There is Only Time for Love

You know when you hear about something, and it makes you hold your babies a little tighter? Reminds you life is precious, and to slow down. I have been experiencing that this week, as I learned that a sweet high school friend's son has been diagnosed with leukemia. It's too close, too close to home. But it can happen to anybody, we don't get to choose. My heart has been breaking. No baby, no mother should have to endure that pain. But again, we don't decide, do we?

I don't know if it's because her son is just one month older than my Rafey, or that he looks like him, or that I consider his mama a close friend, but it has made me stop and think so much these past few days. She has asked for prayers that her son will get used to the nurses and to sleeping in a strange place. As I sat in a friends house today holding a screaming Rafe because he was afraid I was going to leave him, I realized that the sweet boy in the hospital was probably having to deal with and overcome these very strong, normal emotions all too abruptly, all to severely. His situation probably demands it. I held Rafe a little tighter, a little longer; thankful that I had the opportunity. As this friend has reminded us to hug our babies, and be nice to our husbands I am reminded that I let too many unimportant things turn this life into a race. This life is not a race. I get angry, I get short, I snap at my husband and my children....there is no time for that. There is only time for love.

There are no guarantees in life, other than the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is amazing to me that the same thing that gets me through a hard move, will be the same thing that strengthens and heals the hearts, minds, and bodies of this family. When I think of that, I think this family's need is so much more worthy of the blessings of the atonement of Jesus Christ than me and my trivial struggles. Yet that is the beauty of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ; there is no thing too great or too small for it to encompass. It is indeed beautiful. We all need His grace, it is for everyone; and for that I am thankful.

So hug your babies, be nice to your husbands, and pray for Brett; he needs it.

Love you Katie.

Remember my last post about needing to do something that caused me to progress? Yeah...I chose school. I just completed my first class at Argosy University! I've entered a Bachelor of Arts Psychology program. 49 credits down, 71 to go! It has provided exactly what I was looking for. It has been fun to be in the learning world again, and it hasn't been as crazy as I thought it would be with a family. Though, if you're reading this and don't have kids and are considering an education, get it done now! It definitely would have been easier before I had two little rugrats (love them). I'm so thankful I live in a place and at a time where I have SO MANY choices! It truly is a blessing. 

Conflicts of a Stay at Home Mom

So last night I had a little woe is me moment. A friend was recently crowned Mrs.{enter county here}. Why did that spark the woe is me moment you ask? It wasn't that I was disappointed that she won, not at all. I think she's an amazing woman who is well deserving of the title, and I'm very happy for her. What brought on the pitiful moment was the wonder at how this woman found time to not only have a hobby, but do it so well that she was recognized for it. See, this woman is a mama, like myself, like another mama I know who recently won a fitness competition. I feel like while other moms are becoming pageant queens and bodybuilders I'm home struggling to find a moment to eat a bowl of cereal by myself, and to be honest I want what they have. Not to be a bodybuilder or pageant queen specifically, but to have something that is mine. Something that I choose, that I work hard for, and that I succeed at. I have so many things that I want to do/be. That's probably my first problem.

Should I take up photography or writing? Become an exceptional pianist or get that psychology degree I've been wanting? Become a fitness guru and get the hot bod while I still can or start perfecting decadent sweets. Oh, and of course there's always the super everything homemade healthy mom, and the educational and engaging kid activities mom. I want to be all of these things! But with what time? What energy? That's what I envy. I know we all must work hard to achieve our goals. But seriously, I can't get a moment by myself around here! I feel like I'd need a nanny to be able to do any of these things, and that's what puts a stop to my daydreaming.

