what you crave for?

whooo. 1 paper down! dont think i did fantastic, and in fact, i was rather disappointed. chem supposed to be one of my stronger mods this sem. but doesnt seems like it.

nevertheless, 1 down and 5 more to go! hhaha. that sounds alot still :/

-you'll just be thankful that you tried your best, and glad that it's over.-

distraught!

think there never fail to be moments when i breakdown during each and every sems.

this time it's the last mid-term, and i really cant take it.

the house is so so noisy, and i cant comprehend what the solution is talking about):

felt so helpless all a sudden. totally clueless as to who i can ask for help, who i can rely on.

all those around me can only tell me to relax and not be so stressed up.

but what i need is real help.

guess relaxing can help by making me stop thinking about it for that moment. and hopefully when i get back to it, i will be enlightened.

tsktsk. wishful thinking girl.

i kept telling myself that whatever i need to know is in my notes. but sometimes i feel like admitting to myself that, its all be a way of deceit.

never mindd. whatever i cant do, others cant do it too. the principle of bell curve.

but still. feels so pek chek.

sometimes i really wish that i have a hall or some quiet room. some really conducive place. some where that i can be as and when i like. libraries are awesome. but sch lib is too far for studying at night, bedok lib closes at 10): have to make do with whatever ive got, and adaptable. i kept telling myself that its the mind that allows the disturbances in. im right, righttt(:

so much brain power needed! needed for my mugging, needed for the control of unnecessary noises. oh please, cant you guys just shut up):

feeling so unhappy now, and yet on a side note, ive done with 3AUs! today completed the test. so long since i last written long essay style answers. felt rather satisfied with myself. hope i can get at least an A- for it pleasssee. need that to pull my thermoDIE grade upppppp!!

-a very distraught mind.-

MUGGER VS LIFE

Hi Mugger,

Bye Life!

had enough fun and joy for the sem,

and now the serious mood!

less than 1 and half month to the END of the sem!

awesome mucccchhh!

HWAITING((:

shall mug harder than i've ever did!

may the power be with moi!!!

SPEAK UP your thoughts!

astro done with. seriously love for the subject is so much not enough to. more of the responsibility of having to it. i attended lectures faithfully, listening as well cos i thought the course was interesting. however, studying for it is a total nightmare. had sucha hard time memorizing so much facts! shall see my test grade before deciding if i should SU it. then i can focus on my cores.

had sucha painful ride back just now. wasted time to get some survey forms. ultra thick ones. for foreigners working here (whoever can help me, please drop me a text!!). its for some canvassing event that UOC had taken up. really dumb stuff. back to my painful ride home. firstly, waited ultra long before the NTU shuttle service came. i had just "nice" missed the bus. although the feeling isnt nice at all. and i was first in line waiting for like uberly long before the v v packed bus came. AND DIDNT STOP! that was alright, when the 2nd pack bus came along. managed to get up the bus and there's some tiongs trying to cut queue behind me. and i had accidentally stepped on her foot. since she's like right behind, trying to squeeze up the bus. felt the sudden satisfaction. however, it was so short lived. continued my way to pioneer station. its like the 2nd last station on the green line, AND all the seats were taken up!! totallllyyy! not my day can! my normal fave seat is gone. and the train started getting all stuffy and i was feeling really grouchy and lousy. not forgetting the fact that ive only gotten 4ish hours of sleep, and survived on caffeine and red bull for the day.

how sucky can my day be man. and i kept thinking why i ended up going back to at peak hours. its all cos of the damn survey!! seriousslllyy. wanna pull out from the UOC main comm. getting on my nerves, the commitment and meetings and canvassing shit that ive got to do. not like i went to interview for the biz mag role and wanted to be in it. seriously. i went back to pageant comm firstly cos i thought ive got no other commitment, 1 is alright. and also i enjoyed the company of the pageant people. but now, it seems to have gotten me into deeper shit. some shit that i don even know that people im working with nor am i happy with what im doing. i just feel like pulling out. seriouslllyyyy. i will set my mind to it, and have a good talk with my BOSS! hahaha! its either ive got some prejudice against how the heads of the main comm people works or sth. their cult rules doesnt work on me, im so sorry to say that! hah!

