I Can't Help It If I'm Smarter Than You!

And by "You" of course, I mean Doug!

I know, I know what you're thinking! "Hey Emily, did you even go to college?" YES I occasionally went to college! And just because I only have a 2-year degree to show for almost 4 years of school, doesn't mean I'm a dolt! (Though it may mean I'm lazy, unambitious, more interested in parties than homework, and math inept.)

[I think Charles De Mar said it best to Lane Meyer (John Cusack *sigh*) in Better Off Dead: "Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy!"] "But Emily," you're bound to say..."doesn't Doug have a Bachelor Degree, Masters Degree, and Doctorate Degree???"

"PISH POSH!" is what I say to you (with contempt) and most of all to HIM! I'm still the smart one in this relationship, and I will now proceed to prove it with the following REAL LIFE example:

Lately, the tub/shower in the upstairs bathroom has been acting up. When I try to fill the tub for the boys, I cannot get the water to stay warm. It starts out hot, then quickly gets tepid. So I turn the nob higher and it gets warm for another minute then cools off again. I've learned several tricks to combat this. Turning it off and back on again twelve times will sometimes give me twelve bursts of hot water. Sometimes just immediately turning it as high as it will go will give me half a tub of barely bearable warm water.

The strange thing, though, is that this temperature fickleness doesn't effect the shower. If you turn on the water, and immediately switch over to shower, the water gets warm and stays warm. (At least for awhile and then it may or may not freeze or scald you.) The other thing is, I checked the sink. Endless hot water comes gushing out of it even as the tub is struggling to stay above frigid.

These observations led me to conclude that hot water is indeed making it into the upstairs bathroom and the problem is with the tub alone.

Which brings me back to my geniusness. (Geniuses can make up words if they want.) When this started happening I noticed something printed in very small blue letters behind the water handle. "Symmons Temptrol". "Hmm...Temptrol. Sounds like 'Temperature Control.' Maybe," I thought to my brilliant self, "there is some built in mechanism that prevents the tub water from getting too hot...so as not to scald innocent little children or stupid people. And maybe that mechanism has malfunctioned and needs to be replaced."

At first I kept this theory to myself but as the problem became worse and worse, I decided to voice my suspicions to Doug.
"Hey Sugar Lips," I said sweetly, "I noticed on our bath handle thingy (geniuses can still say "thingy") that it says 'Temptrol'"...then followed this with my theory.

He listened, then proceeded to get this look on his face:
One eye scrunched into a squint while mouth on same side twisted into a half exasperated/half incredulous sneer. This is the look that means, "Um, remember how I'm a science geek and a man, and you, to put it mildly, are not!?!"

What he said was something like this: "Yeah, I don't think that's the problem. It's probably the water heater." (You may recall I had previously ruled this out as extremely improbable.)

Anyway, I let it go for a few days. Then, after yet another too-cold bath for the boys, I decided to check my theory on-line and googled "Symmons Temptrol".

I could go into great detail about how satisfying it was to find all the different conversation threads and posts from frustrated bathers to plumbers with my EXACT same problem who were told EXACTLY what I told my sweet and adorable husband...but I'll spare you.

Suffice it to say, as Maxwell so aptly put it a few weeks ago,
"Daddy, you're the biggest and Mommy is the smartest."

I think that sums it up brilliantly!

POST SCRIPT: I e-mailed my brother telling him to read my blog. After all, he's the one who first rented "Better Off Dead" in 1985 so I thought he'd appreciate this post. This was his e-mailed reply:


"SO did you fix your D@##* faucett or not!?!??!!

Crap, If I'm gonna blow 10 minutes of my day sifting through your verbal diarrhea for nasty little nuggets of wisdom or lugubrious lumps of humor, I should at least be able to know what the h#!! happened at the end of the story!

Ok, great, you feel smart. Super. DOES THE FAUCETT WORK!!!!??!??!??!?!?!?!?"
-Brandon

Oh well...you win some, you lose some. So for all you men out there who missed the entire point of this post and just want to know what happened, the answer is NO! It hasn't been fixed yet. The dang thing needs to be replaced! It's the MECHANISM!!! Sheesh! Ya happy now???

*This blog does not condone swearing unless I'm the one doing it.

Great Quotes

Me: "Max, are you excited about the new baby?"

Max: "Yeah, I wish it was a gwoahl (girl) though! We have too many boys alweady!!!"
---
Doug: (while wrapping presents with Max)
"What is ribbon, anyway? It's just glorified floss!"
---
Me: "Bella, you need to teach Max how to "play dolls" because he doesn't really know how..."

Bella: (age 6) "It's not about violence, Max!"
---

A Wicked Good Time

Last Saturday Doug and I actually went on a date!!! This is something we did weekly in San Francisco where babysitters were plentiful and usually lived within rock-throwing distance. Since moving here, however, we've only had a few actual dates without small boys in tow.

