Hello there!

OMG! How long has it been? 😂 

Not sure whether anyone would still be visiting this site from time to time. So much has changed, and we're now still in the midst of a pandemic. Things are only getting worse in Malaysia...

Here's a summary of "major" events in my life since my last blog post.

The first half of 2020 - achieved pretty good results at work, made very nice friends.
Mid of 2020 - signed up for the Diploma in Natural Skincare Formulation with a school that's based in the UK (online mode)
End of 2020 - I took a leap of faith and resigned from my full-time career to take a break.
The first half of 2021 - subscribed a domain for Esperanza Soap House and did a rebranding, worked on freelance projects, continued with the Diploma in Natural Skincare Formulation.
Now - rejoined the full-time work-life while working on Esperanza Soap House and the Diploma in Natural Skincare Formulation.

In between, I've experienced extreme stress from work due to the toxic environment, a very close call of almost catching Covid, tried on a different job field that I found myself really dislike. Still, at the same time, I got to enjoy the flexibility in life without a full-time career. The 7-month period is beneficial for getting peace of mind after having a rough time at work. I slowed down a lot, pondered about what I really want to do and how I can do it better, and more importantly, spending a lot of time with my loved ones together during the lockdown period. 

Now that I've rejoined the full-time workforce, I won't say that I'm a different person, but at least I have a clearer idea of which direction I want to go next. Life hasn't been easy for everyone, yet I'm fortunate to have people who love me and appreciate me for who I am. 

I don't know how bad the overall situation would be, but I'll appreciate everything I have now and live life to the fullest. 

Till next time,
Jan

A new path to tread on my own now.

Photo: Melody Hansen

Feeling kind of lost at times, and it's not something that will go away even after I talk about it.

In fact everything seems so perfect and good, perhaps because of this, I constantly worry if all of this gonna come to an end some day. *overthinking* i know.

I've just started a new position at a whole new place this week.

People have been very helpful and warm, for that I'm very thankful.

I admit that I've been lucky all this while, meeting some nice and genuine people at work.

I think I've been too comfortable at my previous place,

now a big change of environment and people kind of make me feeling anxious.

Believe it or not, socializing with new people has always been a scary thing for me.

I still remember the times when my palms started sweating, heartbeat going crazy and that shortness of breath that nearly suffocated me.

All these might be things that people dismiss easily, deeming them trivial matters that don't even worth their time putting slightly more consideration that these symptoms are real.

But as I said, I've been lucky because I met a few people who understand and don't judge.

They promised to stand by me regardless, they did and they still do.

I do not know when will I become okay with socializing with strangers more naturally and won't feel anxious, maybe that day wont come easily but I'll try.

Constantly persuading myself to put on that smile when deep down
that anxiety is eating me away,

missing my old friends and familiar work place a lot too,

but i guess in the end of the day, 

it's that social anxiety that is even more taxing than I've ever imagined.

I wish things get easier as time goes by.

Back again, a year later

This time when I come back to this blog, another year has passed.

Time flies too fast!

Too many ups and downs, and unlike the past years, I gotta admit they're really intense.

Tears shed in Dec' 18, heart broken the following month, but survived the new year just fine. Stressed out in Mar' 19, met someone in the spring, the following months passed by without me even knowing, and finally in Sep' 19, I completed my masters degree.

Mom was very proud, grandma was very, very happy, and dad as usual, always being supportive of what i want to do.

213 days into a relationship, i'm not even sure if i can still call this a new relationship because i feel like i've known this person for a long time.

Found myself falling deeper each day for this person,

i'm afraid and thrilled at the same time.

Sometimes i wonder how long this roller coaster is going to last, 

not because i'm afraid i have issues loving another person again,

but thinking how much can this person stand someone like me?

As i grow older, i find myself becoming very emotional and sensitive.

I really am not sure if it's because of the ever-increasing stress i face,

or that something is really wrong with me.

People always say why worry so much?

true that.

But how can i get rid of this paranoia and not burden anyone close to me?

a really sincere question.