set my mind to it and say it!

i felt like a loser at times. will you people practise altruistic punishment? telling some one to clear her plates when everyone supposed to put away their used cutleries after eating. telling someone that she should queue up although she didnt cut your queue but some one else's? i need to speak my mind rather than curse and swear inside me. seriously. hahaa. bad for my mind and soul! lol..

-why oh why..-

THE WILL POWER!

hello!

it shall be me-myself time soon!

close myself up in the room and mugggg! less than 50 days to the end of it. i thinnkkk((:

projects are finally almost done. actually one of it only. i think its just getting used to it. you cant change others, but you can accept others right! making do with what i can.. sigghss.

mugged with kc from morning to evening on sat. rather productive i think. and i seriously miss mugging with her! miss A and O level days. seriously. i want something away from math and science. but im like bonded to them for the next 3 yrs at least! rooaarss. love them deep deep too, then i shall be!

HANG IN THERE peeps!

kc dearest! stay motivated and feel free to call me or drop me a text when you need to get away from your workload kkies!! STAY STRONGG(:

-will and mind VS the physical conditions!!-

self satisfaction?

Always just second best.

You know the story? the race between the hare and the tortoise? they left out the squirrel. Yes, it was to be a race between the three of them, but everyone conveniently left out the squirrel, because he was just second best.

the hare was happy; he was the fastest, the champion! the tortoise was happy; he finished the race even though he was last! But the squirrel, nope, nobody even remembers his existence; because he was just second best.

What is there to be remembered about the second best? nothing. merely a substitute or some sort; like when the runner up represented Singapore instead of Ris Low. See, get what I mean, I dont even remember the runner up's name. darn.

And then, I realised, I am this squirrel. always just second best.

Extracted that from one of my friend's blog. Credits to spoon.

think it's kinda true, being average doesnt allow you to be remembered. its just a passing fad that you got second and that's all. but in singapore, maybe being second isnt so bad afterall. less attention and all. in work, the no 1 gets the better pay, may get retrenched earlier? get more work to do since you are better? the competitive society makes people pit against the 1st.

alrightey. my argument on this getting no where. think its more of doing your best and achieving the much needed self satisfaction. bought a new whiteboard todayyy! and tried some revamping of my desk. hopefully it gives me some more mood to study! hahaha! shall continue on my project!!

awwww. alot alot of complaints about my project meetings and projectmates): sometimes its not so good having friends have projectmates too. cos you're so afraid of jeopardizing the f/s so you just keep yourself mum): never mind. more complaints next time!!

-self-satisfaction? what i really want then?-

my worthy-ness

im seriously not keeping to my resolution of not opening up my google chrome. see where am i now. hahahaha. the only resolution that im keeping to is sleeping 8 hours a day. cos i really feel refreshed the next day! but seems like my project stopping me from doing that too. the people around me ain't exactly the optimum influence that i would like, but i can do it the other way round by being the good influence instead right. exams is like THIRTY EIGHT days away! awesome shittt. i can only think of what happens AFTER the exams insteaddd! LOL i need to have something for me to look forward to, maybe thats how i did so well for O's.

ive been trying to have the same O's feelings back. how i managed to do so well, what i did. some of you may ask, why not the A levels, since its closer. simply, cos i screwed it up! hahahaa. blame no one but myself. guess im not consistent enough? but ive been trying to make that into a lesson learnt. but im still lazy at times): howhowhowww. sometimes i just feel like giving up. trying so hard, but i still cant grasp the concept. my friends not exactly someone i can turn to. how i wish i could go back to the good o secondary days, when i can always turn to my classmates and of course KC when im in doubts. teachers were also easily available. uni is a bitch. the prof always say that they are willing to help, but they go overseas during holidays, they are busy and yada yada. you get what i mean. they just have their own life too. their commitment level is perhaps 5% of their life? cos that's the lecture time that they need to put in to get their paycheck? hahahaaa. im being cynical. rooars. and i just force myself to listen to the lecture recording over and over again. hoping i can extract some important info that ive missed out earlier on. awesome sheeeeeet, kelly.

