was just reminded of the song simple man, and when i listened intently to the lyrics again, i realized the similarity between the subject in the song and me are striking. it's almost as if the song was written for me.
maybe there's someone out there who's just like me. who shares the same circumstances, who is in the same situation. i would really like to meet that person. or maybe i've already met that person but i just don't know yet.
+listening to: simple man by lynard skynard
Sunday, January 30
| simple man |  |
Tuesday, January 25
| regret | |
regret is probably the worst feeling on earth. more so than sorrow or sadness, more so than heartbreak.
you can literally feel regret in your chest, it's an indescribable hurt that tugs at all your innards at once. it is so fucking painful, it is so fucking real.
maybe the agony is also associated with not knowing how to remedy the situation, for after all what has been done cannot be undone. the scars were left, the impact were felt.
i've always lived by the motto "love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." i guess i've already trampled on the last one so many times that "i'm sorry" is starting to sound a little meaningless coming from my lips. so i'm left with regret, hope you can feel that maybe regret has an ounce of authenticity left in its name.
i wonder what good am i, if i'm just going to repeat the same mistakes. i guess that's just how i am, living life one mistake at a time. i've stopped counting.
+listening to: nothing
Sunday, January 23
| work is work | |
it's been so long that i can't quite remember the feeling of plowing through problem sets and writing lab reports anymore. yet it only took a couple of days to fully regain the familiar sensation of not knowing and not remembering.
i guess it serves as a gentle reminder that afterall, we don't know everything. in fact, we hardly know anything and there's so much out there to learn and to absorb. being kept busy is also a good thing; it prevents one's mind from wandering too far, and gives one a sense of accomplishment.
i've also just realized that somehow the idea of 2011 has yet to fully sink into my thick skull. so for the past 3 weeks or so i've still been living in 2010.
i guess it's time to fully embrace 2011, there's actually a lot of things to look forward to: dispatch at millenium park in july, rugby world cup in september, who knows what else would come along the way.
so this new year i shall try and be more positive, and maybe infect others with the same positivity, and just love all the beautiful people around me, conquer them with my love, and witness first hand their tender surrender.
nahhh i'm just kidding.
+listening to: one sweet world by dave matthews band
Tuesday, January 18
| coincidence | |
one of the classes i picked for this semester is called writing across disciplines, which basically means: every semester, the focus changes, and in the past they have ranged from grant writing to scientific writing to any other forms of writing imaginable.
so i showed up in class and there it was on the syllabus: writing for social change.
it's going to be quite a lot of work, but somehow i feel that it'll really help me out in what i want to do, and impart me with the necessary skills. time to stop being a pacifist.
+listening to: nothing
Friday, January 14
| in repair | |
3 more days, another war. i think it's time that i think about winning this campaign, instead of fighting the individual battles and running away, and then end up losing the war.
so in repair i am - down a shot or two and slowly transition into reality again. yes, it is friday and barely past noon but you are welcome.
+listening to: in repair by john mayer
Monday, January 10
| escape | |
we all do what we do to get away from our demons. even though we're all unique individuals with our own separate ways, the end goal is the same.
some get wasted, some run, some eat and some sleep. i guess i go for soothing for that escape - usually just putting on my favorite songs, have a warm beverage in hand and dim the lights. sometimes i read about the lives of others so i can live vicariously through them and forget myself in it. it might not get me completely out of the slumber, but it does calm the nerves.
so my friend, yes you know who you are - try to keep your spirits high and your demons down. less than a week till you're back from that somewhere in between.
+listening to: temporary saint by gov't mule
Saturday, January 8
Thursday, January 6
Tuesday, January 4
| grey ghost | |
it takes a mere second to say hello, but it takes an eternity to say goodbye.
i try to take my mind off of things by reading, and i've been stuck on the same page for days now - introduction. as my mind wanders through those dark alleys, twilight creeps up on me. i look outside hoping to maybe catch a glimpse of the last rays of sunlight; that never happened.
i tried being calm, but i'm terrified of the silence so i keep the music playing. the darkness doesn't frighten me, but the silence - it's too intense. between the music and the book, neither seem to have any effect on the current state of mind. i need to face my fears.
how do you bid farewell to something you can only feel but cannot see. how do you get rid of an uneasiness that you do not understand. how do you fix a worn out part that seem to work just fine to the naked eye. how do you mend a broken heart that is not yet broken.
+listening to: grey ghost by mike doughty
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