So it was very exciting to leave the boys with a sitter (Maxwell's primary teacher) and drive off without a care! (Or any demanding/whiny/tyrannical back seat passengers.)

Our first stop was "The Remington House Inn", a scrumptious restaurant located in a beautiful 200-year-old home. It had fabulous ambiance, (lots of fireplaces!) delicious food, (I got a gigantic steak) and very reasonable prices! Yum!
Next we drove "downtown" to the Providence Performing Arts Center where we had tickets to see "Wicked".
All I can say is, IT.WAS.AWESOME!!! The theater was awesome, the costumes were awesome, and the singing was stupendously awesome. Some might even go so far as to say "wicked awesome"! Even though we had to brave arctic conditions to get to and from the theater, it was well worth it. When we arrived home, it was to find the boys sleeping peacefully in a freshly cleaned house. The babysitter had loaded the dishes, straightened up, and vacuumed! Woah! Talk about the perfect end to a perfect date!
We're going to have to do this "date night" thing a little more often!!!

Resolution Revolution

Sammers is on his way to completing BOTH of his New Year's Resolutions! (Talk about on the ball!!! It's still January)

Today he went POO POO* on the potty TWO TIMES!!! The second time he actually told me he had to go. (He usually tells me when he's finished and wants a clean diaper.) WAHOO!!!! (It could be that he gets a new Thomas train if he goes, but whatever...)

Not only that, Sam is completely BeeBee FREE! We took away his binky a week or so ago and he hasn't had it since. There have been a few rough nights, but he's adjusting quite well. Let's hope we can cement both of these wonderful behaviors well enough so that he doesn't revert the moment baby three is born.

Sam isn't the only one working hard on self improvement: Max has made his bed every single morning so far this month and even reminds me if I forget. (Which is daily.) Not on his list, but equally important, he has mastered the pronunciation of YELLOW (used to be lellow), and has learned to WINK!!!

Baby's resolution is to get a name. I've been considering Gabriel lately. Doesn't it sorta go with Maxwell and Samuel? And isn't "Gabe" cute?

The only problem is, I know a Gabe. He's an old friend and a great guy, but I don't really want to name a kid after him. (No offense, Gabe, but I can't be showing favoritism among "the boys".) So...Comments? Feelings? Sugesstions?

All name input would be extremely welcome and helpful as we've been a bit stumped with this little guy.

As for me, I rode the stationary bike the other night while watching "Criminal Minds". That means I've accomplished my resolution to "exercise more" and can be guilt free for the next 11.5 months. Good to have that out of the way.

I'm going to go eat a stick of butter now! Good night!


*Yes. I like to use representative colors on this blog. Hence, the use of brown.

He Said, She Said

What I said:
"Hey Doug! I bought a new calendar today...it’s a Mary Engelbreit one. Not because I’m all that in love with Mary, it just reminds me of my mom 'cause she loves ME."

What he heard:
(To the tune of the "Meow Mix" theme song.)
"Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow..."


What he said later:
"What's this? You bought a Mary Engelbreit calendar? Are you turning into your Mother???"

*************************************

What I said:
"So while I was at the mall today I bought the boys some new shoes. Stride Rite was having a clearance. They’re really expensive shoes, but I got them cheap. They even gave me an extra $5 off because one of Sammy’s shoes doesn’t light up!"

What he heard:
"I bought new shoes…really expensive. Blah blah."

What he said later:
"Hey! One of Sammy’s shoes doesn’t light up!!!"

***************************************

What I said:
"Did you hear they’re coming out with a new i-Pod phone?"

What he heard:
(In Charlie Brown's parent's voice)
"Waht waht wa wah wah wah."


What he said later:
"Hey Em! Come see this! They have a new i-Pod phone!!!"

*************************************

Items of Note to an 80's Accompaniment

Recent Items of Note

from the Life of ME

(and the Men in my Life)

Last week Max missed two days of school due to a Meningitis/Encephalitis threat that shut down three Rhode Island school districts. One child died and at least two others were treated. Yikes!!!

The temperature here in Rhode Island has been breaking records. It has been so warm that the tulips we planted in the yard are actually starting to come up already. I don't think this is a good thing for the tulips, but I'm okay with the warmth! Max has stopped asking when it will snow.

As of tomorrow, I will be 23 weeks into my pregnancy. Last week, Baby got eyebrows. This week, his finger nails will be almost fully formed. Oh yeah...and he's forming his first poop. How's that for great news?

(This is not my kid. But it is an example of a 23 week old fetus.)

