i will sing

Lord You seem so far away. A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith, I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.

i'm almost at a complete loss. i'm feeling sad, empty, drained, jaded, all at the same time. i don't know how to go on living such a life. sighs. nothing seems to be going right. i'm just dragging myself on day by day. i wanted a getaway today. but i didnt have anyone to get away with. i really need some time out of singapore to just be free. i dont know how. so lost right now.

looked at derrick and ruxin's proposal video. i was so happy for them. but at the same time, i felt a strong tinge of sadness and emptiness. everyone needs love. honestly i'm not looking for a girlfriend right now. but i want friends. and i dont have friends like i had in the past. during my jc days, i could rely on xiu, jo, charm to be there whenever i needed them. we saw one another every single day, we studied together a lot, spent our lives together. those were the days that i could always walk into the canteen and find someone there to talk to. sigh. even in army i had friends like kenny, rach, veron who'd be there every single day. we shared our problems and helped each other out. before darian left, he was really the most amazing friend. we'd talk so much on the phone. i know his life through and through. he knows mine inside out. from our sec sch days, to jc, to army, right through to now. sigh.

u watch friends, u watch desperate housewives. everyone has friends they can always count on to be there. that's how they get by the toughest times. everyone has friends they see every day all the time. that's how they conquer the mundane nature of life. i know he's trying. but well. he is a person who needs space. i'm a person who needs friends. then how...sigh. he is my closest friend, and as it stands, only friend in singapore right now. but...i dunno. i really dont. it sometimes seems like he doesnt know me at all. i can read him like a book but he seems to not know me at all. his words cut me so deep at times. friendship is an irrational thing. sometimes u can give some pple so much, and get so little back. sometimes u dont need to give so much, but the returns u get are so high.

my studies, my ministry. all in a mess. i dont know how to face my classmates. i dont know how to run my ministry. god seems so far away from me. i seem to have left him in america. i was so close to him then. now, everytime i need to prepare for cg, i need to go through such intense time of praying and seeking god before i feel any tinge of his presence, before i'm able to pen any sermon. when i was in america, i wrote sermons so easily, i prayed so easily, i worshipped so constantly. i wish u'd just appear real god. please appear real. i know u are real. but of late, it has been my mouth telling my heart, and not coming out of my heart itself. lord help me.

i spend all my nights crying. i dont know why i'm so emo. it's pathetic. i know that if i were in a stronger state of mind, i would despise people in my state. i'm so pathetic.

god, please help me, as i drag my feet and pull myself through. please help me. please please please.

i'm glad the readership of this blog is currently highly censored. hahahahaha. it's like starting all over again. back then in 2004, when i censored everything. to u, one of my sanctioned readers. i really dont know what "chaos" u're going through right now. but hang in there. and if u need anyone to hear u out, to help u with anything...i'm here for u all right. :)

focus on the giving?

one of my respected church leaders once told me, "focus on the giving, not on the reaping." it made a lot of sense to me. and i gave and gave and gave. and i still give and give and give. and of cos i dont focus on the reaping. cos i really havent reaped much. sigh. it's really quite tragic my life. i just spent my whole day today doing stuff for others. counselling, praying, doing proposals.i'm in a church committee of 16, and there is only one person who is actually working...no prize for guessing who. my cell group...i did literally everything for my cell group meeting just yesterday. also giving my time and my life to other cell groups. and i havent reaped.

honestly. i have needs too. but noone cares. i used to have friends outside church. but now they've all gone overseas. and the sad thing is, i only have church friends now. i used to have outside friends to balance me out. now i just feel very alone. very squeezed. very hard pressed. my friend is down...i need to support him. so i suppress my own needs for his. why am i always like that? why why why. i guess i do have one person who actually bothers la. good old seb. ahwells. grateful that there's at least one person. i guess there're pple who only have cats to comfort them. oh gawd...some life. but still...i hate my life at the moment. i dont really think i have much more capacity to support others. i am not an endless reservoir full of reserve for others to consume. i am finite. and i am dying. slowly but surely, i'm crumbling. i wonder how long more i can last. hopefully till the end of the year. but i may not. it may be a matter of weeks or even just days before i completely die. sigh.

btw, what happened to that church leader? he left our church for another. pity. :(

where has the smile gone?

