I wonder...what blind people feel when they are living in their world of darkness. Do they feel lonely? Like they are the only person left on earth? Not seeing the colours of the rainbow, the wonderful changing sky...I would sorely miss the array of colours of the world if I am blind. But I guess, if I am blind, the strongest feeling I would feel would be loneliness. The emptiness of nothing will just engulfed me, shaking my equilibrium.

But what if, I was born without sight? And suddenly, through some wondrous miracle, I am able to see! And will I think, how life can be so unfair. Only allowing me to see colours, moon, stars, sky...after like God only knows how long. Would I be damn upset? Or would I be overjoyed that I am finally able to see and start touring the whole world. Seeing everything there is to see under the sun and moon. If it was me, I think I would be damn upset at first. Asking questions like why? Then, I will finally be overjoyed at my new found sight.

But being blind and able to see is nothing like being blindfolded. And somehow, my blindfold slipped off. My world was perfect. I absolutely refused to see the ugliness. Somehow now, I see both worlds. The undercurrents of my perfect world. It is like looking at an ocean. A picturesque calmness. Everything is flowing perfectly but beneath this picturesque picture, the undercurrents churned.

Now that the blindfold had slipped off, I do not like what I see and yet, I know it is the reality of my world. The way I feel about things have start to change and to tell you the truth, I dont like feeling like this. All critical and sceptical. Have I been living in the land of the blindfolded for way too long? Does it make me a fool? Someone who is stupid for not knowing the truth?

Maybe...I have been blindfolded for too long...




If you ask me who I would take my troubles to. I will tell you it is God. He is the best adviser and listener in the whole wide world! I talk to him like I would with a friend. I tell him how I feel about this and about that. I hear God's voice speaking to me in my heart. And why do people think that Christianity is a religion but it is not! It is a relationship with an awesome God!

Nothing you can do will make him love you more and nothing you have done will make him close the door.

I mean, no matter how many good deeds you have done will make God love you more cause he already love you so so much. He will not turn you away no matter what the bad things you have done. He will just welcome you into his arms again, saying 'I love you, my child!' That is who God is!


Everytime, I look up at the sky or when I stand beside the ocean I will always be awed! I will stand there flabbergasted as the sky is so vast and the ocean is so wide! I feel so small just standing under the sky and beside the ocean. I will think that I am such a tiny creature but why would a God love me so much to care for my everything? I mean, the universe is so wide! And we are so insignificant compared to the planets!

Looking at the sky, ocean, mountain, rivers, streams, I can only marvel at the greatness of my creator! Humans can never duplicate such majestic waterfalls like the Niagara Falls. The beauty is just shining through! And even the moon! Sure we have satellites but no satellite is like the moon that changes it shape in the sky always. Everytime I look at the moon, I feel that God is watching over me and that I have nothing to be afraid of cause I got an awesome God who just watches over me like I am precious to him.

I mean, why would a God so great watch over someone so insignificant like me? I have no leadership position in school, neither am I the top scorer of my school but God still choose to watch over me! So little insignificant ol me becomes significant in God's sight! God is my king and my father as well and if he is a king and my father, I tell you I am a princess. Then you ask me, where is my crown? I have a crown! I put it on every morning! Don't you see it?!

I don't find going to church a routine. I love going to church! I love worshipping an amazing God! I love singing at the top of my lungs, singing my heart out! Yes, I can worship at home too but in the company of fellow Christians, I feel God's presence among us. Touching out life with his amazing grace. Something so undeserved yet we receive because of God's grace. I'm not perfect. I have failed many times but God still loves me no matter what.

I don't have to be afraid of what my future holds cause God knows the plans he have for me. They are plans not to harm me but plans to give me a hope and a future!

Why do I believe there is a God? It is because of FAITH. I experience God's love in many ways! Like how he showed me a Father's love. I know I can always turn to him for help. I walk by faith and not by sight.

Just look at the rainbow! It is a promise from God that he will not destroy the Earth again by flood. Everytime a rainbow appear in the sky I will remember the promise and all the promises that God made in the Bible. Yeah, sure you'll say the rainbow is formed through the breaking up of white light by a drop of water. But dont you think it is amazing?! A single drop of water can break up light into the seven colours and many water droplets form a rainbow and what is even more amazing is that a rainbow always appear after the rain!