im supposed to be here trying to brainwash myself into studying. butttt. seems like it turns out to a complain session instead! my nose not at a optimum condition to mug, and ive taken an expired clarinese pill! will sth happen to me?? i think my body mass will be able to block out whatever harm the expired pill will do to me right! hahaha! optimistic muccch!

after reading the HOTA letter, i think im maybe much more worthy to the society when im not around! they make me feel like my organs are so wanted by some useful but ailing people out there! not that im not happy with living and im definitely NOT suicidal! its just a thought of mine.. since im not contributing much to the society much now. maybe more carbon dioxide emission? heh. i was telling karo, that i wanna donate my face too. to burn victims or one of the not v pretty snsd member. hahahaa. then she said i need plastic surgery): tsktsktsk.

the lame jokes are like the only life i got left.

-you aim among for the moon to land among the stars.-

MOTIVATION

i hereby ban myself from opening my google chrome until after 12am!

my school work had to be done in IE, hence, google chrome is actually just for FB and fun. must control and stay focus. less than 50 days to exams! it will be over before i know it! i know righttt... was feeling so restless yet forcing myself to stay in the room. went to look for inspira tional videos instead. hahhaa.

Perseverance is not a long race,

it is many short races, one after another. -Walter Elliot

likes that the best. the rest so so only. i've finished 1st round of mid terms. 2nd round coming soon, and ive got no time for procrastination. must do things efficiently to be able to have for fun alrights! wanna go flea this saturday. my bag broke): and it broke in school. like totally right. sighhs. anyways, shall start reading textbooks! i think they should have subtitles for electures! the prof accent is seriously mind-bogglinggg! not v helpful for our already tedious modules!

-Ask yourself, what are the two or three things that you can do to move yourself forward?-

WAKEUPYOURIDEAAA!

okayy. i think i need to put in even more effort. damn. thats really bad. thought ive put in enough): got back one of my tests. i got lke 15. average marks is around 18. and the prof started saying if you got the average marks, you will be scoring B's for the mod. and if you are below that, probably C. roars. seriously. the 3 marks converted to like percentile is like 1.6% of the entire grade. ikr. you are trying to get us to start working harder. ikr. and when we saw the tiong tiong holding his script, he got a blarddyyy TWENTYFOUR! thanks so so much for the wake up call. that was "wake up your idea" in your face. and apparently he could have gotten a full mark if not for the prof penalizing him for some minor error cos the prof thinks that he shouldnt get a full marks since his answers ain't extrodinary! tsktsktsk. buddeeenn. now i think who im competing with, though i just disregard them like since long ago.

was feeling so grumpy and tired from my project meetings and working hard. this is the shit i get. sigghs. i think i need to disconnect myself from the world and sink into my world of mugging. projects not very good. trying to steer away the "Valence effect". something that i've learnt from todays HRM lect. it's about the process loss incurred when working in teams. cos decisions were made poorly under the influence of others. (aiseh, kelly you were paying attention during a 830 lesson!) anyways, my group is like the standard singaporeans kind. working the minimal in the group, hoping some other person will put in the extra effort. and settling for what is required instead of pushing their limits. i hope i wont be tired from pushing them. dislike the sloppy work that were satisfied with at first. but at least they still bother working with me when i said that our content is still lacking((: and we've discovered a good area for discussion the the library! awesome flatscreen in the air-conditioned discussion area! woooots!!(:

-remember that you're not competing with others but yourself. if you know everything, you will be equally good!-

