i haven't felt this way for the longest time. i guess it was the conversations that sparked it off. suddenly i want to scream and i want to cry, but it's almost 3 in the morning. so i silently retreat to that place in my head, where i know that no one will hear me...
+listening to: nothing
Thursday, June 30
| the world |  |
Wednesday, June 29
Saturday, June 25
| black river | |
back to the words. i've been trying to hide from it, for writing requires thinking and thinking often leads me down an unsavory path, taking me to a place i don't want to go yet frequently find myself in.
i was rudely woken by the sudden and unexpected thunderstorm at four in the morning. yet i wasn't agitated. it's my favorite hour of the day and the rain gave me an excuse to shut the windows to stop the occasional spray from wetting my desk. and now the air is completely still in my room. even the birds have gone hiding from the storm. so i turned on my computer, and clicked on a documentary that i've never before heard of.
the story of anvil was perhaps one of the best films i have seen in a while. i've seen and read many tales of inspirations, but this one takes the honor for being decidedly truer than fiction. it made me think about the duality of dreams and reality and striking a balance between the both.
it's hard for me to live in the real world where i find that there's such a systematic and systemic degradation of ideals, principles and morals. i've come to realize that a purpose is what i am seeking in life; it is what motivates me and drives me. now i just have to figure out what it is. i would be okay with a life of poverty if it means finding a purpose that i'm truly passionate for. it's a life without purpose that i'm most fearful of.
that was the idealist in me talking. so for the moment, before i clearly see what that purpose is, i have to get out of bed, make some coffee and do some work. even though it might not be the work that i'm totally passionate about, it is work worth doing because it'll sustain me long enough for me to find that purpose, hopefully.
if all else fails, there's always going to be a cup of coffee on the table, that delicious river of blackness that never fails to comfort me. it can't possibly be worse than what it already is, if it never got better that's just the way it is.
+listening to: black river by amos lee
Monday, June 20
| excuse me mr. | |
interesting series of events in the past week. i've seen some things, i've heard some things and i've told some stories.
all these made me think about the intricate human relations that exist: how we perceive, how we behave, how we react, etc.
notions of emotion, expressions of passion; whatever your thing is, the end goal should always be an outcome that you're personally comfortable with. if you're struggling, then struggle on. if you're happy, then live in this moment and savor it. if you're waiting, then have faith and patience. and if you're sad, wallow in self-pity for a little while longer till you're out of this slumber.
hope you find your way.
+listening to: nothing
Tuesday, June 14
Monday, June 13
Sunday, June 12
Saturday, June 11
Friday, June 10
Thursday, June 9
Wednesday, June 8
Tuesday, June 7
Thursday, June 2
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