Because, as i dive deeper into this, i come to realize that people who're dealing with emotional issues do know that they need to stop letting the toxic/negative/shitty feelings to be the driving force.

But the question here is, how?

I'm lucky, like really, really lucky because I have people who love me very much.

The patience they have on me is something i couldn't be more grateful for.

I think maybe after some time, i'll figure out what's really the matter,

and maybe, i'll find a way to live peacefully with the anxiety/paranoia and lead a happier life :)

I'll be fine

I just realized I haven't been writing anything here more than a year ago!

Not that I was super busy, nothing came into my mind whenever I wanted to write, and eventually I just stopped coming here...

The past 12 months I went through quite a lot of up and down, living a pretty dramatic life I would say but all in all, I am happy to be where I am and who I am right now.

I don't always get approval for what I do or what I want to do but regardless, I still fight for it and I find myself braver than who I used to be.

I think this is something I should be proud of and give myself a little pat on the shoulder.

More importantly, I have formed strong connection with people whom I can really connect with.

For that, I couldn't be more thankful.

I really wish that I could just keep them forever by my side and grow old together maybe sitting on a porch chit-chatting about life while enjoying a glass of wine.

okay sounds like a bunch of old and lonely people =|

I used to have a few small groups of best friends, but as we all know,

people tend to drift apart as they grow older due to different reasons.

Friends come and go, even best friends. 

I don't deny that I get a little bit upset when me and my best friends aren't as close as we were in the past, but I guess that's just how life is. 

I carry on with my life and so do they, I've made new good friends,
and I guess they probably do too.

It's just that when I become older, I tend to think a lot about life, look at things that happened and wonder if I'll do well despite all the hardships.

There were times when I was with a group of friends/colleagues enjoying our meals,

or when I was walking among a sea of people in the mall/street,

everything was moving so swiftly around me but time seemed stuck,

I was stuck too.

At that point i realized even when i'm with others, i could still be lonely and lost.

But here I am today, still carry on with my life and living every moment I try to do best.

I'll be fine.

Small steps to make a difference

I'm back with new updates =D

For the past month I've been very busy, be it work, study or my coming soon start-up.

Yes you read it right.

I've been making plans for a startup and started visiting places & people for preparation.

I could only say it is never an easy thing to do.

When 1 thing is solved, another 1 comes even when everything goes by the plan.

But I consider myself lucky as I've been meeting helpful people and also friends and family who go the extra miles to help me out.

I know it's going to be a tough journey ahead but I would at least give myself a try before giving up.

Right now I'm in the testing phase in which it's going to take about another month for me to revise some steps should there be any issues.

In fact one of the real reasons behind my plan for a startup is that I wish this can be my side income,

not for the purpose to pay tuition fees or extra luxury expenses but I hope to make a sum of profit to allow me to work with any NGOs that is willing to organise events to advocate about the importance of mental health issues.

This might sound naive to many people as they would say I could just take a sum from my savings to do it, but what if I hope to do this not only for once but perhaps as many times as I could?

Then I would need an extra source of income for that.

And you might wonder why is it mental health issues..

I just think that this is a very serious issue that we should know and understand.

Growing up in a typical asian culture society, I've seen plenty or majority I would say,

who are very skeptical about mental health issues.

Many think that being upset or feeling down is a very normal mood swing that everybody experiences once in a while, and seeking help is very embarrassing or unnecessary.

But what if someone who experiences this isn't just once in a while but for a prolong period of time?

Could it be just as simple as mood swing? What if this person hopes to get some help but no one understands and cares?

And have you considered the possibility that what if this someone is someone close to you?

We never know. and many of us are lacking in this type of knowledge to actually pay attention to people close to us.

That's also one of the reasons why suicidal rate is getting higher nowadays.

I know I can't change the world or everybody's prejudice,

but if I could just put in a little extra effort to do something for a small community,

I believe there might be someone that I'm able to help even though I might not see the results.

But as we all know almost everything needs money to work,

so that's the reason why I'm trying hard to do this.

I don't tell this to many people, only a few close friends because I know many wouldn't really believe this could work.

