Listening to: Fly Away

I so really want to fly away now. Like fly away into dreamland. The headache is killing me and the worse thing is I can't get to sleep. It's been like this for 2 bloody hours, and it hasn't improved one single bit. Damn. What the hell, I'm getting so irritated. Anyway, I think it's because I haven't really got enough sleep. I reached home so late last night after a whole at school, and I woke up early to go down to St. Hilda's this morning. Anyway, let's see...

Sunday, didn't really do much. Service was horrible, especially the worship. I was like, what the hell, but never mind. I was really tired that day, I also don't know why. After that had practice for this coming Sunday's combined service, and it was ok lah. Then we[Stan, Zhaohao, Lynn etc] went down to Sunplaza Park. I have to admit I had quite a lot of fun there, especially the volleyball part. Sighs, playing the volleyball just makes me so happy. I seriously want to join volleyball. Haiz. This is so saddening.

Monday. Woohoo! I have so much to say for this day. I woke up feeling damn excited, because it was Love Meridian Day! Whee, went to school in true blue, then had lessons until like 1.25pm. There was this lunch break and we had this class competition thing. Well, my class did pretty ok, but didn't get into the final round for Soiree. But it doesn't matter really, because I don't really like to be on stage anyway. Being in the limelight just scares the shit of me. I prefer to be more low profile, haha. Anyway, Soiree wasn't what I expected it to be. It turned out to be pretty fun though. Shaz rocks man! Wow, I have absolutely no idea why she didn't get into higher levels in SIngapore Idol, but people who sing damn badly got in instead. But oh well. Oh and I got damn embarrassed because of my classmates. Actually I got quite pissed lah. It was Welson's turn to go up on stage for some individual thing, then they were just screaming my name. I was like, what the fark man. Don't they understand that I'm not interested in him? Szeech still can control herself. But the rest like Marcus, I just want to pretend I don't know them man. What the hell. But never mind, what's over is over. I can't be bothered about it anyway. Ok anyway, I enjoyed yesterday's celebration. It was totally cool. Three cheers to all who went up on stage to perform!

Today, woke up like at 8 to meet Joash at 9. But that baboon woke up at 8.30 and reached school only an hour later. I waited lah. I'm damn nice ok. Haha, yeah right. Went visiting, then Loyang Sec to see Mdm Halimah. All the girls took turns to give her a hug and I was like, 'What the hell, do I really have to do that too?' I'm quite reserved. HAHA. But when it was my turn I just gave her a hug. She already held out her hands what do you expect me to do? Yeah, but I didn't regret it. Well, it felt like we were really close you kn0w? It was just a split second thing, but it felt quite good. Hmm, but then she held me so tightly I almost lost my balance. Haha oh well.

Stupid headache it's killing me. I think I'm going sleep already. I hope it has gone by the time I wake up later. Ciao.

Listening to: Milkshake

Ok, reached home like at 15minutes ago, went to bathe and here I am typing away. Got to make this fast because my Mum wants to use the net. Wow, she's using the net. Haha. So high-tech. She's like this blur woman who has to ask me everytime how to open a message that she has received. She never remembers, and now she's using the net. Woohoo. Haha.

Anyway, I woke up feeling happy today, simply because I slept happily last night? I don't know, but I guess so. Hmm, reached school damn early today, at like around 7.40, though I woke up at like 7.10. Because my Dad fetched me there. Hehe, had to go early to practise the dance and teach the rest of the girls. With Shaz of course. Whee! Had so much fun dancing 'in' the sun. The sun was just shining on us. Yeap. After that we had Chem lecture, so went for it. After the lecture we went back to dancing again. Until like almost 12noon. Can you imagine? Dancing for like more than 2 hours to the same music? Well, I had a lot of fun though. I suddenly realise that actually my class is such a sporty class, with a lot of sporty people. Very participative with just a little bit ot encouragement, and very enthusiastic. I enjoy being with people like that.

Well, went shopping at Far East Plaza, walked around for like 3 hours throughout the whole mall but couldn't find anything. It was like, what the hell. So I went back to Tampines Mall and I made Zhaohao come out with me. Well, he was my fashion consultant for like just 2 hours, on one set of clothes. We also went shopping and going to the arcade. He played at Century Square for one game then off we went to buy XIA1 MIAN4 for my family. I kind of forgot about their dinner. I kind of forgot they were waiting for me to buy their dinner. Oops, too engrossed in my shopping already. And not forgetting that packet of Almond Soya Bean milk that we couln't finish even though I haven't had my dinner. Actually, until now I still haven't had my dinner, but never mind.

Had so much fun today, really enjoyed myself, except for the middle part where I couldn't seem to find anything. Yeah, guess it kind of turned out pretty ok for me today. I saw him today. Whee!

Happy 17th Birthday Ifah! Ah-na loves you! Haha. *winks*

haha, I find is this kind of cute. Wahaha. Black and white.  

Another picture. That's my towel lah. Haha. We're so like sisters. Inseparable sometimes.  

Me and Wanky during GP class. Thursday 26th Aug. Whee! Oh and the one behind in the background is singer Shazleen Ramli.  

Listening to: Tomorrow

Hi guys! I reached home rather late today, like after 9? Stayed back in school to get the dance together with Wanky and some others. Whee, had so much fun! Haha, hmm I'm in a very good mood today actually. Even when the ice-cream stick that I bought in school broke into two even before I put the ice-cream in my mouth for once, I was still smiling. Well, there are just some things that make you feel nice. I won't say much about it here, if you want to know then just ask me or something. Ah, I love Friday's free period in the morning. Geez!

