DAY 146--OPENING NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

Are you kidding me? Apparently the judges of the DIARY OF THE DEAD contest can be easily swayed by competent photography, since that's the only thing that doesn't suck in this allegedly humorous runner-up. (The previous film in the top five, DEADER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY, got its own write-up earlier on Day 122.) I've never been fond of talking zombies, since they rarely work, but if you really need your undead to speak, do they have to talk like Tonto and Tarzan? They're dead, not newly-arrived foreigners.

A trio of zombies head to the local bijou--Monroeville Cinemas, to be exact--for the premiere of the new living dead opus DUSK OF THE DEAD, with hilarious results. The concessionist asks if they want peanut or brain--I mean plain--candy! One zombies spills his candy all over the floor! They comedically shiver in fear as their cinematic brother gets shot in the head! And let's not forget the hilarious fourth wall-shattering conclusion, as we find out the zombies are watching a film in a film! Oh, I think my side just split!

As somebody who works in a movie theater, I can attest with due authority that a big-screen multiplex is the perfect setting for a zombie satire, as endless hordes of bodies blindly stumble through the lobby on their way to feast on brainless entertainment. This, however, ain't satire. It's not funny, poorly acted, and while I begrudgingly concede its technical strength, it's not nearly enough to make this three-minute loser worth watching.

(As with the other DIARY OF THE DEAD shorts, you can see this at www.myspace.com/diaryofthedead.)

DAY 112--DEMONSTRATION OF THE DEAD

A short film by Mike Lombardo of Reel Splatter Productions, DEMONSTRATION OF THE DEAD is an entry in the DIARY OF THE DEAD contest, in which contestants submit their own media-bites of the zombie outbreak. DEMONSTRATION was the first clip I viewed, and still remains my favorite.

Shot as an on-location news segment about a living-dead rights group, the short's premise isn't exactly fresh, but is played with a clever sense of humor and affection for the genre (I love the protesters' chant, "Hey, hey, George A., how many undead you kill today?"). Fans of written zombies will get a kick out of the "celebrity" cameo by author Brian Keene, who vainly tries to deflect the reporter's accusations. It's a great little bit. (Keene may not be the greatest actor in the world, but he does show some comedic flair--though his reaction to the ending of THE RISING is, shall we say, rather genuine.)

Because it's part of an ongoing competition, I won't include the video here (as is the case with any entries I review, at least until the contest's over), but you can follow the link below and vote Booyah to this well-made short.

DEMONSTRATION OF THE DEAD

DAY 148--RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, the last of the runners-up in the DIARY OF THE DEAD short film contest, really confounds me. Out of all the entrants--I can’t remember exactly how many there were, but there were at least a few dozen--the judges couldn’t find another more deserving film? There’s nothing here, no story, no character, simply a couple of joggers running from the living dead as a godawful pseudo-Johnny Cash tune grates away on the soundtrack. While a decent starting point for a short, it simply lays out its premise, throws in a couple of really fucking stupid CGI moments, suggests the barest hint of unexplored dark humor, and ends. This is indicative of Romero’s influence? Shit, I found myself thinking more of the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, which (not to knock Zack Snyder’s version) is quite an insult to the man. And yet it’s making its way to the DIARY OF THE DEAD DVD? What the fuck, people?

Regardless of what I may think, congratulations to the winners. (Once again, see it at www.myspace.com/diaryofthedead.)

DAY 145--THE FINAL DAY

Winner of the DIARY OF THE DEAD short film competition, THE FINAL DAY (I'd tell you who directed it, so I could offer congratulations, but there either weren't any on the film, or the version I saw hacked them off) is well deserving of the honor. I say this even though my personal favorite, DEMONSTRATION OF THE DEAD, didn't make the final cut (go ahead and blame Keene, Mike, everyone else does!). Unlike most of the entries who merely parroted Romero's films without really understanding what made them click, THE FINAL DAY embodies the spirit and feel of the DEAD trilogy, avoiding an out-and-out rip-off of Romero.

Boasting clean, fluid photography and frenetic yet restrained editing, THE FINAL DAY is pretty light on story, condensing a great deal of standard zombie-film action into a brief series of cuts before ending on a budget-conscious but still effective apocalyptic ending (which, ironically, echoes RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD than anything directly made by Romero). I wish the main actor in the piece was credited so I can refer to him by name, but I thought he did a great job of emoting the mounting horror of a zombie outbreak without dissolving into either schtick or unintentional parody, as most of the other "actors" in the contest succumb to.