To be honest, I constantly feel worried and scared too because I'm afraid it really can't work.

When I'm feeling like this I don't think I need to share this with more people to get cold shoulders or doubts from them to shake me even more.

Sometimes I feel so lonely for fighting everything alone but I guess this is just how life is,

we cant expect everyone to have the understanding that we hope for.

So that's fine, I'll try my very best till the end and hopefully,

I could achieve my ultimate goal.

Good night 😃

Thank You Note

The universe is a mystical thing. 

Things that beyond imagination happen, they come and go, leaving traces in our lives without us realizing until we slow down and pay a little more attention.

I always find myself filled with all kinds of questions,

doubting a lot of things and also myself,

not understanding why some things happened on me and I couldn't walk out of it.

What I've learnt is that life doesn't always come with answers,

we have to keep looking, searching, and exploring until we find clues.

We keep up the learning pace and grow to be a better person.

This is just another random post that I hope to say my thanks to everyone who comes into my life,

and those who choose to stay as well as those who believe in me.

There were times I swayed a little bit and off the track but those who chose to stand by me you guys are my greatest treasure. 

To my God that i pray to, i know You heard my prayers, thanks for Your blessings.

Lastly, a big hug to myself, my body, my souls who have protected and loved me all these while.

From this moment onward, I'll learn to be braver and be a loving person, never forget about the values that I uphold and live life to the fullest.

Good night.

A Volunteer Project

One of my colleagues is chosen as a candidate to run for the ambassadorship of the Trust Foundation,

a philanthropic arm of TR (as I knew from the website).

So she's going to organize an event to raise funds and this amount is going to be contributed to the foundation in order to help with the cause of human rights advocates.

Sounds 'deep' for some perhaps? It's not that complicated though.

All they need to do is to raise funds and create awareness among people so that they know about this foundation, from there hopefully there'll be more people to support the cause.

Initially I was there to listen to the colleague to talk about her plans,

ended up I am now part of the team for the event.

Not that bad though, at least something to spark my mundane routine work life.

After joining the meeting, I found that organizing this event is just like the time I did for several events back in my uni days.

Looking back at the experience and journey I've gone through,

I'm so grateful that I went through similar things.

I think past experience could be a useful reference for my upcoming work for this project.

A lot of people might ask are we even sure that the money will really be put to use,

or that we're just reaching out to small number of people as we're going to only do it in an island.

No doubt, I can't give a 100% assurance about it, but I'll start from myself first.

I believe that by taking initiative to do something is the starting point of making a difference, doesn't matter if it's a very tiny one.

That's the reason I didn't pull out when my colleagues include me into the team,

for I believe that my willingness to do something to help with the cause is going to make a difference.

I really hope more of my friends and other colleagues would join as volunteers to make this a successful history that's worth bringing up in future.

Last but not least, I'll pray for a smoother journey ahead, please bless me with courage and positivity for success C=

Sending July a Goodbye

Hola! I'm back with recovering injury - the spine injury that I mentioned in the last post.

For the past 2 months I've been following experts' advice to do whatever that is necessary to curb the issue, and I'm glad to say that the process has been going on smoothly =D

To be honest, I'm embarrassed to say that I'm a yogi for the past 8 years, yes, 8 years already, and I am still not careful enough and am entirely responsible for this spine injury.

All these years I've been taught to be aware of having the correct postures in whatever things I do.

I'll slap myself for failing to love myself =\

Well, although the recovering process has been smooth, I can't say that I'm pain free.

I've come to accept the fact that the damage can't be undone but I can still prevent further damage,

at least, I'm not given a 'death penalty',

there are still many things that I can do as long as I stay alert of keeping the right body alignment.

Spine injury aside, TR just had a team building day on last Friday.

I gotta say it was fun *thumbs up x2*

Perhaps I was expecting something worse days before the team building,

so when it turned out not as bad, I find myself enjoyed playing the games and had fun making new friends.

Besides, I also joined a cultural team challenge with 4 colleagues who are of different nationalities.

