as always i have been going through a though period of times....
sad life as always...
every thing that i have did has a lot of mistakes....
and it is no matter friendship or studies...
i think i am such a failure...
because there is nothing that i can done well...
ya thats right i still like him...
eventhough it has been so long...
and i am not even in the same class with that person...
why it will be like that???
i also dunno...
feels quite sad..
and dunno why recently i have become more and more emotional and sensitive...
can cry without a reason....
can also be suddenly very quiet not feel like talking...which is emo...
dun even know why this will happen lor...
it cant blame anyone...it can only blame myself...
as for studies i feel like giving up le...
i know the next year o level i will sure cant get a good result...
i really want to go to jc...
but i think i can giving up the hope le...
if can get into polytechnic should be happy already...
this year is a really really tough year for me...

♥ 12:08 AM

now my heart is seriously broke....
cause the little hope also crash now...
no hope le...
the few years being friends with you is seriously a torture and memorable one
cause i love you....but i cant let you know....
is that how the feeling of heart breaking???
why is it the thing comes so fast???
why muz you give me hope then let my hope crash....
if at that time...few months ago....i don;t have more hopes on you...
then maybe now i will not feel so hurtful anymore....
because now the thing is not juz what i predict anymore...
is really become the real one le..........
i really like you but i think you will always not know it...
cause you only think taht thing is so many yrs ago le.......
i like you like you
but now have no choice have to forget you....
really feel like my whole heart has a big hole...
who can help me????
really really very hurtful.......

♥ 12:50 AM

haha now going to post some photos that have been taken in shanghai:)
eventhough is so long then i post...but cause i now then got time mah^^

♥ 11:09 AM

these few days i am very tired...is physically and mentally tired...
physical tired is because everyday is packed up....
having remedial and ccas on almost everyday....
only went home at about 6to 7pm...
is seriously very tired for me....
but i know myself that i want to be busy...
that is what i want...to make sure that i will not think about all the stupid things...
haha...i am now officially an interact club member^^
so thats why i am also not free on wed...
but i love it:)
and i think this term i am prepared to get a lot of help from ms lim my chem teacher:)
cause she is willing to help me and sinyee to buy assessment books...and give us some help^^
i really like her cause this is the first time i have teacher helping me in studies which is not during the lesson...
really thanks for her that she is actually wiling to help me:)
but i am also seriously tired because now i have to not concentrate on my studies but also have to work....
i scared that actually i cant do well in both the studies and working...
but ya i remember if i keep on telling myself that i cant do well...
i will never do well in my whole life...
so thats why i must keep on telling myself that i can do well...
but i am seriously quite scare...
don't know why...
but i have to try to do well cause i don't want to make others see me down...
i really want to prove myself to them...
so i really really hope that this semester i can concentrate more on the subjects that i am not good at...and get better results...
haha...now talking about mentally tired...
ya after coming from shanghai i had know alot of things that i actually should not know...and i don't want to know about it as well..
but that is the truth ...i have already knew it...
i have been getting hurt again and again...from the time that i have knew you...i have been getting hurt...
but i always don't care about the things that you have do...
and continue to hang put together...
but i don;t think this time is that simple anymore...
ya i am regretting that i should not endure all the things all the time...
cause that will only result to more and more people thinking that i am very easily to get bullied...
but that is really nothing i can do..
cause i don't want to have a fight...and to make us becoming a strangers...
until both of us also cant be classmates...and make all our friends suffered...
i don't want....so now i believe the only things that i can do is ENDURE...
and hope that all the things can pass down quickly...make all the thing back to normal...
but at least this time i have knew a lesson...
and that is do not easily trust a person...
i believe the one that i can trust are only my besties now....
which have known for years...really need them quite a lot...
but they seems quite busy...so i can only help myself...haha
really love them hope to see them soon...
and lastly i will wished myself all the best for the coming o level oral...

♥ 10:34 AM

我今天终于知道什么是心痛的感觉了
我才不过几天前，下定决心罢了，
今天我就真的知道，我不死心也不行了...
他已经有了喜欢的人，也跟她交往了......
我已经没有时间慢慢来忘记这些事情了。
我一向来都很有自知之明，也更不像自取欺辱....
我一直以为我既然已经下定决心，必定能成功，
更可以轻而易举地接受他迟早有女友的事
可是我从不知道一切会来的那么快.....
看了他所写的东西，他很白的写道他又喜欢的人...
其实我早就知道他有喜欢的人，可是从没知道他迟早会跟她在一起
看了过后，我整个好心情都被破坏了，我也不好当场哭出来
因为我旁边还有朋友，我不想让他们知道我的心，
更不要让他们知道自己为了这件事而哭.....
所以我只能强忍住自己的泪水...在那边强颜欢笑....
可是一到家后，我就开始默默地哭了...
我始终相信哭了就能让自己的心情变得更轻松
可是这一次却不一样..我不管怎么哭
我脑海里都在想着他所写的东西...
而这一切的事实只能逼着我快一点面对现实...
这终于让我认清了现实原来是这么的残酷以及痛苦的....
现在几乎每天都会面对他...看到他...
我现在到底该怎么办？我不想看到他了！
我现在根本就是不想再见到他了...我看我们真的连朋友都做不成了
我知道我现在只能认清事实，我什么也没有办法做...
可是我现在才发现我好可悲，连一个安心大声哭的地方也没有...
我只能说我在那时我看到他所写的东西时，就在那瞬间，有很多感觉排山倒海淹没了视线...
我爱了痛了，哭了，可是却怎样也没法恨你起来...
爱了你那么久，到底要用多少倍的时间才能忘记你??

