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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Seeking forgiveness

Yesterday, I had made the most impt decision in my entire life. I didnt noe how i muster enough courage to do it. It happened so suddenly that i was also shocked by the impact of it. I really didnt plan to do it so suddenly. even now, im still in the midst of the shock of wat had happened.

The sense of loss n guilt kept rushing at me. frens said that i wasnt being the bad guy here. But i feel so bad. feel like ive let him down. I hate the idea of hurting someone, and to hurt someone so badly, that i was really hurt myself. y didnt he scold me yell at me or even struggle w my decision. he juz let go, completely, hopelessly. why? it makes me feel so bad.. I couldnt help thinking, is he alright? got frens to listen to him, acc him?

They all said it was alright. It's normal to feel upset, but time will dilute everything, and life got to move on.. I really hope the best for him. Really hope that he can find someone who suits him soon. And i really hope that he wont hate me for doing this.

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1 comments fen fen world
@ |8:32 PM|

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

What is Happiness?

or rather, wat is true happiness? many ppl spend their whole life searching for it. some feels that money is their true happiness, some feels that being w e one they love is their true happiness. but nowadays, ppl seem to wan much more. they wan financial security, comfort, love... and they spend their whole life searching for the perfect someone who can provide them with all and more. the ppl now are so different from the past generation. the old saying of "嫁鸡随鸡"doesnt seem to be applicable anymore.

what is my true happiness? I think true happiness is to be able to be with someone who really understand u and even more imptly, ur needs. As my mum always told me, communication is a very very impt criteria when it comes to choosing ur life partner. and then u have to ask urself, whether u r able to accept that man as what he is. becos as the saying goes, a leopard can neva change his spots, a man cant change himself to suit u too. i think it is very impt to b able to communicate and understand him more wholely, before the start of every relationship. Also, the sense of security is very impt to a woman. not only the sense of financial security u noe, but emotional security.. it is really terrible to me, as a woman, if i have to worry abt my man everyday abt whether or not he's having an affair. Not to this extreme lah, but u get wat i mean? yup, although it's impt to trust each other, but women still have their fear.. so how a man treats her woman is an impt factor to make her feel secure. for me, i juz wan to feel special. well, which woman doesnt??

dun mean to sound like a lecture here. juz that never really pen down my thots be4 so it's a good feeling to be able to write down ur thots and not being so dark abt it.. mayb many women out there dun really agreed w me so dun get offended when i say true happiness lie w the man u end up w.. cos mayb im a xiao nv ren ('little' woman) thats all.. =)

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4 comments fen fen world
@ |10:30 AM|

Monday, September 26, 2005

About Life

Unexpected turns of events in life. Usually only when things started to happen to yourself then u'll truly understand wat that means. i noe that there are many things in life i havent experience for myself. when ppl talked abt it, i can only imagine how it feels like. dunno whether that's fortunate or not. but when some things started to happen in ur life, there's no way but to face it. it's the same for matters of heart. for many years, this is sthg that i didnt worry abt. it's stable and it's there. but as time passed, many things in life start changing. esp when ppl start asking abt marriage, i have to question myself abt the things i wan in my life. as u grow older, things are not really only abt love anymore. sometimes, feelings fade too. time for me to search my heart. feeling the flood of guilt rushing at me everytime i thought abt it. y does life have to b so complicated?

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0 comments fen fen world
@ |6:39 PM|

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Finally went to the doc this morning after 4 days of diarrhea. i also think i really have high pain tolerance man..

sometimes when u r feeling sick.. u'll really wished that someone will come and pamper u abit.. but y izzit that i cant even get such a little wish? can u believe it that he actually said tat i never pampered him when he said that he's late for work and everything? i really dun wan to quarrel w him.. he never ever get wat i mean.. For the past 4 days, did he ever called me to ask me if im ok? NO.. it's only when i tell him that i LS again then he msg me sayang.. Am i asking for too much? But when i told him this he juz said it's always abt ME, ME, ME! u noe the 1st day i diarrhea, he msg me a while then told me he was watching soccer ask me to stop msging him. and the rest of the day he kept complaining that i didnt bother to go watch his soccer match.