Can't include this one directly on the blog, but you can see this film and the runners-up (which will be reviewed in turn) at www. myspace.com/diaryofthedead.

DAY 113--GEORGE A. ROMERO'S DEAD

Another entry in the DIARY OF THE DEAD contest (oh, how I thank the gods for this; now I don't have to sweat finding 365 of these damn things--at the rate they're going, I could probably devote the entire project to these videos), GEORGE A. ROMERO'S DEAD is simple: a police detective interrogates a murder suspect about his past deeds, only to find the subject is the reanimated corpse of the great director. While it's not the surprise ending the video description claims--hint, don't reveal your twist in the title--I did like the concept, and I'm surprised it hasn't been done before. The uncredited actor who plays the cop isn't convincing, but the filmmaker(s), also anonymous, compensate with some nice visual touches, namely some decent editing that cribs from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and a few interesting zombies.

All in all, not a bad little film.

GEORGE A. ROMERO'S DEAD

DAY 116--BODY FARM

BODY FARM, a short film credited to FGCU Zombie Film, is another applicant in the DIARY OF THE DEAD contest. (Hopefully, you're not getting tired of seeing these. They're not only an excellent way of maintaining a one-a-day status when real life gets hectic, but many of these shorts are fascinating.) Structurally I didn't care for it--the meat of the story is a daydream, capped with an or-is-it ending, is trite and done beyond death--but this tale of a student and his professor visiting his school's "body farm" at least displays some decent visual style. Yes, we've all seen zombies emerging from an elevator and hordes of zombified faces pressed against windows, but as far as capturing the spirit and feel of Romero's work (an aspect of the contest that's frequently overlooked), BODY FARM shines.

My biggest quibble is the horrendously disproportionate sound quality, which renders the dialogue all but inaudible yet leaves the physical sound effects ear-splittingly loud. And daydream or not, having a character stand his ground and shoot zombies when running is a far clearer alternative gets on my nerves.


BODY FARM

DAY 122--DEADER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY

Kern Saxton demonstrates DEADER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY in his entry in the DIARY OF THE DEAD contest, one of the more skillful clips I've seen so far. There isn't much of a story here--four drug addicts argue over how to proceed when one of their friends is turning into a zombie--which is rather irritating; we get a lot of "debating" as the characters hurl the word "fuck" back and forth (Saxton doesn't seem to know the difference between David Mamet "fucks" and BLAIR WITCH PROJECT "fucks"); even in the limited time alloted, there was potential for conflict and tension that goes untapped. At least Saxton got an adequate job out of his actors.

CHEMISTRY also benefits from a little production value, with an effective score by Friedrich Myers and stylistic editing and camerawork. The closing scenes are admirably done, leading one to believe we'll be seeing more from Saxton in the future.

DEADER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY

DAY 120--CARPE NOCTEM

Yeah, another DIARY OF THE DEAD contest entry, this one from Keith M. Bates. (If it makes you feel better, I'm getting a little tired of these, too; patience, gentle readers, I'll be spacing them out soon.) CARPE NOCTEM tackles the classic they're-attacking-the-installation scenario, ostensibly on the same night Romero's original takes place.

Besides being just a vignette, and a fragment of one at that, NOCTEM is shoddily written, with odious acting. I realize that some of these shorts may be produced by amateurs, bu c'mon people, isn't there a community theater near you? (I'd also like to take a second and pimp the experimental film EXQUISITE CORPSE, a collection of short films based on the writings of Michael Arnzen. Anyone submitting to this contest would do well to study it, to see that it is possible to make a short film--with a true beginning, middle, and end--in under three minutes.)

Without the technical polish to compensate for its sketch of a premise, CARPE NOCTEM doesn't add up to much.

CARPE NOCTEM

DAY 114--DANCE, DEAD BOY, DANCE

Yet another contestant in the DIARY OF THE DEAD short film competition, and the first to make me realize this contest wasn't the godsend I first thought. DANCE, DEAD BOY, DANCE is a comedic take--I think so; it's not funny, but I can't image these guys were serious--on the material. What you get is a "documentary" about a pair of survivors who teach a zombie to play the Dance Dance Revolution video game, a premise so utterly stupid that Charles E. Cullen is probably snickering. Obnoxious, overly self-indulgent, and nowhere near as funny as the uncredited chuckleheads think it is, I was tempted to not include the link and spare you the misery. But then, I'd also deprive you the chance of voting this one down.

DANCE, DEAD BOY, DANCE