Hmm, going shopping with my classies in town tomorrow! Finally, a class outing! Like really shopping. The last one was like just a movie then we got separated somehow. Yeah, shopping for clothes for the class performance on Monday. Retro, don't know what top to get. But luckily I've got money to spend because my Mum gave me money! I asked to lend actually, but she said 'lend? don't need lah. I give you lor..' Then I was like, 'Ok, then can give me 10bucks more?' Haha, and she really did. Wow. For the first time in my life, she's actually so nice. Hehe. When my classies heard about it they were like 'I think it's coz she's guilty.' But I don't really care about that, I just don't want to bother lah. Ok, got to run already. I need some sleep. I'm really tired.

Happy Belated 18th Birthday to Welson! Really sorry, because I didn't know it was your birthday yesterday. I guess I probably wouldn't know at all unless you told me this morning that I didn't wish you. Have a nice year ahead! *smiles*

Hmm, I've been trying to type out my essay ever since about half an hour ago, and I'm still at the second paragraph. But in the meantime, I've been logging in to Friendster and also chatting with Joash. Haha. Yeah so, I'm looking forward to Love Meridian Day on the coming Monday, when I can wear retro with my classies and perform in this competition thing. But the thing is, we're competing against the Arts Faculty, and I don't really like being with the Arts fac except for during GP lectures because it's so fun in GP lectures. The rest of the time I actually find them.. ah never mind. Actually they're ok, just that some people just piss me off rather badly. Yeah, the last few classes of the Sci fac are usually left out. Take the Learning Journey for example. The last few classes still have no idea where or when they are going for the Learning Journey. Hmm, so irritating.

Anyway, renovations at my new place is done! Yeah I'm so happy. And my Mum just duplicated some more keys, and I have my own set of keys now. Hee. I can go there whenever I want now and just lie on my new bed. Whee! It's more convenient really, especially for monday when I can go there bathe and stuff when there are long breaks. In the afternoon I believe. Then I won't have to rush and queue so long for the others to finish bathing. I can actually take my time to bathe. Woohoo!

Ok I was watching Sinagpore Idol just now, and I think that Jeassea Thyidor and Olinda Cho can make it.
I think they sing very well. And the guys can't, I repeat, can't sing. They sound too 'ching chong-ing' already. Yeah, anyway I got to go back to my essay now. Tata.

Oh yeah, Happy 17th Birthday Dida! 04S401 loves you! *muah*

Jeassea and Olinda are in! Whee!

Listening to: Where Is The Love.

Ah yes ok, just reached home at about an hour. Had my dinner and here I am typing away. Ok, I don't remember if I said it this morning, but I woke up feeling upset this morning. Oh well, I have to forget some stuffs. It's been bothering me enough. Anyway, school turned out pretty ok for me today. Didn't feel too upset or whatever.

There was this talk about the Open House for those who signed up as Tour Guides for the Open House on the 15th of Oct. And I kind of like the teacher. She's quite cute anyway. Haha. After that Wanky and I just slacked around, because of the both of us didn't want to go for our CCAs. Haha, just quite sick of it already. So we just took out our instruments and practised for awhile, then we walked around. Went to look at the Soiree rehearsal. And I saw Mr Kelvin Tan dancing. I tried to not laugh because there was another teacher-in-charge next to me. So yah.

It was raining heavily today, so it got rather cold with cold rain water splashing all over. Hmm, but the fun thing was that some of the girls in my class like Dida, Wanky, Shaz and me were trying to choreograph the retro dance. And not forgetting we had the company of Marcus, Farhan and Irfan and some of their friends lah. Oh and some Chinese Orchestra music and Band music also. Haha.

I've got a lot of things I want to say, but I don't know how to say them out. I guess I'll just pen them out in a letter later or something. It's kind of bad when you feel upset but just can't seem to be able to pour your feelings out you know? Yeah so, I got to go. It's bathing time. Whee.

Listening to: Jie Kou

Ok I'm in school library now. It's actually GP tutorial now but half the class came to the library, with the excuse that we were searching for information for our essay. I'm done with my draft so I came in to do some stuff. Sighs, I woke up with a heavy feeling again in my heart this morning, and when I switched on my phone and read a message, I felt even worse. Well, there must have been reasons for that, and even though I really feel like I have to know, but I guess knowing more hurts even more.

Been trying to get into Friendster to get some things done, but the computer here is so slow. Sighs, it feels like everything is going against me you know? But never mind, you will have experience to know. I suddenly have the urge to write a letter to somebody, but then I think that will come later. Or maybe never. But never mind, I don't want to think about that now.

It just feels like everything is wrong. Getting enrolled into a JC was wrong, getting into a relationship was wrong, and trying to get all that bullshit notes and facts into my head is so not me. It's so diffucult. The things that I don't know are just getting more and more day by day, and it's bad for my studies. If only problems would stop coming to me, I think I would be able to do better.

I don't need couselling. I don't bloody need it.

Ok, I've been having an headache ever since I reached home just now. So as usual I didn't study much at home today. I reached home at like almost 8 in the evening. I don't know if it's just be or is that the bus takes damn long to come. And the queue is so damn long. It even goes out all the way to the end of another bus stop, I mean in the interchange. Don't know how to describe lah. It just goes all the way to the end of the 38 bus stop. I wasn't feeling good today, just felt very upset. But now and then when I see him in school I get into floating mood. Haha, it's stupid lah. But I don't like him ok. This kind of things only the 1st person will know, nothing to explain about. And then the girls in my class never fail to make me smile with their cranky jokes.

I feel like I'm some kind of freak. It feels so stupid to have to go for some damned counselling. Shan't talk too much about it anymore before I get peeved again.

Anyway, today's the 24th. It has been a month already. I've been thinking a lot about her these days. And I don't know why also. I have to visit her soon.

Looking forward to the celebration on monday night, definitely not looking forward to the Promos like 40 days away.

