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e m P t Y

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a peice of paper; But it's Empty

{/you people been waiting for this post --

Monday, September 15, 2008 ( 2:27 PM )

My heart's crippled by the vein

'i can oni say if u continue usin this method of teachin..soon u will lose more n more respect cos u alr LOST some of em ..i know writin this is useless cos ur stubborness wun change n u always fuck care wat ppl say n feel cos u oways think the way of ur thinkin n method is right..i oso tired of tellin u, doin this n that is wron..cos u jus wun listen n i will b jus wastin my saliva away..
if oni u try to put urself in other shoes then mayb u will undstd but i doubt so..nvm jus let all of us "get used to it"..'

Extract from angela blog

'u think y they can tak in mj method but not rlly ur method'

'cos the words u say to em is rather demoralisin em undtsd?'

'u mus oways put urself in other shoes'

'in the meantime u scold oso in the meantime let em feel appreciated k?'

Extract from msn convo

Seen it coming before it even came. Since i had choosen the negative path image. Dont grow under me if u dont wish to.

You think its fun and enjoyable to be the negative pusher of the club? You think it feels good to scold and demoralise you people? You think i like it when people started bullshitting about me? You think i like to lose whatever shit respect?

Did you use your brains and think before you started typing? YOU THINK I REALLY WANT IT THAT WAY!? Who the hell dosen't likes to be a nice easy going coach so he can save all the respect from all the people he wants. Enjoy each other jokes on field where everything is relax, you need a rest you get it, you wana slack go ahead.

You made me felt like a clown when i thought of why didn't i do that. You don't need to endure my bullshits and i ain't need to worry about my respect factor. BUT for what fking GODSAKE i did the negative pushing?! FK! Why HUAT JIN IS SO FKING STUPID LIKE A FOOL. Hes so stupid to risk his image? you wana grow anot is your problem what, if i never screw u we still be friends and i still have ur respect! WTF so nice! Fk i am so stupid. __

Put myself in your shoes? Is there a need to? Don't forget i got outside training, i get screwed likewise you do here. You think i dont know how it feels? You think i never experience before? You think i come SPU to take what i have bear through outside and unleash it in you guys?

Why not you whoever who feels that way and quit being such a brat and put in MY SHOES. Feels how is it like to handle all of you, my right hand man, my officer and those people looking at SPU. Feels how is it like to handle to much things which u all never knew i did for SPU. Feels how is it like losing sleep to think on how to improve and motivate each of you. Feels how to make everyone happy in a team. Feels how to see whether what i decided is right. AND feels how it feels not abling to list all the shits down that i wanted u all to feel. YOU THINK IS FKING EASY TO WEAR THIS SHOW? You try la. Whoever you are. Come try putting on my F up shoes? So power sia.

'in the meantime u scold oso in the meantime let em feel appreciated k?' - appreciated? How many of times people praise and make you feel appreciated like so easily out from their mouth? I also can say say what, i can make u happy then ur respect for me can even be higher. SO GOOD MAN. but did i ever do that? yes but hardly comes by. If i mention anything through motivation or personal talks that is GENUINE. Saying that i never appreciate you guys? You all got appreciate me? Instead of bullshitting me? Ever appreaciated me? EVER ANOT?! Did i even request for anything from you all? nothing except your growth. wtf sia serisously.

When i say that you are lousy or weak in any factors. That is fking GENUINE. YES you are LOUSY. What for i want to say/suan/demoralise u? I want to fking pick up that CHALLENGE and prove me FKING WRONG. Its for ur own fking good sake for fking god sake. Did you prove me? DID YOU instead of starting to bullshit me. Everyone can speak nice things. Its so fking easy, no fkign challenge. You said i never care bout how ppl care and feel. Dont make me laugh. Looking on just the surface. YAYA u are right! I dont care! yeah! i am such an asshole!

You and whoever angela is refering to. You all made me feel really sick and tired on the sad fact that you guys just went huat jin this huat jin that and whats worse started spreading like wildfire. I don't need your pity, i don't need to gain back any respect of yours. Thats all i wana say.

I never hold back opportunities of growth. If u have an expectation to live on, you believe in yourself and me, i will rise it for you. Dont grow under me if u dont wish to.