It was interesting to work with a diverse team because we're exposed to new ideas especially when we talked about what we think of each other.

I like the way we're honest about our thoughts and we accept the opinions with an open heart.

I find this very valuable because my past working experience have taught me that not every company has this open and respectful culture.

Hence, I really really appreciate being part of this company and I'm pretty sure there are many more upcoming opportunities that will open up my eyes and heart even more.

Before wrapping up this post, I wanna say I'm truly grateful for everything.

Let us stay positive and live every day at our best C=

Scarred. badly. inside.

Hi again, it's been a while.

Time flies when we're having fun, isn't it?

And yeah, I've come back from 12 days trip in Korea with my besties 2 weeks ago.

It was a nice trip, just a little bit too long I thought, but that's fine, I had fun and I miss it now.

I was wondering if I walked too much at that time or I carried a backpack that was way too heavy for my fragile back, and so it caused numbness at my toe.

I just shrugged it away, denying the fact that I am actually quite worried something is wrong.

I kept telling myself it's going away in no time, giving myself all kind of excuses so that I didn't have to face the experts.

Funnily enough, I acted as if nothing is worth to be worried and I'm all fine.

Then padan muka, my indifference and cowardliness come with a price.

One day I came back from work and just when I was about to drop my backpack,

that sudden pain that shot down at my lower spine was sharp enough to have my knees surrendered to the floor.

I freaked out, I think i'll never be able to forget that feeling.

So it turned out that I have a mild diffuse disc bulge that the thing somehow pressed on the nerve,

causing the pain and the numbness.

 That night when it happened, I was trying so hard to calm down.

I remembered I was so scared that I could break down any moment especially when I saw EJ but I'm glad that I pushed that feeling away.

Doctor said it's no big deal, a very light one and I shouldn't be worrying about it too much.

He just wondered how could I withstand the pain for as long as a month already.

Yeah I didn't mention it, I actually started to feel the pain at my lower back some time before I went to Korea.

So as for now, I'm gonna take the med prescribed by the doc and I'm advised not to carry heavy things on my back, better not at all and avoid forward bend until the injury is gone.

But honestly speaking, I really feel like crying the eyes and lungs and saliva and whatever out of me because I'm so damn scared, really really scared and worried.

think of how my mom and dad would freak out if they see me like this.

So yeah i wont cry, i'll get better in time, i hope so. 😡

Convo thank-you notes

It's my convocation!

After 4 years of study, 3.5 years in USM and 0.5 year in NTU to be precise.

I'll really really miss it, because the fun studying time where you always have a bunch of mates to have fun together is officially over.

It's a strange feeling.

No words can describe any of it.

So I'll just carry on thanking people who came and took picture with me and also those who delivered me lovely pressies for this joyful day.

First of all, I would like to thank Sam for this nice watch, it's really so nice (my fav colour!) that I don't feel like wearing and exposing it outside to the air which I crazily think the germs would destroy it -__-

Secondly, it's from my wifey Carrie <3 p="">

She knew I wanted a jenga so much and she bought me one,

one with full wooden blocks =D and even handmade this card.

I won't disclose the content, it's only between me and her XD although no one cares.

Thirdly, I would like to thank my cherished one.

He knows I love hydreangea, so even though he worked late at night,

he still got me a bouquet after having a long drive, thanks XOXO

To my former bosses Mr Pan and Kak Nora, I love the bouquet, Mr Pan even delivered it to my house the night before, and I still feel so sorry to have him personally deliver it to me, really a big thanks! There were many times that the two of them helped me lots, like when I needed to talk to them about my assignment, or the times when Kak Nora and I talked for hours about everything. They're always so encouraging whenever I talked about my goals and ambition. In fact they just knew me for a brief time and yet they're so keen in keeping in-touch, something which I truly truly appreciate and reciprocate. I respect them in every possible way and they're so inspiring with their own backgrounds. I have so much to learn! Thank you for the lovely bouquet!

