It's ironic that I'm writing my concluding thoughts in the midst of the most exciting part of 2010 - my graduation trip. Nonetheless, it is December.
2010 has been an interesting year for me. Brought me back to places I was previously at, took me through milestones, taught me new lessons, and showed me who I am and can be.
The year started with me going back to school. Two very dreadful semesters, made even more dreadful by the fact that I needed to complete six modules in each. I'm glad to report that I did not see the same downward spiral like the last time I was in school. Life is such, you make mistakes, you live with them and make them work.
Changing church was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. It was a painful but necessary, right and resolute decision I needed to make. Coping with emotional turmoil, ostracism and a new environment was not easy. I'm glad I chose as I did. But I must admit I still find myself in a difficult place - caught in between being an outcast in the old environment, and the fear of engaging with the new environment is far from easy and far from over.
The middle of the year took me back to Shanghai - a city I love. It reminded me of the amazing potential within China. It was a wonderful time of the year as friends came to visit - Jo, Darian, Victor, Aven, and my parents came separately!
Working with Millward Brown in Shanghai opened my eyes to the possibility of working in marketing research in future. With an amazing work environment, possibilities for growth and development, a job I will enjoy, I decided to take up a position with Millward Brown Singapore after graduation.
Well, I have finally finished school! It's surreal. So so surreal. A part of me really cannot believe I survived NUS. To date, it remains my biggest and only regret in this life. If I were to end this life with only this one regret, I would say I lived a full life. Anyhows, I'm really looking forward to the next phase of my life.
As I look back, I'm grateful for so many things and so many people. My parents for providing for me for close to 25 years, and who are still allowing me to live rent-free next year (although a part of me really wishes to move out). My brothers and cousins who are always there when I need them. My best friends Darian, whom come January I would have known for 12 years and we're still tight as ever; and Sebastian, who knows me so well and has a knack for putting everything in its place. The girls Charmian, Xiu and Jo who are always encouraging and reassuring, giving me the perspective I need. The few friends I took out of City Harvest, in particular Dorothea, Hadi, Cleo and Rio, as well as my cell group members who have become my friends, in particular, Shawn, Kee Meng and Benn who show me love and acceptance despite my "betrayal", that tells me our friendship can transcend religious-boundaries. My Pastor, Chee Kiang and his family, with whom I had the privilege of going through a difficult year with. My school friends who make school life that much more bearable. My friends and colleagues in Shanghai, who made me feel so at home in a foreign city.
Most of all, my Lord Jesus Christ. I used to use religion as a form of escape. Now I've escaped from religion, back into His arms. I used to spend several hours a day on ministry, now I spend two hours a week attending church service, but feel His love all the time. Without Him, I'm quite screwed.
With each passing year, we get stronger, wiser and hopefully, closer to our goals and dreams. May 2011 be wonderful for everyone.
BoltBus from Washington DC to New York, 11 Dec 2010
Hostelling International Boston, 17 Dec 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
directionlessly directionless
why don't things work out? seriously...
the whole irony of my life is that i am good in theory but never in practice. i write resumes, but i cannot land a job. any job! i'm not fussy anymore. seriously, any job will do. i advise friends on relationship issues and my own is directionlessly directionless...
why why why? i want to believe that He has something better in store for me. that is the only thing i tell myself to keep myself going. i need to. if i lose hope, i don't know what to do.
sighs.
the whole irony of my life is that i am good in theory but never in practice. i write resumes, but i cannot land a job. any job! i'm not fussy anymore. seriously, any job will do. i advise friends on relationship issues and my own is directionlessly directionless...
why why why? i want to believe that He has something better in store for me. that is the only thing i tell myself to keep myself going. i need to. if i lose hope, i don't know what to do.
sighs.
