Hmm...Been wondering much about the coming Christmas... Excited about it and also give a lots and lots of thought about how am i going to spend the time... with dear and him alone...
My frens have been gearing me up to spend this special season day since the past few months... Say like having to book a hotel room for just the two of us to spend the company of each other and also giving a present that is special to him...
Well... I made him a nice presents though... Something that i thought it would be special and also i guess... something that i have been excited to give him also... since it is an idea that i have to DIY it myself and it is something that i have not done before...
======================================================================================
Was talking to dear just now... Thinking of what he has in mind for this Christmas and if he can think of something nice then we could be there together and also allow me to once again enjoy Christmas like what i did have last year with him...
Well sadly... Guessed he would be in camp for this coming Christmas Eve and that he will be booking in this sunday... and only booking out of the camp on the Tuesday morning(Which is Christmas...)
Then again... he also won't be free then and will be busy running errands collecting items for his family BBQ...
=====================================================================================
Haiz... :-( ... Maybe becos i have been thinking too much having to spend time with him on this Christmas... which he finds that it is unnecessary and that it is just a Christmas day from the many years... and that i guess it is too usual for him...
=====================================================================================
The other few weeks... i did have mentioned maybe to the blog or maybe to friends that i have been worrying a lot on my relationship... that i feel Dear is starting to drift away from my heart and it is starting to lose touch with me... Well during then i have had my ways of meeting up with him an also making assure myself that he fire in my heart is still burning brightly... But i finds that i have been only being the active one ends and that thought things may seems to be working in my vivid images... those are just a mark up image in my imagination that works...
Spending the time in the toilet with a running water just now... It makes me reconsider the things that i have done the past few weeks... It is just seems that I have only make situation be better a lil... which i believe is not enough... and moreover... it is just feeling better on myside... as for him... i think he is just feeling the same way...
=====================================================================================
I wonders....
If I will be away for long, How would you react? How would you think of me? and what would you do?
If Time were to end soon... will you be there to be with me?
Through the time of being together... what is your image of me?
How have you think that you have changed since you are by my side? Have i make even a little move in your heart? Or does that space that was placed for me... Still stay as how it is since the time we met until now?
=====================================================================================
To Me...
If I am to be away for you for long... even it is just a week time... I would be worried of you, thinking of what you will be doing and how you are living off and how you feeling about... Even when times when you fetch me back home... i always worried about you on the road... having worried if you have arrived home... checked on MSN whether you are already online... or at least message you to see if you reply... And times when i dun see any response... i will get paranoid and will keep on telling myself that you will be alright and that you are already safe at home... before I goes to sleep... If not i wouldn't be able to sleep... Then I would think about it again in the morning...
If time were to end soon... I would just hope to spend the time together again... just like how we two have met each other and just like when the time we have walked down the path of love... Let me just have the kind of feeling before time takes away all of them from me and from you....
I believe... after being with you for 17 months... i guess i have learned a lot in relationship... even till now... i am still learning on how to make myself better in the times we had together... also... i have understand many things that normal couples will goes through and many things that other couples have yet to go through... probably they doesn't have that chance to go through it... You have taught me a lot of it... and i am grateful, thankful and respected all of the things that you gave to me... emotionally, physically and mentally... I will always treasure them...
To me... you have really moved my heart a lot and spaces are growing even more and more... filled much by you... and no one else... but at times... parts of it would be injured... and you will be there to heal it and also recovers them... Yet... there are still some small gap that aren't fully recovered... I hope you could just be there to mend it once more... allowing me to be who i have meant to be... and that i could be healthy in this relationship again...
=====================================================================================
I wish... I just wish.... Wishing... that i can be feeling of you again... and that... I just wished.. that before i fly off to China... If it ever is possible.. you are there by my side... and teling me that it is alright... that you will be waiting for me... and that you could encourage me to be strong once more... to be the cheerful healthy me once more...
All this time... i just feel that i have been putting up a cheerful face... that inside of me still hurts... that inside of me sometimes feels empty...
I really just wished that you could once again fills that spot for me... just wish it will come true...
....
...
..
.
.....
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
My time coming to the November Ends... Day Break of December... With IPHONE... ;)
Hmm... Feeling great... and now i wish to blog...
Did a walk with dear last Sunday.... the World Aids Day Walk (WAD Walk)... was kinda nervous at first... You know the feeling of walking with a big group of AJs...Seems so much like a march tat loudhailer-ed "WE ARE AJs AND WE ARE PROUD OF IT", or somewhat a rebellion march...Then again the front man was just holding kinda a small board... too conspicuous to actually be seen as a rebel march... oh well, its just my first time... But then i guess maybe cos the walk is kinda short, so it wasn't so bad but the feeling was kinda fun instead...
Anyway, tot of joining AFA as volunteer, but then again... i would be too busy for it... So see how lor... Maybe after my Internship.... Which will be after April like tat... Now tat dear have finish his medic course, he will be posted to another unit, so just hope tat his posting would be a good ones...
*Thinking of him*
>_< >_< >_<>_<
Till next time i blog... ;)
Gosh... Does tat also mean that i have to do the same transferring shit again... from Iphone to Blogspots...
-,-'''
Monday, November 26, 2007
Close 2 you...
It has been a while tat i blog again...
Well just another random blog i guess...
Visited my dears blog just now... Hmm... glad that he is turning to be a medic soon... as in full fledged medic... tat is good... realli good... and i am happy for him...
Well i have always been thinking bout him... although we do meet on weekends... if not alot... but a least once...
Maybe cos that once you are attached to one person that you love... you will think about him... be it in times of trouble, happiness, sadness, or in any occasion... even if it is just daydreaming... i would also day dreaming of being with him...
Well... from what i know... after he ends his Medic course... heard that maybe he is going back to Tekong again... to finish where he have left off... BMT... then once after that... he will be going to redo medic course again... and be a full fledged combat medic...
The most is to me... I am going to suffer again... cos if he goes into tekong again... tat means tat i am not going to be able to see him often... just like before... when the time he was in Tekong previously...
It is not that i mind or not... but i mean i have to wait patiently for him.... and many of the time... i am able to do so...
Recently... i just think that to have to wait and going thru this suffer yet another time... i think i am going to suffer even more... not sure is it becos due to me being busy these moments... that i think this way... or is it becos i kinda miss him much...
Well... these days... i just realised that he is not talking to me bout his thoughts much often again... dunnoe if it is me or wat...
But oh well... come to think of it... dear dun realli visit blogs... so i guess... he wouldn't be here to read my feelings...
Guess i just think tat i have to suffer it all alone... >_<
Hopes that he can just come to calm me down and once more... to just make me feel assured of what he is doing would be ok...
I love him... love him... love him...
But now... i keep on finding tat he is somewhat drifting away from me... and the distance... may be bigger... and bigger...
I am worried... very worried yet again...
I miss him... misses him alot lot more as seconds passes...
I think of him... thinking more and more as it fills up my mind with him and nothing else...
I just wish... wishing that things would be alrite... and i am being ensured of...
Love... Trust... Bonds... Understanding... Care...
Him....
Well just another random blog i guess...
Visited my dears blog just now... Hmm... glad that he is turning to be a medic soon... as in full fledged medic... tat is good... realli good... and i am happy for him...
Well i have always been thinking bout him... although we do meet on weekends... if not alot... but a least once...
Maybe cos that once you are attached to one person that you love... you will think about him... be it in times of trouble, happiness, sadness, or in any occasion... even if it is just daydreaming... i would also day dreaming of being with him...
Well... from what i know... after he ends his Medic course... heard that maybe he is going back to Tekong again... to finish where he have left off... BMT... then once after that... he will be going to redo medic course again... and be a full fledged combat medic...
The most is to me... I am going to suffer again... cos if he goes into tekong again... tat means tat i am not going to be able to see him often... just like before... when the time he was in Tekong previously...
It is not that i mind or not... but i mean i have to wait patiently for him.... and many of the time... i am able to do so...
Recently... i just think that to have to wait and going thru this suffer yet another time... i think i am going to suffer even more... not sure is it becos due to me being busy these moments... that i think this way... or is it becos i kinda miss him much...
Well... these days... i just realised that he is not talking to me bout his thoughts much often again... dunnoe if it is me or wat...
But oh well... come to think of it... dear dun realli visit blogs... so i guess... he wouldn't be here to read my feelings...
Guess i just think tat i have to suffer it all alone... >_<
Hopes that he can just come to calm me down and once more... to just make me feel assured of what he is doing would be ok...
I love him... love him... love him...
But now... i keep on finding tat he is somewhat drifting away from me... and the distance... may be bigger... and bigger...
I am worried... very worried yet again...
I miss him... misses him alot lot more as seconds passes...
I think of him... thinking more and more as it fills up my mind with him and nothing else...
I just wish... wishing that things would be alrite... and i am being ensured of...
Love... Trust... Bonds... Understanding... Care...
Him....
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
A 16th Month Being Together... Our Time....
Well, it has been a long 16 month together with you...
We still are together strongly...
Listening to the puzzle of my heart... makes me think of you...
It doesn't matter where you are, you still is in my heart... though many of the times we may not be able to meet with each other... though when the times i in need of you, you may not be there for me.... but i am still grateful to you... because you have been very true to me with yourself...
YEP it is your personality, care, tenderly love, captivated me since the start we are together...
The times that you are angry, the times that you are depressed, the times to many of your feeling... have moved my heart and also have made me grow more stronger for you...
Remember the first few times we meet each other... that you are quiet about many things... keep those answers that i long for to yourself... Sometimes i still nag at you (yes i feel bad about it >_< ) for keep it to yourself and not speaking out to me.... But now you are different and you are the boyfriend that i have pictured you to be... the kind hearted and caring about me... the one who show his true self and personality and opinions to me... and the one that have loved me much with all he has... I am truly grateful for what you have done... although to you... it may feel it is just a little thing that a Boyfriend should do... but to me... it is actually a big moves that you have done to concern about me.... Even giving me a glass of water when i was ill the other day... it is something that i am greatly and truly thankful and grateful about... Though the weekends i was not able to spend time with you... although i wished i could... but on this very day that i celebrated my 16th months being with you.... have made me think about you more and more... back to the past... for what you have done for me... and for every single little thing that you have been in my life... I will treasure them... Time will pass and i hope you will always look forward to another anniversary... I hope that then we could be together spending them... just like the last time... I will wait patiently for that day to come... and also wait patiently for the next and the many next one to come... I love you dear... With many hearts to you... my dear cow... cowe... >_<
Hope that you are well in the army... *kiss*
We still are together strongly...
Listening to the puzzle of my heart... makes me think of you...
It doesn't matter where you are, you still is in my heart... though many of the times we may not be able to meet with each other... though when the times i in need of you, you may not be there for me.... but i am still grateful to you... because you have been very true to me with yourself...
YEP it is your personality, care, tenderly love, captivated me since the start we are together...
The times that you are angry, the times that you are depressed, the times to many of your feeling... have moved my heart and also have made me grow more stronger for you...