To one of my very first friends in USM, Kenn, I don't know how to thank him because no matter how grateful I am, I guess it'll never be enough. For the 4 years in USM, he has helped me a lot and even on convo day itself, he was there to helped me carry things and voluntarily be my camera guy when I had no others there with me. As funny and creative as he always is, he bought me a pillow! That might sound funny but I honestly think it's very thoughtful. I've always had back troubles and sleeping issues, so that pillow does the trick and helps with my issues. Thanks A LOT.

To my dearest 3 juniors whom we called each other 'direct', Yen Nee, Hui Yee, and Jasmine. I've been so blessed to have met you girls after I signed up the mentor-mentee thingy. I know I didn't help much for your academics, which I think you girls do rather good already, I'm proud to have you and I look forward to your convo! Thanks for the cute bouquet especially the bear!

To the sister of my life, Mary, we've known each other for life and you always got my back no matter what. I'm the only child but having you makes me feel that I'm just like those who have siblings too. You can't shove me away even though you're married, I'm gonna keep bugging you..lol Thanks for coming over amid your busy schedule, and thanks for the Sephora kits <3 p="">

To my respected senior, Zi Cong, you've been my biggest inspiration throughout my uni life. I'm glad you actually recruited me into the MS, for I got the chance to know you better and who knows, you actually turned out to be the senior whom I'm closest with. Thanks for being there when I needed advice or just rubbish talk. What surprised me was the notebook attached with our photo taken together and also a heartfelt message that followed.

To one of my best mates in management school, Charles, we graduated together and was having the same convo, and yet he got me a bouquet. For a moment I even be so ignorant and joked if that bouquet was for someone else, I'm so sorry for being rude lol. Thanks for the nice bouquet, I feel bad I didn't get him anything in return. When we were still in MS, we talked about big ideas and plans that people frowned upon. I like the fact that our ideas and perspectives are rather aligned. Thanks for always being so encouraging =)

To YN, YL, YY, Nick, Feric, my IB mates, we've chosen the major that has the least number of students because almost everybody thinks it's a useless subject that gets people nowhere and time wasting. And yet here we are, completed our precious student exchange programme and brought back knowledge that any other majors couldn't provide. And here we are, having a rather decent job secured by our diverse academic background. I'm so thankful to you guys for the 3 years together and it's been so life enriching because you guys are like gems to me I never stop learning from you.

To YN, whom I proudly call my love (yeah I have a lot of loves lol) aka best partner ever. I have to write this thank you note separately although I already addressed her in the previous paragraph. She's the one I traveled miles together, explored exciting and dangerous places together, and went on food shopping spree together. We even experienced earthquake right beside each other (with a thin wall to be precise, she's my neighbour back in Taipei), and still carried on sleeping and pooping without thinking about our safety. Okay I know that sounds gross. Thanks for coming into my life, and thanks for spending the entire student exchange with me and YL <3 p="">

To Alkan, my junior but one whom I always thought is of the same age with me. Life's such an amazing journey don't you think? Just a random visit to a music club's gathering and then we're friends. The times when you brought me around Kuching and drove for longggg hours just to get me and CM to beautiful places, I was feeling so grateful that you even hosted us throughout the trip without asking anything in return. Oh and of course the time when we would FaceTime each other and talked craps for hours when I got bored in Taipei. You really helped me a lot with the homesick. I know you're going through hardships, but as I've known you all the while, I'm certain you'll be able to overcome it and come out strong. Hope to see you soon at your convo!

To Sharon, CM, HM, and Shan2, my treasured uni 'gang'. We've been studying together, attending funny Spanish classes together and skipping classes and always doing the last minute job. It was so fun regardless of the fact that I'm a weirdo and I still get to hang around you girls. And so perhaps your slight weirdness that developed throughout uni years is my fault? =\ Anyway, ILY girls and I hope we'll all achieve the goals that we want in life, and with someday sitting down together chilling with tequila discussing how good life has been for all of us =D *just imagining though*

To CEC, YC, and Mai, the life's partner-in-crimes. We've been through ups and downs for 10 whole years, and yet we still stick closely with each other. Although we went separate ways when I transferred school, and then we proceeded to enroll in different universities, we still come back to each other no matter what. People like this are hard to come by and that's why regardless of what, I'm gonna stick closely even though I clearly know I'm super annoying. Thanks for the MANGO handbag. I can't say that I'm not someone who fancies branded bags, you know, I'm a girl after all. I just don't buy or use any because I know I'm not yet at the stage where I can spend a lot on these things when I'm not even successful (in my own definition). I know you girls must have spent a lot and I truly appreciate the gift and thoughts. ILYG.