I'm in school now. Wasn't feeling hungry so didn't go for recess with the rest. I saw Joyce on the way so I'm in the school library with her, though there's another computer in between us. Sighs, it's so irritating. I woke up feeling upset this morning, maybe because I slept feeling sad last night. I felt my eyes get wet in the middle of the night but I just coulnd't be bothered to wipe them away. I've got a lot of things I want to say now. But I don't know which will come first. Plus time is running out for me. I'll probably come in again later in the evening, or before I go home.

I just went into Friendster and realised I had one less friend. Well, went around searching for who was missing. Then I found out it was him. Well, after all that has happened I don't blame him. I can't blame myself too. There's nothing to blame about anyway. If he wants to feel this way or whatever way he's feeling now, I can't do much. If he wants to stay away, there's nothing I can do. Seriously, I also don't know if he's taking it out on me. I don't exactly care that much now. Too many stuff bugging me already. But seriously again, I don't want to care that much anymore. I'm just sad I lost a friend. A friend who wasn't really a friend before. Just take care.

Listening to: Yi Han

I'm feeling so angry now. Got so many things in my heart that I want to say but I don't know whether to even start. Just feel like bashing up someone now. Trying to look for something to vent my frustration on. I've got so many things I want to tell my churchies[you know who you are] but then again I suddenly don't feel like saying anything. I also don't know why I'm so angry today. My mood just suddenly changed just now. I tried my best not to show the others that I'm not myself. I tried my best to look normal. but I just couldn't. I just wanted to cry. But there wasn't any shoulder, there wasn't anyone there. I wanted to feel like a baby all over and just cry, hoping someone would come pick me up. Hoping someone would sing me a song to soothe my feelings, to make me feel better. But it didn't happen the way I wanted. Sometimes some things happen the way you want them to happen. For me, it never happens. That's the saddest part of life.

When I was walking home just now through the park, I just couldn't think of anything. Everything in my mind went blank. I just kept walking, round and round the park. Then I sat down at a seat. I felt so kuku sitting there alone. So many people around but I felt so alone. So lonely. I don't know what made me walk towards my block, but I got home. And the first thing I heard was 'Why do you carry a handphone around when you don't pick up calls?' I was like.. what the hell.

I'm still feeling very angry. I don't know why either. Maybe it's because today's a special day, but somebody forgot and went out with a bunch of people without telling me beforehand. Maybe.

Listening to: Where Is The Love

Ok, reached home for quite some time already. I've got nothing to do so I came online. Or rather, I just didn't want to do anything else so I came online. Actually, feeling rather upset now. I just had my CHem test and it was like damn difficult. I was stuck at the 1st bloody question. Sighs, I don't know how in the world I'm going pass this year. It's like horrible. But anyway, had lunch at LJS, with my Mum and classmates like Shaz Farhan Dida Ifah and some others. Wanky my Mum and I sat at another table because there weren't enough seats. Yeah so, whatever. The Chem test is over. I'm never to going to see those questions again. Haiz.

1) HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANKY! You're 17 already! Whee!
2) I cut my hair.

Hello! I'm in a good mood today though I don't what caused it. Maybe it's because I cut my hair at Kimage, expenses fully paid, and maybe because today's Wanky's birthday. Hmm, never mind. I've been feeling crazy these few days. Myabe the big problem has come to me. Maybe it's because the Promos are coming. PW drives me crazy. I hate PW man. Argh. I really don't know what's the use of doing PW, and the most stupid thing is it's counted into the criteria for admission into University. What the hell. I've still got a written report to type later. I don't know what they call it 'Written' when it's supposed to be typed out. Hmm, ok. Whatever, I'm getting lame again. It's so damn bloody long, and we needed to have 2 meetings before we could finally do the report. Each meeting lasted for like almost 2 hours. What the.. Sighs. Things are driving me crazy. I need rest man. I'm so looking forward to the 30th of Aug because we'll be doing the ACES day thing in the morning, with only a few lessons, go home and then come back to school again at night for the Soiree and Teacher's Day celebration. The theme is retro something, and we'll have to wear something retro. Either retro or true blues thing. And it's going to be so fun! Woohoo! Then no school for the 31st and 1st Sept. That's the best part of it all. Haha.

Oh yeah, yesterday the school asked for our opinion on whether we want a new outlet of Pastamania to be opened in our school. And they're going to make this outlet the only outlet that is HALAL. So cool right? So of course everybody in my class were in for it. Who doesn't want Pastamania in our school man? They're so dumb to ask this kind of questions. Haha. Ok I've got to go. Take cares. *smiles*

Listening to: Grace reading off to herself her Math worksheet.

Ok, it's getting pretty late already but I don't exactly care. I'm happy today. *grins* Hee. Ok today was a pretty fine day. We were watching Dangerous Minds for the GP lecture. It's so nice and Michelle Phieffer is so darn pretty. Yeap and if you all still can remember a few years back she was in this movie 'What lies beneath', and I watched it with Ferli and Stan. And Ferli and I were scared shitless. We were only in Sec1! How brave can we get watching a horror movie?

Ah ok, chatted with Welson again last night. So he's a private person. Haha. Wished him an early happy birthday, because I don't know when it is. Yeah so, had lunch at Swensens this afternoon. Shaz Azry Ifah Farhan and I went down to Swensens after school today because there was this promotion thing where the Topless5 was only $1.39. Wow. But the service at Pasir Ris White Sands Swensens is like BAD. We took like bloody long to get our seats even when there was an empty table just nice for the 5 of us. ANd I had to ask whether we could sit there before they brought us to our seats. They took our orders at the host stand. Read this: Host stand. And when the ice cream came we realised to our 'horror' that our orders have been mixed up. And the worse thing was we weren't served water. The ice cream was all watery when it came so we had to eat it quickly. Plus we had this Hong Kong English Test, so we ate even faster. Then of all things, it rained so damn heavily we had to run all the way from White Sands to the bus stop. And there are no shelters at all. Ah anyway I looked so flustered when I reached school because the stupid bus driver let us down when we even haven't reached the bus stop. He opened the bus door so we had to get down right? So we ran to the bus stop. Bloody bus driver. Bus No.9688 never let me see you again.

