pathetic

i feel really pathetic. my life is really headed the wrong way. it has been heading the wrong way since august last year. from june to august this year, i redirect my life back the right way. but well, i've been back in singapore for two months. and my life has swung the absolute wrong way. i dont understand. i genuinely dont. it's a combination of so many things. it's nus, it's the way i react to nus, it's the people around me too. the thing abt the pple ard me is...i have none. i really dont have pple around me. pple who really know and really care. pple i'm willing to share with (so it's my fault again). i probably need to bear most of the responsibility for the way my life turned out. my single biggest mistake was deciding not to go to london. it completely derailed my life. absolutely completely derailed my life to the state of collapse.

i miss america so much. the nice summer day, the beautiful view from my room at cabot, the wonderful academic environment, the quaint buildings, the nice pple (that's all boston). i miss the excitement and buzz, the great shopping, the sound of the subway, the wonderful museums, the lush central park (that's all new york). i miss getting my own groceries, i miss living on my own, i miss hashbrowns from dunkin' donuts. i even miss cleaning my own room (it's so dusty that it's backbreaking) and doing my own laundry! i miss feeling on top of the world. yes, i miss feeling on top of the world. because the truth is, i feel rotten. i dont go to school, i dont do my schoolwork. i sleep in till 1pm or so. i feel so unaccomplished. that's how an unemployed person feels! u wake up past 12nn and u feel u've wasted the day, but in actual fact, u've missed nothing. ziltch! it's so loserish. it's not as if i work in a club or something. it's just that i've nothing to do.

i want to leave school. immediately. but my parents wont have any of it. even though i have already secured a place at a british uni for second year entry (albeit not a fantastic one...but it's a start). anywhere is better than nus. i really cannot take it anymore. i really feel very very very stupid. i still dont understand why i opted to stay in singapore. i still dont. i wish i had a friend who could help me out (my family is really not making things easier). i only need one person. who can really understand, who can empathize, who can help me out. but no, i feel so alone.

i've failed in my studies, i've failed at home, i've failed in my friendships. it really looks like i havent done anything right. honestly, ministry is not impt to me at all. yes, it may be looking up, but it makes up a very small part of me. when my significance starts to depend on ministry, something is severely wrong with my life. i've tried my best in everything. i gave everything my very best shot. for my studies, i tried to go to school despite the lack of motivation. i succeeded for two weeks. then failed. for my family, i really tried to be the son my parents want me to be. but well, i failed them last sept with my decision not to go, and i'm failing them right now, with my decision to go. talk abt irony. with my friends, i always give nothing short of my best. but most have left for overseas. i really dont know what to do.

pathetic.

奇异恩典

奇异恩典， 何等甘甜
我罪已得赦免
前我失丧， 今得寻回
瞎眼今得看见

如此恩典， 使我敬畏
使我心得安慰
初信之时， 即蒙恩惠
真是何等宝贵

不再有捆绑，我已的释放
我救主耶稣，已付代价
丰富恩典，今充满我
永恒的爱，奇异恩典

我主应许，美好无比
盼望永不失去
有主做为，盾牌福分
我心不再畏惧

不再有捆绑，我已的释放
我救主耶稣，已付代价
丰富恩典，今充满我
永恒的爱，奇异恩典

天地都会，渐渐废去
但我主永长存
我的生命，有主看顾
我永远属于祢

不再有捆绑，我已的释放
我救主耶稣，已付代价
丰富恩典，今充满我
永恒的爱，奇异恩典

my life is worth living...only because of his amazing grace.

my personal statement that i rushed out on the day before the deadline and fussed over and over and over - thanks yujie, darian and florrine!!

I have always had a desire to study overseas. I was set to embark on my undergraduate studies in the UK in the autumn of 2007. However, unforeseen circumstances held me back in Singapore. My resolve to study in the UK has not wavered. I believe the academic and non-academic experience I have since gained make me an even stronger candidate for a British undergraduate education now.

In the past year, I have attended two courses at Harvard University's Summer School, received an Advanced Certificate of Theology from Oral Roberts University, and completed one academic year at the National University of Singapore. Reading theology not only affirmed my faith, it taught me to relate to people and get along better with them. As such, I have become a stronger team player. The module on homiletics trained me to be an eloquent and engaging speaker. I have been invited to give talks to youth audiences on a variety of topics, ranging from studies to relationships to financial management. I believe these skills will not just help me in my academic pursuits, but also in my career advancement in future.

Attending Summer School at Harvard University earlier this year has affirmed my aspirations to study overseas. Not only have I proven that I can live independently, I have also demonstrated that I can thrive in a foreign environment. I took the full course load and read two modules, namely "Colonialism in Africa" and "The International Economy and Business". I obtained an A grade for both. More than the results, the courses have further fuelled my passion for economics and politics, making me more determined to pursue them at a higher level.

My research interest now lies in the International Political Economy. Specifically, in my opinion, there are four keys that can unlock a better world for future generations. They are elimination of third world debt, proliferation of education as the means to break out of the poverty trap, eradication of corruption in governments and international organisations, and the removal of tariffs in international trade. Above the scope of what is required of me in my undergraduate studies, I would like to do further research into these areas. I believe the strong academic environment in the UK would provide me with the right milieu to excel.

I am a firm believer in helping the less fortunate in society. One of the most rewarding experiences for me was a social-enterprise I was involved in last year. The project aimed to help terminally ill youth. Rather than simply raise money for them, our committee decided to empower them. Hence, we involved them in the recording of a music album, which we marketed and sold to great success. Within one short month, we raised more than S$14,000 in revenue. Beyond that, we also fulfilled the dreams of various terminally ill youth to record a music album.

Possessing an entrepreneurial spirit, I set up my own freelance business, Avant Garde Enterprises in 2005. I have managed events like annual general meetings, weddings and parties; conducted youth seminars and written for publications like Singapore's flagship newspaper The Straits Times. I gave Economics tuition to A Level students, commanding up to three times the market rate for tutors due to my effectiveness. These ventures have helped me to expand my resourcefulness and creativity.

I believe that my academic and non-academic experiences make me a well-rounded individual. I am confident that I will be a valuable asset who can add to any college I study in, and any organisation I work with in future.

psyche up!

i am at my happiest point since i returned to singapore in august. lalala. hahahahahaha. psyche up aaron! my near future lies outside of singapore. woohoo! whee!

since 1986, i ended every single year stronger than i started. 2007 was the only exception. i started on a high, and ended on a very low. hence, i started 2008 on a low. i cannot afford to end even lower. 2008 will end well. it will be an excellent year for me. it will be a year i look back on and say, "i revolutionized my life...and i'm loving myself, loving life all over again!!" woohoo!! psyche up aaron!