Remember the first few times we meet each other... that you are quiet about many things... keep those answers that i long for to yourself... Sometimes i still nag at you (yes i feel bad about it >_< ) for keep it to yourself and not speaking out to me.... But now you are different and you are the boyfriend that i have pictured you to be... the kind hearted and caring about me... the one who show his true self and personality and opinions to me... and the one that have loved me much with all he has... I am truly grateful for what you have done... although to you... it may feel it is just a little thing that a Boyfriend should do... but to me... it is actually a big moves that you have done to concern about me.... Even giving me a glass of water when i was ill the other day... it is something that i am greatly and truly thankful and grateful about... Though the weekends i was not able to spend time with you... although i wished i could... but on this very day that i celebrated my 16th months being with you.... have made me think about you more and more... back to the past... for what you have done for me... and for every single little thing that you have been in my life... I will treasure them... Time will pass and i hope you will always look forward to another anniversary... I hope that then we could be together spending them... just like the last time... I will wait patiently for that day to come... and also wait patiently for the next and the many next one to come... I love you dear... With many hearts to you... my dear cow... cowe... >_<
Hope that you are well in the army... *kiss*
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Unexpected....
Hmm... It was unexpected last night....
He was able to call me agian...
Well.... I am very happy to hear his voice... since on the afternoon... I was quite emotional...
Heard that he passed his test for some medic test yesterday... and I kinda grateful for him... since he wun need to stay in camp for remedial...
Haiz... but sadly... i wun be able to meet him much this coming weekend... since i will be the one being very busy this week...
There will be going to be a SMIT (My Sch) Meet-The-Parents Session... which i dunnoe what the hell it is since i have never heard of it before... even dear also have not heard such event being done b4...
But i guess this is smth that SP wanna conduct... and i heard for our sch... this will be the first time they are organising it...
I have seen EEE block having photos of such event... and i was thinking that only EEE would do such stuff since they got a lot of money.... Didn't know that my sch is also another bo liao one to do.... but oh well... since they asked me to(Cos i joined student ambassador last year).... so no choice... i will have to go...
====================================================================
Anyway... this i think one of my few times or maybe 1st time that i actually blogs in lecture... haha talk abt de-virginise in lecture class blogging(is there such a thing??? O.o )...
Haha... today i just did pon my CLI (Computer Law and Investigation) class today... both the lecture and tutorials...
Woke up late this morning... becos i slept late this morning....errr i think was 4:30AM.... then my maid , grams and aunt all shouted at me in the morning to wake me up... but then... i did not wake up till abt 9:30AM, when my class was at 10AM... haha.... then i only when out of the house at 10:30AM... so by the time reach sch... my CLI class only left with like 45Mins... so rather slack arnd... since i in class also just slp de...
Must be cos of the influence of Alvin... (<_<) ... haiz... cos he everytime tell me that he pon this class and pon that class....
Haiyo...
Weekz... (>_<) '' ... now i dunnoe what to write le haha... maybe i blog another time...
Haiz... if u guys got read hor... pls pls pls... force me to leh... if not i wun do de... then u would end up seeing the blog got a period of blankness... (>_<)....
He was able to call me agian...
Well.... I am very happy to hear his voice... since on the afternoon... I was quite emotional...
Heard that he passed his test for some medic test yesterday... and I kinda grateful for him... since he wun need to stay in camp for remedial...
Haiz... but sadly... i wun be able to meet him much this coming weekend... since i will be the one being very busy this week...
There will be going to be a SMIT (My Sch) Meet-The-Parents Session... which i dunnoe what the hell it is since i have never heard of it before... even dear also have not heard such event being done b4...
But i guess this is smth that SP wanna conduct... and i heard for our sch... this will be the first time they are organising it...
I have seen EEE block having photos of such event... and i was thinking that only EEE would do such stuff since they got a lot of money.... Didn't know that my sch is also another bo liao one to do.... but oh well... since they asked me to(Cos i joined student ambassador last year).... so no choice... i will have to go...
====================================================================
Anyway... this i think one of my few times or maybe 1st time that i actually blogs in lecture... haha talk abt de-virginise in lecture class blogging(is there such a thing??? O.o )...
Haha... today i just did pon my CLI (Computer Law and Investigation) class today... both the lecture and tutorials...
Woke up late this morning... becos i slept late this morning....errr i think was 4:30AM.... then my maid , grams and aunt all shouted at me in the morning to wake me up... but then... i did not wake up till abt 9:30AM, when my class was at 10AM... haha.... then i only when out of the house at 10:30AM... so by the time reach sch... my CLI class only left with like 45Mins... so rather slack arnd... since i in class also just slp de...
Must be cos of the influence of Alvin... (<_<) ... haiz... cos he everytime tell me that he pon this class and pon that class....
Haiyo...
Weekz... (>_<) '' ... now i dunnoe what to write le haha... maybe i blog another time...
Haiz... if u guys got read hor... pls pls pls... force me to leh... if not i wun do de... then u would end up seeing the blog got a period of blankness... (>_<)....
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A certain feelings...
Haiz...
I have been feeling this way everytime he is not with me...
Worried and miserably lost...
I trust that he is ok......... but a part of me... always tells me... u are worried for him... so worry....
IT IS LIKE AN UNNECESSITY WORRY ....
But i realli dunnoe... maybe becos every single time that i hope he is there for me.... but i can't see him nor rely on him....
Many of the times now... i have to rely on myself...
I have always been worrying for him... everytime when i am alone... everytime when i am thinking of him... and every single little time... No day, No noon, No night, No Dawn, No dusk... I just worried for him....
Haiz... at times i have the feelings that nowadays that i dun have time to meet him... he have a change of heart for me and i also did have a change of heart in him... that feeling always comes... and it always terrifies me badly...
I dun want him to leave me... and many of the times... i realli hope that if he ever get a chance to.... he can spend more time with me.... though not like everyday basis... but realli.... if sometimes he could just ask me out... and also ask me for a date...
I dun mind not going for a movie or for smth that has to waste money...
A walk in the beach...
A night just looking at the stars...
A time where we can spend time... just the 2 of us...
Not for S**...
Not for any other things...
Just the quality of the 2 companions...
I will feel really happy...
How i hope that he is here now with me.......... :-( ....
I have been feeling this way everytime he is not with me...
Worried and miserably lost...
I trust that he is ok......... but a part of me... always tells me... u are worried for him... so worry....
IT IS LIKE AN UNNECESSITY WORRY ....
But i realli dunnoe... maybe becos every single time that i hope he is there for me.... but i can't see him nor rely on him....
Many of the times now... i have to rely on myself...
I have always been worrying for him... everytime when i am alone... everytime when i am thinking of him... and every single little time... No day, No noon, No night, No Dawn, No dusk... I just worried for him....
Haiz... at times i have the feelings that nowadays that i dun have time to meet him... he have a change of heart for me and i also did have a change of heart in him... that feeling always comes... and it always terrifies me badly...
I dun want him to leave me... and many of the times... i realli hope that if he ever get a chance to.... he can spend more time with me.... though not like everyday basis... but realli.... if sometimes he could just ask me out... and also ask me for a date...
I dun mind not going for a movie or for smth that has to waste money...
A walk in the beach...
A night just looking at the stars...
A time where we can spend time... just the 2 of us...
Not for S**...
Not for any other things...
Just the quality of the 2 companions...
I will feel really happy...
How i hope that he is here now with me.......... :-( ....
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
His Call....
The call from him today... calmed me a bit just now... though i am still a bit unstable... i guess... i will pull thru soon enough...
The whole time was just missing him...
.......
The whole time was just missing him...
.......
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The Message.... MY DREAM.... :'(
The Song was playing Tank- 非你莫属，Andy Lau's - 我想我不够爱你 and I wanna go to a place by Rie Fu....
I woke up this early... with a heartache, A feeling of very very heavy burden and started crying once again...
The dreamworld have once again brought me another memorable dreams that have made me feel the feeling of losing someone close to me...
My sudden woke up... thinking of the people that have been close to me since young (My mum, My aunt and My grams) and now Daniel, who comes along to hold my hands to go throughout our 1 Year and 2 Months of relationship...
I just doesn't know how will be able to cope with the feeling if i have either one of them missing in my life...
*cries*
====================================================================
The Dream...
It was actually cause i have lost my mum then... living with my aunt and my grams... and a brother...
We live in an average living condition... with my aunt taking care of us all...
to cut things short-- It was something that i was unhappy about my brother then there was a big hoo haa... and then i actually quarreled with my grams(i guess)...
What actually i was brought to the state of crying was when I actually shouted at my aunt something (I dun realli have nuts idea on what i shout)... thereafter, she was stunned and just dropped to the ground...
Since then, she have no watever sort of feeling towards what i say... her face was pale white and she cried... tears flowing down her cheeks with her unchanged facial expression... and she fell towards the ground as these happens....
When i saw her reactions, I tried to reach out to her to help her stand again... she was just heavy and then her body was cold... with the feeling of such afraid reaction...
By now.... whatever i talked to her... seems like it does not goes to her mind... as though she is already in her own world and not realising that i was beside her even...
And when she caught the strength to stand up... she started aimlessly around... I just have to follow her...
It was as though i was looking at my Aunt being crazy after everything have happened...
Well she just walk aimlessly... and when i followed her... she actually went back home on foot... just to hug my grandma, without a single word coming out of her... and then hug my another brother silently...
The next thing i knew... she did not do it to me... but she was just about to leave the house.... We were asking her what have happened... but nothing seems to go through her...
I was so afraid... then this time round i tried to hold her and not letting her go... but this time she was afraid of me...
Only then i knew smth bad have happened... so i asked the brother to hold her for me... and then the next thing i knew.... I have left the house...
The Dream then brought me to the time to come... i was wondering that there is one guy who keeps following me around... by this time i was living alone... working my own self up the society... living in a decent lifestyle...
The guy who was stalking me... was like followed me to many places... then after a while... i approached him...
To my shock... he was actually my aunt's husband... after so long that i left them... she have then married... I was then asked by my this uncle... that i have to go back home... as my aunt and grandmother... was looking for me... it was then that i suddenly realised how heartache i was feeling to lose my family members....
And suddenly then... i just woke up... in then middle of the night.... @ about 4:2o AM....
====================================================================
I didn't know how the dream actually came to me...
But the moment i held up my necklace that i made for Daniel and me...
I just feel the same heavy burden that my heart was having... as though the dream have become a reality...
Tears just started to pour down my cheeks as the songs played and the lyrics of the song was follow with my sadness...
For once after so long... i cried for my dear yet again... also with the feeling of losing the closed one...
====================================================================
Since the past few weeks... i have been telling myself that i should not cry... and that i should be strong towards the challenge i am facing that Daniel is in army...
But these days... whenever he was inside the camp... either i am not able to hear his voice and sometimes... i don't get his message at all...
In one of my previous post... i did mention about my sudden sense of insecurity that just suddenly came up... and it just grew little and little day by day...