IB babies as we called =D

Happy Graduation!

The so-called uni 'gang', we're not criminals though.

I got your loves Hui Yee, Yen Nee and Jasmine =)

Thanks Kenn, for Everything.

Love ya Mary Wong <3 p="">

Let's say we're of the same age Alkan. B-)

My Spanish mate! The very capable and fun-loving Eunice, the one who studied Spanish with me until we came out proud from the International Spanish exam. My source of inspiration <3 p="">

THANKS for the bouquet Charles! I'm so touched to be honest T_T

To my best partner, YN. Yeah I know the first photo is rather ugly and messy but I still want to post it. I'm no lesbo but I wanna say ILY too, sincerely. I hope we'll always be there for each other.

Wifey! Through thick and thin, she still loves me for who I am. What did I do in my past life to deserve such love?

For those that aren't mentioned here, it doesn't mean I forget about you. It's just that there's too much things to be thankful for, and I absolutely know it'll never be enough to only say it here. So let me be your friend and do know that no matter how long we've not talked to each other, you can always nudge me, I'll always give you response if you don't mind my speed =S =X

And truly sorry if you didn't see any photo of me holding your gift. I apologize for not being able to hold all of them because that day other than Ken was helping me, I had no one as I actually didn't publicly invite anyone to my convo, I thought after the ceremony my parents would leave and I would only stay for an hour to take pictures with my coursemates and I would leave too. So..yeah, but bear in mind I didn't forget your gifts!

Last but not least, the love of my life, my pa, ma, and grandma.

I admit I'm a spoiled child, to make sure I'm not entirely spoiled, you guys constantly and relentlessly teach me how to be kind, of all things. I think that's the most important thing because the older we get, the easier we forget to be nice, we build walls for protection because we're afraid to be hurt. Over the years I learnt to say sorry first not because I was always wrong, but I know that's how we set aside the ego and put relationship first. You guys told me not to think of why not others do it but I do it first, because to make a change you'll need to move first. Things will not always turn out how we want it to be, but at least we make an effort. I'm glad that I've made you guys proud. I'll work harder so that it'll be my turn to look after you guys soon.

Graduated with pride!

No turning back.

Hi, so it's been 6 months since my last post.

I'm still attached with the company that I joined last Sep.

I've passed probation with flying colours and I'm doing better day by day,

but I'm getting more stressful too.

The reason being I find insufficient time to do things other than my work.

For example, I even have to work during the weekends,

yes with the 's', to meet deadlines because people are leaving and workload just gets more.

Then I need a minimum solid 7 hours of sleep, at least 1 hour of leisure which I do absolutely nothing, and 2 hours for meal times.

I really, really cannot skip these because I'm no robot, no genius.

My plan to study while working is delayed for as long as I've started working.

So when one of my friends came to talk to me about her life changing point due to some unfortunate events,

I came to realize that I can no longer stay put and do nothing and just let time slips through.

Time is precious, time is of the essence, however you say it.

I constantly ask myself what do I really want,

and my answer is always the same, 

which I think is a good indication that I indeed have a direction.

I know it's gonna be a tough journey,

so tough that I might in the end not be able to achieve it,

but that voice inside me is significant,

all I know is I should never give up without trying,

that I only live once and if I don't do it now, then when?

Having to witness many of friends have already achieved something in life,

undoubtedly I do feel uncertain, question myself where am I now and am I doing the right thing,

but eventually I understand that there is no right or wrong.

Every choice that we make/made leads us somewhere,

and no matter how other people look at us, judge us,

it's not their life, only we ourselves can justify it.

