visitors of just how big your teenage son is getting and will warn potential burgles that a very large dog is lurking... somewhere.
The giant red scrape across the white paint on your living room wall will bring back nostalgic memories of your child's Flying Firetruck game. Ahhhh! Good times!
Give your bathroom the attention it deserves
The best way to determine what your bathroom needs is to go sit down... with a book... for a minimum of 15 minutes. (These things can't be rushed!)
Bingo! You've figured it out!
Your bathroom is definitely in need of some new air deodorizer spray!
(Wow - that was easy!)
As for your kids bathroom, all you need is a rake and a hose. (You're welcome.)
Consider curb appeal
The presence of chickens pecking through your sun-parched herb garden will bring joy and happiness to all passer-bys. Toss in a few overturned bicycles, wagons and naked Barbie dolls and the motif will be almost complete! All that is missing is a large dog or two to add a harmonious and joyful noise. Now you have addressed all of the senses and created a homy feel that will insure that the neighborhood kids visit regularly.
Clean thoroughly
Right before your yearly cook out!
Make sure all your lawn chairs are upright and hose off your back deck. Mowing is always wise for this occasion and at least make sure your guests can locate the toilet under the large pile of dirty towels... or provide directions to the nearest gas station for your guests' comfort.
Complete minor repairs
Three words; Duct tape, zip ties, WD-40
(Again, you're welcome.)
Major Repairs
- If you can't do it yourself, just tow your tractor to someone who can or call Daryl.
- Your chicken's broken leg will heal eventually.
- Place your garden near that leaking pipe to ensure proper watering.
- Pallets can be used to patch broken fencing.
- Duct tape.
- Zip ties.
- WD-40
And I hope you may now enjoy happy living as an average human on planet earth!
*
But today was one of those days that I ran across another blog post that was simply so preposterous, it needed to be addressed... with mom humor.
with no kids...
a few million extra dollars...
and a maid or 3.
For the rest of this, this post is simply another buzzing load of hogwash put out there to make us feel inadequate and lazy.
I feel it is my duty as a realist with kids, dogs, cats, chickens (and hopefully soon goats and horses... and maybe a cow...) to dispel any delusions the above mentioned article may have instilled into the minds of other innocent, overworked, over-stressed parents like myself.
And now fo:
How to Stage Your Home for Living - Reality Edition!
Housekeeping for the rest of usNever throw anything away or sell anything!
Inevitably if you do, your child with sensory issues will be scarred for life! Those 237 cheesy McDonald's toys that you step on every time you walk through the house barefoot?
NO!
The empty box with the Hello Kitty or Batman picture on the front?
Don't you dare!
The almost-empty knock-off perfume on your teen's dresser?
Forget about it!
Because if you do, you will have disposed of the most precious thing that your child ever had... FOREVER!
The crying, pouting and misery could last for weeks!
Find a home for everything!
Yes - everything you have has a place... in your house... somewhere. If you simply can't fit another item in your closet or on your dresser, then try the space under your bed, the floor, the window ledges, the stairs, the entertainment center or your front porch. All of these areas are yours and can be used to keep your stuff.
Counter tops, cupboards and drawers
These are the special places you may use to put the objects you don't want your kids to reach or find. That's right!
Grandma's crystal angel figurine?
I suggest putting that at the back of your coffee mug cupboard. You should keep breakable things together!
Those farm boots that your youngest loves to put on and tromp about the house wearing, leaving a trail of farm fresh poop-laden mud behind?
Definitely put those on the kitchen counter where they'll be safe!
Purses, wallets, vibrators and wedding rings that might lose a rock if you wear them out to clean the chicken coop?
All of the above belong in your underwear drawer... (might I suggest putting locks on your dresser drawers?)
Personalize your decor
Yes - absolutely! All of the hand and face prints on your windows should be those of your own children! The muddy footprints across your carpets will remind all your visitors of just how big your teenage son is getting and will warn potential burgles that a very large dog is lurking... somewhere.
The giant red scrape across the white paint on your living room wall will bring back nostalgic memories of your child's Flying Firetruck game. Ahhhh! Good times!
Give your bathroom the attention it deserves
The best way to determine what your bathroom needs is to go sit down... with a book... for a minimum of 15 minutes. (These things can't be rushed!)
Bingo! You've figured it out!
Your bathroom is definitely in need of some new air deodorizer spray!
(Wow - that was easy!)
As for your kids bathroom, all you need is a rake and a hose. (You're welcome.)
Consider curb appeal
The presence of chickens pecking through your sun-parched herb garden will bring joy and happiness to all passer-bys. Toss in a few overturned bicycles, wagons and naked Barbie dolls and the motif will be almost complete! All that is missing is a large dog or two to add a harmonious and joyful noise. Now you have addressed all of the senses and created a homy feel that will insure that the neighborhood kids visit regularly.
Clean thoroughly
Right before your yearly cook out!
Make sure all your lawn chairs are upright and hose off your back deck. Mowing is always wise for this occasion and at least make sure your guests can locate the toilet under the large pile of dirty towels... or provide directions to the nearest gas station for your guests' comfort.
Complete minor repairs
Three words; Duct tape, zip ties, WD-40
(Again, you're welcome.)
Major Repairs
- If you can't do it yourself, just tow your tractor to someone who can or call Daryl.
- Your chicken's broken leg will heal eventually.
- Place your garden near that leaking pipe to ensure proper watering.
- Pallets can be used to patch broken fencing.
- Duct tape.
- Zip ties.
- WD-40
And I hope you may now enjoy happy living as an average human on planet earth!
*