YOU'RE MISSED!

i think it runs in the family. the way we talk and stuffs. had a pretty happy dinner with mom. think im so deprived of talking to people and i kept mumbling and couldnt stand the silence while we're eating. had a walk with her around the neighbourhood and did some exercise with her at the park. hahaha. sounds so mommy's girl. but i think im speaking to her less and less. as compared to the past of course. now she can no longer relate to most of my friends since she hasn't seen them or whatsoever. kinda sad. and our saturdays-out shopping are cut to dinner at nearby malls to just the hawker centre down the road. how life can rob you of quality time. sigghs. can only see how much she has aged over the years.

my family isn't one which expresses our love openly. we dont hug hug kiss kiss like how kynan does it with us, nor do we leave sweet gifts and messages for one another. we do it in a more practical way. think that is something that is really in our blood. and we remember things pretty well. good and bad. hahahaa.. calculative if you say so. (: not being to express ourselves well maybe bad. but deep down, i know how much my dad and mom care for all of us. dad always making sure ive got enough money, buying food for me though he's so tired or lazy to go out. how he worries for kynan and jie. and the way mom gets what i need. when i complain about the food she cooks. she still bother to stop cooking them (for a few weeks though.haha.) though she complains that i complained about her cooking! hahaha. im so thankful having such great parents. although we always ask for more, but you know right, sometimes im just being stubborn and whine-y. who else can i whine to other than you guys((:

studies makes me brood over such small things. less words spoken in a day, more time for me to think deeply. baddddd. hahaha. shall make it a point to catch up with some friends after this mid terms and before the crazy exam period come crashing into my schedule!

pohpoh! (dontknow if you still read) you're so missed! (esp how you express yourself and your funny lingo!) and you're joining the BIG 2 familyyyy SOON! all the best for your exams!

-i need to be happier!-

AIM HIGHER

gotta really start mugging for my tests on monday! 3 days left! from my 9 days recess week): aisssh. time really flies when you're enjoying it. the previous 2 days seems so distant and gone in a blink. spent wed with keechen-sshi watching movies and shopping with bi before that. and thurs was seriously a brain-dead day when we think so much for our 2 projects. but there after was singing to our hearts' content! we sing alot, jumped alot, screamed alot! hahahaha!

had ah loy thai for lunch! it's a thai restaurant at shaw towers. not badd. if you've eaten that and the nahkon at bedok, you will never be tempted to try thai express already! ahahaha! thai express too commercialized! there's like no thai authentic feel.

shall go back to thermodynamics and math. consistency girl!!((:

-aim higher, so that when you fall, at least you will still be amongst the stars(: -

addiction

had a screwed up afternoon in bedok lib.

went for my lunch as per normal leaving my stuff there.

and when i came back, my stuffs were shoved aside by 4 sec sch delinquents): tsktsk. the worse thing is that they werent even studying properly. and mentioned that the librarian told them no booking of seats. this is like my first time this kinda thing had happened since i started mugging there in sec sch! totally felt wth at that moment. wanted to like screw her eyeliner eyes out. yeah. sec sch with eyeliner in sch uniform. totallyyy. pissed. never mind. shall not bear any more grudges else i will grow older and more wrinkles for nothing. went to a super noisy mac instead. managed to complete some tutorial and went home. sigghs. cos it was raining so heavily that i can get home): rainy days' curse. but the chilly weather was awesome. listening to my fav songs walking home. reading to my novel. new jodi picoult novel. hope its not like another sadistic story that got me crying for hours :X and i got addicted into it!

must control myself! and discipline! ive come to a conclusion. you must have the heart and mind to study. the environment doesnt matter much. shall try mugging at home! TRY! hahaa. hope the weather will stay cool and nice! my room is good when ive got the whole house to myself! peace with the occasional snores from old kai. hahaha.

tmr is half day of fun, while thurs is just projects! hope we can be efficient and not waste time. organised the day for project. hope my coursemates wont find me domineering or what. im just trying to finish things fast kkies.

