Tired [17th October 2007]

This is my last month working in Mapletree. Some people initially thought I was working for some movie company (Raintree), some thought I was working for some IT firm (Maple Story) and one even thought I was working for some chocolate chain (Cocoa Tree). This is so funny.

Anyway, this job started in July and officially ends in late October. I was taking my time to look for a permanent job - basically I did not exactly start until late September. I was thinking that even if I went for interview and passed, let say in July or August, I assumed that the company wouldn't want to wait for my temporary job contract to end in November to start work - I'm just a fresh graduate (and there is a whole lot of us out there), not some big shot worthy to wait patiently for - So what's the point right? Waste my time, waste their time.

***I realised that many people asked me the same few questions about work. It almost feels like those taiwan artists being asked the same few questions in interviews***

However, I began to realised that not many people think the same way as I did - because I got a lot of 'Are you actively looking for a permanent job?' - while I'm still working as a temp. But I'm like 'Hello, I just started this contract yea!? It's not that I'm not looking for a permanent job - but hey, I've got to be responsible ok. I'm also not a gan jiong spider so desperate just for any job for the sake of money - just not my style k.'

There were people who asked me 'Why never look for permanent job in the beginning huh, you not worried about other fresh graduates fighting for job opportunities? Ok, let's get it straight here - 'I have no idea what I want to do and I have no intention to just get any permanent job for the sake of money - just not my style k.' I never worried about no good job opportunities - actually why worry about this? What is considered good job opportunity? Every job got its benefits and staff privileges - how to compare?

Ok... I know there are many people that are very concern for my life - but I have no idea 'why do I have to live my life according to your pace, your way?' I know what I am doing ok - maybe just not the way you might handle it. I know you don't want me to make the same mistakes as you did and I also do not want to make the same mistakes - but can you just share your life experiences and then let me decide what I want to do? I rather take responsibility for making a wrong move than to feel stupid about making a wrong move because of following exactly what you say. I have had so many experience of just following what other people tells me to do and end up in a worse situation - so can you let me just take responsibility for my own actions? I'll consider your inputs - I do use my brains; but when I choose other ways than yours, it doesn't mean that I'm rebellious - It's just that I think your way CMI. We are both in different situations - so it means that I may not end up like you even if we take the same actions - get it? So don't get offended if I reject your kind offer - come on, be secure, you are not right all the time :)

Actually this whole time, what really agitate me is that one particular relative that tells me my degree cert is useless la, cannot find good job with this kind of degree la... Well, I get this kind of feedback after every national/important exams (of course, the feedbacks are not so directly negative la) since primary school. Actually, since secondary school I never believed in what he said - and I think it was a good move.

I have decided to 'blacklist' some people and decided I will not let what they say or do affect my decision-making. However sometimes I wish that they will not give so many free advices, because emotionally 'I'm quite drained just listening to you'. Sometimes, I feel like saying, 'If you don't have anything to say that can build me up, please talk to my hand instead'. I have just patched back what people tore down over the years - I don't need people to start tearing me down again. I'm so tired now - I'm going to sleep le.