I was having dinner with Alvin last night... and i realli did envy him as his dear calls him everynight and talks to him... to his dear (Andrew), Alvin's voice is more important than his lights out and also his tiredness from camp and many more...
I realli did wish that Daniel could realli called me too... I did message Daniel while Alvin was talkin to Andrew... so that i don't realli felt lonely...
Throughout the dinner... my phone was beside me(well not actually then only, there were other times that my phone was beside me aimlessly... and then i would just press my unlock button to see if there is an incoming message... and truly truly hope that it was from him...
But i waited in vain the whole time... just keep waiting and waiting...
As i guessed he have not message me then...
Then when i was on the way home... I just keep feeling sad deep inside me... but on the outside... i just look calm... Alvin saw through that... and i was just keep telling myself that everything is all right and he is just tired and he is studying... so i should not try to disturb him...
But the more i feel that way... the more heavy my heart feels...
Till now... i am just thinking... whether putting a "If cannot call me or message me... then its ok wor" really takes effect and he follows it too...
====================================================================
Haiz... guess i would still have to bear through all these challenges for quite a while...
*Cries*
I woke up this early... with a heartache, A feeling of very very heavy burden and started crying once again...
The dreamworld have once again brought me another memorable dreams that have made me feel the feeling of losing someone close to me...
My sudden woke up... thinking of the people that have been close to me since young (My mum, My aunt and My grams) and now Daniel, who comes along to hold my hands to go throughout our 1 Year and 2 Months of relationship...
I just doesn't know how will be able to cope with the feeling if i have either one of them missing in my life...
*cries*
====================================================================
The Dream...
It was actually cause i have lost my mum then... living with my aunt and my grams... and a brother...
We live in an average living condition... with my aunt taking care of us all...
to cut things short-- It was something that i was unhappy about my brother then there was a big hoo haa... and then i actually quarreled with my grams(i guess)...
What actually i was brought to the state of crying was when I actually shouted at my aunt something (I dun realli have nuts idea on what i shout)... thereafter, she was stunned and just dropped to the ground...
Since then, she have no watever sort of feeling towards what i say... her face was pale white and she cried... tears flowing down her cheeks with her unchanged facial expression... and she fell towards the ground as these happens....
When i saw her reactions, I tried to reach out to her to help her stand again... she was just heavy and then her body was cold... with the feeling of such afraid reaction...
By now.... whatever i talked to her... seems like it does not goes to her mind... as though she is already in her own world and not realising that i was beside her even...
And when she caught the strength to stand up... she started aimlessly around... I just have to follow her...
It was as though i was looking at my Aunt being crazy after everything have happened...
Well she just walk aimlessly... and when i followed her... she actually went back home on foot... just to hug my grandma, without a single word coming out of her... and then hug my another brother silently...
The next thing i knew... she did not do it to me... but she was just about to leave the house.... We were asking her what have happened... but nothing seems to go through her...
I was so afraid... then this time round i tried to hold her and not letting her go... but this time she was afraid of me...
Only then i knew smth bad have happened... so i asked the brother to hold her for me... and then the next thing i knew.... I have left the house...
The Dream then brought me to the time to come... i was wondering that there is one guy who keeps following me around... by this time i was living alone... working my own self up the society... living in a decent lifestyle...
The guy who was stalking me... was like followed me to many places... then after a while... i approached him...
To my shock... he was actually my aunt's husband... after so long that i left them... she have then married... I was then asked by my this uncle... that i have to go back home... as my aunt and grandmother... was looking for me... it was then that i suddenly realised how heartache i was feeling to lose my family members....
And suddenly then... i just woke up... in then middle of the night.... @ about 4:2o AM....
====================================================================
I didn't know how the dream actually came to me...
But the moment i held up my necklace that i made for Daniel and me...
I just feel the same heavy burden that my heart was having... as though the dream have become a reality...
Tears just started to pour down my cheeks as the songs played and the lyrics of the song was follow with my sadness...
For once after so long... i cried for my dear yet again... also with the feeling of losing the closed one...
====================================================================
Since the past few weeks... i have been telling myself that i should not cry... and that i should be strong towards the challenge i am facing that Daniel is in army...
But these days... whenever he was inside the camp... either i am not able to hear his voice and sometimes... i don't get his message at all...
In one of my previous post... i did mention about my sudden sense of insecurity that just suddenly came up... and it just grew little and little day by day...
I was having dinner with Alvin last night... and i realli did envy him as his dear calls him everynight and talks to him... to his dear (Andrew), Alvin's voice is more important than his lights out and also his tiredness from camp and many more...
I realli did wish that Daniel could realli called me too... I did message Daniel while Alvin was talkin to Andrew... so that i don't realli felt lonely...
Throughout the dinner... my phone was beside me(well not actually then only, there were other times that my phone was beside me aimlessly... and then i would just press my unlock button to see if there is an incoming message... and truly truly hope that it was from him...
But i waited in vain the whole time... just keep waiting and waiting...
As i guessed he have not message me then...
Then when i was on the way home... I just keep feeling sad deep inside me... but on the outside... i just look calm... Alvin saw through that... and i was just keep telling myself that everything is all right and he is just tired and he is studying... so i should not try to disturb him...
But the more i feel that way... the more heavy my heart feels...
Till now... i am just thinking... whether putting a "If cannot call me or message me... then its ok wor" really takes effect and he follows it too...
====================================================================
Haiz... guess i would still have to bear through all these challenges for quite a while...
*Cries*
Sunday, October 07, 2007
DeStressing .... Conclusionz.... >_<
Pst pst... forgot to add a conclusion....
So next time when u guys(and gals and sistas and brothers) when u heard from me somehow that i just went swimming...
U guys know what liao lar hor... dun need me to explain further...
PS: case will not always be true... ;) ;)
So next time when u guys(and gals and sistas and brothers) when u heard from me somehow that i just went swimming...
U guys know what liao lar hor... dun need me to explain further...
PS: case will not always be true... ;) ;)
Saturday, October 06, 2007
DeStressing... My Way... ;)
Hmm... beeen long that i have not posted here... oh well... i also really dunnoe wat to post... not until some of my fren ask me to update my dearly pitiful blog...
hu hu hu... T_T ... guess my blog is crying since i have long visit it...
=====================================================================
BTW... cut things short... well i just found an interesting to talk abt myself...
hmm... well yeah... guessed from the top... i think u guys shld know that i am in a kind of stress...
Dear is in camp and then i have sch activities to plan... not forgetting this semester... i realli got to score something better... since due to my moving (not realli a good reason though) that i actually scored badly for my semester last year and screwed my GPA badly... bringing me a bad results... didn't tell my dear about it thought... if he founds out... i think he will be upset with me... and i guess he have much other things to upset about that this results shld not affect him much... but more to my own future...
I think so that way too...
====================================================================
But then... just a week ago... smth just came to me... unexpected... unrealised and things that makes me feel very very very... unwell in a way... doubts in a way... sad in a way... and confused in a way...
Haiz... after a very much long time... being with my dear for already a 1 YEAR and 2 Months, going to be out 15th Months soon... and yet this feeling suddenly come back once again...
Hmm........
It is the feeling of unsecurity... *sadded*
I just dunnoe how does it comes by and i just dunnoe why am i feeling this way...
====================================================================
Dear just entered the SAF Medical Training Institution (SMTI... guess that is the acronyms)......
I am happy that he can enter there though, at the same time i am quite saddened... cos he would have to be poked (since they got IV test and have to do it 10 successful times in order to graduate... but seems he is enjoying the IV stuff... )
Well on the side note... i am happy of him inside there, as he has been hoping to gain the knowledge on first aid... but seems he got it a higher level... being more like paramedics in the society, but a service medic in the SAF... well that is interesting to hear though....
===================================================================
But what worries me is that when he enters there... things seems to be different than when he enters army the last time....
Okay... so far is that he got no personal time for himself... oh well... he must study and study and study... haiz... i feel pity for him...
everyday i am just waiting for his message and everyday... i just waiting for his calls if it even come....
most of the time he just message me... and i am always be very happy to see his message... way way happy... and to receive a call from him... all the more makes me relieve that he is well himself... and i guess infatuation with love means that by just listening to him talking make me happy... just hearing his voice is more than enough...
Then again... to get the phone call would be rare... since he dun have much personal time... and judging that he really got lots of message incoming every time he switches on his phone... guess he have to reply to all of them(including mine)...
Then all these would means no time of him to call me.... anyways... if i were to expect him to keep calling me... i would also be sad... cos he will be spending much money on phone bills that he have to foot the bill himself... while mine is still being foot by my aunt(haiz... seems i am just a useless and un-independent-able boyfriend of his... i realli do feel sad when i think of it this way... being not able to live up to his expectations... i always sense that failure in me... guess much of my pessimism is from here...)
Then again... last week... when he was to book out on friday... i was actually having event... thinking that he would be booking out early... i was kinda happily messaging him a lot on asking him how is he out... and where is he... i mean not meeting him for a week is quite a strain that i always be patiently waiting for him to come out... eagerly to meet him...
Well i didn't realli get the message for a very very long hours...
so i become very very worried... thinking of what has happened... cos one of my fren who just entered tekong even... was already out with his boyfriend...
So where is mine... I wonder?? what could have happened??? is he being confined??? haiz... that makes me sad... then i just from time to time stares at my handphone aimlessly... hoping to see something that resembles him to actually pop and i will be there to answer...
It was kinda a long wait... but i finally did came...
but then... i guess... i just wasted my energy on some useless emotional worries... which i doesn't need to... *cries*...
====================================================================
Daniel did comes out at last.... he wasn't confined... just came out late... that's all... It was realli a relieve...
Haiz... but then... after reading his message somehow i realli wonder... was my concern for him abit too much that much becomes his stressfulness and also becoming him being upset for me sending too much message....
I just realli wonder... till today... :(
====================================================================
Well saturday... i was hoping that dear could meet me... and was quite expecting his message...
Then again... i somehow felt that i was again upset... cos he was not able to meet me... as he was suppose to meet Colin... haiz.... guess understandable... i will have to patiently wait for him...
But at home... i was actually crying... i was hoping that i could be the one being there for him... just hoping for it... but i guess... i was hoping in vain... :'(
The interesting part is that after that actually happens... i went to have a swim straight away... guess weeping in the pool is a good way to clear most of the sadness and emotional embodiment of mine...
And thereafter i felt better le... that is where when i actually decided to go out with Alvin, Edgar, Jasper and Hazmi to suntec...
That feeling... i guess it is indescribable... listening to some love songs that is contained inside dear's memory card... it is very very nice... and i loved on how the lyrics actually say the stories...
Dear did message me that night saying that he will also be watching movie with Colin and that he could not be meeting me then... Haiz... i would have to wait for Sunday then... fine... i will wait... so long as i can meet dear... i would sacrifice anything... I will just wait patiently till my turn have come and get the chance to meet him...No matter how much pain i would have to go through... i will wait...