i need some patience. sometimes i cant stand things going too slowly. kelly, you need to slow down and catch some breath at times too. i guess i just do these in my own time. to avoid wasting others people time? isnt that better?

im getting more independent. slightly more i guess. i used to dread eating lunches or dinner on my own. even in hall, if i need to eat it alone, i will eat it while watching my video. especially dread eating in the coffee shop or hawker centre on my own. once i remembered watching videos on my itouch while eating. i guess this is a weakness in me? or just something i hope to stay away from. and on monday, i did it! hahaha. without thinking too much actually its alright. i hope i can let this independence stay in me!

-the novel i read mentioned about forgiveness. i shall practise what i preach. -

FUN & JOY

when you take something, you gonna repay it.

napped for 1 hour. so now im like wide awake. doing my e lectures happily though((: tmr shall wake up at the same time to go lib! DISCIPLINE! must haveee! got 2 tests on monday after the recess week. hope im not so hopeless during the tests! my beloved physics and math mod. needa do well to pull up for the main papers! aja aja hwaiting!

got more and more things lined up for the recess week though. bi asked me to shopped for her sis pressie. and i don have the heart to say no. this one will really feel bad. sigghs. work harder, and be more efficient bah. and i said no for the first biz mag meeting! awesome feeling though! had a great bff who knows how to make decisions for me(: and she knows how to think logically. at least better than my coin throwing stints! hahahaha!

needa sleep else cant wake up tmr. no 1 lullaby: reading my thermody notes! lol!

-everything should be fun, just that there will always be some other stuff that you enjoy doing more - Mister Inspiration. yeah man! studying is so so FUN!!((: no sarcasm intended!

BITCHY ME.

okay. deleted some post. felt real bitchy about it and i think there's no need to be so harsh. just quit thinking kelly, and just enjoy what you have to enjoy.

maybe giving in is someway of accumulating good karma too!

when one person quarrels with so many others, you know the problem doesnt lie in us but maybe in you.

Smile - Uncle Kracker (w/ lyrics)

DREAMS.

i think the song really nice!

smile like the sun!

i wanna be like a flower growing out from the crack of the pavement.

taking away all the water.

sounds so strong. am i?

anyways. today had been a great day. empasize the day part of the sentence. seriously. i believe in a happiness quotient. you cannot be happy for so long. cos soon, some of the happiness will be taken away. and this quotient never increases but just remain. so have the faith that you will be happy once more. one of the little theories in my spongebob. think i have too many unspoken weird theories.

you may have lost someone, but you will gain something back in return. yeah. keep the little faith.

day out with kynan boy is real good. when you just hang out for all the joy and innocence in the world. seriously. the world had stopped today and i felt that ive relaxed abit. buttt. now im like back in reality. how much it suck. especially the transition. kids never fail to express how they feel. "i dont like you" they say it as blatantly as their abc. and their "i love you", come in forms of hugs and kisses. and they really meant it. maybe at the moment only, but still. it still a happiness quotient increase! (applying my lil theories) enough of bragging of my cute lil nephew. how i wish i can like spend more time with kids maybe start some volunteering or something? but i think i will get exasperated in a long run.

my dreams. what do i have? my kdrama was like saying, how can she not have a dream when she's already so old. the girl is like a normal plain jane. not good in anything. just a average in everything. that sounded like me. but i seriously wont have a crush for 4 years! that is like insane! but still, if the 4 years turns out like hers, whoohooo! i will go bonkers instead! hahaahaha! anyways. even a plain jane like her can have dreams. as long as you put your heart to accomplishing it. then the dream will not sound absurd. how true is that((: of course! cos its coming from Baek Seung Jo!!! hahahaha! im like gonecase nutty girl here. alrighteyy. i dont exactly have a real dream as in straight after uni. maybe when im older, i would like a childcare? a small one doesnt matter as well. cos at least i can live old with kids and their innocent world. ((: dreams! hahaha! laugh all you want!!

alrighttt. a lil novel and off to bed! no more pms monsters nor moody moods!!