I slow down, take a look at people around me and I realize I'm not the only one who is thinking of what I'm thinking now.

As time goes by I understand that different people achieve different things at a different age.

Because we are each unique individual and we are behaving differently,

naturally the outcomes are also different.

I might look like I have nothing now,

but I'm gonna keep believing and trying until I have something.

Like I said, I'm no robot nor genius.

Apparently I have to give up something in order to gain something else.

Life's always like this right, nothing is perfect.

I just think it's fair for me to trade A for B, can't be too greedy =S

3 weeks ago I made this decision and life gets even tougher,

I know it's going to be a turning point for me.

I'm no longer feeling comfortable and I constantly feel challenged,

I know I'm no longer indulging in my comfort zone and it's always hard going up a steep road,

but I ain't gonna stop now.

So, that's it, I'm gonna do it.

New Start again

So it has come to the day where I will be employed officially,

in another 8 hours time.

I have been waiting for this day to come as I can say that this is the job that I had gone through a lot a lot to secure it and here I am,

anxiously waiting for the reporting time to come.

I can still remember every single detail of it,

but it's no point elaborating it since I've gotten the offer.

All I have to do is to be confident and keep up the positivity.

Worrying is of no use when I have no idea what is coming in my way,

so I might as well just don't think about it at all (at least that's what I've been trying to tell myself).

Although it's not like I never worked before,

this is a starting point as a fresh grad.

I never stop telling myself that no matter how bad it is,

I must give my all to endure all kinds of hardships and hold on a little longer,

so that I can save up the money to compensate the grant that I lost.

*Big hug to myself*

Put aside my nervousness and anticipation,

I'm greeted by a good news, that someone I truly cherish has found his beloved.

The mixed feeling that is flooding all over me is beyond description.

I am really happy for him partly because I know he has moved on from our past relationship that I failed to keep,

and also because he has found the one.

I always try to avoid admitting it but as I grow older,

I'm more honest with myself and acknowledge my lack.

Yes, it's always me who fail to keep a relationship,

it's almost as if there's a voice telling me I'm going to lose it,

that I'll end up making the other half hating me,

and that I'm better off alone like how I always used to be.

That's why I always ended up hurting people and hating myself so much at the same time,

and that's why it's really better for me to stay here and keep the door closed.

Sorry just doesn't do the justice when it comes to love,

the only thing that can make all the broken pieces come together again is to find love again.

I'm glad that he does and I couldn't be happier for that.

As always, I will hope for the best for him and please be happy :)

Honeymoon Trip... with Mom =D

The long-awaited Bali trip,

finally able to take off after months of waiting.

Instead of using my staff benefit,

I opted to spend my own money for a better and more comfortable airline with mom.

So by the time we reach the island,

it was already 2030.

We were welcomed by our tour guide Putu from Mr.Bali Tour.

Our very first meal was the local famous Balinese fried chicken rice matched with some sweet & sour vegetables as side dish, the Ayam Tulang Lunak,

even the lime juice tasted good =D

Then Abang dropped us back to the hotel we've chosen,

located in the town center which faced directly at the busy road.

Nevertheless, no noisy disturbance at all after check-in to our room.

So we took a good rest before starting the real journey the next day.

Taking photos while taking breakfast at the hotel.

Our first stop was the Sahadewa Barong Dance & Ubud Arts Village,

Balinese people are highly devoted to their religion and culture,

so before the performance commenced,

there was a lady offering prayers to different corners of the stage by placing some flowers and joss sticks right beside the various statues.

The show started with a group of musicians sitting at the left side of the stage playing traditional instruments such as the gong.

Then followed by two ladies performing a traditional dance with the Balinese shiny costumes before the real Barong dance started.

It was good as the characters were interesting by showing funny attributes.

Then Abang brought us to the Tegalalang Rice Terrace.

The place is like our Cameron Highlands with narrow roads along the hillside,

with many handicraft stalls lining up both sides of the road.

One thing not so good about the tour is that Abang was nowhere to be seen after he dropped us at the area for free and easy walk.

