who am i? what am i?
these should be defined by self but i really have no idea.
with that uncertainty, i tend to suit up to the form as to what others had spoke of about me.
i am sure that some things they spoke of about me can be true.
but then again, they can't be absolutely certain, and yet, they had delivered their judgement about me
most foolishly even, i would take account to those words and believed it.
i know i am not an open book. i'm a difficult person.
i have no idea why my protection wall is built so high up and so broad apart and it is still growing..
trusting a person had been easy.
i do know that in life, sometimes effort do not reflects in the outcome. it is not recognized.
but little did i know that even in human relationship, it is so too.
when i saw someone i like. i delivered the truth about myself. i'm completely naked out front.
i report every movement and every moment. my history and my future.
this is my dedication, my commitment.
maybe i am hoping to hold you down and keep you close with such a thing that is meaning a lot to me, but apparently naught to you.
i am a little snowflake, tainted by your dirty hands and then melted away so delicately. The mighty you just by looking upwards, there will be tons of my kind that can replace me.
people lie. The lie that smashed my love into smithereens. my love is pounded in repetition and spitted in disregard.
i once had that two sided love.
but i was the one that moved away as a half from the whole heart and made a crack in between our love. nothing was done on my part but my partner noticed that crack and tried to repair with his time and effort.
all i did was kept moving away. until one fine day, it broke into two. silently and ghostly, the other half the heart was gone like the wind.
sometimes i even wonder if that part of the memories that we share, did ever existed at all.
it was too sudden. i didn't realized and it didn't hurt, until time seeped in and the things that he gave me and the places that we go to became a haunting memory. it was like a broken heart with a slow and gradual flow of blood
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A new year, a new beginning
2012 is finally here, a year where many believe it is a catastrophic one- The end of humanity.
2011 is pretty happening, in which , i've grew up.
since with every incidents, a lesson will be learned and people grew wiser with it, 2011 sure is a obstacle- filled journey
in 2011, i got my o level result and was the result was surprising.
not surprisingly good for others but surprisingly good for me, since i did not study much.
it was the year where i got my very first job as a worker at a restaurant.
the experience was terrible as it was really tough for a first job.
but even if i do not think it is terrible, the workers there with me would think my company there was terrible since i almost burnt down the kitchen with my stupidity.
long story to that but worthy to hear.
2011 is also the year where my education was brought to a whole new level.
i embarked my poly journey and bid farewell to my secondary life.
however, i did not grieve or showing any signs reluctance to my leaving of secondary life.
to that, it is because my life then was terrible.
but that, i know that i brought this to myself, since i made the wrong decision of leaving, so i should not blame anyone.
on the bright side of 2011, i've made friends that are really worthy to make.
they are probably the best harvest i got in 2011.
my semester 1 in my poly was amazing.
our class have conflict, laughter and fun, and most importantly, i'm in this history.
i've grew so much in 2011 and for my new year resolution,
1) i hope i will have more friends so that i will not be lonely in festive holidays,
2) move towards my dream to be a singer or better still, achieve it
3) more happiness less tears
4) more socialize
5) improve in my studies
6) drive everyone tears away and replace with a smile
2011 is pretty happening, in which , i've grew up.
since with every incidents, a lesson will be learned and people grew wiser with it, 2011 sure is a obstacle- filled journey
in 2011, i got my o level result and was the result was surprising.
not surprisingly good for others but surprisingly good for me, since i did not study much.
it was the year where i got my very first job as a worker at a restaurant.
the experience was terrible as it was really tough for a first job.
but even if i do not think it is terrible, the workers there with me would think my company there was terrible since i almost burnt down the kitchen with my stupidity.
long story to that but worthy to hear.