every time i visit my own blog, i look at myself smiling back at me. i was genuinely happy. really truly happy. for two months this year, i escaped the reality of nus and i was happy. my smiles were real. but now i just feel depressed. i am in a worse than full-fledged depression. i'm studying in one of the bottom three govt unis in singapore. and it is horrible. horrible horrible horrible. i dont know how to get out of this pits. i really dont. i just want to kill myself to end my misery. there is no point living a life without fulfillment. my life can seem great. it isnt. i give an example. one of the top insurance agents in singapore. has millions of dollars in cold hard cash. his company was the top producer in his parent company in recent years. but just ask if he's truly happy. he will never be until he and his wife can conceive. it's similar. so many pple would kill to have my life. but it's not good enough for me. in fact, i think i'm better off dead. :,'( :',( :"( :,,(

"i will be nicer to u from now on"

when those words were uttered to me, i was literally stunned. actually makes everything worthwhile. my life isnt so bad after all. hahahahaha. thank you for that my friend. thank you.

while on the friendship front, my life seems to be looking up, the rest of my life seems to be crumbling. two nights ago, i made a renewed commitment to stay in the school till the end of this sem at least. but omg. i am dying. i'm quite prepared for my cap to go straight down below the hons level. i dunno what to do. every time i'm in the school, i just feel miserable. sigh. had quite a long talk with liang yuan just now. we are the top 1% of our cohort. 38,379 babies born. with our A level results, we're quite easily part of the top 384 in singapore in our cohort (maybe i'm part of the top 1.5% but liang yuan is definitely top 1%). and i'm in nus. where the probably the 50th percentile of the 1986 cohort studies as well. i'm dying. i really am. i feel so stunted. i really cannot take it. the best and the brightest go overseas...except aaron chew. :( :( :'( :"( :'"( :""(

i want to kill myself.

darian eeeeeeeeeeeee....where are u? i have not heard from u for three days! are u all right?!

without scruples

really unscrupulous, really terrible, really immoral. why do these things happen generally in china? sigh.

Worried Parents in China Wait for Answers on Tainted Formula
The New York Times Online
http://www.nytimes.com
September 18, 2008

By JIM YARDLEY
BEIJING — Harried nurses at Children’s Hospital on the east side of Beijing spent Wednesday behind a small desk, registering infants in a rapidly filling logbook. Anxious parents, fearing they might have unwittingly fed their infants tainted formula, waited for hours to determine if their babies had been harmed.

One father, Zhang Gaofeng, 35, had waited more than a day at the hospital with his wife, Wang Hui, and their 22-month-old daughter, Yue. The couple had fed Yue the Sanlu brand of baby formula now at the center of a nationwide food safety scandal that has left three infants dead and sickened more than 6,000 babies. Mr. Zhang, a migrant worker, blamed corporate greed.

“They are trying to make a profit off the people who are not rich enough to afford the imported brands,” he said as he waited in the hospital parking lot with other families. “Poor people can only afford the low-end products like this one.” He said the Sanlu product had cost about $3.20 for two days’ worth of formula, compared with about $5 for the top brands.

The anxiety at Children’s Hospital is just one snapshot of a scandal that has broadened every day since it became public last week. On Wednesday, Health Minister Chen Zhu reported that more than 1,300 infants had been hospitalized and that 158 had suffered acute kidney failure after being fed formula contaminated with the industrial additive melamine.

With anger rising, the State Council, China’s cabinet, pledged an overhaul of the nation’s dairy industry, and government officials tried to reassure people by issuing a statement that “most” of China’s baby formula was safe.

But public confidence seemed shaken. “What should we eat, then?” asked one person on an Internet discussion forum. “I’m furious! The milk powder is now exposed, but what about other tainted food that we don’t know about? What has the central government been doing every day?”

Melamine, the contaminant, is used to make plastics and fertilizers but banned from food production. In the past, it has sometimes been illicitly blended into agricultural products as a cheap way to raise protein levels.

Milk producers sometimes inflate their supplies by adding water. But the diluted milk has lower nutrient levels, so melamine, high in nitrogen, is then added to restore those levels artificially to meet protein requirements. Infants who drink the formula for sustained periods can develop kidney stones and suffer kidney failure.

Initially, the contamination was thought to be confined to baby formula produced by the Sanlu Group, one of China’s largest dairy companies. But investigators have since discovered traces of melamine in batches of powdered formula made by 21 other dairy companies, including the biggest, Mengniu Dairy. Mengniu and other companies have recalled tainted products, even as government officials have promised to correct the problems so that big operators can resume or even expand production to meet demand.

“They can absolutely undergo a major overhaul in a short period of time,” Li Changjiang, head of the General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine, said Wednesday during a news conference carried live on national television.