The Hong Kong English test was rather ok. Not too difficult, just very different from the kind of exams we have in Singapore and the New South Wales one. We were the 'lucky' ones who got selected to take the test because they wanted to compare our English standards with their Hong Kong students. Mr Tan said that this was a once in a lifetime experience so we were supposed to feel lucky. So, whatever. Yeah, so the day turned out pretty ok for me. Feeling tired now, so I think I ought to go sleep. Good night.

Sighs, I really didn't want my day to end this way. But then, I guess sometimes some things are inevitable. There's nowhere you can hide. There are so many things you can never comprehend. I really don't want things to turn out this way. Since you don't want to answer me when I greet you in the mornings, I've totally given up. So you can't say that I want to be on cold war with you both. You think I have nothing else better to do? Somehow, I will love the computer forever. MSN and Friendster and Blogging, they're all so important to me. Occasionally talking to all my friends whom I haven't seen in a very long time can mean so much to me. Those conversations, no matter how short and brief, can bring back so many memories I have had with that particular person. Blogging, because there are so many people whom I have lost contact with who read my blog to find out how my life has been going. It's nice to actually know that there are people out there who care for you, and who actually bother to read about you so that they can keep up.

I know you are all worried, but I know what I'm doing. I'm older now. I know how to handle things. You have to let me do all that before you will actually realise that I'm already 17, no longer 13. I'm in J1, not in Sec1. I'm supposed to have grown, supposed to be more mature in my thinking. Even though I can't be bothered about stuff sometimes, it doesn't mean I don't care about the problem. Even though you don't see me ever studying at home but in actual fact I do all that in school. When I come back from a long day at school I want to relax. I want to chit-chat. I want some family bonding. I study in school because I know I won't be able to concentrate at home. There are just too many distractions. I don't study at home because I want all of us to spend more time together. But I realise it doesn't ever happen anymore. We don't even eat dinner as a family anymore. I spend more time with my pillow and bolster than actually talking to you all or hearing your voices. It's like we're all busy doing our own things, in our own world. But then again, maybe it's just me. Maybe because I don't like to talk as much as before. Maybe because I've changed. For better for worse, I don't know, and I don't want to know either.

When I was chatting online with Welson the other day, we were talking about our families. And he also related to me that his family used to be like that last year. He said that it was a growing and changing phase of life. He said it will go away, just that we don't know when. I don't know about my family anymore. It's not like when I was 16yrs old. We're not as close anymore. Maybe it will get better, but maybe it just won't.

Hi guys, been feeling ok today. I made myself wake up to the Alarm clock at 6.15 in the morning, laid on the bed for 15minutes then I got up to change. I really took things damn slowly today, taking my time as if school would wait for me to reach before starting. But Jasmine made me get out of the house like 5 minutes earlier than my planned time because she's starting school at SMU today. Yeap, you got it. 1st day of school. I heard she said she's having a long day today because she couldn't get her bid of the time-table or something like that. So yeaH, I hope everything goes well for her on her 1st day at SMU. Ah, I bet she'll read this someday, so I have to type some nice things about her. Ahahaha.

Ok I didn't want to wake up all smiley today, because of what has happened. But I'll let things go one step at a time. I have to calm down and think with a clear mind, like what some one said. I'm not going to bullshit about what I'm going to do simply because I lead my own life. You just have to learn to let go of me sometimes people. People. The people I'm referring to. READ THIS. I'm 17 in more months. Darn, I have to calm down and think with a clear mind now. Yes, clear mind. I don't feel like blogging anymore, it's almost the closing of the librbary.

Listening to: Ba Wo Hui Lai Le

This is like such an old song. Ok, so maybe not very old but it's old. Jay already has had his 5th album. Ok I'm chatting with Ferli and Petrina now. And the both of them are talking about guys. Guys. And more guys. It's not like I hate it, but rather I like that topic. Haha. I've changed. Even if Ferli doesn't tell me that, I know that I've changed. Not just because of what has happened, but also because of school. I have my own freedom to do what I want in school now. I'm keeping a lookout for handsome guys in school and I don't know why. And I was never like that in Sec Sch. I guess it's because I have more choices now. But I'm going to put all that aside, I just want to pass my Promos. And then go to SMU. But going to SMU means I have to take SATs, and I hate taking exams. So I dread my Promos.

Yes, back to my topic. I guess it's because all my friends are doing the same. Ok so maybe not all, but the majority. And checking out girls and bitching about them also keep them occupied very much. That, I find real weird. From feedback, I've been told that it seems that I like Welson. But then in actual fact, I really don't. I just like to see him in school. A chirpy face, a sunshine smile. Who doesn't want to see that you tell me? He's a volleyballer, he's tall[bonus]. He doesn't have the face where you see too many times you will get bored. He looks fresh even at the end of the day. And his voice is whoa, damn nice. I'll stay at my stand, I don't have a crush on him. I'm not infatuated with him. And I won't fall for him. He seems too good to be true. He seems like a dream. It seems as if someone like him will never exist. He's a Christian, he's a rather good boy, he's real kind and friendly. Too good to be true. To me, he's someone who will never exist.

Can you imagine if he reads my blog? There will be two reactions. Either he's flattered by my description of him, or he's so scared I like him that he runs away, avoids me and never say Hi to me again. That's scary.