Sadly again... dear did not offer me to watch the movie with him... i was really saddened...
====================================================================
Eventually...I was able to meet dear on sunday... went over to his place... and we went to Northpoint, since he would like to see the proposed development of Yishun...
We ate there too... it was realli nice... :-)
Then i went to his house... to get his heroes.... season 2 de... yeah... was watching it there...
guess he was still quite fatique bah... so after i watched finish... and seeing that he was already on the bed... so i just took my self to sleep beside him and hug him close to me...
Dear then got awake a bit... then we started to talking bout some stuff... and my answer was like "anything lo... up to u... so long u like it that way then can le... i let u decide"...
Then dear just stop suddenly... then say... "hmm... just like wat Colin did mention to me... You are becoming more and more like a robot"...
I was then taken quite aback...
Deep in me then started to cry again... i guess it is realli piercing to hear such things from my own dearest one... but i guess once again... as always... things seems to be true... and then i have the beginning to think that i have become more and more and more and terribly useless and dumb...
But then again... i didn't comment further... and also dunnoe what to comment further on... just take in the opinion he gave me...
====================================================================
When i left dear's house and to head home... then the so called talked "feeling of insecurity" terrifies me....
I dunnoe how but i just did....
====================================================================
This week i have been coming back to home late and been getting nagged by my grandma...
and yesterday morning.... my aunt just gave me a bad reprimanding on how stupid i am to actually accepts my fren paying me in US dollars when the currency exchange just fell again and in a bad state...
Since then... i didn't have much mood to actually have a talk with my aunt... i mean till this moment that i blog... i seriously have not had a good talk with my aunt for a day le... and... i dun think the intention would come anytime soon...
====================================================================
So once again... last evening i went to do much swimming... and yeah again... most of the majorly stressfulness for the week was relieved...
====================================================================
Now then i have come to the conclusion tat to me.... swimming have been the only to actually De-Stressed myself effectively... other than talking things out to many of my frens(which i realli do appreciate all the help listening me to say my problems... greateful to have you guys as a fren... if not i guess i would have gone crazy... :-)
I did upset and cried deep in my heart bout the problem with my aunt and I. but i guess i wouldn't be able to do much to help it recover.
====================================================================
Then last night... i once again heard that dear is being confined...
This time is for sure... and that the confinement would end only on Sunday Morning...
now once again... i am worried for him... and also the "feeling of insecurity" is just growing stronger by a bit more...
Haiz... i just wonder... if things is going to go on like this... how am i going to discuss this with Daniel... if telling him this... i just get him to stress things up and also worried about me... which he already have much burden to carry with him... for army already taking him too much badly...
I just dunnoe how to tell him how my heart is feeling right now... I realli wants to tell him... but how can it be done...
I realli wonders.... :'(
Deep inside me keeps telling me... if i were to tell you this... i guess you will be very very upset... and that if this were to happen... i am very scared... very scared... that you will sever our long relationship...
I am able to wait for you patiently every week... and hoping that you would be there out from camp safety... praying for it in my heart day to day... thinking, imaginating and shaping it out in my castle in the sky on how is your live in the army...
I guess my love for you have much overtaken my soul too heavily...
I guess i am already stupid... and already unable to think much for my own...
I guess... for this moment... i am much of...a disappointment... to you....
I am sorry dear... really very sorry to be feeling this badly down... I hope you could understand... :( ...
I ma not blaming you on this dear... i am more blaming it on myself... so don't take this blame on you at all...
I miss you dear... and this feeling have longed in my heart...
hu hu hu... T_T ... guess my blog is crying since i have long visit it...
=====================================================================
BTW... cut things short... well i just found an interesting to talk abt myself...
hmm... well yeah... guessed from the top... i think u guys shld know that i am in a kind of stress...
Dear is in camp and then i have sch activities to plan... not forgetting this semester... i realli got to score something better... since due to my moving (not realli a good reason though) that i actually scored badly for my semester last year and screwed my GPA badly... bringing me a bad results... didn't tell my dear about it thought... if he founds out... i think he will be upset with me... and i guess he have much other things to upset about that this results shld not affect him much... but more to my own future...
I think so that way too...
====================================================================
But then... just a week ago... smth just came to me... unexpected... unrealised and things that makes me feel very very very... unwell in a way... doubts in a way... sad in a way... and confused in a way...
Haiz... after a very much long time... being with my dear for already a 1 YEAR and 2 Months, going to be out 15th Months soon... and yet this feeling suddenly come back once again...
Hmm........
It is the feeling of unsecurity... *sadded*
I just dunnoe how does it comes by and i just dunnoe why am i feeling this way...
====================================================================
Dear just entered the SAF Medical Training Institution (SMTI... guess that is the acronyms)......
I am happy that he can enter there though, at the same time i am quite saddened... cos he would have to be poked (since they got IV test and have to do it 10 successful times in order to graduate... but seems he is enjoying the IV stuff... )
Well on the side note... i am happy of him inside there, as he has been hoping to gain the knowledge on first aid... but seems he got it a higher level... being more like paramedics in the society, but a service medic in the SAF... well that is interesting to hear though....
===================================================================
But what worries me is that when he enters there... things seems to be different than when he enters army the last time....
Okay... so far is that he got no personal time for himself... oh well... he must study and study and study... haiz... i feel pity for him...
everyday i am just waiting for his message and everyday... i just waiting for his calls if it even come....
most of the time he just message me... and i am always be very happy to see his message... way way happy... and to receive a call from him... all the more makes me relieve that he is well himself... and i guess infatuation with love means that by just listening to him talking make me happy... just hearing his voice is more than enough...
Then again... to get the phone call would be rare... since he dun have much personal time... and judging that he really got lots of message incoming every time he switches on his phone... guess he have to reply to all of them(including mine)...
Then all these would means no time of him to call me.... anyways... if i were to expect him to keep calling me... i would also be sad... cos he will be spending much money on phone bills that he have to foot the bill himself... while mine is still being foot by my aunt(haiz... seems i am just a useless and un-independent-able boyfriend of his... i realli do feel sad when i think of it this way... being not able to live up to his expectations... i always sense that failure in me... guess much of my pessimism is from here...)
Then again... last week... when he was to book out on friday... i was actually having event... thinking that he would be booking out early... i was kinda happily messaging him a lot on asking him how is he out... and where is he... i mean not meeting him for a week is quite a strain that i always be patiently waiting for him to come out... eagerly to meet him...
Well i didn't realli get the message for a very very long hours...
so i become very very worried... thinking of what has happened... cos one of my fren who just entered tekong even... was already out with his boyfriend...
So where is mine... I wonder?? what could have happened??? is he being confined??? haiz... that makes me sad... then i just from time to time stares at my handphone aimlessly... hoping to see something that resembles him to actually pop and i will be there to answer...
It was kinda a long wait... but i finally did came...
but then... i guess... i just wasted my energy on some useless emotional worries... which i doesn't need to... *cries*...
====================================================================
Daniel did comes out at last.... he wasn't confined... just came out late... that's all... It was realli a relieve...
Haiz... but then... after reading his message somehow i realli wonder... was my concern for him abit too much that much becomes his stressfulness and also becoming him being upset for me sending too much message....
I just realli wonder... till today... :(
====================================================================
Well saturday... i was hoping that dear could meet me... and was quite expecting his message...
Then again... i somehow felt that i was again upset... cos he was not able to meet me... as he was suppose to meet Colin... haiz.... guess understandable... i will have to patiently wait for him...
But at home... i was actually crying... i was hoping that i could be the one being there for him... just hoping for it... but i guess... i was hoping in vain... :'(
The interesting part is that after that actually happens... i went to have a swim straight away... guess weeping in the pool is a good way to clear most of the sadness and emotional embodiment of mine...
And thereafter i felt better le... that is where when i actually decided to go out with Alvin, Edgar, Jasper and Hazmi to suntec...
That feeling... i guess it is indescribable... listening to some love songs that is contained inside dear's memory card... it is very very nice... and i loved on how the lyrics actually say the stories...
Dear did message me that night saying that he will also be watching movie with Colin and that he could not be meeting me then... Haiz... i would have to wait for Sunday then... fine... i will wait... so long as i can meet dear... i would sacrifice anything... I will just wait patiently till my turn have come and get the chance to meet him...No matter how much pain i would have to go through... i will wait...
Sadly again... dear did not offer me to watch the movie with him... i was really saddened...
====================================================================
Eventually...I was able to meet dear on sunday... went over to his place... and we went to Northpoint, since he would like to see the proposed development of Yishun...
We ate there too... it was realli nice... :-)
Then i went to his house... to get his heroes.... season 2 de... yeah... was watching it there...
guess he was still quite fatique bah... so after i watched finish... and seeing that he was already on the bed... so i just took my self to sleep beside him and hug him close to me...
Dear then got awake a bit... then we started to talking bout some stuff... and my answer was like "anything lo... up to u... so long u like it that way then can le... i let u decide"...
Then dear just stop suddenly... then say... "hmm... just like wat Colin did mention to me... You are becoming more and more like a robot"...
I was then taken quite aback...
Deep in me then started to cry again... i guess it is realli piercing to hear such things from my own dearest one... but i guess once again... as always... things seems to be true... and then i have the beginning to think that i have become more and more and more and terribly useless and dumb...
But then again... i didn't comment further... and also dunnoe what to comment further on... just take in the opinion he gave me...
====================================================================
When i left dear's house and to head home... then the so called talked "feeling of insecurity" terrifies me....
I dunnoe how but i just did....
====================================================================
This week i have been coming back to home late and been getting nagged by my grandma...
and yesterday morning.... my aunt just gave me a bad reprimanding on how stupid i am to actually accepts my fren paying me in US dollars when the currency exchange just fell again and in a bad state...
Since then... i didn't have much mood to actually have a talk with my aunt... i mean till this moment that i blog... i seriously have not had a good talk with my aunt for a day le... and... i dun think the intention would come anytime soon...
====================================================================
So once again... last evening i went to do much swimming... and yeah again... most of the majorly stressfulness for the week was relieved...
====================================================================
Now then i have come to the conclusion tat to me.... swimming have been the only to actually De-Stressed myself effectively... other than talking things out to many of my frens(which i realli do appreciate all the help listening me to say my problems... greateful to have you guys as a fren... if not i guess i would have gone crazy... :-)
I did upset and cried deep in my heart bout the problem with my aunt and I. but i guess i wouldn't be able to do much to help it recover.
====================================================================
Then last night... i once again heard that dear is being confined...
This time is for sure... and that the confinement would end only on Sunday Morning...
now once again... i am worried for him... and also the "feeling of insecurity" is just growing stronger by a bit more...
Haiz... i just wonder... if things is going to go on like this... how am i going to discuss this with Daniel... if telling him this... i just get him to stress things up and also worried about me... which he already have much burden to carry with him... for army already taking him too much badly...
I just dunnoe how to tell him how my heart is feeling right now... I realli wants to tell him... but how can it be done...