♥ 8:50 PM

我不知道为何近日来，越来越变得这样感性
不知这是不是因为自己经历了越来越多事情的关系
还是因为随着年龄的增长，越来越看清楚世界的险恶
而也因此，自己的情感也越来越丰富了
我最近一直在想如果你从没出现，我会不会觉得快了一些？
而笨笨的我一直都在你身后等待，等你有一天回头来看我
那时候我曾远远地看着你，可是你从不知道我的存在
可能是因为我们都长大了，有了各自的朋友，不再像彼此说那么多话，就像以前一样...
所以我们的世界已不再是原来的，还能不能恢复之前所共有的快乐与嬉闹，还能不能回到之前的好朋友关系呢？
有时候，我们常常会迫于无奈，做出一些自己懊悔，却又无可奈何的事...
你知道的，许多时候我们装傻，总以为那是最好的选择
可现在我真的没办法在继续装傻下去了......
所以我这次决定我是时候放开了......
每个人都说时间能遗忘一切，可是又有几个人知道，其实遗忘需要很大的勇气...
可是我真的没办法在整天这样承受这种痛与思念......
以前的我看到你是快乐的，就算你没有跟我讲话
可现在的我看到你是痛苦的，有时我真的很恨你，为何当初要选跟我同样的学校
还打电话叫我帮你决定...
那时你的举动，让我不知所措，又给我一线希望
虽然我知道那是不可能的！
我真的很想恨你，讨厌你！
可是我越恨你我就越心痛，因为我发现我原来恨不起来......
我会写这些，原因只有一个，因为我知道我想忘记，可是我知道我　我肯定没有办法做到，
所以只能写在这里让我记住我此时的决心，
只因为我想告别长达5-6 年的苦！

♥ 11:50 AM

okay now i write a post so that will not be so dead...
okay this few weeks happened a lot of things
firstly is i became older le:)
have receive a lot of present^^love it so much
and actually the things that i have dream for so long have finally realise
and i shall not say so much about it since its over now
but actually is quite sad that i have become older...
i really hope that i still can be a baby which will not think so much about the world
but i know that is impossible...so no need to think about it lerh
and anyway the other thing that i am quite sad is that right after my birthday is
COMMON TEST!!!!!
is so stress as that day i should relax one but in the end have to study for the test...
anyway after finishing all the test i can only say that
this paper some will do quite good
whereas some will do very badly
the good one will only be maths and poa(and the results come out is like that and chinese is also one of the miracle that i have done well which i didn't expected it)
and the bad ones will be chemistry,physic,english,geography and social studies...sobsobT.T
actually i already gave up le...
cause i am sure that i cant do well one...
anyway i remember got one of the night i dunno why i cry until very badly
that day have a quarrel with my brother and say something that i regret for very long to my mother
and i seriously find that i am so stupid...and everypeople say that i am giving myself too much stress
but i also don't want to give myself that much of stress one
is just that i will always remember about how others say that i am not the type who can study
i cannot go jc and university
i want to prove to them that i actually can but the road to jc and uni is so tough and hard
and indeed my studies is not really good i really want to prove to them but i am so tired abiut it cause now i am 心有余,而力不足....
i rally want to give up...
cause sometimes family members will see this knid of disheartenting things to me, say that i cant study, but sometimes say that is okay i have already done quite well le
is so confusing i don't know what should i do now should i strive hard? or give up?
but either way i think i will regret...
everything every words that i say now seems so stupid cause i seems like a girl who don't know much about the world...
but b=nevermind i will not say so much about the sad things
lets say some happy things:))
okay firstly i go and do my contact lens le and also have try to wear it le
seems so weird and ugly...
but nevermind this is only a try if really i am not suitable i will not wear it anymore
and i have finally see the movie kaiji^^
the movie is so nice and exciting but got some parts seems so scary
ut overall is nice and sorry to qingyang that i scare you...sorryT.T
and lastly this post is super long seah but nevermind cause i think maybe next post you will see is in june le...lol:)

♥ 11:14 AM