the start of another life

i've been back home almost a week now. in another couple of weeks, another life awaits: the adult life. a full time job. politics. responsibilities. 

responsibilities.

there's the responsibilities to others and then there's the responsibilities to self. i've always been rather reckless with the latter. i've come to realize in recent years that a lot of what i had done was out of obligations to satisfy other people. somehow i had got it into me that making others happy would bring joy to my own existence. come to think of it, those moments are far and few between. i think i was afraid that doing things for the pleasure of none other than myself would make me a selfish person for we've all been taught that selfishness goes against everything that is virtuous and "right". the fear was very real, albeit an invisible fear; a self imposed one.

but then one day i decided not to give a fuck anymore. i don't exactly recall what triggered it, but something did and i've never felt better since. i started doing things that made me happy. i started to enjoy my life instead of dreading what might come up. i started being comfortable with who i am.

i guess sometimes it's ok to be a little selfish. because it's just me now.

me vs. the world.

+listening to: flume by bon iver

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