I will never get tired of just looking at the sky or the ocean or the mountain. Cause I can hear the crashing waves shouting God's name. The majestic sky speaks of his love and the strong mountain sings just how great God is! And I, will worship him cause he love me even though I am a sinner.




A dream is a wish your heart makes....(quoted from Cinderella)

I got dreams and they may sound foolish but yeah, they are still dreams nevertheless.

1) I want to get married by the age of 25
2)I want to own a horse cause I love horses and I want to be able to ride my horse on the road.
3) I want to live in the country side with mountains in the background and I can see the stars and the moon so clearly and marvel at its roundness and brightness that lights up the dark dark sky.
4)I want a happy family where we live happily ever after just like Cinderella.
5) I want to drink crystal clear water from the river or lake.
6) I want to taste the goodness of God everyday and hear the waves shout his name as they crash upon the shore and hear the whisper of the morning dew praising God and letting my voice mingle and the wind will come and carry my song of praise towards heaven letting it be a sweet music in God's ear.

6 dreams so far....dont now if the list will become longer, but for now I am just content with my dreams.





I want to thank God for EUNICE CHUA!!!

Cause she is so fun to tease and to be around with! I thank God that she is such an optimistic person also. And maybe just maybe we do have the same frequency. Hmm.....perhaps?

I want to thank God that she agreed to stay back with me in the canteen to fulfil my CCA duties. And I really had a fun time studying with her. And I ended up staying longer than I am required to stay cause she makes it so fun I dont want it to end! And she teach me how to do mathematics homework too! She save me from loneliness! Thank you so much EUNICE!!! I LOVE YOU!!! hahas!

I want to thank God that she understands as well. Like somehow we really connected as we talk and why oh why did I only start talking to her seriously this year?! I'm so happy to know her!

And another that happen today that made me happy is that my coach wasn't angry with me! I totally expected him to shout at me and scold me or something but when he saw me he was like waving his arm with a wide grin on his face and his glowing white teeth was showing! I mean I just expected a reprimand from him or something that will probably leave me in tears but I left school smiling and laughing with Eunice. And I only have God to thank for. I mean, it is a total miracle!

Why?

Cause looking at my coach's point of view, he has every so called right to scold me for not being his scorer and skipping training. I mean, as a coach, would you be angry with me? But he just joked with me calling me his girlfriend! Total Haha! Playfully scolding Eunice for stealing me away and Eunice was being a good spot. She just said, ' Where got? She choose to leave you for me! I didn't steal her!' And my coach when on to say that our love is inseparable and I was just a spectator laughing and watching as Eunice and my coach argue for my love. So funny lah!!! But but in the end, Eunice said she dont want me, leaving me heart broken. Haha!

My coach kindness is something that I do not deserve. I received undeserved favour from him which means Grace. I keep thanking God, telling Eunice that I am so happy. Another incident that God have come through for me. Telling me once again that I have his favour. I mean I prayed. God, God please dont let my coach be angry with me cause I know that I will just cry if he is. Amazing! God really treasure my tears too!

I mean I was overwhelmed with God's grace! That I really felt like crying. Something so undeserved yet I received!





Sometimes it is so hard to love your neighbour. In neighbours, I mean people around me. It could be my classmates and my family.

But I am still learning to love all the people who have wronged me. Sometimes, some people just hurt you too deeply that it takes a really long time loving them again. And it is even worse when it is the people you care about and your family.

I really sang with all my heart, the song 'Change my heart O God'. I was rather upset over some issues and I just didn't want to be nice. I wanted to forgive but I cant forget and that is the same as not forgiving.

Fervently, I asked God to renew my heart. Let the blood that flowed from his heart into my heart cleaning it once again. A heart that follows heart after him. I want a heart that loves like how Jesus love me. I want his unconditional love. I want to see the people who have made me upset in a new light and love them once again. I want to love with all my heart.