I think I feel guilty about taking up a real hobby or interest. I know I wouldn't need a nanny to pursue one of these things, but I worry that it would take away from what I give to my kids. As I'm writing this I'm already flagging that as nonsense. Maybe I'm afraid of the early mornings and late nights, because that IS what it would take, and I'm already tired. I think I'm afraid that I will love what I'm doing so much that I will somehow choose that over my kids, and deep down I know I NEVER want that to happen. You see, I did choose this, and I do work hard at it. I LOVE being home with my kids, and I wouldn't want to miss a single moment of their growing up. Raising them is important to me. But I feel like I'm losing myself. 'What do you like to do?' people ask. And....I don't know anymore, I SWORE I would never be that mom. I need a hobby, a talent, an interest. One that I can pursue, one that causes me to progress. Partly because I want my kids to know they can do the things they set their heart to. Partly because if I don't find the time for myself I'm not going to appreciate my time with my children. You've heard moms say it, or said it yourself  'I've got to {enter activity of choice} so I can love my children again'. It's true, you never love your children as much as you do after having a little time to go do whatever it is you do. 

I will be none of these things tomorrow, but I can make small changes that will bring me joy. Even if I don't choose fitness guru, I can definitely start hitting the gym more than I am now (which is more like a 1 week on 2 weeks off kind of gig). So here's to me! Figuring out what it is that I love to do and doing it. And in the mean time, I'll continue being the mom my boys love, which is the best thing I'll ever do.

One year pics....taken 6 months ago.

 Ok, I'm fired. Fired, fired, fired. At least from the blogosphere shmogosphere. BUT here are some great pictures of one adorable little guy. I may or may not be biased. :)

Excitement anyone?

Running from Daddy

Kael's 10 Month Pictures

a little downward facing dog anyone?

Jumpin' Back On

I know it's been forever since I blogged. It's just seemed overwhelming because I'm so far behind. But, I decided there's no better time to start than now. So, most recently was Valentine's. So funny, when Joslyn took these pics we thought it would be cute to get some pictures with him holding this heart pillow for Valentine's. He wasn't super cooperative, and I felt like in this pic it was like he was saying 'pshhh, Valentine's. Forget it". :)

On Valentine's Day we went and got take out, as opposed to last year I slaved in the kitchen to make this fancy dinner. I was so tired when it was finished that I didn't even want to eat it. So as we sat at our candlelit table this year and opened our styrofoam boxes we both decided it was the way to go. Greg brought home some beautiful roses and Kael got his first little Valentine's stuffed animal.

We have been well. Greg is now at his new job in Idaho Falls working at a firm there. He enjoys being able to talk to people throughout the day since he is in an office now, rather than working from home. Mary Kay has been going good, I believe the persistent succeed here, and, well, I've never had a problem with persistence :). Kael is growing like a weed, and is finally out of the 1st percentile in weight. HOORAY!!! We think he's big. He says dada, and daddy. He now has his 2 bottom teeth, and is working on a top one. He's a fun boy to stay home with, as long as he's getting what he wants :).

Ramblings

Let me tell you about Greg's computer, aka The Beast. Being a graphic designer, and having worked from home the last 4 years he had a need for a pretty spiffy computer. This thing has five hard drives and two monitors, each being larger than our tv (you can see where our priorities lie). Anyway, about a month ago the computer began crashing more frequently than one might feel comfortable with. And a few short days later when it crashed one hard drive never recovered. No problem right? I mean there are four other hard drives to keep this thing going until Greg figures it out. Only he figured out that for some unknown reason that one hard drive took THREE others with it. That's right, so now only one of our five hard drives are functioning. What this means is that the computer runs, and you can use it, but you cannot get to ANY of our saved files. That means no pictures on the blog :(. Nor can we save new files, meaning now that the memory card on our camera is full we pretty much are left to our phones for pictures. Which is lame. Ok so back to the story of The Beast. Well that same day that the hard drives crashed one of the monitors just quit working. Kind of a pain, but not too detrimental since Greg is working in an office now.  But, last night the other one gave up the ghost! So we had to give up our teensy tv in our bedroom to go into the office as a monitor. It's just not the same. And probably the most traumatic for me was last week when my CHI flat iron called it quits. Sob. And then today our blender barely made it through this afternoons smoothie.

So to all other electronics or appliances in our home. If you would like to join the trusty pink blender, the never to be topped CHI, two monitors, and FOUR hard drives that have chosen to go up in smoke this month go ahead. Just jump on the bandwagon. We like to make large purchases to replace things.