I realli wonders.... :'(
Deep inside me keeps telling me... if i were to tell you this... i guess you will be very very upset... and that if this were to happen... i am very scared... very scared... that you will sever our long relationship...
I am able to wait for you patiently every week... and hoping that you would be there out from camp safety... praying for it in my heart day to day... thinking, imaginating and shaping it out in my castle in the sky on how is your live in the army...
I guess my love for you have much overtaken my soul too heavily...
I guess i am already stupid... and already unable to think much for my own...
I guess... for this moment... i am much of...a disappointment... to you....
I am sorry dear... really very sorry to be feeling this badly down... I hope you could understand... :( ...
I ma not blaming you on this dear... i am more blaming it on myself... so don't take this blame on you at all...
I miss you dear... and this feeling have longed in my heart...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Holidie....
Oh Yay... Holiday is here at last... woot woot woot... i am so loving it...
Oh wait... it is not holiday... it is holidoom(Holidays Doomed)....
Alrite... and here my aunt getting me really pissed again...
FUCK BIG TIME.... !@$#!$#!$!@#%#$%...
Darn....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now see wat i mean... haiz... i feel so doomed... everything is i do... every single little thing is my fault like tat...
Haiz... ironing(which i dunnoe) must teach the maid... then those sweeping the floor, mopping the floor and yada yada... everything i have to teach... it is which i am not sure how to do myself lar(well i mean yeah... sweeping i anyhow sweep... so long as it is clean can le... then the mopping also... so long i feel it is clean also can le... but to my aunt... everything is need to be perfect de lo... zZz... ); then again... now i find that after i have shifted to my new home... though comfortable... but seems that my aunt want me to like fully bear all the responsible... so much for being the only guy in the house... :'(
Haiz... no point lamenting it...
Well... then again.. talking bout my sch stuff... yeah... i also dun have much holiday... cos i will be having course(NCLP for Week 1 of holiday; Symantec Maybe for Week 4 of holiday), then Overseas Trip(US Study Tour @ Week 2 -3 of holiday; Back to MEDAN for a bitch Wedding @ Week 3[one day] )...
So... where is my holiday... where i can slack and nua at home???
Then again... i think i can well cope with it and spend time the great moments in these days... except that one day journey... maybe yes maybe no....
Oh wait... it is not holiday... it is holidoom(Holidays Doomed)....
Alrite... and here my aunt getting me really pissed again...
FUCK BIG TIME.... !@$#!$#!$!@#%#$%...
Darn....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now see wat i mean... haiz... i feel so doomed... everything is i do... every single little thing is my fault like tat...
Haiz... ironing(which i dunnoe) must teach the maid... then those sweeping the floor, mopping the floor and yada yada... everything i have to teach... it is which i am not sure how to do myself lar(well i mean yeah... sweeping i anyhow sweep... so long as it is clean can le... then the mopping also... so long i feel it is clean also can le... but to my aunt... everything is need to be perfect de lo... zZz... ); then again... now i find that after i have shifted to my new home... though comfortable... but seems that my aunt want me to like fully bear all the responsible... so much for being the only guy in the house... :'(
Haiz... no point lamenting it...
Well... then again.. talking bout my sch stuff... yeah... i also dun have much holiday... cos i will be having course(NCLP for Week 1 of holiday; Symantec Maybe for Week 4 of holiday), then Overseas Trip(US Study Tour @ Week 2 -3 of holiday; Back to MEDAN for a bitch Wedding @ Week 3[one day] )...
So... where is my holiday... where i can slack and nua at home???
Then again... i think i can well cope with it and spend time the great moments in these days... except that one day journey... maybe yes maybe no....
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Transition moments....
Yoz to all my blog readers(a bit lame (T_T)" )...
Heh.... i am now in a kind of big transitions of family problems.... may be very moody and hard to post blogs again(actually have some drafts here lar... but it seems very the violent ones)... haha so dun post for u guys to see only...
But oh well... realli have to see things la... if all goes well... my transition will be a smooth and peaceful ones... dun hope to be the bad one though.... And i may be moving to places... haha... i think maybe can be to the west side... dun realli mind if dun stay in the east side... anyway more frens in the west wat... ;)
To Dear:
I am glad to have u around... though much of the time i will not be able to pei you... but are very understanding and supportive towards me... thank you very much dear... realli dunnoe how to express my thankfulness now... U cheered me up last sunday with 3 piece of cheesecakes... I am very very happy tat can see u even in the night...
*kiss & hugs*
Hope everything also went well for u in the SAFMITC/SAFMIC.... O.o did i spell correctly (-,-')...
As for everyone else... all the best.... ;)
Heh.... i am now in a kind of big transitions of family problems.... may be very moody and hard to post blogs again(actually have some drafts here lar... but it seems very the violent ones)... haha so dun post for u guys to see only...
But oh well... realli have to see things la... if all goes well... my transition will be a smooth and peaceful ones... dun hope to be the bad one though.... And i may be moving to places... haha... i think maybe can be to the west side... dun realli mind if dun stay in the east side... anyway more frens in the west wat... ;)
To Dear:
I am glad to have u around... though much of the time i will not be able to pei you... but are very understanding and supportive towards me... thank you very much dear... realli dunnoe how to express my thankfulness now... U cheered me up last sunday with 3 piece of cheesecakes... I am very very happy tat can see u even in the night...
*kiss & hugs*
Hope everything also went well for u in the SAFMITC/SAFMIC.... O.o did i spell correctly (-,-')...
As for everyone else... all the best.... ;)
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Programmer Working life???
Your programmer personality type is:
DHTB
You're a Doer.
You are very quick at getting tasks done. You believe the outcome is the most important part of a task and the faster you can reach that outcome the better. After all, time is money.
You like coding at a High level.
The world is made up of objects and components, you should create your programs in the same way.
You work best in a Team.
A good group is better than the sum of it's parts. The only thing better than a genius programmer is a cohesive group of genius programmers.
You are a liBeral programmer.
Programming is a complex task and you should use white space and comments as freely as possible to help simplify the task. We're not writing on paper anymore so we can take up as much room as we need.
Try it here man... and guess ur result out... ;)
DHTB
You're a Doer.
You are very quick at getting tasks done. You believe the outcome is the most important part of a task and the faster you can reach that outcome the better. After all, time is money.
You like coding at a High level.
The world is made up of objects and components, you should create your programs in the same way.
You work best in a Team.
A good group is better than the sum of it's parts. The only thing better than a genius programmer is a cohesive group of genius programmers.
You are a liBeral programmer.
Programming is a complex task and you should use white space and comments as freely as possible to help simplify the task. We're not writing on paper anymore so we can take up as much room as we need.
Try it here man... and guess ur result out... ;)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
RANTING TO THE BITCH OF MY LIFE/ Hostel Life???
Hmm... recently... well not actually recent... but very very recent... say... not abt 3-4 days ago, My Mum and My closest aunt actually had a quarrel with my Second Aunt(can say its the aunt that i mostly hated and cursed and detested person in my family... oh wait... tat also includes to some of her family member).
I dunnoe wat is the quarrel about, but what i get from my aunt is that she is trying to get us out of her house(Incl. My aunt, My Grams and Me) and her company(My aunt and Mum). So, my aunt actually defended my mum and herself, and wanted things to be settled... but seems she is not willing to settle things and still have that quarrel. Till today, she is still not talking about the problem to my aunt.
Well, seems that this time round, i would really have to move out of this old house of hers and to stay in a hostel soon.
I just dun get it, IS SHE GOING TO REPEAT THE HISTORY AGAIN, OR IS SHE JUST BEING RIDICULOUSLY ASSHOLE...
WHAT CAN OF SISTER ARE YOU BITCH!!!!, THINK THAT YOU ARE RICH SO CAN BOSS AROUND... EVEN TO CHASE AWAY YOUR SISTERS AND YOUR MUM... SO UNFILIAL ARE YOU... PYSCHOED BY YOUR DEAREST BUTTHOLE DAUGHTER, BECAUSE SHE HATES ME THAT I ALWAYS BULLIED HER, BECAUSE SHE THINKS THAT HER FAMILY IS RICH AND SHE CAN DO WHATEVER THINGS TO OTHERS?????
OH GET YOUR SELF SOME SENSE MADAM BITCH!!!!
AND OH YA... MAKING MY AUNT AND MUM AND GRAMS CRY MEANS THAT YOUR REALLY ARE TOO MUCH... NOW YOU ALREADY MADE AUNT CRIES EVERYDAY... IF NEXT THING I KNOW THAT MY MUM AND GRAMS GOING TO CRY FOR THIS MATTER... I AM SURE TO SCREW YOUR FAMILY UP AGAINS WHEN I GOT CHANCE... DUN THINK I DUN DARE TO DO THAT...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh... that releases my anger a bit...
Anyway...talk about hostel life... yeah... guess i am going to move soon...
Maybe to SP Hostel, to Friend's Hostel, or maybe to some other friends who have own house, and i can rent a room... but surely, that i would like it to be nearby my school.
As for my aunt and my grams, i am not sure where they would be if they get chase out of home, probably going back to Indonesia for a while, leaving me in Singapore, if not, i guess they will still stay in the same home, only me going to move out.
But i guess, staying in the hostel, in SP, is not a bad idea. I got my own room, fully equipped unit, sharing the living and dining room together with another person(hopefully AJ, so that easier to communicate), then have meals with my other Indonesian friends, is not a bad idea.
Just that i will need to know how to wash my own laundry, cook for myself at times(maybe just cup noodles, tat suffices) and know how to discipline myself, that would do many wonders already.
Hmm... so... anyone can recommend me how to go about with that now???
Better recommend me a good host... then i may consider staying with them... so that at least my aunt , my mum and my grams are not so worried, since i will be taken cared by a guardian...
Haiz... this is so affecting me in my whole life for now... already got assignment due to stress... and now this...
I just wish for an eternal sleep... and then maybe... it would not burden my dearest and closest family members...
(T-T)
^
*Cries* >_<
I dunnoe wat is the quarrel about, but what i get from my aunt is that she is trying to get us out of her house(Incl. My aunt, My Grams and Me) and her company(My aunt and Mum). So, my aunt actually defended my mum and herself, and wanted things to be settled... but seems she is not willing to settle things and still have that quarrel. Till today, she is still not talking about the problem to my aunt.
Well, seems that this time round, i would really have to move out of this old house of hers and to stay in a hostel soon.
I just dun get it, IS SHE GOING TO REPEAT THE HISTORY AGAIN, OR IS SHE JUST BEING RIDICULOUSLY ASSHOLE...
WHAT CAN OF SISTER ARE YOU BITCH!!!!, THINK THAT YOU ARE RICH SO CAN BOSS AROUND... EVEN TO CHASE AWAY YOUR SISTERS AND YOUR MUM... SO UNFILIAL ARE YOU... PYSCHOED BY YOUR DEAREST BUTTHOLE DAUGHTER, BECAUSE SHE HATES ME THAT I ALWAYS BULLIED HER, BECAUSE SHE THINKS THAT HER FAMILY IS RICH AND SHE CAN DO WHATEVER THINGS TO OTHERS?????