Monday, May 3, 2010
you2 (a different you)
hey you,
how amazing the way things panned out. just half a year ago, my first "you" entry could well have been written to you too (although it wasn't).
thank you for the restoration that has taken place. you're probably the one person in the entire world i can be the most honest with. you know my character, my weaknesses and my problems.
you're more than a best friend to me, you're like my brother. i'm really glad you've finally found a broad that i can honestly and truly say i'm really happy for you. i think you've done well for yourself, and you finally seem happy!! =)
well, all the best as you enlist tmr. obviously you'll excel!! no two ways about it...unless you do something dumb (which you are prone to!). so don't!!
take care bro. see you soon...in one piece without new scars okay!!
yours,
aaron
how amazing the way things panned out. just half a year ago, my first "you" entry could well have been written to you too (although it wasn't).
thank you for the restoration that has taken place. you're probably the one person in the entire world i can be the most honest with. you know my character, my weaknesses and my problems.
you're more than a best friend to me, you're like my brother. i'm really glad you've finally found a broad that i can honestly and truly say i'm really happy for you. i think you've done well for yourself, and you finally seem happy!! =)
well, all the best as you enlist tmr. obviously you'll excel!! no two ways about it...unless you do something dumb (which you are prone to!). so don't!!
take care bro. see you soon...in one piece without new scars okay!!
yours,
aaron
Friday, April 16, 2010
you2
dear you,
it's been half a year since our breakdown (or my breakdown), and things between us really haven't gotten any better. as time goes by, your character is exposed as more and more decayed. finally, in february, i decided to let go. i hope you will forgive me for walking away. we both know our mutual distaste for each other and so we actually had it coming. i see the way you treat others and my heart bleeds for them. i know that one day it will be my turn. hence leaving now would probably save me some heartache. but nonetheless, with my life so intertwined with you, it really has been a very difficult decision for me to make. not one day goes by without me wondering how disruptive the transition will be. yet not one day goes by without me looking forward to the day i can finally walk away free. i don't want to live a lie anymore. i cannot stay in a place i don't enjoy, and fight for what i don't believe in. sigh. thank you for having me these six years. a part of me has undeniably been shaped by you. yet another part of me has been undoubtedly ruined by you. i really do hope you will do some self-reflection for your own good. you cannot keep living a lie.
yours,
aaron
it's been half a year since our breakdown (or my breakdown), and things between us really haven't gotten any better. as time goes by, your character is exposed as more and more decayed. finally, in february, i decided to let go. i hope you will forgive me for walking away. we both know our mutual distaste for each other and so we actually had it coming. i see the way you treat others and my heart bleeds for them. i know that one day it will be my turn. hence leaving now would probably save me some heartache. but nonetheless, with my life so intertwined with you, it really has been a very difficult decision for me to make. not one day goes by without me wondering how disruptive the transition will be. yet not one day goes by without me looking forward to the day i can finally walk away free. i don't want to live a lie anymore. i cannot stay in a place i don't enjoy, and fight for what i don't believe in. sigh. thank you for having me these six years. a part of me has undeniably been shaped by you. yet another part of me has been undoubtedly ruined by you. i really do hope you will do some self-reflection for your own good. you cannot keep living a lie.
yours,
aaron
Saturday, March 13, 2010
thinking...wondering
hello blog,
it's been so long. i wonder if people still drop by. if you're reading this, thank you for not forgetting me. do make your presence known to me. haha.
it's one of those nights...when i ponder long and hard upon the perennial question of what i'm doing with my life. sometimes i look back and regret the past. tonight is different though, i look forward and wonder what the future will bring. 2010 really has not been all too exiciting for me. but i kinda expected this. i expected 2010 to be a painfully boring year that i need to bash through. i really don't like my studies but i shan't brood on that here.
moving past 2010, where will i be in 2011? what do i want to do? do i want to further my studies (overseas...duh)? do i want to work? where do i want to work? do i want to return to china? china was good to me in 2009. but can i see myself relocating there for a few years? of cos i miss china. the four seasons, the food, the wonderful shopping. oh china. but that was kinda like a long holiday for me. working there? hmmm...i know that my future is intertwined with china. business opportunities abound there. so it might be a good move for me to start my career there.