It was challenging to find the path leading to the rice terrace and we kept on being stuck at the handicraft stalls.

When we finally found the small path leading down the terrace,

mom was too exhausted to go down the narrow stairs and it would be disaster for her to climb back up again,

so we decided not to go down further but just taking photos at the cafe area.

We managed to grab some really nice handicrafts and the traditional batik clothes.

 Our next stop was the Kintamani Volcano.

Abang drove about another 45 minutes journey to bring us up the hill.

By then I was starting to feel the motion sickness =S

Thank God when we reached, the cooling air calmed me a bit and we went to the Grand Puncak Sari restaurant to have our buffet lunch.

I gotta say, the view up here was breath-taking.

An american lady who was traveling the area alone asked for my help when she wanted to be in the picture as a memory.

So in exchange she helped mom and I to take photos too :)

After taking lunch and a relaxing time enjoying the magnificent volcano and lake view at Kintamani,

we headed down hill and went to the famous highlight of the tour,

the Tirtha Empul Holy Spring Temple.

It is a must to wear Sarong before entering the holy temple.

But fret not, once you buy the entrance ticket,

you just have to go in and there'll be a small pondok with people helping you to dress the Sarong,

and it's free.

Mom was complaining that the guy chose a Sarong that was not nice and she was giving me this complaining look whenever she looked at my Sarong...hahaha

She said the guy must be seeing that I'm young and chose a nicer one for me.

Well, maybe yes, lol.

I kind of loved this Sarong look as I felt like I was becoming part of the locals,

thanks to a friendly Angmoh couple who helped us take this photo to remember our visitation to this holy spring temple. :)

I swear I gonna get a traveling partner with good photography skill.

I was kinda sad that no one actually helped me take a decent photo.... D:

 As we're following the tour, so we couldn't have the leisure to do a purification bath here.

Maybe next time :)

I'm definitely going back again.

They're doing some kind of prayers, with devotees sitting in front.

I found this pond somewhere inside the temple catching my eyes,

as I saw the pond water was actually crystal-blue clear and something was coming up from the bottom.

Taking a closer look, we guessed that it's actually a hot spring ground.

Say 'Hi' to two aunties. haha

There's a small entrance inside the temple required visitors to tie up the hair before entering,

so here explains why I was with a tied-up hair,

nothing to do with the weather as that day was pretty cooling.

Nearing the end of the day,

Abang brought us to the Jimbaranan sea side for dinner.

At first we thought it would be some similar dinner as the first dinner we had upon arrival.

When we walked through the restaurant to the back and came to a stunning view of sunset,

we knew that we were going to have a really nice dinner.

See how crowded the beach was,

when everybody was trying to take selfies/wefies/etc with the sunset.

We were excited even with our tiring and exhausted face.

 Btw, this is not coffee, it was some kind of dont-know-what soup.

It's nice though =D

 Crowded and actually quite noisy with tourists behind us keep talking in high tone.

Anyway, we did have a great seafood dinner.

Lastly, we said goodbye to our tour guide Abang Putu and headed off to the airport.

ps. Three days are way too short. D:

Mary & Lamb's Engagement

 It was a big day, as the closest cousin ever in my life,

like my real sister is getting married to the man of her love.

Yea the name sounds really funny, of course her fiance's isn't named Lamb,

it's just a nickname that comes from 'Mary had a little Lamb' lol

They've known each other since high school,

and has since been together till now.

I'm so happy to be part of the family to witness this lovely day.

FYI, this lady was my ex headmistress =S

Since we were kids, you've always said that you'll have me as your bridesmaid on the day you get married.

I can't believe that now it's really the day.

Thank God I'm still available... as my mom has been warning me this will be my last time being a bridesmaid,

as the elders have always believed that if a girl be a bridesmaid more than 3 times,

she'll never be able to get married any more. Lol

Not sure if this is true, but my mom is pretty serious about this matter.

No worries, I'll try not to break your heart like this. =|

Happy ROM!

Can't wait to see you in your beautiful bridal gown in December :-*