OH GET YOUR SELF SOME SENSE MADAM BITCH!!!!
AND OH YA... MAKING MY AUNT AND MUM AND GRAMS CRY MEANS THAT YOUR REALLY ARE TOO MUCH... NOW YOU ALREADY MADE AUNT CRIES EVERYDAY... IF NEXT THING I KNOW THAT MY MUM AND GRAMS GOING TO CRY FOR THIS MATTER... I AM SURE TO SCREW YOUR FAMILY UP AGAINS WHEN I GOT CHANCE... DUN THINK I DUN DARE TO DO THAT...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh... that releases my anger a bit...
Anyway...talk about hostel life... yeah... guess i am going to move soon...
Maybe to SP Hostel, to Friend's Hostel, or maybe to some other friends who have own house, and i can rent a room... but surely, that i would like it to be nearby my school.
As for my aunt and my grams, i am not sure where they would be if they get chase out of home, probably going back to Indonesia for a while, leaving me in Singapore, if not, i guess they will still stay in the same home, only me going to move out.
But i guess, staying in the hostel, in SP, is not a bad idea. I got my own room, fully equipped unit, sharing the living and dining room together with another person(hopefully AJ, so that easier to communicate), then have meals with my other Indonesian friends, is not a bad idea.
Just that i will need to know how to wash my own laundry, cook for myself at times(maybe just cup noodles, tat suffices) and know how to discipline myself, that would do many wonders already.
Hmm... so... anyone can recommend me how to go about with that now???
Better recommend me a good host... then i may consider staying with them... so that at least my aunt , my mum and my grams are not so worried, since i will be taken cared by a guardian...
Haiz... this is so affecting me in my whole life for now... already got assignment due to stress... and now this...
I just wish for an eternal sleep... and then maybe... it would not burden my dearest and closest family members...
(T-T)
^
*Cries* >_<
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Missing....
Haiz... This week is going to be another dreadful week i guess...
This weekend... I will be having NPCC camp... off the island of Singapore and here i come Ubin... It's been long that i have been there... so i hope i still remember how to go and also what am i suppose to bring over there...
Putting that aside... this means that i wun be able to meet dear.... Cos i will be in Ubin since the Friday... and he will only come out on the Saturday...
Oh wait!!!
He wun be coming out this week either... Haiz... cos he got confinement... oh well i guess i would then be alone AGAIN this coming Sunday... haiz... promised to be able to meet him whenever i can... cos i think i am the one who miss him more... and cannot bear not being able to meet him...
Well being with him only one day... every week... can really clear and relax my mind... well... though i still do thinks of school work time and time again, when i am with him... but realli... i still be much more calm... with him around...
then this week he wun be out again... so...means i am going to be spending blank time again...
Anyway assignments dates are due this week... and seems that i am still being very not productive... and my part in the project... i have not really done a good job... how i wonder i can be as smart and also as good as my other classmates who are doing programming...
So... I think i shld go do my work now... or maybe... i will turn into slacking mode again... Oh well... I dunnoe what is it going to be bah....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess... I think.... I wonder... And I misses....
Hope that you will be alright over at Ubin... and always be sleeping well, sleeping tight and best of all... sweet dreams to you....
*kiss*
*hugz*
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This weekend... I will be having NPCC camp... off the island of Singapore and here i come Ubin... It's been long that i have been there... so i hope i still remember how to go and also what am i suppose to bring over there...
Putting that aside... this means that i wun be able to meet dear.... Cos i will be in Ubin since the Friday... and he will only come out on the Saturday...
Oh wait!!!
He wun be coming out this week either... Haiz... cos he got confinement... oh well i guess i would then be alone AGAIN this coming Sunday... haiz... promised to be able to meet him whenever i can... cos i think i am the one who miss him more... and cannot bear not being able to meet him...
Well being with him only one day... every week... can really clear and relax my mind... well... though i still do thinks of school work time and time again, when i am with him... but realli... i still be much more calm... with him around...
then this week he wun be out again... so...means i am going to be spending blank time again...
Anyway assignments dates are due this week... and seems that i am still being very not productive... and my part in the project... i have not really done a good job... how i wonder i can be as smart and also as good as my other classmates who are doing programming...
So... I think i shld go do my work now... or maybe... i will turn into slacking mode again... Oh well... I dunnoe what is it going to be bah....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess... I think.... I wonder... And I misses....
Hope that you will be alright over at Ubin... and always be sleeping well, sleeping tight and best of all... sweet dreams to you....
*kiss*
*hugz*
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Haiz.... a DISSAPOINTMENT IN MODULES
Backpacking.... hmm... one of my favourite GEMS... well... i guess... i screwed it up...
Today's presentation was the worst that i have done.... well maybe for my entire time in SP...
The teacher feels the same too... and i guess it is becos i already look down on my grp... being in the class where all the 3rd year roams... it seems difficult to gather them together just to do one piece of presentation.
I just dun get it... why is it so difficult to just gather for one day and do the project... Haiz...
I feel so sad... :'(
Let's just hope now that i can get a good results for it...
And not to worri bout it... I still LOVE my teacher... ;)
Let's just hope now that i can get a good results for it...
And not to worri bout it... I still LOVE my teacher... ;)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
My Birthday.... Well it is passed... but a memorable yet again...
Well... it was last year that we met each other... on my birthday... and you celebrate it for me, first time in my life ... to have some1 to sing me a birthday song... with a cheese cake(my favourite) and a stick of candle... I was touched then... cos i have never had someone to be able to treat me that way...
This year... on our first year anniversary... u didn't fail to make me touch and shocked even... well it was a nice dinner being with you around and also being with the rest of my friends... ALL THAT WAS BEST... WAS YOUR COMPANY... THAT IS THE MOST GREATEST THING I NEED... but u gave me even more... A windbreaker(Nike), a Eeyore doll(biggest i ever have) and lastly... a book which keeps all our memories... i love them all...
As for the book... I will continue it for you... and fill in all the memorable things we have in each other...
I love you dear... and i never have to be worried being around with you... as you gave me the comfort, care, trust and love that I have not received before...
Thank you being a great dear for the past one year... let's us continue this journey down with more smiles... *kiss* :-*
Monday, July 16, 2007
Oopz!!! You ask for it????
Oh Gosh... I went to party the other day... sch party... guess wat... It is held @ ZOUK...
ok... nice place.... erm... BUT WTF with the songs, so sucks... haha.... well i think tat's becos the DJ is our sch student... gosh they have bad taste for music mixing man...
but oh well... all went nice... at least i did have frenz to go along with me... ^_^
Anyway.... actually the party is called SPUNK; It's Cumming.... Kinky isn't it haha... guess the Principal knew wat the word is that is why change to OOPZ... haha...
well... the magazine came out liao... read it too... the hotbods page... only got 2 guys who looks not bad... but the hot babes... OMG... it is a sore to my eyes... gosh... they realli are bad at choosing gals for the magazine...
Orh... now i get scolding from XMM... so better go off 1st... post later... ;)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I guess i am back for a while....
Well... it has been a long 3 months since i posted here... haha... Hi everyone(if u still do read my blog)...
I know... just finished my Birthday... and yah... thanks for the well wishes from you guys...
anyway... I now dunnoe what am i suppose to write on...
Life has been good... thought still there is up and downs, in it... like now dear is inside Tekong... and he is not realli ok... since he is a bit injured... so it is like kinda sad to me... haiz... just wish he can do the exercise now...
Well... i hope u guys also ok... long time no hear/see from u... :)
I know... just finished my Birthday... and yah... thanks for the well wishes from you guys...
anyway... I now dunnoe what am i suppose to write on...
Life has been good... thought still there is up and downs, in it... like now dear is inside Tekong... and he is not realli ok... since he is a bit injured... so it is like kinda sad to me... haiz... just wish he can do the exercise now...
Well... i hope u guys also ok... long time no hear/see from u... :)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Mythical Creatures... hehehe
| You Are a Centaur |
 In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily. |
My Element
| Your Element Is Air |
 You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that! |
Love Element
| Your Love Element Is Earth |
 In love, you have consistency and integrity. For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered. You attract others with your zest for life and experiences. Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time. Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life. You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk. You connect best with: Fire Avoid: Wood You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation |
Wootz..GOLD
| Your Power Color Is Gold |
 At Your Highest: You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you. At Your Lowest: You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life. In Love: You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude. How You're Attractive: You passion for life makes others passionate about you. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Having Fun?" |
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Insensitive and Naive....
Haiz...tat is what the 2 words that my dear gave to me... which really hurts me a lot... already my day have been bad enough being stressed out by my friends and also doing something good for my own school club... playing my part as a good leader... but yet... i guess... i also cannot handle the pressure... greatness was from my own dear... which i hope that he can understand me...
but instead... he was saying that i am the one who do not understand his feeling... I realli have not achieve what i wanted to achieve with him... just hoping that i am able to really take this chance to have a good dinner with him... being happy with him... but i guess... i am a bad boyfriend myself...
everytime i said something to him... he will just tell me that he is a bad boyfriend... cos he don't take care of me much... true... but i also dun hope... and i guess... to make him a bad boyfriend... it would also have to start with me being the bad one myself... and everytime i will tell him that...
Times and times again... i just hope that i can be happy when i am with him... but it seems times and times again... i just have to hurt myself... and also again...upset him... which i dun really hope... my only wish is that ... happy... tat is all i wanted for and i asked for and longed for... is it so difficult...
To say that i have failed again and again... i realli does not know when i will be able to do one good thing that can really make him feel happy being with me...
It is already 8 months together... and i want to see his happy face that i always see when i was with him in my first 3 months... but it seems so impossible...
I guess crying was the only option to release this big burden of mine... Temporarily... but not permanently...
Would realli have to thanks my bitch... Jasper... for listening to me cry... i have no one to confide in liao... if not for him... Thanks a lot....
Today... i will be back in school again... for another club activities... and dear will be going to sch... for now... my only wish is realli simple... just hope everything between me and dear would not affect the day again...
And reminiscing with ATOMIC KITTEN songs... it is so nice... feel better when i am listening to their love songs... seems very comforting... and also meaningful... some realli relates to me and dear's love story... but i guess... even if i ask dear to listen to it... he will not understand me again...
To my dear Daniel... my only wish to you... if u ever able to see my blog... is that... I love you a lot no matter what... and my only wish the two of us being together is just to be happy together... nothing more... with hapiness fulfilled... i guess... i am already grateful to have you around... :(
but instead... he was saying that i am the one who do not understand his feeling... I realli have not achieve what i wanted to achieve with him... just hoping that i am able to really take this chance to have a good dinner with him... being happy with him... but i guess... i am a bad boyfriend myself...
everytime i said something to him... he will just tell me that he is a bad boyfriend... cos he don't take care of me much... true... but i also dun hope... and i guess... to make him a bad boyfriend... it would also have to start with me being the bad one myself... and everytime i will tell him that...