2011 is also the year where my education was brought to a whole new level.
i embarked my poly journey and bid farewell to my secondary life.
however, i did not grieve or showing any signs reluctance to my leaving of secondary life.
to that, it is because my life then was terrible.
but that, i know that i brought this to myself, since i made the wrong decision of leaving, so i should not blame anyone.
on the bright side of 2011, i've made friends that are really worthy to make.
they are probably the best harvest i got in 2011.
my semester 1 in my poly was amazing.
our class have conflict, laughter and fun, and most importantly, i'm in this history.
i've grew so much in 2011 and for my new year resolution,
1) i hope i will have more friends so that i will not be lonely in festive holidays,
2) move towards my dream to be a singer or better still, achieve it
3) more happiness less tears
4) more socialize
5) improve in my studies
6) drive everyone tears away and replace with a smile
Thursday, December 22, 2011
christmas
christmas is right around the corner.
just a few months back i was saying, ' what?! god, they sure are fast! christmas is still months away!'
and now, its a just couple of days away.
christmas is usually not something that i'll celebrate or in general, i do not celebrate holidays.
there are a couple of reason to this anti-holiday me, a nice way to say would be that i do not wish to.
but in actual fact, i do not have friends to do so.
but even if i do, they have their their dates, their programmes, their friends.
i won't be their priority.
i'm starting to hate holidays.
my young-self would not feel so hollow as i am now.
now as i grew older, the more exposure to media, the more i'm getting bombed by the emphasis of the holiday.
it is just really annoying to how the people and the media gives a impression to the public that holiday should be significant.
i know i sound bitter and full of jealousy but a person in solitary writing blog should be gaining some sympathy, so excuse me.
new years eve is also right around the corner, probably the most significant holiday ever.
so as it drew nearer, my legs starts to shake, not in excitement but in fear.
seemingly my fortitude is going to crumble down.
i want to make it special....
the past 16 years was pathetic.
i have no one to celebrate since i got hated for stupid reason about how i behave and all.
for all the insults i heard and having to say that i do not care, yes i do.
even despite punching myself to stop absorbing those negative message, i failed.
they hated me, or maybe i should say dislike, so as to make you feel better and to spark off less controversy of, ' oh no i do not hate you' or ' oh i never say i do not like you '
oh just shut up.
listen to all the crap you're saying, stuffing your own crap into your mouth will taste the same.
last year, i said i'll become more socialize since social phobia came to me then.
And yes i did, i became more socialized.
but this wish to become more socialized is to hope that i be accompanied during the holidays
so as it seems, being socialized isn't enough to make people stay.
just a few months back i was saying, ' what?! god, they sure are fast! christmas is still months away!'
and now, its a just couple of days away.
christmas is usually not something that i'll celebrate or in general, i do not celebrate holidays.
there are a couple of reason to this anti-holiday me, a nice way to say would be that i do not wish to.
but in actual fact, i do not have friends to do so.
but even if i do, they have their their dates, their programmes, their friends.
i won't be their priority.
i'm starting to hate holidays.
my young-self would not feel so hollow as i am now.
now as i grew older, the more exposure to media, the more i'm getting bombed by the emphasis of the holiday.
it is just really annoying to how the people and the media gives a impression to the public that holiday should be significant.
i know i sound bitter and full of jealousy but a person in solitary writing blog should be gaining some sympathy, so excuse me.
new years eve is also right around the corner, probably the most significant holiday ever.
so as it drew nearer, my legs starts to shake, not in excitement but in fear.
seemingly my fortitude is going to crumble down.
i want to make it special....
the past 16 years was pathetic.
i have no one to celebrate since i got hated for stupid reason about how i behave and all.
for all the insults i heard and having to say that i do not care, yes i do.
even despite punching myself to stop absorbing those negative message, i failed.
they hated me, or maybe i should say dislike, so as to make you feel better and to spark off less controversy of, ' oh no i do not hate you' or ' oh i never say i do not like you '
oh just shut up.
listen to all the crap you're saying, stuffing your own crap into your mouth will taste the same.
last year, i said i'll become more socialize since social phobia came to me then.