Listening to: Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu

Sighs, this song makes me just wan to dream. Ok, I reached home at about 45 minutes agin. And I'm so pek chek now! Wanky messaged me just now to tell me she saw Welson at Orchard for the dance. Damn. I didn't go because nobody went with me. So unfair. Everybody gets to see him but me. Darn man. Haiz, so irritated. Anyway, congrats to Clarissa for her O levels results! This english-oriented girl got A1 for her O level Chinese ok! So proud of her. So, as I was saying, something happened at the Leadership Talk today, but I didn't go because I'm not a leader, then something about Welson also. The speaker was looking at him. Haha. Ah ok sighs. I should stop talking about him already. Promos is on in 6 weeks! 4th to 8th Oct, sighs. Shit man. What in the world am I going to do? I need all prayers possible man. If you have the heart please please keep me in your prayers. Haha. I'm desperate for prayers now. Ok, got to have dinner. Bye people.

I'm in school now, just finished my Chemistry remedial that the whole class had to go. Ok, so I'm at the school libabry here with Joyce Peh, whose birthday falls on the coming Tues! On the 17th, Tues right? Ya so, some people that I know are also having their birthdays soon. Like Wanky, Dida, Welson. Ah haha. Mine's still like 4 months away. Darn, nobody celebrates my birthday with me. It has been like that for the past few years of my life. The only birthday outing I remember last having was when I was in Japan at the end of sec 3, at my Aunt's place. I got a slice of cake! Haha. Like duh! I hope somebody will celebrate my birthday with me this year. It falls on 8th December. Haha, promoting promoting. *Hints*

I've got CO later, it's sectionals today. So I can just sit sit around, then walk walk around, then go home. Think I'll go early at 11am because I want to go home early. I was practically tearing during Chem remedial. I wanted to go for the earlier slot for remedial but I woke up late so I couldn't sit with Wanky today. I want to go down to Orchard later! But I think I won't be able to go beacuse of the Matriarch. Darn it. People from my school signed up for this Citibank Mass Dance Charity thing, so they'll be dancing for 6 hours from 12.30 to 6.30pm. Hmm, I really want to go. But I can't find anyone to go with me. Sian. Feeling bored now. Can't think of anything to do. Ah I got to go off anyway. So tired. Ok, bye people. Take cares.

Listening to: The sound of the fan

Ah Ok, I know now it's like 12.25 in the morning, but I really didn't feel like going to bed so here I am blogging. I just reached home at like 10minutes past 11, because of the testimony sharing thing we had in Church. Then as usual, we went to 'lim teh'. Haha. Anyway, my small little nightmare is approaching. I've got to lead worship for the Youth Service next Sunday 22th. I'm like, 'what am I supposed to sing?' I hate choosing songs to sing, because I can't think properly. I was very lethargic in school today and I also don't know why.

Anyway, during my free period just now, I went to the canteen to get food because I didn't go for recess. Then I saw Welson!! AH!! He was like, 'hey anna!' I turned and he said Hi. And of course I said Hi back. Like duh. I walked back to the study area then MarKus said he wanted to get printing paper so I went with him. To look see look see. Haha. Then just now Nada was like 'I think he likes you.' Hmm ok whatever. I don't exactly care. Heez. He's so funny. I mean, from the conversation we had online on Thursday night. Haha. Ok, I going sleep already.

Listening to: the typing of so many people in the school library. And Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu

Ok, recess for me now. Like for all the J1s. Haha, so Wanky's here with me. I slept rather late last night, like at 12.45 in the morning. I was looking for information for my History tutorial, and was also online chatting. Haha, talking about online talking last night makes me so happy. Welson sent me a message over MSN and started talking. Nothing much happened really, just asked if I was actually feeling stressed out and stuff. Hmm, so maybe I'm a bit dao in school. He said he didn't dare to say hi in school in case there was no response from me then he'll look damn stupid. Hello! That's also the reason why I don't say hi to him in school, because I don't want to look stupid. Then we started talking about the movie Windstruck. Never mind, enough of that.

Anyway, I woke up at 7 this morning even though I set my alarm clock at like 6.15. I went back to sleep. Darn. But luckily I got out of the house in like 15 minutes, then my Dad fetched me to school. My saviour. Haha. Ok, recess is over and history lecture is next. Bye people.

I'm feeling happy today and I have absolutely no idea why. I've been trying to get into Friendster but I guess the Friendster from the school Library just hates me going into it. I can never get into it in school. Damn. Whatever, I give up. Anyway, I'm staying in school to do work. Read this: Work. But here am I blogging. Hmm, I'll go off soon anyway. Got to finish up the dreaded History tutorial that I have to present tomorrow.

Ok, more people in the computer room are playing some movie. And I turn to see Jennifer Garner. Hmm never mind. Ok yes. Where was I? Oh, saw Welson in the canteen today. Hmm, perfect view? Then Szeech was asking me what I actually think of him and stuff like that. People have me asking me to join the Citibank Mass Dance thingy. We'll have to do the mass dances for competition I think. I didn't want to, and the rest were like, 'Welson most probably will be going. Then you dance with him for the couple dance lah!' I was like 'NO thank you.' What in the world for? Haha, ok I got to go already. This is going to be a very short one. Take cares people.

These are the legs. Like DUH. We were on the MRT train, me and my classmates after the National Day Celebrations. Not all thou, just the ang moh gang. Yeap..  