Times and times again... i just hope that i can be happy when i am with him... but it seems times and times again... i just have to hurt myself... and also again...upset him... which i dun really hope... my only wish is that ... happy... tat is all i wanted for and i asked for and longed for... is it so difficult...
To say that i have failed again and again... i realli does not know when i will be able to do one good thing that can really make him feel happy being with me...
It is already 8 months together... and i want to see his happy face that i always see when i was with him in my first 3 months... but it seems so impossible...
I guess crying was the only option to release this big burden of mine... Temporarily... but not permanently...
Would realli have to thanks my bitch... Jasper... for listening to me cry... i have no one to confide in liao... if not for him... Thanks a lot....
Today... i will be back in school again... for another club activities... and dear will be going to sch... for now... my only wish is realli simple... just hope everything between me and dear would not affect the day again...
And reminiscing with ATOMIC KITTEN songs... it is so nice... feel better when i am listening to their love songs... seems very comforting... and also meaningful... some realli relates to me and dear's love story... but i guess... even if i ask dear to listen to it... he will not understand me again...
To my dear Daniel... my only wish to you... if u ever able to see my blog... is that... I love you a lot no matter what... and my only wish the two of us being together is just to be happy together... nothing more... with hapiness fulfilled... i guess... i am already grateful to have you around... :(
Monday, March 12, 2007
A great sunday that i longed for... <3
Weee.... been a nice great sunday... haha... lol... i dunnoe... after so so so long...and now i got the happiness that i longed for...
Well let's see... having camp on the friday till sunday wasn't realli that fun and nice... cos got sadness and crying arnd... haiz... i just can't believe that girls are so so weak... but oh well... when the times comes... guys would also cry de... ^_^
Anyway... after the sunday morning going back home... so i went home and have sleep until like the evening... realli dunnoe how come am i so so tired... i was realli didn't expect that the camp was so torturous...
But nite was given away to my dear... as we met at suntec to go to shop in the last day of IT show...
I bought like 320GB of hard disk, a DECT Phone, and some printer ink... total... i spent bout $350++ while dear actually bought the SD card for his parents camera...
Anyway... that aside... after we are done shoppin there... we headed to eat the chicken rice at east coast here... the famous five stars chicken rice... we ordered a 2 person share... and a thai tofu and a kailan in oyster sauce...
After eating the our dinner... we went over to timothy's workplace... Katong's Settlers Cafe... seated there to talk and crap a bit... while we also played the games there... stayed in there for like abt a 2hrs... haha... cos we were waiting for Timothy to close everything.... and while he was doing tat... we were having a nice 'H2H' talk... he he he he *gloats*... reali spend a great time with dear then... hahaha... after tat...when Timo done liao...we fetch him home... while dear fatch me home and then go back home....
It was realli a great sunday...since it has been so long that i did not spend a 2 person time with dear... like going shopping and eatin dinner together ....
Hope this kind of thing will come back frequently... :)
Well let's see... having camp on the friday till sunday wasn't realli that fun and nice... cos got sadness and crying arnd... haiz... i just can't believe that girls are so so weak... but oh well... when the times comes... guys would also cry de... ^_^
Anyway... after the sunday morning going back home... so i went home and have sleep until like the evening... realli dunnoe how come am i so so tired... i was realli didn't expect that the camp was so torturous...
But nite was given away to my dear... as we met at suntec to go to shop in the last day of IT show...
I bought like 320GB of hard disk, a DECT Phone, and some printer ink... total... i spent bout $350++ while dear actually bought the SD card for his parents camera...
Anyway... that aside... after we are done shoppin there... we headed to eat the chicken rice at east coast here... the famous five stars chicken rice... we ordered a 2 person share... and a thai tofu and a kailan in oyster sauce...
After eating the our dinner... we went over to timothy's workplace... Katong's Settlers Cafe... seated there to talk and crap a bit... while we also played the games there... stayed in there for like abt a 2hrs... haha... cos we were waiting for Timothy to close everything.... and while he was doing tat... we were having a nice 'H2H' talk... he he he he *gloats*... reali spend a great time with dear then... hahaha... after tat...when Timo done liao...we fetch him home... while dear fatch me home and then go back home....
It was realli a great sunday...since it has been so long that i did not spend a 2 person time with dear... like going shopping and eatin dinner together ....
Hope this kind of thing will come back frequently... :)
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Is it love or not love???
Oh well... today... went out with dear... after wat made me sad yesterday... but seems today i see smth... seems tat dear is much more happy talking to the rest like edgar and yong sen... i mean he is much cheerful than going out with me... seriously looking at his happy face makes me happy in the inside... for him... but kinda sad for myself...
The whole time that i was out with them... dear did try to hold my hands and also go near me when he saw the chances to... but then... almost like 80% of the time... i stayed quiet... realli... not normal of me to do tat... as in I am the normally talkative and a bitch ...when going out with them... but today... i am the quiet guy standing like beside them... and dear did not even ask why am i so quiet... haiz... i think he did not notice me much... hmm... i dunnoe... just my thinking... and anyway... yongsen is going into NS soon... wonder what will happen then... will dear still be as cheerful as like what he is now???
I hope he will still be... I realli hopez...
The whole time that i was out with them... dear did try to hold my hands and also go near me when he saw the chances to... but then... almost like 80% of the time... i stayed quiet... realli... not normal of me to do tat... as in I am the normally talkative and a bitch ...when going out with them... but today... i am the quiet guy standing like beside them... and dear did not even ask why am i so quiet... haiz... i think he did not notice me much... hmm... i dunnoe... just my thinking... and anyway... yongsen is going into NS soon... wonder what will happen then... will dear still be as cheerful as like what he is now???
I hope he will still be... I realli hopez...
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Results....
Singapore Polytechnic 2006/2007 S2 Examination Results
Student ID: 0632669
Name: BASTIAN SUTRISNA
Module Code - Module Name -Credit Unit - Grade
---------------------------------
LC300A- Essential Speaking Skills - 2 - DIST
SP0802 - Innovation, Design and Enterprise in Action - 2 - B
ST0114 - Database Management Systems - 5 - B
LC0818 - Critical Reasoning Skills - 2 - C
ST2104 - Web Client Development - 5 - C
ST0104 - Networking Fundementals - 3 - C
ST2402 - IT Security Essentials 2 - 4 - C
SEMESTER GPA: 2.478
CUMULATIVE GPA: 2.708
ALLOWED TO CONTINUE IN THE COURSE
==================================================================
I guess this time results is not as good as last sem... and dear was also not really very happy with my result... cos it is almost same as him... he got all the Bs and Cs and no A or D... and i am the same too...
My GPA also dropped like from 2.92. to 2.708... which is kinda a lot... i am happy tat i passed all the subject, then again... i am kinda dissapointed in myself for not being able to score better to get GPA 3... and now... i can kiss goodbye to Diploma Plus... surely the sch will not allow me to take... haiz... well study hard for the next semester is a sure needed thing... but then again... i dunnoe whether i will have the motivation to do so or not...
Student ID: 0632669
Name: BASTIAN SUTRISNA
Module Code - Module Name -Credit Unit - Grade
---------------------------------
LC300A- Essential Speaking Skills - 2 - DIST
SP0802 - Innovation, Design and Enterprise in Action - 2 - B
ST0114 - Database Management Systems - 5 - B
LC0818 - Critical Reasoning Skills - 2 - C
ST2104 - Web Client Development - 5 - C
ST0104 - Networking Fundementals - 3 - C
ST2402 - IT Security Essentials 2 - 4 - C
SEMESTER GPA: 2.478
CUMULATIVE GPA: 2.708
ALLOWED TO CONTINUE IN THE COURSE
==================================================================
I guess this time results is not as good as last sem... and dear was also not really very happy with my result... cos it is almost same as him... he got all the Bs and Cs and no A or D... and i am the same too...
My GPA also dropped like from 2.92. to 2.708... which is kinda a lot... i am happy tat i passed all the subject, then again... i am kinda dissapointed in myself for not being able to score better to get GPA 3... and now... i can kiss goodbye to Diploma Plus... surely the sch will not allow me to take... haiz... well study hard for the next semester is a sure needed thing... but then again... i dunnoe whether i will have the motivation to do so or not...
MIO
Well yesterday also got MIO installed...hmm... not bad... it is fast and realiable... then also... games shld not be a problem liao...
Watching of Youtubes was the best...the downloaded bar shoots fast... and also even when used with my cousin it is ok... so it is not that bad...
Anyway... the only drawbacks that i have now is only... we cannot open too many browser page at one go... cos the router will reset the connection and error page will pops up everywhere... and again... not being able to play games with the use of ethernet cable...
I better check out all the other capabilities soon... ;)
Watching of Youtubes was the best...the downloaded bar shoots fast... and also even when used with my cousin it is ok... so it is not that bad...
Anyway... the only drawbacks that i have now is only... we cannot open too many browser page at one go... cos the router will reset the connection and error page will pops up everywhere... and again... not being able to play games with the use of ethernet cable...
I better check out all the other capabilities soon... ;)
~End Report of MIO PLAN ^_^~
Hmm... Wat's wrong with me???
Haiz... i realli dunnoe what is really wrong with me... for the first time after so long... am feeling so dreadful... stress or wat... haiz... been quite sad today...
1stly, dear didn't expect to go out with me de... kinda sad liao... then after that eventually he also come... cos is he qiao going to meet fren for the IT Show briefing... tat is kinda ok liao...
2ndly, fren called, suppose to go back to secondary sch, but then have to settle grams passport... so again... i heard smth like Ci bai... i was like kinda taken aback... but still keep quiet... well at least that was kinda the stress turning point... cos there after i am quite moody...
haiz... then after tat settled... time to meet dear... he took 1hrs ++ to come... i am kinda ok with it... oh well... and then i was hungry... then so i msg him ask him whether he ate liao mah... then he say eat liao... then later dinner also with frenz... orh... so i go eat delifrance alone... had a delipotato... but still it feels suddenly so different... so empty... and so alone... :( ... haiz... tat realli i was like thinking to myself... well cannot blame any1 that u have not eaten... u can't possibly have dear all along with u wherever u go mah... haha... tat went thru fast though...
so i went to Sim Lim Sq to window shopping... was planning to meet dear there... and also get to check out hse phones... for my MIO plan... anyway will elaborate with the MIO later... ok.. cont' ... then later dear came... met him at where we 1st time actually meet... then walk arnd with him lor... for a while... didn't get the hse phone, cos i cannot find the model i want... and also dear need to go off... cos he needs to meet his frens at Bugis to go to Tekka Mall... for the briefing... oh well... so we went off lor... heading to bugis... just then yongsen called in to dear... then like orh... he was coming to bugis... needed to collect his specs... then dear said that...well u go out with yongsen lor... i was like... aiyer... jokingly... was not meant to be serious bout it... then was like... he said...well he is realli a nice guy... and that i am also one... but just that i dunnoe wat to say , and what not to say at the different time... oh well... i guess... i am bad at tat...then suddenly talk bout the brazilian waxing thread in trevvy... cos i posted smth... and eversince then... no one posted... so sad wor... tat realli make me feel more down... but i when dear ask why i so sad at bugis... i just said... well i guess i am having stress from sch work... then he was like... orh... expected answer i guess...
then he later went off to meet his fren and then i was with yongsen and all...