And yes i did, i became more socialized.
but this wish to become more socialized is to hope that i be accompanied during the holidays
so as it seems, being socialized isn't enough to make people stay.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
a scent drifted from far decend onto me. a calming, soothing sense of drug to the nose which thrown what's encumbered within men.
the curiosity in me grew stronger and stronger as i consumed that faint smell from far.
i let go of my baggage and every inch of my muscles began to work as i raced towards the mystical wonderland ahead.
the world i was living in, finally turned brighter, as more and more bright unknown particles started to sip into the darkness.
when i could finally set my eyes on the gate that leads to the home of that scent, i realized i was surrounded by a warm kind atmpsphere, tantamount to a passionate hug in a lonely cold storm.
the birds, the sun, the grass and the wind i saw, it was nothing like i had experienced outside that premise
as the vision of the gate grew clearer, i started to become more emotional by each second.
emotional because of the years of solitary and the yearning for company.
finally, i reached the gate and my tears were already flowing out like a
avalanche.
the gate swing opened with my force.
i bent down with my hands on my knee , panting, and my eyes , set on the green soft grass patch.
the happiness within erupted like a fury volcano and i rejoiced, '' i am finally not alone...''
i straighten my back so as to satisfy the desire of my eyes, lusting to witness the beautiful land in whole
but the arc on my face gradually decend , reaching a downward curve and ended with a wide opening, showing part of my teeth.
if tears has a different color to represent different emotion. my tears just went from a bright colored spectrum to a dull depressing blue again.
the world that i thought it was my all, turned out to be a big phony that hurts me so excruciatingly.
that world was called love.
the curiosity in me grew stronger and stronger as i consumed that faint smell from far.
i let go of my baggage and every inch of my muscles began to work as i raced towards the mystical wonderland ahead.
the world i was living in, finally turned brighter, as more and more bright unknown particles started to sip into the darkness.
when i could finally set my eyes on the gate that leads to the home of that scent, i realized i was surrounded by a warm kind atmpsphere, tantamount to a passionate hug in a lonely cold storm.
the birds, the sun, the grass and the wind i saw, it was nothing like i had experienced outside that premise
as the vision of the gate grew clearer, i started to become more emotional by each second.
emotional because of the years of solitary and the yearning for company.
finally, i reached the gate and my tears were already flowing out like a
avalanche.
the gate swing opened with my force.
i bent down with my hands on my knee , panting, and my eyes , set on the green soft grass patch.
the happiness within erupted like a fury volcano and i rejoiced, '' i am finally not alone...''
i straighten my back so as to satisfy the desire of my eyes, lusting to witness the beautiful land in whole
but the arc on my face gradually decend , reaching a downward curve and ended with a wide opening, showing part of my teeth.
if tears has a different color to represent different emotion. my tears just went from a bright colored spectrum to a dull depressing blue again.
the world that i thought it was my all, turned out to be a big phony that hurts me so excruciatingly.
that world was called love.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
i need my savior
when one uses If to illustrate self, regret often lies within the content.
a cruel word indeed.
brutally portray the regretful side of time, unalterable, irreversible and mercilessly fast.
my heart hurts when such word came into my mind when i'm in cogitation.
the pain in my heart reminded me the countless regretful things i did.
sometimes the things like , IF i haven been enroll into pioneer secondary what will happen?
IF i hadn't left my group of friends in secondary what will happen?
lots of IF shrouding my mind, making all these thoughts so dreamy and painful.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
i'm just tired
how sickening is this when everything you do just go against you?
its just like your grade got jeopardize even though you did nothing, oh wait, it did happened to me before, talk about irony! -.-
whenever other people told me something bad had happened to them, '' ouch '' will be the first thing sprout from my mouth, like as if a fall and a bruise surfaced
As for my case, it will be a dagger brutally stabbed on all part of my torso.
translation to that metaphor would meant the things i've encountered would be far severe than them.
firstly, my singing CCA in my poly screwed up and once again, i've failed.