-just like the flower poking through a side walk crack. would you make me smile.-

GOOD KARMMAAA!!

oh my. time seems to fly when you dont have enough. test on thurs, and i have started early.. buddeenn. think i still don have enough time): only fun time is like my meals time. sighs. mug mug mugg. my way of life! CHEERS! no sarcasm intended!

pom-sy time before the mugga-holic life resumes!

PS: i let my seat to a mom carrying a toddler, and offering to pass some stuff to my mom's friend. good deeds? hahahaha!

-im accumulating good karma. lemme have a better life.-

FISHIE FISHIE pond pondd.

yeah! two mid-terms are finally over for this sem! first 2 tests for the sem. i know the grades for the first one. alrighteyyy. need to maintain maintain! and hope this mod can be used to pull up the grades for other subj which i suck at. 70/100! happyy-nessss!!((: though i dislike the feeling of big fish in a small ponndd): dont know how to react. maybe i need to like read up on the complete idiot's guide to reactions. or should i say the how to please others. argghs, its okay its alright, kelly kelly fight fight fightt! think i study till all the cheers are going on and on in my head.

lab reports, tutorials and 1 more test to go! hwaitinggg! the hot weather and the much brain processes going on are burning up my brain): give my lil spongebob more juices kkies!! i feel like staying hall just for the aircon mannzz. hot weather is sucha turn off! buddeen. any other factors tell me to stay homeeee): sigghs. shoo the bad weather!

i think my patience are slowly wearing off): no no wayy man! they're really nice ppl right! i dont really adore ppl who walks too slowly(esp in front of me!), or dilly dallying. sigghs. must love them for who they are! ive got an awesome group of coursemates, but i need to instill a sense of urgency in them! and the attention span! hahaha! or i think i should slow down my pace of life instead! heehee. chillax chillax all the wayy!! arrgh. shudddup kelly!

-big fish in a small pond, small fish in a big pond. say NO to comparison!-

Stay Strong!

something that i thought it was nice to share((:

stay strong, peeps!

BAEK SEUNG JO!

back from the orthodontist visit. it was scary when he started giving me an option with surgery and everything. just too wow. me no celeb. no matter how perfect it can make my jawline to be, i think the pain will not be that worthwhile. hahaha. stick with what my sisters had done, the 4 extractions. the only thing that made my day is that the perfectionist dentist said that i've got a perfect lower row of teeth! wooots! didnt know it was so perfect. thought everything just messed up! hahaha. as in, not till the extent of perfect. perfect also no use): need to extract 2 teeth from it.. sigghs.

life sucks, take drugs! hahaha! that silly lingo that kc taught me!

i've been procrastinating a little. followed my schedule here and there, but still, i hope the mcq test will be alright. i seems to have known everything, or i just dont know that i've actually got a whole chunk of info that i missed it?? hate this kinda feeling. i wanna have the brains of Baek Seung Jo!

intelligent and good looking! but maybe not his attitude. heee. go watch Playful Kiss on Viikii if you dont understand me! you wont regret! feasting on something looking so perfect bring your stress and worries far away...

i think my life is like stuck there. always at that place. like 4th time???

-why is it always there?-

i love the non pms me!

"In life, if you design 10 reactors. 9 worked well, and 1 blew up.

