Hey whatz up dudettes! :)
Honestly speaking I didn't know that this blog was semi-revived last year until Tash told me about it earlier this year hahaha. Sorry for not checking in but I really thought no one else had posted here since 2011. I actually almost forgot my password and email used for signing in to Blogger and got it wrong initially!
Well look at where we are now, by the time I finish this post, we will be in February 2013 (Sg time that is is ;P)! I can hardly believe how fast times flies. In slightly more than 2 weeks, I will be starting a whole new way of life, new environment, new country, new friends, new school, new syllabus, basically new everything! I feel so very excited but at the same also highly nervous, because I'm not quite sure what to expect. I have never spent more than 2 weeks away from home and family before. Will I be able to cope with everything new? Can I handle my studies, meals, finances well? Will I be able to find good lifelong friends like I did with you all in Cedar and also my small JC clique? So many questions and yet none can be answered right now because I will only know the situation when I'm there. I can only wonder what it was like for you, Kat, when you went off. Maybe we can exchange our experiences in the future on adapting.
I'm trying my best to trust in my faith, that God has already gone ahead and prepared the way for me and that I need only trust in Him to provide all my needs, be they physical, spiritual or emotional. I think I probably have not mentioned this to you all, but I feel like I have drifted a lot from God in the past year or so and part of me feels 'dead' as a result. It's not that I feel condemned that I haven't been attending service all that regularly, it's just that I feel like a part of me is empty and I need something to fill me. I really want to get back with God and have that relationship with Him that I used to have back when I was really 'into' God. I want that feeling back again, I think the only way is to immerse myself fully, in His Word, in His teachings, and just to saturate myself with Him. That's why when I go over to Perth, I want to find a good solid grace-based church or at least find some Kingdom friends to hang out with, to guide the lost sheep in me home to the Shepherd.
I'm not sure if it was because of my most recent job that made me feel so 'dead' and empty. Some of the people there were the sort that I had never encountered before in school or in my previous jobs. I just couldn't understand how people could be that mean-spirited or plain prejudiced. Sure in VJ, people didn't really care or support as much as in Cedar (well what can I say, Cedar is like a heavenly school on this Earth) but the level at which these people operated on was something else. This rude awakening led me to numb myself whenever I went to work. Because whenever I cared about someone and tried to help them, it just backfired, I got played and it hurt me so badly. I just felt like this was wrong and I think at some points I became very angry and even vulgar. Which shocked me because I am wholly against swearing. Ok I am prone to the occasional 'shit' and 'damn it' but the language that I was using while there? Even when I didn't say it out loud, but it was said in my head, the venomous way I said and meant those words shocked me. I am thankful that throughout the time I was there, I made sure that I was as honourable as a fallen soul like me could be. I did whatever my conscience led me to believe was right. Of course that doesn't mean I was a model worker because I definitely could have handled certain situations better, but I felt like I gave a good account of myself. However I think my time there made me a little more bitter and insensitive, and the last straw was when my mom commented that she felt I was becoming very mean in my words and actions. That made me realise I was unexpectedly turning into the very people I was trying not to be. It's always a constant battle to stay true to your own values and morals, in a world that really doesn't care much for these anymore, and yet right at the very end, when I had almost given up, I met some wonderful people in my final few weeks. I guess the Lord has His own way of letting us all know that all is not lost. I heard that 25% of the people you meet will never like you no matter what you do, 25% will not like but can be persuaded to like you, 25% will like you regardless of whatever you do and the last 25% will like you but can be persuaded not to, whether by someone else or your own actions or deeds towards them or others. That made me think and accept the fact that perhaps no matter how hard I try, some people just won't like me and it's okay, because they are missing out! I also think that maybe it's good that I meet so many of the 25% who really don't like me so perhaps my quota is almost used up and I can meet the people who will actually like me when I am over in Aussie haha!
Well that's all from me for now. Hope you two resume posting in here as well about school life! Come on girls I really wanna know what's going on :) All the best and have a great year ahead!