About the details, i don't wish to raise anymore.
well, simple enough, the reason being is because i'm really torn apart to talk about this again.
my fortitude, made up of my confidence and everything positive inside my brain was smashed into smithereens, leaving only a small spot support the massive figure.
is just like a polar bear trapped on a pathetic small ice cube and yet do not know how to swim, a rare polar bear indeed.
but what i'm trying to say is that, what is left in me is really weak. it can crumble down even with a slight touch from the wind. i can almost see the shaking tower and the foundation crying.
besides all the crazy happenings, another thing that got me crying was the thing about ''equality''
they said equality is everywhere, but is it really so?
they said comparison leads to conflict but do they stop doing that?
well, my answer will be no.
having to think about all the poly around, SP, NP, RP, TP , NYP.
there is a clear line of comparison....
but why would they want to compare and try to give a bad name to another?
seriously, regardless what anyone do, i seriously wish that they could think about others first.
we are bleeding but we kept quiet. but does it gave a full right to continue this comparison?
say your damn answer in the face of fairness.
there are too much difference in this world.....
equality will never happen...
to be frank, there was lots of tears these week, but i swallowed all the agony alone.
how long can this continue?
i can feel the string that is keeping my sanity is going to snap anytime.
my guardian, my love, my saint, where are you. i need your blessings to get me out of this slum.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
right now or rather, after i've collected my result, i've been really lost.
looking at my result it derives, the incompetency of myself and self-disappointment
however, i do not seems to regret to the things i did for the preparation of my O level that rendered my result. maybe it because i've given off my best? or maybe i've long given up on my studies.
As usual, i did not achieve wad i want- to enter a JC. That moment when i looked at the points i had, i was dumbfounded and was in utter despair. And those emotion den pulls the trigger of my tears, making it falls uncontrollably.
not going to JC and unable to achieve what i wanted again , was the initial thought i had. however, what comes after that was more fear and more tears jerking days for me.
the selection of my poly course was tough. firstly, there are ain't any course i'm interested secondly, even if there is, the COP of that course made it impossible for me to enter. therefore, it was really a dilemma during the selection.
the fear also comes from the selection of my course too. the fear of my bleak future, the fear of being looked down by others and the fear of being lost again sprang out and occupied every corner of my mind.
all i wanted for my life was to be a successful singer and perform for the rest of my life. but this dream seems so small yet too ambitious for me to achieve. i do not know how to pursue my dream. i've made and uploaded videos on youtube and comments from those youtuber were pretty two-sided. This then made me realised that my voice ain't special enough to make me standout from the countless number of people who wanted to be a singer as well. with this, my dream to be a successful singer became even more far-fetched.
despite so, i still want to be a singer but i'm already at the tenterhook to giving up though.
well, to say what i'm feeling now, i'm probably in consternation.....
looking at my result it derives, the incompetency of myself and self-disappointment
however, i do not seems to regret to the things i did for the preparation of my O level that rendered my result. maybe it because i've given off my best? or maybe i've long given up on my studies.
As usual, i did not achieve wad i want- to enter a JC. That moment when i looked at the points i had, i was dumbfounded and was in utter despair. And those emotion den pulls the trigger of my tears, making it falls uncontrollably.
not going to JC and unable to achieve what i wanted again , was the initial thought i had. however, what comes after that was more fear and more tears jerking days for me.
the selection of my poly course was tough. firstly, there are ain't any course i'm interested secondly, even if there is, the COP of that course made it impossible for me to enter. therefore, it was really a dilemma during the selection.
the fear also comes from the selection of my course too. the fear of my bleak future, the fear of being looked down by others and the fear of being lost again sprang out and occupied every corner of my mind.
all i wanted for my life was to be a successful singer and perform for the rest of my life. but this dream seems so small yet too ambitious for me to achieve. i do not know how to pursue my dream. i've made and uploaded videos on youtube and comments from those youtuber were pretty two-sided. This then made me realised that my voice ain't special enough to make me standout from the countless number of people who wanted to be a singer as well. with this, my dream to be a successful singer became even more far-fetched.
despite so, i still want to be a singer but i'm already at the tenterhook to giving up though.
well, to say what i'm feeling now, i'm probably in consternation.....