OK.... the thing is... i do love dear for being truthful to me... but just that... i find... it is not dear that is not caring abt me... i guess i am the one not showing much love to him... and i realli felt really sad today... cos my results... then stress from organising camp, stress from frens... and most of all when i needed dear... he kinda said such thing today... which realli makes me more moody...
I dunnoe whether becos tis is a cancerian traits or wat... i mean dear dun realli believe in such thing... but i do... and also... haiz... everytime... i realli just long for dear to go out with me more often...
I know that he lives very far and also when i go out with him i will waste money... which he will not like and also i feel that he thinks i go out with him cos he got car only... or becos, i will be late... which he hate... or like wat he said to me... cos it is a logistical hassle... i am a busy person... and meeting me is like have to do appointment, waste money, and time and energy...
But i realli find that i have missed out many times of loving him... seems like he dun want sex... ok... smth that he realli dun like me to bring up on... and so most of the times... when he dun want... i will be ok... nevermind... just be at home and masturbate... or wat... then again... tat realli i dun mind... but at least... i want to be able to hug him real lots... cos tat is when i feel his love for me... and i realli realli realli love hugging him... which that is the least i asked for... and sometimes smth that can really cheer me up when i am down... at least like giving me a call asking whether i am ok or not... if not at least help me to think out a solution... or i dunnoe... he is the only one that i think much effective to console me........ but his answer as always will just be 'orh'... and blank....
I realli dunnoe what has happenned to me today... to write such a post... but realli ... i hope and long for the day that my dear will really understand me... and could realli cheer me up... at least a bit... and i will be happi...
hope that tis love will last and improve more... I will still love you... dear daniel... *Kiss N Hugs*
1stly, dear didn't expect to go out with me de... kinda sad liao... then after that eventually he also come... cos is he qiao going to meet fren for the IT Show briefing... tat is kinda ok liao...
2ndly, fren called, suppose to go back to secondary sch, but then have to settle grams passport... so again... i heard smth like Ci bai... i was like kinda taken aback... but still keep quiet... well at least that was kinda the stress turning point... cos there after i am quite moody...
haiz... then after tat settled... time to meet dear... he took 1hrs ++ to come... i am kinda ok with it... oh well... and then i was hungry... then so i msg him ask him whether he ate liao mah... then he say eat liao... then later dinner also with frenz... orh... so i go eat delifrance alone... had a delipotato... but still it feels suddenly so different... so empty... and so alone... :( ... haiz... tat realli i was like thinking to myself... well cannot blame any1 that u have not eaten... u can't possibly have dear all along with u wherever u go mah... haha... tat went thru fast though...
so i went to Sim Lim Sq to window shopping... was planning to meet dear there... and also get to check out hse phones... for my MIO plan... anyway will elaborate with the MIO later... ok.. cont' ... then later dear came... met him at where we 1st time actually meet... then walk arnd with him lor... for a while... didn't get the hse phone, cos i cannot find the model i want... and also dear need to go off... cos he needs to meet his frens at Bugis to go to Tekka Mall... for the briefing... oh well... so we went off lor... heading to bugis... just then yongsen called in to dear... then like orh... he was coming to bugis... needed to collect his specs... then dear said that...well u go out with yongsen lor... i was like... aiyer... jokingly... was not meant to be serious bout it... then was like... he said...well he is realli a nice guy... and that i am also one... but just that i dunnoe wat to say , and what not to say at the different time... oh well... i guess... i am bad at tat...then suddenly talk bout the brazilian waxing thread in trevvy... cos i posted smth... and eversince then... no one posted... so sad wor... tat realli make me feel more down... but i when dear ask why i so sad at bugis... i just said... well i guess i am having stress from sch work... then he was like... orh... expected answer i guess...
then he later went off to meet his fren and then i was with yongsen and all...
OK.... the thing is... i do love dear for being truthful to me... but just that... i find... it is not dear that is not caring abt me... i guess i am the one not showing much love to him... and i realli felt really sad today... cos my results... then stress from organising camp, stress from frens... and most of all when i needed dear... he kinda said such thing today... which realli makes me more moody...
I dunnoe whether becos tis is a cancerian traits or wat... i mean dear dun realli believe in such thing... but i do... and also... haiz... everytime... i realli just long for dear to go out with me more often...
I know that he lives very far and also when i go out with him i will waste money... which he will not like and also i feel that he thinks i go out with him cos he got car only... or becos, i will be late... which he hate... or like wat he said to me... cos it is a logistical hassle... i am a busy person... and meeting me is like have to do appointment, waste money, and time and energy...
But i realli find that i have missed out many times of loving him... seems like he dun want sex... ok... smth that he realli dun like me to bring up on... and so most of the times... when he dun want... i will be ok... nevermind... just be at home and masturbate... or wat... then again... tat realli i dun mind... but at least... i want to be able to hug him real lots... cos tat is when i feel his love for me... and i realli realli realli love hugging him... which that is the least i asked for... and sometimes smth that can really cheer me up when i am down... at least like giving me a call asking whether i am ok or not... if not at least help me to think out a solution... or i dunnoe... he is the only one that i think much effective to console me........ but his answer as always will just be 'orh'... and blank....
I realli dunnoe what has happenned to me today... to write such a post... but realli ... i hope and long for the day that my dear will really understand me... and could realli cheer me up... at least a bit... and i will be happi...
hope that tis love will last and improve more... I will still love you... dear daniel... *Kiss N Hugs*
Friday, March 02, 2007
left or right... :P
Well it has been a long time since all of u see me updating my blogs... oh well nothing that i cannot tell to my frenz or my closest partner... so nothing to write here lor most of the time...
Anyway... most of the time is i write blogs to actually say abt my feelings... if not... well do some test online... then post it here... makes me remember how i rate in different things... haha... kust kinda a past times...
And now i am happy with my life... so no complains... and so no post... ok lar... i try try try try try to do posting ar... but then... hmm... got to tell me wat is so interesting that i can post... well... at least tag ar...... i do visit my blog... and see ppl tag... OH.... AND I BETTER GO CHANGE THAT SONGS... OMG... IT IS LIKE SO OUTDATED... ZZZZ.... WAHAHA... GO FIND NICE SONGS...HEHIHI...
Anyway... most of the time is i write blogs to actually say abt my feelings... if not... well do some test online... then post it here... makes me remember how i rate in different things... haha... kust kinda a past times...
And now i am happy with my life... so no complains... and so no post... ok lar... i try try try try try to do posting ar... but then... hmm... got to tell me wat is so interesting that i can post... well... at least tag ar...... i do visit my blog... and see ppl tag... OH.... AND I BETTER GO CHANGE THAT SONGS... OMG... IT IS LIKE SO OUTDATED... ZZZZ.... WAHAHA... GO FIND NICE SONGS...HEHIHI...
| You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained |
 The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
Realli... abit wrong leh.. i like dogs too u noe... and quiet at times... or maybe cos i am now using my right brain too much....
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Personality Test that i have done from my dear... Love him...
My Personality
45 | |
99 | |
72 | |
73 | |
36 |
| You are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time. Stressful and frustrating situations can be upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. You have a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled. |
Browse 1000s of the most popular myspace layouts or create your own layout. |
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Vainity???
| You Are 64% Vain |
 You're a little vain, but you also work hard for your good looks. Just remember, everyone knows you are a total hottie. You don't have to remind them. |
OMG.... X _^_X
Omgosh Man... really took me days after my Mozz got into a lot of trouble... tat in the end... now i can enter my own blog... How can i be such a forgetful person... dun even know my own passwords... :P
Nevermind... back to topic again... well i have been trying my best to actually enter my blogspot, since last saturday, my computer was given the prize of "THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH". I can't believe it myseld either.. since my computer is relatively new... but used excessively.... but still tat Deathnote... shld not just appear like tat mah... haiz... i think it is mostly the time tat i have to go and repair my computer, before the warranty ends bah... :P ...
OH well... i think these few days have been a lot more nicer time than normally bah... well i guess slacking off too much is not much of a thing to do... This week... first week of sch... already need to get 2 Assingment handed in... and 2 are only 75% complete (SO WAT AM I STILL DOING HERE O.o ) ... then then.... now i am still helping my academics club in doing Site Deco for tomorrow's night dance party " Flaunt It! SP Jam N Hop Night" and also it is in a rush to prepare the decoration... since we start decoing only tuesday... not forgetting I still need to complete another proposal for my Freshmen Orientation Camp , with regards to the welfare of the camp... I dunnoe how many times i have been taking a Welfare post... smth like what dear have just step down from " Public Relations" ... while mine is more of the internal welfare... haha...
Haiz... to those of u guys who still read this blog... great... thankz 4 ur support realli... but could u leave ur blog address on my shoutout... so that i also can visit urs... cos i also have lost all my bookmarks... not forgetting... the UNAUTHORISED WEBSITES... BUT THEN AGAIN... WHO SAYS I AM UNDERAGE... WAHAHAHA.... LOL... pardon me... i am just being lame...
^_^
Nevermind... back to topic again... well i have been trying my best to actually enter my blogspot, since last saturday, my computer was given the prize of "THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH". I can't believe it myseld either.. since my computer is relatively new... but used excessively.... but still tat Deathnote... shld not just appear like tat mah... haiz... i think it is mostly the time tat i have to go and repair my computer, before the warranty ends bah... :P ...
OH well... i think these few days have been a lot more nicer time than normally bah... well i guess slacking off too much is not much of a thing to do... This week... first week of sch... already need to get 2 Assingment handed in... and 2 are only 75% complete (SO WAT AM I STILL DOING HERE O.o ) ... then then.... now i am still helping my academics club in doing Site Deco for tomorrow's night dance party " Flaunt It! SP Jam N Hop Night" and also it is in a rush to prepare the decoration... since we start decoing only tuesday... not forgetting I still need to complete another proposal for my Freshmen Orientation Camp , with regards to the welfare of the camp... I dunnoe how many times i have been taking a Welfare post... smth like what dear have just step down from " Public Relations" ... while mine is more of the internal welfare... haha...
Haiz... to those of u guys who still read this blog... great... thankz 4 ur support realli... but could u leave ur blog address on my shoutout... so that i also can visit urs... cos i also have lost all my bookmarks... not forgetting... the UNAUTHORISED WEBSITES... BUT THEN AGAIN... WHO SAYS I AM UNDERAGE... WAHAHAHA.... LOL... pardon me... i am just being lame...
^_^
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