but moving to china would also mean shelving my european/american dream for a few more years. putting my european dream on hold in 2007 remains the biggest regret of my life. am i prepared to let go once more?
it's been so long. i wonder if people still drop by. if you're reading this, thank you for not forgetting me. do make your presence known to me. haha.
it's one of those nights...when i ponder long and hard upon the perennial question of what i'm doing with my life. sometimes i look back and regret the past. tonight is different though, i look forward and wonder what the future will bring. 2010 really has not been all too exiciting for me. but i kinda expected this. i expected 2010 to be a painfully boring year that i need to bash through. i really don't like my studies but i shan't brood on that here.
moving past 2010, where will i be in 2011? what do i want to do? do i want to further my studies (overseas...duh)? do i want to work? where do i want to work? do i want to return to china? china was good to me in 2009. but can i see myself relocating there for a few years? of cos i miss china. the four seasons, the food, the wonderful shopping. oh china. but that was kinda like a long holiday for me. working there? hmmm...i know that my future is intertwined with china. business opportunities abound there. so it might be a good move for me to start my career there.
but moving to china would also mean shelving my european/american dream for a few more years. putting my european dream on hold in 2007 remains the biggest regret of my life. am i prepared to let go once more?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
i realise i haven't blogged all year and it's not nice to start on a bad note. but i'm so so sooo frustrated. i haven't been so frustrated all year. i really want to scream but i cannot because i'm at home. and i cannot go out because i've work to do. ughhh.
i hate finance. and i want to move out as soon as i possibly can. i wish i were overseas.
i hate finance. and i want to move out as soon as i possibly can. i wish i were overseas.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
christmas 2010 is coming!
seems that every year i have a post "christmas is coming!". hence this year i decided to add a "2010" in.
thinking about christmas, i wonder at times...Christ died for me? that is a question i sometimes ask. i have no doubt of Christ's love. i just know how bad i am. sometimes when i do certain things, i look and myself and wonder, why would Jesus die for someone so fallen? and yet, he willingly came, willingly died. amazing love. amazing grace. wow. thank you Jesus. Christmas is really about Christ. otherwise it's just mas.
christmas is coming. i realize i don't have anymore wants really. i was going to write a christmas list so that it would be easier for people who love me. but i really cannot think of much. unless anyone wants to get me a macbook pro (not that i'm not content with my wonderful macbook) or a nikon digital camera (not that i'm not content with my s7c). i still think the best gift would be a sizable contribution to the aaron-travels-europe-and-america-in-2010 fund. haha.
i blame the fact that i bought too much this year. from glasses to shades, from tee-shirts to polo tees to shirts, from suits to jackets to vest to cardigans, from watches to belts, from pants to jeans to berms to board shorts to gym shorts, from underwear to socks to shoes to ties and even ear muffs. i bought it all. literally head-to-toe. this year kinda messed my one-watch-a-year tradition up a little. i have this thing about getting a watch a year for myself. my jc friends bought me a swatch back in 2004, and from 2005, i made it a tradition to get myself a watch for my bday.
2005: fossil blue/yellow watch ($100odd)
2006: fossil red face flickering watch with black strap that i changed to white ($100odd)
2007 (21st bday): kenneth cole metal bracelet watch ($300odd, of which michael, yun and winston contributed with city chain vouchers)
2008: dkny (delayed gratification. did not buy in april but in july in new york. cost only us$40 cos it was at the outlet!)