A quick remedy might seem overly optimistic, given that China experienced a similar baby formula scandal in 2004. Last year, after a string of food and drug safety failures, government officials promised to root out official corruption and strengthen regulation of the food and drug industries. Now, a group of lawyers is organizing lawsuits on behalf of parents against dairy companies.

The authorities have arrested four suspects, offered free medical care to ailing children and sent investigators across the country to inspect dairy operations. Four officials in Hebei Province were fired Tuesday, including Tian Wenhua, chairwoman and general manager of Sanlu Group, based in Hebei. Ms. Tian was also fired from a post in the Communist Party.

Meanwhile, a nationwide inspection examined 491 batches of formula selected from the 109 companies that produce baby formula in China. The Sanlu brand contained the highest levels of melamine, according to state media reports. In all, 22 companies were found to have produced some batches of bad formula. Two of them, Yashili, which is based in Guangdong, and Suncare, based in Qingdao, export to Asia and Africa, but it was unclear whether those products contained melamine.

Public indignation seemed to deepen as the scope of the crisis became known. Several bloggers called for the resignation of Mr. Li, the top quality control official. People also complained that the government had taken greater precautions on food safety for athletes during last month’s Olympics than for the public.

“Why are the dairy products supplied for the Olympics safe?” asked a blogger who used the name Absentminded. “Why are the dairy products exported to other countries safe? Why do the dairy products for ordinary Chinese people have problems?”

The government tried to mollify the public by providing information on how to look for symptoms of poisoning. On Wednesday afternoon, a popular Internet chat room operated by People’s Daily, the Communist Party’s newspaper, offered a live question-and-answer session with a doctor and a government scientist.

At Children’s Hospital in Beijing, nurses shooed away a foreign journalist who tried to enter a special clinic established for infants who may have ingested the tainted formula. One nurse said as many as 200 babies were brought for testing on Wednesday. Babies were undergoing two urine tests and an ultrasound to check for kidney stones.

Mr. Zhang, the migrant worker, said his daughter was still waiting for the second urine test. The waiting list was so long that her ultrasound was not scheduled for six more days.

“I read a story in the newspaper two days ago,” Mr. Zhang said, explaining how he learned about the danger. “I was stunned. My concern is whether or not people will be held accountable and whether they will be put in jail. They might simply buy their way out.

“I want to see them jailed or even executed for this.”

Huang Yuanxi and Zhang Jing contributed research.

obscenity

Need a Job? $17,000 an Hour. No Success Required.
The New York Times Online
http://www.nytimes.com
September 18, 2008
OP-ED COLUMNIST

By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
Are you capable of taking a perfectly good 158-year-old company and turning it into dust? If so, then you may not be earning up to your full potential.

You should be raking it in like Richard Fuld, the longtime chief of Lehman Brothers. He took home nearly half-a-billion dollars in total compensation between 1993 and 2007.

Last year, Mr. Fuld earned about $45 million, according to the calculations of Equilar, an executive pay research company. That amounts to roughly $17,000 an hour to obliterate a firm. If you’re willing to drive a company into the ground for less, apply by calling Lehman Brothers at (212) 526-7000.

Oh, nevermind.

I’m delighted to announce that Mr. Fuld (who continues to lead Lehman since it entered bankruptcy proceedings this week) is the winner of my annual Michael Eisner Award for corporate rapacity and poor corporate governance. The award honors the pioneering achievements in this field of Mr. Eisner, the former Walt Disney chief.

This isn’t a plaque that will simply gather dust in a closet. It’s a shower curtain to commemorate the $6,000 one that the former C.E.O. of Tyco purchased and billed to his shareholders.

So, Mr. Fuld, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve picked out a lovely green vinyl number for you. Only $14.99! Why, I saved you $5,985!

Perhaps it seems frivolous to be handing out shower curtains to chief executives when we’re caught in a deepening economic crisis. Well, it is.

But one of our broad national problems is rising inequality, and it is exacerbated by corporate executives helping themselves to shareholders’ cash. Three decades ago, C.E.O.’s typically earned 30 to 40 times the income of ordinary workers. Last year, C.E.O.’s of large public companies averaged 344 times the average pay of workers.

John McCain seems to think that the problem is that C.E.O.’s are greedy. Well, of course, they are. We’re all greedy. The real failure is one of corporate governance, which provides only the flimsiest oversight to curb the greed of executives like Mr. Fuld.

“Compare the massive destruction of wealth for shareholders to what he gets at the end of the day,” said Lucian Bebchuk, the director of the corporate governance program at Harvard Law School. A central flaw of governance is that boards of directors frequently are ornamental and provide negligible oversight.