Listening to: Jie Kou

I'm not sure if the title's correct because it was a burnt CD, and the handwriting is a bit, Weird-Looking. Haha. Stan's handwriting is quite unique in a way. I love this song, every song on this CD actually. Yeah. I just saw Ferli on TV for S'pore Idol. Woohoo! And now she has to reply to 43 messages from whoever they are. Haha. Ok, I'm feeling better today. Not as guilty, not as irritated. I think school really helps me push all things to the back of my mind. Which is a really good thing so that I can actually concentrate. When I saw Wanky this morning she looked so excited. Then she told me she saw Welson get out of the cab this morning with a super duper small black sling and a volleyball in his hand. And I was wondering why she's so excited over that. Haha. The thing is, I get excited all over when I see him in school. But the feeling is just different you know. It's not that kind of 'I love you' feeling. It's an eye candy.

Had CCA till like 6.30pm today. 3 and a half hours of it isn't fun. Mr Quek came late[again]. He's always late, having no sense of time management. Then there was this meeting for the CO T-shirt that costs a bloody 15 bucks. Why get one I wonder. I'm out of it in another year. Or 9 months rather. Or maybe just 3 months if I don't get to stay for Yr2. Anyway, while waiting for the meeting to start, some girls from CO were over-looking the volleyball court. So was I. I think they were talking about Welson, because when he spiked they said something also. But I don't really care. It's not like I like him or anything. Well, I told Ferli about how he acts in school, and she said... Um.. Never mind. Haha. If it's true I'm flattered but if it's just conjecture on her part then it's also fine with me. It's not like I want to.

Actually I'm still in a state of shock and disbelief from what I heard from Stan last night. But I shan't say it here, because I still don't know if I'm allowed to know. I just find it weird. Ok, I'm waiting for his call. But from what I heard at 9.30, he's still at Queenstown. That's like 17 stops from Tampines. That's what he said, I don't know. Ok, never mind. I've got nothing to say now.

Listening to: Qi Li Xiang

I'm online, on MSN. I'm having conversations with people but they seem so bothered with their own stuffs. They're the ones I want to talk to, but never mind. I guess it doesn't matter much to them. People do cherish things when they're gone. People think about the past and what they could have done to change the ending. Well, there are just some things that can't be changed. Things can never be as they were in the past anymore.

When I was out today, I felt so terrible. All I wanted today was a hug. A shoulder for me to cry on. The one who knows what has been going through in my life. The one who knows everything about me and my life now. The one who cares. Today's outing really made me realise the fact that acting you're Ok when you're not is really bad. It totally sucks. I was told to just let out and have fun today. But laughing and talking crap like I used to today was hard for me. I hung on to my discman for the most of the time. I just didn't feel like talking. YM was going to send me home but I chased him away. I told him to go home. I just don't like it when he sends me home anymore. I didn't use to mind, but now. Let's just forget it. Plus I wanted to be alone today. Zhaohao was an excuse for me to get out of the house. Walking home, I was thinking about what happened this morning, how I was so stupid. How all that wouldn't have happened if I didn't pick up that call in front of HER. Then we could have seen a proper movie. It's only a movie. It's not like he's going to do anything. It's not like I'm going to get kidnapped. It's so infuriating.

I've been feeling bad the whole day. But well, tomorrow's another day. I guess I just have to look forward to tomorrow's meeting with my PW mates at Pasir Ris and to Nada's house for the PPT. But then, SHE will just think that I'm going out with Stan again. I think after the PW I'll be going down to Tampines Library. I'm supposed to meet up with another group of classmates for my History Project, which is due on the 12th but is actually untouched. Hmm. I'd rather study than do the project, seriously. I think I'll just end up studying at Tampines Library.

Listening to: Lan Tian
Feeling: So bloody pissed off

Ok, I'm going out later. Not with Stan. Not with Wanky. Not alone. With Zhaohao and Kexin. And maybe Amy. I was intending to go out alone but what the hell, Matriarch would never allow. Wanky's sick, so she can't go out with me. It's a holiday for bloody hell's sake. Why can't I have fun? Will one day of not revising cause me to fail my bloody Promos? What the hell? I'm so pissed off now. Glad I'm actually going out. So that I won't have to stay at home for the whole bloody day and act like I'm actually studying when I'm just day-dreaming.

You will never know whether a person has changed if you never put in any bloody effort to see whether he has changed. A leopard never changes its spots? I don't agree with this bloody idiom anymore. You can say that I'm blind, but can Zhaohao, your favourite guy in church be blind also? Can you say he's blind? He's 25 and he can also see that he has changed for the better. If the most honest guy in church can say something like that, he knows he has changed, then why can't you just accept the bloody truth that he has? You never put in any bloody effort to show that you trust me. ALl of you are all the same. You all just want to bloody entertain me. You all just want to bloody make a fool out of myself in front of all of you, making me think that you all actually care. But for the last time in this bloody world you have never done all that.

Results are what's most important to you. Academics are what's best to you. Everything you do you compare results with every bloody person. And you dare say you don't? You see money and academic studies as everthing. You go away thinking that someone who failed his O Levels is someone of crap. You go away thinking that someone who repeated another year in school is a lousy person. He's showing you his results at work but you push all that away. You trust me? For bloody hell's sake have you ever? Ask yourself deep in your heart, since when? He and Zhaohao have been telling me to talk to you properly. I've tried my best man. I've tried like bloody hell. I did the housework whenever you asked me to even though I was so bloody tired from school. You think I don't need rest? You think just because I have a holiday off from school I'm so free? You think I'm not tired? I hardly say 'Whatever' to you now. Everytime you want to say any bloody thing about me I've tried my best not to rebuke you. I've swallowed every bloody thing you say about him.

What in the bloody world do you bloody want from bloody me now?

Me and Wenqi on the MRT Train on Friday after the National Day Celebrations. I hate my eye bags. Darn.  

Feeling: Restless.