2009: emporio armani ar4602. i LOVE this watch! (us$200)
but in 2009, i bought so many other watches. i admit i bought two other watches in 2008 but those were small, cheap and insignificant. i even lost one and cannot be bothered. but this year, aiyoooooo. spoiler man. bought too many nice watches. maybe i won't buy myself a watch for my 24th birthday next year. after half a decade, maybe i should come up with a new tradition...someone help me think of one please!
for the benefit of everyone, what not to get me:
1. perfume. never ever get me perfume unless u know me very very very well. i am very very very particular about my scents. it took me 4 years to move from armani code to prada infusion d'homme. evelyn got me perfume last year and i think she got lucky. she chose a very fresh scent. haha. but others...please don't try.
actually that's about it. almost everything else is okay.
spent 10 days travelling. omg. don't like to be back. such an awesome time. so so awesome. eat eat eat. korean bbq, beijing foooood. shop shop shop. dongdemum, namdemum, hyehwa area, of cos beijing's silk street and ladies' street. visited yoido and heard dr cho preach, saw the seoul tower, palace, went skiing (or rather, falling), met up with ji eun song, revisited beijing, auntie nina, yang yang, chin keat. AWESOME. being back in singapore...bleah.
thinking about christmas, i wonder at times...Christ died for me? that is a question i sometimes ask. i have no doubt of Christ's love. i just know how bad i am. sometimes when i do certain things, i look and myself and wonder, why would Jesus die for someone so fallen? and yet, he willingly came, willingly died. amazing love. amazing grace. wow. thank you Jesus. Christmas is really about Christ. otherwise it's just mas.
christmas is coming. i realize i don't have anymore wants really. i was going to write a christmas list so that it would be easier for people who love me. but i really cannot think of much. unless anyone wants to get me a macbook pro (not that i'm not content with my wonderful macbook) or a nikon digital camera (not that i'm not content with my s7c). i still think the best gift would be a sizable contribution to the aaron-travels-europe-and-america-in-2010 fund. haha.
i blame the fact that i bought too much this year. from glasses to shades, from tee-shirts to polo tees to shirts, from suits to jackets to vest to cardigans, from watches to belts, from pants to jeans to berms to board shorts to gym shorts, from underwear to socks to shoes to ties and even ear muffs. i bought it all. literally head-to-toe. this year kinda messed my one-watch-a-year tradition up a little. i have this thing about getting a watch a year for myself. my jc friends bought me a swatch back in 2004, and from 2005, i made it a tradition to get myself a watch for my bday.
2005: fossil blue/yellow watch ($100odd)
2006: fossil red face flickering watch with black strap that i changed to white ($100odd)
2007 (21st bday): kenneth cole metal bracelet watch ($300odd, of which michael, yun and winston contributed with city chain vouchers)
2008: dkny (delayed gratification. did not buy in april but in july in new york. cost only us$40 cos it was at the outlet!)
2009: emporio armani ar4602. i LOVE this watch! (us$200)
but in 2009, i bought so many other watches. i admit i bought two other watches in 2008 but those were small, cheap and insignificant. i even lost one and cannot be bothered. but this year, aiyoooooo. spoiler man. bought too many nice watches. maybe i won't buy myself a watch for my 24th birthday next year. after half a decade, maybe i should come up with a new tradition...someone help me think of one please!
for the benefit of everyone, what not to get me:
1. perfume. never ever get me perfume unless u know me very very very well. i am very very very particular about my scents. it took me 4 years to move from armani code to prada infusion d'homme. evelyn got me perfume last year and i think she got lucky. she chose a very fresh scent. haha. but others...please don't try.
actually that's about it. almost everything else is okay.
spent 10 days travelling. omg. don't like to be back. such an awesome time. so so awesome. eat eat eat. korean bbq, beijing foooood. shop shop shop. dongdemum, namdemum, hyehwa area, of cos beijing's silk street and ladies' street. visited yoido and heard dr cho preach, saw the seoul tower, palace, went skiing (or rather, falling), met up with ji eun song, revisited beijing, auntie nina, yang yang, chin keat. AWESOME. being back in singapore...bleah.
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