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
failed. jyp audition
the answer is right at the tittle and yes, i've failed, again.
i genuinely hate failure, specifically on myself.
i know its apparent but i have to say that failure really brings you down. seemingly, even for a tough person it is inevitable to feel that way either. of course, i'm not saying base on my experience because i'm a weak person.
i knew that i am a person whose confidence and self esteem will crumble and turn into smithereens with just a impact from a slight wind. indeed, i'm just that weak and desperately require recognition from others.
i haven changed much since i started this blog and its really saddening and sickening to see myself this way. i just could not help it but to feel, depressed, demoralized and hurt after facing failure.
i need time to recover and during that time, i felt totally disgusted with singing and with my voice, so much so that i stop singing until now, which is why i had start to write about it.
seriously, all these thing of require-time-to-heal stuff are really juvenile, at least for my age.
but whatever, back to the main thing- details on that day.
terrible way to start a brand new day- overslept. especially for such important day, it is really dreading even by the thought of it. all because of this, it rendered me having a bad hair day that i barely dare to look at myself in the mirror . besides my hair , my bloodshot eyes and my continuously yawning action, everything was fine. although it sounds terrible but i wasn't late for my audition at the very least.
i will always imagine things and i had imagined the scene that i will see during my audition day but apparently, all the things i've imagine does not live up my expectation. the human traffic there was utterly shocking or maybe its because of the low budget venue that had that made it seems so * its at the community centre btw -.-
theres was two lines of queue to the registration counter, one is for those who had registered online and one is for the walk-in audition in other words, the last minutes. fortunately, i've registered online and that made me save a lot of time as we had the priorities.
*note, registration counter is where they provide you with the number tag and registrating online is just.....i dunno for wad either.
after the queue for the registration counter, i was placed in a zigzag human line at the door step of the hall. btw, it had taken an hour just for the registration counter. i tried my best to turn my vision away from the people in the hall but i just could not help it as it was SOOOOO packed with human! just imagine a 5 person lift filled with 5 fatty inside, or maybe not as exaggerating but it just meant that they used the space in the hall very ''sufficiently''. though they had used it very so but it was still not enough to filled that much of people inside the pathetic small budget hall.
everyone outside the hall was sweating and i could barely smell the sweat from the person beside me. some people who wore makeup also became a disaster for them because of the sweat and its definitely a joy for me. seriously, some people are really hilarious, the way they dress themselves is really OMG, in a bad way. there was one person wearing the socking with the leopard printings on it. the printing was supposed to be sexy when it is small but when it was enlarged by the person who wear it, well..... presentation failed.
theres a lot of people there who looks terrible and made me laugh so badly. i know i'm being pretty mean here but imagine waiting for your turn for 5 hours without doing anything, of course you'll find something to entertain yourself mah and this was just my way of it.
after 5 hours that seems forever, my heart started to turned active and raced. with my new found friend , both of us were really trembling and we supported each other before the moment to audition. just to say, my that new found friend was really funny! he was just 15 and because he was also a youtuber we started off with it. i think he is a arab and i could not really comprehend accent that well so what ever he said or ask me, i'll either laugh or say, ''ya, ya'' when i dun understand. just hope that he din say things like '' you looked disgusting today'' and my reply....
btw he sang justin bieber song -.-
anyway, when i step into the actual audition hall, the atmosphere was terribly intense and gravity seems to be pressing down on me. i soon realized the judges were the one who contributed to the atmosphere. with their piercing eyes and cold attitude towards the contestant, it made me shuddered even more.
finally, it my turn to SHINE! i started from first verse of my song- journey by corrinne may.
den carried on with the second one and i was interrupted by a cold merciless voice, ' thank you, you can stop''
my throat was as if being sliced across by that pair of voice and to be rendered, suffocated and despair to the ending world for me.
i stood back to the line and was utterly furious by the amount of time that had given us. they said it was a minute but no matter how they convinced us or i try to convince myself, it will still be too ludicrous to believe so. i could not even show off what i have. FUCK OFF!
after the audition, i knew i could not make it with just my two verse in that room.
but nothing can be done, i felt cheated that moment. my 5 hours was scam!