Ardently, I sang. That was last Sunday. I am able to forgive as I laid all my burdens at the foot of the cross. Going to school, I felt happier and well, more relax! Sure, the week wasn't a breeze the whole way. There were still things that happen that I wonder again. And I keep asking Jesus how is it that he can stand forgiving and forgiving, loving and loving yet the people ignore him or just mock him. How did Jesus find so much love in him to forgive the people that put a crown of thorns on his head? I just dont understand this love at all. In my fury, I asked whether he was stupid to keep loving this people. Haha. Imagine me calling God stupid. In my anger, I uttered foolish words.

I want to love my neighbours and even people whom I dont like. If Jesus can do it, so can I! Amazingly, my ability to love have been tested over and over again. But with God's help I know I can do it. I can love the unlovable! Jesus is my role model! :)





I want to change and I will change. Things just happen to make me realise I have been really stupid. It is like I have been blindfolded all this while and only now did the blindfold came loose. Situations just happen to make me rethink.

My brother asked me before. Why do I work so hard to please people? Why do I even bother if they probably wont even remember and just take advantage of me. My reply used to be, cause I believe that if I am nice to someone, that person will be nice to me and even if that person dont remember, I am still happy bringing cheer to someone else's life.
And my brother would say that I am too naive and ignorant. I will just shrugged my shoulders and choose not to believe him.

Now, I began to question myself. Why be nice to these people who are only going to step all over me and play with my feelings? Why is it that I always try to please them and make them happy? Do they even care about my happiness? Why am I such a stupid girl who allow people to take advantage of me just because I am naive and ignorant. Why did the blindfold just slipped off only now?

All these questions coursed through my mind. Leaving my heart in shatters. Do these people that I care about care about me? Do they even know who I really am? I think not.

And I blame myself for being such an easy to please girl. For being such a stupid stupid girl. As the day passes, I only get more hurt. Maybe, if I was thick-skinned, maybe then I wouldn't care and maybe at the same time I would not be so stupid. I would have a brain of my own and think for myself. If I was thick-skinned and I hurt you, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even bat an eyelid! But I am not. I am not a robot. I have feelings and it hurts to be feeling all these feelings. Why do I have to be soo freaking sensitive? So freaking weak?

I feel so hurt. So weak and numb. It is like I am moving through liquid, breathing in water, and drowning.

Have I been stupid?




I guess it is really the situations in our lives that make us who we are today. For better or for worse, people change. That is inevitable. Our views began to change. Everything around us change. I believe I have change as well.

Most probably the situations in my life that make me change. Consciously or unconsciously I change from since I was in primary school and sometimes it makes me miss the old me. The little girl I used to be. I always complain about change.

I remember how my life was back then and how my life is now. Making comparisons between the past and the present. Somehow, the past was much more peaceful. Much happier if you ask me. Was on facebook just now and my cousin uploaded past photos when we were much younger as we played together at the beach. I feel nostalgic looking at all the photos. It is like the whole world was my playground and I remember the picnics at the beach. Simply and common activities but they bring back such fond memories of my past. Somehow, it is also refreshing to know that in the past I looked so much different. I mean, it would be weird if I looked the same, past and present.

My attitude towards life has change, things I used to thought were fun is fun no longer. Sometimes, I wish things would not change. Hoping that it will forever stay the same. But that was not to be. Yet, there are somethings that have not change like I still live in the same house as I did when I was younger and I dont want to move as this place holds childhood memories that I treasure.

If you ask me, which part of my house is the place where holds the most memories for me it would be the garden.
Why?
Cause I remember I used to play in the garden the most. Spreading out a mat, pretending to have a picnic or just pretending that I am a garden fairy, plucking the flowers in the garden and trying unsuccessfully to put them on my hair. Or just lying down on the mat and looking up at the vast sky. Those are memories that I would not trade for anything in the world! Gold and riches can never measure up as money can never buy happiness and I choose my happiness over money.

Now, my childhood garden look so forlorn. The flowers dont grow, the trees die just a sapling, the stump of an old tree is left, fence block the happy times where I just talk with my old neighbour about her dogs and she would happily chat with me. Where did all of them go?

Why did all these have to change? Sometimes I wish there was a never never land but that is in dreams. Goodbye.