As Warren Buffett has said, “in judging whether corporate America is serious about reforming itself, C.E.O. pay remains the acid test.” It’s a test that corporate America is failing.

These Brobdingnagian paychecks are partly the result of taxpayer subsidies. A study released a few weeks ago by the Institute for Policy Studies in Washington found five major elements in the tax code that encourage overpaying executives. These cost taxpayers more than $20 billion a year.

That’s enough money to deworm every child in the world, cut maternal mortality around the globe by two-thirds and also provide iodized salt to prevent tens of millions of children from suffering mild retardation or worse. Alternatively, it could pay for health care for most uninsured children in America.

Do we truly believe that C.E.O.’s like Mr. Fuld are more deserving of tax dollars than sick children?

Perhaps it’s understandable that C.E.O.’s are paid heroically when they succeed, but why pay prodigious sums when they fail? E. Stanley O’Neal, the former chief of Merrill Lynch, retired last year after driving the firm over a cliff, and he walked away with $161 million.

The problem isn’t precisely paychecks that are huge. Baseball stars, investment bankers and hedge fund managers all earn obscene sums, but honestly — through arm’s-length transactions. You and I may gasp, but that’s the free market at work.

In contrast, boards pay C.E.O.’s after negotiations that are often more like pillow talk. Relationships are incestuous, and compensation consultants provide only a thin veneer of respectability by finding some “peer group” of companies so moribund that anybody shines in comparison. The result is what critics call the Lake Wobegon effect, which miraculously leaves all C.E.O.’s above average. Indeed, one study of 1,500 companies found that two-thirds claimed to be outperforming their peer groups.

John Kenneth Galbraith, the great economist, once explained: “The salary of the chief executive of a large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.”

There are widely discussed technical solutions to C.E.O.’s overpaying themselves that we should move toward. We can also learn from Britain and Australia, which offer shareholders more rights than in America, redrawing the balance between shareholders and management and curbing pay in the process.

As for Mr. Fuld, unfortunately, he had no comment for this column. At $17,000 an hour, it probably wasn’t worth his time.

I invite you to visit my blog, www.nytimes.com/ontheground, and join me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/kristof.

eye examination

Can you find the B(there are 2B's)?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once you've found the b

Find the 1

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Once you found the 1..............

Find the 6

9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999

once youve found the 6...

Find the N (it's hard!!)

MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM

once you've found the N...

Find the Q...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

indescribable pain

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it - New York, New York
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it - New York, New York

I wanna wake up in a city, that doesnt sleep
And find I'm king of the hill - top of the heap

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old New York
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you - New York, New York

New york, New York
I want to wake up in a city, that never sleeps
And find I'm a number one top of the list, king of the hill
A number one

These little town blues, are melting away
I'm gonna make a brand new start of it - in old new york
And if I can make it there, I'm gonna make it anywhere

It up to you - New York New York

New York

noone will ever understand how i feel. sigh. it's so painful. i'm self-destructing. i dont go for classes, i eat rubbish, i dont do work. sighs. i'm slowly but surely killing myself. i keep trying to psyche myself up to study. but everytime i reach school, i realise how it's not adding anything to my life. so why go for lessons if i don't get anything out of it? sure, if i bothered i could add to the class and bring the level up, but seriously, why bother? i should just kill myself. the only thing that nus can add to me, is the degree. the paper. nothing else. i'm just so frustrated because my life is not being uplifted. it's being dragged down by bloody nus. i hate hate hate my life.

i'm in a position to help others. it's within my ability to help others. and it's my nature to help when others ask for it. just the past two days. from the big things to the miniscule, from lending money, to writing business proposals, to giving a lift in my car, to checking if jurong point is a capitaland mall...helping others is almost my lifestyle. but the irony is, i cant help myself. and no other person can help me.

why i am being tormented like that? like why why why why? i have been screaming out for god to do something big. this faith thing is really really really trying at times. u know, do something big like send me an sms. ahhh. then i would be able to continue with my life. god...where are u when i need u? why is my earthly suffering so drawn out? jesus' was over within one day. and mine? sigh. sighhhhhh. i think job must have felt this way. 叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。sigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

get my act together

i keep telling myself, i better get my act together. week 5 of school. i'll be screwed over very soon if i dont. but still...just stepping into school removes my last bastian of resistance and i cave and i sink into depression. looking at the students makes me wanna kill myself. attend lessons saps my energy away. sighhhhh.

get your act together aaron. get your act together.