DAMN.....but whatever, i'm over it anyway.....
i genuinely hate failure, specifically on myself.
i know its apparent but i have to say that failure really brings you down. seemingly, even for a tough person it is inevitable to feel that way either. of course, i'm not saying base on my experience because i'm a weak person.
i knew that i am a person whose confidence and self esteem will crumble and turn into smithereens with just a impact from a slight wind. indeed, i'm just that weak and desperately require recognition from others.
i haven changed much since i started this blog and its really saddening and sickening to see myself this way. i just could not help it but to feel, depressed, demoralized and hurt after facing failure.
i need time to recover and during that time, i felt totally disgusted with singing and with my voice, so much so that i stop singing until now, which is why i had start to write about it.
seriously, all these thing of require-time-to-heal stuff are really juvenile, at least for my age.
but whatever, back to the main thing- details on that day.
terrible way to start a brand new day- overslept. especially for such important day, it is really dreading even by the thought of it. all because of this, it rendered me having a bad hair day that i barely dare to look at myself in the mirror . besides my hair , my bloodshot eyes and my continuously yawning action, everything was fine. although it sounds terrible but i wasn't late for my audition at the very least.
i will always imagine things and i had imagined the scene that i will see during my audition day but apparently, all the things i've imagine does not live up my expectation. the human traffic there was utterly shocking or maybe its because of the low budget venue that had that made it seems so * its at the community centre btw -.-
theres was two lines of queue to the registration counter, one is for those who had registered online and one is for the walk-in audition in other words, the last minutes. fortunately, i've registered online and that made me save a lot of time as we had the priorities.
*note, registration counter is where they provide you with the number tag and registrating online is just.....i dunno for wad either.
after the queue for the registration counter, i was placed in a zigzag human line at the door step of the hall. btw, it had taken an hour just for the registration counter. i tried my best to turn my vision away from the people in the hall but i just could not help it as it was SOOOOO packed with human! just imagine a 5 person lift filled with 5 fatty inside, or maybe not as exaggerating but it just meant that they used the space in the hall very ''sufficiently''. though they had used it very so but it was still not enough to filled that much of people inside the pathetic small budget hall.
everyone outside the hall was sweating and i could barely smell the sweat from the person beside me. some people who wore makeup also became a disaster for them because of the sweat and its definitely a joy for me. seriously, some people are really hilarious, the way they dress themselves is really OMG, in a bad way. there was one person wearing the socking with the leopard printings on it. the printing was supposed to be sexy when it is small but when it was enlarged by the person who wear it, well..... presentation failed.
theres a lot of people there who looks terrible and made me laugh so badly. i know i'm being pretty mean here but imagine waiting for your turn for 5 hours without doing anything, of course you'll find something to entertain yourself mah and this was just my way of it.
after 5 hours that seems forever, my heart started to turned active and raced. with my new found friend , both of us were really trembling and we supported each other before the moment to audition. just to say, my that new found friend was really funny! he was just 15 and because he was also a youtuber we started off with it. i think he is a arab and i could not really comprehend accent that well so what ever he said or ask me, i'll either laugh or say, ''ya, ya'' when i dun understand. just hope that he din say things like '' you looked disgusting today'' and my reply....
btw he sang justin bieber song -.-
anyway, when i step into the actual audition hall, the atmosphere was terribly intense and gravity seems to be pressing down on me. i soon realized the judges were the one who contributed to the atmosphere. with their piercing eyes and cold attitude towards the contestant, it made me shuddered even more.
finally, it my turn to SHINE! i started from first verse of my song- journey by corrinne may.
den carried on with the second one and i was interrupted by a cold merciless voice, ' thank you, you can stop''
my throat was as if being sliced across by that pair of voice and to be rendered, suffocated and despair to the ending world for me.
i stood back to the line and was utterly furious by the amount of time that had given us. they said it was a minute but no matter how they convinced us or i try to convince myself, it will still be too ludicrous to believe so. i could not even show off what i have. FUCK OFF!
after the audition, i knew i could not make it with just my two verse in that room.
but nothing can be done, i felt cheated that moment. my 5 hours was scam!
DAMN.....but whatever, i'm over it anyway.....