They won't give you a 90 and congratulate you..."

how true is that.

thankyou prof for your enlightenment.

i realised how motivating he is in the 1st lecture. telling us not to be afraid of examinations and yet motivating us to put in continuous effort. plus plus points for you! KUDOS(: i have slightly better perceptions to tiong prof. in ntu!

today i ate really alot alot. bbt in the morning, fish and chips, ikea meat balls, ikea hotdog bun! oh my oh! kellllyyy! think you need to run like 1 hour more this week! my nap turn out to be an hour of sleep :X so tired after the whole day of recce for project. we were supposed to think of how to improve one of a food stalls at changi village. it's like a corner shop there, isolated and yet having a thriving business. its pretty cool, selling imported beer and western. chatting with the friendly boss makes me learn more about the cultures in singapore! but with his traditional mindset, it seems tough to think of a proposal to improve or expand the business. he said something so so true. what is theory may not be able to apply in real life.

yesh, dear education system, despite trying so hard to be more practical in life, i think you still failed in this aspect.

we have lab sessions, but i still feel that its futile. its like a event with a meaningful objective but the turnout is people are just doing for the sake of doing. but what else can we do right. kelly stop being so whiny about life! i need to be more productive! less fb time, less shows, more work done! tests coming up and must remember! CONTINUOUS effort!!! ((:

going for a dentist checkup tmr! sooo scared! hope the dentist will be good and cheap! cheaper than the one my sisters went pleasssee. since i've already narrowed down to this 2 options!

-keep the optimism in moi!-

i LOVE HAIRBANDS!

adding on to my mid week joy was opening a whole box of parcel with 6 new hair bands! monday tuesday, wednesday,...... friday! makes me look forward to next week! though they are filled with tests! >.<>

dislike my mom speaking so loudly. or rather shouting. think im too used to hall life when i just go back to a quiet room instead of one when so many people starts talking to me. arrgghh. adaptations. me dont like. but still. i tend to ignore ppl. especially when i dont feel like answering! sigghs. no good. need to kick this bad habit of mine!

hi chen zhong. yesh im listening to youuuu): back to my mugger-holic life! im still wearing my new hair band though im home!! hahahahaha!

-when im filled with overflowing joy! stay in me please!-

i know right!

one happy girl who had finally completed her 3 uncompleted thermody mindmap! but my next week testS not on this!

tsktskk. thermody is like killing me mucch. but it seriously helps alot with a nice and fatherly lecturer and tutor. (they're both the same person!:) he's of course a singaporean, no doubt! just old and knowledgeable with funneh slangs. total is read as TO-TOA, atmosphere is ASMOSPHERE. hahahha! and he laugh when we laugh at him. sometimes i wonder whether we're plain biased to foreigners or they seriously sucks. but sad to say, i prefer a tiong accent to a heck care english accent. Caucasians just give me a snobbish feel. i just cant help it, with their oh-you-think-i-care tone. indians. tsk. shoooo please!

i went gmarket to shop again! gossh. got myself a leggings jeans! heehee! hope they will turn out good! and im still waiting for my headbands!! shall wait patientlyyyy! and my blog is back to normal!! WHOOOTS! without doing anythingggg! hahaha!

i know right. kelly, just be yourself(:

Good things don't last!

someone teachhh meeee!

what is happening to the pictures by the side):

seriously, eMOOOS muchh!

i cant do much today, needa finish my thermody. sigghs. today is like the first few mondays that i'm coming home. think i'm getting more and more against the idea of staying in hall. the late sleeping hours is such uber turn off. wonder how those people survive. or rather, how i survive there last time.

oh great. someone great, please help me with my blog! what to do with the pictures): seems like good things dont last huhh..

i will be one happy girl.

had been surfing the net to relieve my retail therapy.

since im on budget mode, i kept myself on gmarket. and you know righhhtt! i've managed to snag some cheap weekend deals(: hair bands for like less than 3bucks. where do you get such deals in local "korean-shops". pray hard that the quality turns out good then i will really be a happy girl. for maybe a week? heehee.

ling trying to intro me to the korean gmarket instead. its making me so dizzy with the korean words and discounts and yet shipping fees and conversion. the stuff are really yepoyo. BUT, so so pricey! here's a really nice blazer that i seldom see local shops/blogshops carrying. ):

that cost like 40 without shipping):

no moneehhh!

stick to my hair accessories shopping.