Ok, just reached home not too long ago. Bathed and came online. I wen to my new house with my Mum this afternoon after the Meet-The-Parents Session with my CT, helped out with a bit of cleaning here and there, painted some stuffs and all that. At 3pm, I fell asleep on my new bed. Woohoo! But it still has the plastic wrapping over it because I didn't want to have all the dust on it. So I wiped it with a piece of cloth, closed the door and fell asleep. I had a pretty weird dream about my Dad, but never mind. All the way till 4.45 when my Dad came to fetch us back home. I was so darn tired I went to bathe immediately, but now I can't sleep anymore. Later I've still got to go downstairs to pick up some Project Work stuff I left in their bag. And I'm feeling so lazy to even change and to wear something nice. Sighs.

Oh, did I tell you all that I was chatting with Welson on Thursday night? I only said 'Hello' and he typed so much things out. Anyway, his birthday's coming. Somewhere in August. At least that's what he told me. But it's not like I'm going to get him a present. Haha. It's going to be so weird if I actually get him one. Anyway, I got so damn embarrassed on Friday after the National Day Celebrations. There was a class outing so we were waiting for the rest of the gals to come out from the toilet at the Atrium before we could go out together. I was with Wanky, Marcus and Farhan. Then when they saw Welson and his friends come out from the Guy's toilet they were like 'Ahem! Anna!' and we were standing outside the guy's toilet. Suddenly they were all having coughs and had to clear their throats. Damn man. I felt my face go red and was like 'What the hell for?' Now he's going to think I'm stalking him. Now he's going to think I actually like him. Now I'm going to lose another friend. When the truth is he's only an eye candy! Argh darn it. But then, never mind. It's over. Went to watch The Village with my classmates yesterday at Cineleisure. Cool show! I was intending to sleep in the movie because I was going to watch it with other people again but it's damn exciting! It's not exactly a horror movie but then its props used are very good. The movie also depicts love, innocence and strength that people have. Ok, I'm getting into Literature mood now. When I told Jasmine this yesterday she was like 'Ok never mind. Stop your Arts talk.' Haha.

There's a steamboat tomorrow with my churchies again! Yeah! And after that Monday I'm going shopping. Not sure about Tuesday though. haven't decided with Nada about the interview yet. Oh shit. I hate Project Work. Stupid Project Work. It's killing me. But, whatever. I don't bother about it anymore. I've got to go study already. Bye people. Take care and enjoy your National Day Holidays.

Feeling: So stressed up.

ARGH. I can't wait for my Promos to be over. I want to relax. I want to play. I want to have fun. Promos are on from 4th Oct to 8th Oct. Exactly two bloody months away. But after that there will still be lessons going on. What the hell. What's the use of the extra lectures if I'm going to fail? Darn. Sighs. I don't feel like studying anymore. Wait. I have to stop whining. Never mind. I won't talk about that anymore. I have to study some more. Don't think I'll be using the computer tomorrow. I will be busy the whole day. I mean, I'll be staying in school to study. I don't want to go out eat dinner with them. I don't want. Shit.

Listening to: Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu

Sighs. I love this song so much. Ou De Yang!! Well, I just got home at 8pm, bathed and had dinner. I went home really late today because I was talking to Joyce after CO from 5 to about 7. We talked like we never talked before. Well, it's right to say we've never talked like this before. We talked about guys, school, and how we were getting on. Looking over the volleyball and basketball courts we just stood there in the sun talking about all that. Yeah, and not forgetting to mention looking at the volleyball practice going on. Ehem. Haha. Today was pretty ok. I kind of disliked the GP debate in the 1st period of theday but after that it got on rather ok. But tomorrow after PE lesson my class with be having a debate with 04S308. Why not S302 I wonder. Darn. Then Nada and I will be talking about Welson throughout the debate. Haha. It's going to be in front of the whole Science GP lecture, but there will be 2 ongoing debates in 2 different lectures. So the other members of the floor can choose which LT they would want to go to. I hope S302 comes in with us. But I think my class will stink up the whole LT simply because the debate is right after our PE lesson. Yeah. Anyway, an early happy birthday to Joyce Lim whose birthday falls on Thursday, which is tomorrow.

Ok, so my Aunt and Uncle and cousin is here to stay with my family today. And tomorrow. They'll be leaving on Friday morning. I haven't seen them in a really long time. Ever since I went to Japan to see them end of Sec3 during my December holidays. I've got to spend more time with Ken. I used to be really able to talk to him, because we're only a year apart. I'm older than him and I always took care of him. Yeah. I'm the one who can converse with him best. As in, last time. Now it's Jasmine who talks most with him, because I've got school. And by the time I reach home I'm too tired to entertain them anymore. Now another pair of Aunt and Unlce are here. They just reached, and they bought durians! Woohoo! I love durians. So I got to go off now. I've got tons of homework to do. Time to stop my relaxation time, though I only slacked for 15mins. Sighs.

Oh yes! I forgot! I forgot to mention one very important reason why I'm so happy and jumpy today. It's the many times I got to see Welson today! Like when I reached school in the morning I went straight to the Assembly Plaza because I reached just on time. And when I put my bag on the Parapet and turned, he was standing directly in front of me!! He was staring at me and talking to his friend. Hmm, that freaked me out. But then it's not the first time. Anyway, I got too excited to care if he was telling his friends about me. Then I met him at the circular stairs again while going up for History tutorial. He said Hi. Then Farhan was making fun of me. HMPH! Then I saw him again when he was going down for PE lesson at 3.55pm. He was walking down the stairs. When he reached the 1st floor he sort of looked up. *goes into dreamy mood* Sighs. He's such a nice person. But anyway, I don't like him. He's just someone for me to dream about. Like a fantasy. Like a dream, you know? I just get into a fluster and my face goes red whenever I see him in school. Haha. Nada and I both get so excited whenever we talk about Welson. Haha, ok I really have to go off now. Tata.