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
i have become so slack now. i know this is the time for me to do so but this feeling of wasting time mindlessly really dreads me. i do have plans after my O, which is to work towards my dream. but apparently, this flame of passion is no longer burning fiercely.
i can describe myself during these days as the dandelion drifting through the clouds, following the wind mindlessly and finally settled in some place, back to reality.
And I had settled down, back to reality and back to the journey of my dream.
just as i had pondered previously, the saddest thing in life was to work in places you do not like or in other words not to be in your dream industry. this thought came back again and that was also the savior that brought me back to reality.
i could not just wait for opportunity to come knocking on my door step. for that, is for people who think that they are lucky in nature and opportunity will come in no time. but for me, i'm well aware that i'm not. hence, rather than depending on it, i have to work for it instead....
now the question is, HOW ON EARTH SHOULD I DO IT?!
i have only one plan and that is to make a vid on my fav YOUTUBE
but ONE only?! haizz.....
hmmmm any ideas? any help? any advice to help me work towards my dream?
where is my advisor/gui ren of my life?
i can describe myself during these days as the dandelion drifting through the clouds, following the wind mindlessly and finally settled in some place, back to reality.
And I had settled down, back to reality and back to the journey of my dream.
just as i had pondered previously, the saddest thing in life was to work in places you do not like or in other words not to be in your dream industry. this thought came back again and that was also the savior that brought me back to reality.
i could not just wait for opportunity to come knocking on my door step. for that, is for people who think that they are lucky in nature and opportunity will come in no time. but for me, i'm well aware that i'm not. hence, rather than depending on it, i have to work for it instead....
now the question is, HOW ON EARTH SHOULD I DO IT?!
i have only one plan and that is to make a vid on my fav YOUTUBE
but ONE only?! haizz.....
hmmmm any ideas? any help? any advice to help me work towards my dream?
where is my advisor/gui ren of my life?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The end and The beginning.
that is the end of my story in secondary school.
closing the book, together with the laughter, tears, happiness and desolation.
those will be buried as memories and burn as clip that may be replayed at some point of the life.
for me, the clip is playing in repetition in my mind as i write this post.
thank you everyone who had participated in my secondary school life. even if those who made my life miserable, it is still a interesting experience as i looked back. besides, a food will be blend without the four different taste accompany with it, it is the same as life.
frequently in the past, i would lament and say, '' gosh! the past is the best! i miss my primary school life'' but on the other hand, can you be absolutely sure that you will not say, '' gosh! the past is the best! i miss my secondary school life!''
the past is always the best! that is what many will say.....but every second that is sweeping by now is considered as a ''past'' so why not make every moment meaningful.....
of course, there are many regrets, just like a character in a story that you yearned to know what will happen next and yet the book just ended this way.
the familiar pioneer road, gek poh and all the other spots that had tagged my along my secondary school life, i guess i will not be going there anymore...
indeed bidding farewell is always painful but guess this is life....
and to the girl whom i had a crush on, good bye and be happy!
my speechless at this point now, all i can say is...... '' goodbye everyone''
closing the book, together with the laughter, tears, happiness and desolation.
those will be buried as memories and burn as clip that may be replayed at some point of the life.
for me, the clip is playing in repetition in my mind as i write this post.
thank you everyone who had participated in my secondary school life. even if those who made my life miserable, it is still a interesting experience as i looked back. besides, a food will be blend without the four different taste accompany with it, it is the same as life.
frequently in the past, i would lament and say, '' gosh! the past is the best! i miss my primary school life'' but on the other hand, can you be absolutely sure that you will not say, '' gosh! the past is the best! i miss my secondary school life!''
the past is always the best! that is what many will say.....but every second that is sweeping by now is considered as a ''past'' so why not make every moment meaningful.....
of course, there are many regrets, just like a character in a story that you yearned to know what will happen next and yet the book just ended this way.
the familiar pioneer road, gek poh and all the other spots that had tagged my along my secondary school life, i guess i will not be going there anymore...
indeed bidding farewell is always painful but guess this is life....
and to the girl whom i had a crush on, good bye and be happy!
my speechless at this point now, all i can say is...... '' goodbye everyone''
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