The ban on T.V. has been lifted, but after discovering we actually CAN survive without six hours of cartoons, I've cut viewing time way back. Max can watch all he wants until 8 a.m. After that, I force myself to get out of bed. If he is still in need of media stimulation, I will happily turn on my i-Pod to the 80's mix I recently made. (Which, by the way, is TOTALLY AWESOME!!! It's on right now as a matter of fact playing New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" What a rad way to start the day!!!)

Two "Family Night's" ago we made New Year's Resolutions as a family. They are as follows;

Me: "Exercise more." This shouldn't be too hard since more than zero isn't that much.

Max: "Be nice to Mommy and make my bed everyday." He's doing a great job with the bed!!! (and, I must admit, most of the time with being nice to me!:)

Sam: "Lose the binky and get potty trained." My words. Not his.
Since he didn't actually agree to these goals, we're having a bit of trouble getting full cooperation. Last night Daddy got him to fall asleep without his BeeBee but this morning when he woke up crying around 6, we caved and gave it to him. As for the potty training, well...we've got the rest of the year, right?!?

{"Who Can It Be Now" by Men at Work just ended and we're on to "Dead Man's Party" by Boingo.}

Last night I pulled off a culinary feat. I made dinner AND dessert!!! At the SAME TIME!!! The SAME DAY!!! WITHOUT a six hour break in between!

In case you're curious, I made super yummy Sweet and Sour Chicken (a recipe I got from Kris Dub) and rice. For dessert, I tried a new recipe from my sister Jenny. "Sumptuous Soft Center Chocolate Cakes". (and were they ever...!) Yes, it was a cooking triumph for a girl who likes to focus solely on one-course meals. (And you're lucky if you get a drink with that.)

By the time Doug and I sat down to eat, (the boys had to be fed earlier to prevent crankiness) my back and feet were killing me and my blood sugar had long since crashed and burned. Fortunately, the dinner was so yummy it was all worth it and the best news is, there are leftovers for lunch today!!!

{"It Must Be Love" by Madness is on now. One of my single greatest regrets in life is the time I had tickets to a Madness concert in San Diego but didn't feel well so I stayed home and slept through it. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!! (I'm STILL sooooo sorry Heath and Ang!!!)

(I could have added another black t-shirt to my concert collection!!!)

"She Loves Me" from the Some Kind of Wonderful sound track --- TAKE AWAY THE PAIN!!!}

Moving on...

Actually, that's about it.

Nothing else to report.

So, until next time, I'll just leave you with this:

"It's gonna take a lot to drag me awaaaay from youuuuuuu...
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever dooooooo...
I bless the rains down in Aaaaaaaff-ricaaaaaa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never haaaa ah ah ah ah ah ad...!"

Sing with me! "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorerrrrrr...!"

Yesterday the boys knocked the DVD/VCR from the top of the T.V. to the floor far below. (which required no small amount of climbing and furniture scaling.) They both looked extremely guilty when I walked into the room (I was upstairs valiantly doing dishes) so I'm not sure who was responsible.

This led me to inflict swift and immediate punishment. I unplugged the T.V. and revoked all viewing privileges for an indeterminate amount of time. (Who am I kidding...this mostly punishes me!)

Regardless, this morning I was determined to follow through with my punishment for at least one day so the T.V. remained unplugged, and Nick Jr. was not to be heard or seen anywhere in the house.

This is how it came to be that Max was sitting next to me on the upstairs chair-and-a-half when I opened up the lap-top this morning.

"Whattadya doing Mommers? Gonna make some blogs?"
"I'm going to check my e-mail and look at some blogs. See, first I have to open up Internet Explorer..."
"Explorer!!! Like DORA! COOL!!!"
"Then I look at my Google homepage..."
"GOOGLE!?!" *giggles*
"and see if I have any e-mails or letters to read."
"Letters like on BLUE'S CLUES!?!" *more laughing*

At this point, he got bored and ran off to roar loudly at Sam.

Moral: You can take the kid out of the T.V. room, but you can't take the T.V. out of the kid.

Later: "Mom: Get off the computer and get in the shower then get your clothes on!!!"
Sheesh! What a tyrant! See what I have to put up with?

I'm going to go get in the shower now.

New Stuff

I just got all set up with the new blogger template and posted links to all of the blogs of all of my friends and family. IF you do not want your blog link here, let me know and I'll take it off. (Like, for example, if you're really ashamed of yourself because you only update every nine months or so...?!?)

When I have another seven hours to kill, I'm going to make a list of all the blog's I stalk without actually having met the person. :) If you want to be stalked, by all means let me know and I'll put you on the next list!

Right now though, I think I should check on my sons who have been watching cartoons unsupervised for far too long. (If I'm not careful, Max turns on Cartoon Network and is therefore exposed to all of that horrible animated illustration!!! Doesn't anyone go to art school anymore?)


Happy New Year!