Listening to: Yi Han (Spice Siblings)

Ok, today's day was rather fun. No big messes or screw-ups. I got away with not doing my Maclaurin's Series Tutorial because there were 6 others in the class who also didn't do. Phew! Joy cheated! She practically copied the answers from her friend! But anyway, it doesn't matter much to me also. Haha. Spent a lot of time with Wanky today, thought she didn't come to school today but she was actually late. But the lucky thing was she didn't have to run the 5 rounds around the track for being later beacuse she said she was sick. Well, she really looked sick. Hmm, take care girl.

I was in a daze when I woke up this morning. I actually slept at 1.30am in the morning. Was trying to do my History tutorial. I actually started at like 11.30, but I realised I also had to read finish my French readings before I could actually attempt the Qn. And the readings are like damn hard to understand. It's all mixed up. It's so confusing. I ended up not doing anything so I had to skip Maths lecture(again!) to do my history tutorial. 3 countries on Industrial Revolution will stress the hell out of you. Trust me. I'm practically going through hell trying to read them. I fell asleep on the dining table(because I was doing my work there), and woke up having aches all over. But the most amazing thing was that I didin't feel the least sleepy or tired in school. Until Chinese lesson that is. She keeps digressing away from Chinese. One moment she would be talking about this story, and this story would lead to the next one. I don't understand how the students from the other class can stand it. They actually add in their own stories. Then there's this guy from their class who always comes over to sit with us(the 3 of us), and talks with Dida. Yeah, so it gets so boring everytime during Chinese lesson I just dread it. The teacher comes late for every lesson. Can you actually believe that?

Anyway, I realised that there are some very obvious common interests in my class. I mean, my gang of friends whom I always hang out with. Rain or shine, we would be sitting together in class, just talking crap, and singing. And who sings most? Nor Shazleen Ramli. The one who joined Singapore Idol and got into top 100. Woohoo!! We're all so proud of her. She has such a nice voice you'll fall head over heels with her. That explains why Irfan.. Never mind. Haha. Anyway, I love this group of people. They're such fun people to hang out with. I don't know how I'm going to stay on in MJC for the next one year or so without them to actually make me feel good. And not forgetting Wanky. My favourite friend in school. Maybe Shazleen is right. We're lesbians. Haha, OOPS. And then, I relised that almost all of us are attached!! That includes the CLA people also. But only Siew Wei though. Hmm. Out of the 19 students in my class, 12 are attached. Outside and inside of school. You see couples in school everywhere anyway. They're like damn open in school. And not mentioning lesbians having PDA in school. Eeek, it freaks me out when I see them carrassing each other's faces in the school library. GULP! That's so sick. They should do it in private instead.

National Day's coming. Like next Monday. And I have such a long weekend to play! Can't wait for Monday to arrive, so that I can go out shopping and watch movies. I haven't done all those in a really really long time and I need to relax. I want to play. I heard there's this Steamboat coming up on Sunday with all my churchies. Yeah! Then after that maybe we can head down to Marina Bay to see the fireworks, but I think that will eat into the steamboat timing. Sighs. If I go to the fireworks display maybe I'll get to see Wanky. She told me today that she'd be going this Sunday. Ok, remembered that there's a 'Love Meridian' Day coming up at the end of the month. I was like 'HUH? They made an announcement on it before?' Haha, I don't listen to announcements in the morning. I'll be talking to Wanky. Or Dida. Or Joy. OR all 3 together. Darn, got to find someday to go swimming soon. The last time I went was like in July. Early July. Yeah, miss the pool already.

Okok, it's almost 7. Got to prepare for my revision for the Promos in about 62 days' time, with 4 hours revision a day which adds up to 248 hours altogether. 2 A Level passes and an AO pass. Plus a pass in General Paper of course. Yes, that's my goal for the end of the year. Goodbye people. And take lots of cares. =D

Listening to: Move your body

Typed a lot of stuff just now but something cocked up I think. Darn. So now all those shit I said will be shortened. I think I won't type them all out again. Just want to say that I had a great day today with PE and history test and maths lecture and GP lesson. Yeah, studied in school until 8pm then went back to Tampines to have dinner, walked home after that. So I reached home at 10. So tired, so stressed. So I came online to destress. Hmm, have to go do my history tutorial already. Got to present in class tomorrow. Sighs. Good night.

It's her birthday.

Sighs, it's Shimin's birthday today. Trence and most of the NPCC gang went to see this morning I guess. Not very sure though. Well, I reached home not too long ago. Yesterday went to my Aunt's hotel to stay over. She already booked the room for me and my sisters, so if I didn't turn up it's kind of rude right? So I dragged myself there. Darn, tried to study for my History lecture test that's on Monday, which is like tomorrow and I haven't even finished one chapter. I am so finished. Sighs, whatever. I changed my blogskin, but I can't see any difference, so it's lagging. Hmm, lagging. I'm typing rubbish, whatever that comes to my mind I just type. I need some more colours in my life.

I don't have much mood to blog today. Can't seem to stop thinking about her today. I've been feeling touched for the past one week, and I guess I'm much happier than last Sunday now. Some people have been encouraging me, calling me to talk, waiting for me to just start talking, to start talking about my feelings, how I'm feeling for that particular day, what I did that day. Just to say whatever I want, and I really appreciate it. Thank you.

And I have to do the same to people who are also hurt. Hurt by what she has done to us, to them. I will have to help them to feel better although I know no shits about consoling. But I'll try, I promise. I'll be there whenever I can, I will reply to your messages, I will call you back if I missed your call, I will be there when you need information on no matter what kind of things like having to buy what kind of flowers to see her. I promise.

I got to go church already. Goodbye people. Take care. And one more thing, Happy Birthday Shimin.