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3 comments fen fen world
@ |10:32 AM|

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

My Reputation is at STAKE!

haha.. dunno y sooo many things can happen at the same time.. anyway i dun wish to elaborate on the details here.. (if u wish to noe can ask me in private though.. haha) anyway to anyone who might juz happen to come across this pg, juz wanna tell u that seeing is NOT believing. And thou shall not gossip! haha.. hmmm...

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0 comments fen fen world
@ |7:12 PM|

This is so SILLY!

This is really embarrassing! Went to 8 flags w Jem today to buy my speedball. Then i tot he was playing w that tablet laptop so i juz walke d over and said: " So nice right?! Can even write french.." Then he nodded his head and when i looked up... OH NO! it's not Jem!! I was so pai sei until i wan to find a hole stuck my head inside n neva eva come out again.. Y is it that all the guys in 8 flags all wear white jerseys?? so i turned my head see the 1st guy that wore white jersey i juz walked up to him.. Ya.. can see tat Jem was trying REALLY HARD not to laugh out(inside the shop i mean.. when he went out he was really BU KE QI) Yup.. he til now still laughing (already past 2 hrs lor)... WILL NEVER GO 8 FLAGS EVER AGAIN.

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1 comments fen fen world
@ |12:52 PM|

Monday, September 19, 2005

Journals Torture Part 1

Reading journals is a torture.. rather study 403 than reading journals man.. contents already so chim.. yet the words are so small... really is a gd source of sleeping pills.. but have to complete a 3 pg lit review in 2 wks time.. oh dear.. im dead!

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2 comments fen fen world
@ |12:21 PM|

Sunday, September 18, 2005

My Laptop is here!

Haha.. i finally got my new laptop! Lizzie ordered earlier than me yet the computer shop person never called her. I called her to tell her the gd news at the every 1st min when 8 flags called me to tell me my laptop is ready for collection! then today i set up my broadband at home now connected to the internet. so happy.. ha.. dunno y jem they all tell me need to config this n tat for broadband connection.. share w the world my joy! =)

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1 comments fen fen world
@ |2:44 PM|

Friday, September 16, 2005

HAHA! Finally finished the simulation!

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2 comments fen fen world
@ |3:13 PM|

Thursday, September 15, 2005

In sch com lab now.. The stupid simulation is making me very frustrated.. like a thousand yrs never update my blog liao.. shimei nagging at me.. haha.. cos she wans me to write abt her bd party.. keke..

ok... let me recall.. my 9 yrs best fren miss shimei (nowadays she kept saying tat.. haha) held her 24th bd party at a 'ming ge can ting' called 'MU CHUAN" (the Ark). woah.. that's the first time i heard someone held a pary there.. so excited.. then she also had many 'secret' programmes.. some i dun even noe lor.. like the openin dance she dance with 2 txy juniors (i 4got the name liao) so funny... cos the cd is faulty.. then sing in slow motion then have to sance in slow motion oso.. she also invited 2 ask singers to entertain us also... hah.. i falling in love w their voices lor..

the food's great! Esp the egg tarts! i got contribute sandwiches also.. hehe but the mash pototoes n jelly oso nice.. hee.. thks to wenxin n shimei's colleague. dear shimei ordered a purple bd cake from coffeebean.. so pretty.. but pity not choco cake.. hee.. Purple is the theme color for the party.. oso her fav color.( but my fren always say purple is sexually deprived.. ) hmmm... aw, jianhua made 2 balloons pillars (w purple balloons of cos) n welly designed the super cute "IT'S SO SHIMEI" poster. haha!

Anyway, so nice to be able to see my txy frens again.. shimei's bd always like a gathering for us.. told me she wont b organising next yr.. but stilll hope can get to eat dinner her n the rest of the txy!

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1 comments fen fen world
@ |1:13 PM|