the end of the tunnel

sarah palin is starting to sway me. she's a good christian, her son is going to be deployed in iraq, she has a pregnant teenage daughter. she is more down-to-earth than your usual politicians. u usually associate these pple with the democrats but sarah palin is a republican. i was a staunch democrat. but hillary clinton lost the nomination. if mccain wins, hillary can have another run in four years. honestly, i don't like either obama or mccain. mccain seems like a weak leader (from his voice...he seems really old). obama seems like a clueless leader. between joe biden and sarah palin, sarah palin gets my vote hands down. hmmm...if i had the vote (which i dont cos i'm not american), i might just go republican. shocking!!

i know the end of the tunnel exists. and i know there's light at the end of the tunnel. but i just can't see it. school is worse than ever. i think i fell sick because school is so sick. i'm seriously very sick. coughing like mad.

darian is leaving next sunday. which is exactly one week from now. well, and five hours more. but still!!! i'm absolutely utterly depressed. i cannot even begin to express how depressed i feel. very very very depressed. there will be noone to have high tea with me, to go to asia grand with me, to put me on guest lists at clubs, to go clubbing with me, to go for fashion shows with me, to go for concerts with me, to bring me to china club, to shop at posh places with me, to buy me nice stuff from the likes of calvin klein, armani, hugo boss etc...omg the list goes on and on and on and on and on. omg. i'm so depressed.

my life is depressing. the usual remedies have kicked in. food-obsession has resulted in me putting a little weight on. ministry-obsession has sapped all my time away from studies. alcohol-obsession has come (and hopefully gone). retail-obsession is likely to start tmr when i go get darian's farewell gift. getting fat, studies down the drain, broke. it cannot get much worse. why is my life so horrible? why why why why why???

gutted

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

i'm still gutted over yesterday's event. it's the first time in my life murphy's law actually came to life. i thank god for a wonderful team who stood and fought. there's so much potential to be unleashed but yesterday was nothing short of disaster. we put up the best show we could. but i think we learnt a big lesson. and we shall pick the pieces up and move on with Him. ahwells. :)

i think i'm slowly and systematically ruining my life. i didn't go for class. again may i add. i've been missing class more than i've been missing sleep. and i've replaced them both with eating. do i hear a round of applause? hahahahaha. i'm a different person who was in america really. i was soooo motivated to do well this sem. i calculated the grades i needed to get to pull my cumulative grades up to where i wanted them to be, i looked into my modules, i did everything i could to plan to do well. but there is just no environment for me to thrive here. sigh. i cannot imagine my grades this sem. aiyo. scary.

panegyric of my best friend

we've been friends for almost a whole decade now. i still can't believe u're leaving for california in less than two weeks. we've been through so much together, experienced so much together, learnt together, taught each other so much, through the good and the bad times, we were there for each other. your absence is going to leave a void in my life that will be irreplaceable. i'm really saddened by your impending departure but i know that u're leaving for better pastures. live the american dream. u better do well there, or i'll never forgive u for leaving me behind in singapore. don't worry, u'll be fine. u're stronger and more intelligent than u think. californication. it's gonna be exciting! u're gonna be near hollywood, arnie is the governor, come november 4th, california will be one of the most coveted states in the presidential elections. u'll do great there!

i'm gonna miss u!!!

for God, with God

take all of me

i give you my all for all of you

move in your power

open the heavens lord today

take all of me

make us your light for all to see

change this world we live in

let your harvest in

let your harvest in

the year has gone by at breakneck speed. two-thirds has disappeared already. as i pulled into the last third of the year, i asked him once again, what do you want me to do, not my will but yours be done.

my life is still a wreck. sitting in class is just torture. the lecturer is not too bad. the crowd is just blah. friends left or are leaving. more confused and lost than ever, if that were possible. sat night was a nightmare. bleah. but i will pull through.

well i thank god for a great team in my zone, the best i can ask for, esp shaz and tina. we're the coolest zone that has the most fun. we laugh the loudest and the most. hahahahahaha. and we're super out-of-the-box. whee! thanks girls. u rock! and sebbers!!! thanks. ((:

sigh. xiu left this morning, charm's leaving on sunday. we went clubbing on fri night at gotham penthouse. whee! due to my mood and our herd impetus, i drank like there was no tmr. 7 or 8 drinks including 2 waterfalls! hahaha. cool! i got so drunk. even after we left the club i was still dancing my way around clark quay. had so much fun. well i love u both. 2010, new york. it's a date!

went home and woke up to mum screaming at me (for good reasons) the next morning. hahahaha.

darian ee's leaving in less than two weeks' time. my life gets more depressing. )):