since they are like so much cheaper! and the local gmarket provides free posting! hiakhiakhiak. shall wait for my hairbands' arrival within the next 48hours(:

-im will be one happy girl, i promise..-

i knew it!

yes. this is so so true.

neuLOOK

yeah. finally a new blogskin for my nearly dead blog.

hope its revived and i continue my mutterings hereeee(:

seriously contemplating getting a pink and polka dotted skin.

but i think some reader out there will be so freaked out.

yes, you!

lalalalala. and hence, decided to settle for something more darkish and more towards the mature side i guess(:

-why am i always the in between. something good with having a character on your own, but if you don't have, maybe that's why you are less demanding on others.-

where your faith lies?

just ended a mini gathering with the pageant peeps.

its an annual childrens' day party, and ive started organising it this year.

it makes me ponder so much into the good ol' council days and made me compare.

the satisfaction that i can get from the success never seems sweeter than in the past.

although it is a small event,

but the heart and soul in it is mostly done for the sake of doing.

cos its sorta like a tradition and hence its like our batch turn to be doing it.

i guess people will never be so foolish or what now to rally and do so much sai gang for the sake of doing it.

people do it for hall, do it for recognition, for knowing more people, do it for so many other reasons other than just wanting to try out a new experience, wanting to have big events for the cohort, enjoying the sense of satisfaction and wanting more.

no one is that stupid now.

not that im saying those who were in council were silly to have done so much for nothing but affected academic results. but im so glad that ive been so foolish in the past to pick up that form. im so so glad that i was in fives, so much tears, sweat and of course joy(no drama!). but i truly think that i will never get that experience any where else, or in future.

life just get more realistic when you grows. people may say that im dumb to give up my chance to stay in hall. for a position that i that i would be able to manage. but still, i want to keep to what i said, i didnt join any of the comm for the sake of staying or whatso. though the whole world is doing that, and even if i stick to my mentality, it doesnt matter much. the world still spins round. i don know how much more stubborn i can get. but i think its these little things that really matter to me.

people talks to you, to get your votes, to talk to a pretty face, to know more people, to have more connections and of course to get rec back to get help for future. well, this is called reality. kelly, just live with it and follow the flow. you will be happier this way. isn't that what we've been chasing for? happiness. i just make a mental note to myself. lower your expectations, and increase your happiness. never expect so much from the others, for you will never get back what you have experienced it before.

they say, life sucks, take drugs. i totally agree. but no drugs for me. just happy food and more happy fooddd(: and grow fatter with the happy-ness quotientttt!!(:

-so where your faith lies? i totally miss this: With pride we serve, as one we lead.-

gift

世上最残酷的恐怕是时间
困住人一切却还向前
干涸的眼再挤不出一点咸
爱到如此可悲的境界

i need to learn how to better appreciate my time

maybe i've appreciated it well enough by giving me enough time to relax.

its more of putting my time into better uses.

Prioritize.

time doesn't wait.

well that sucks i know.

balance! i needa a balance before my life goes past so quickly!

quit thinking and get to real stuff!!!

-act blur live longer. new motto of my life soon!-

love love love.

i know i will put up a good fight.

and the good fight will be worth it all.

go all out kelly!

live it up and not with regrets..

i need to love what i'm doing.

love astrology?

hellll yeahhhh!!!!

-tonight the stars are all hidden behind the dark clouds. they will come out soon.-

murphy's law

"Courage to speak up when you’re expected to remain silent
Magnanimity to remain silent when you want so much to speak up
It didn’t occur to me that
Courage & Magnanimity are Antonyms

Foolishness to speak up when you’re expected to remain silent
Cowardice to remain silent when you want so much to speak up
It didn’t occur to me that
Foolishness & Cowardice are also Antonyms"

Was blog hopping when i chance upon this on Elvin Ng's blog.

Amazes me how these 2 words seems so similar,

yet opposite in another sense.

i guess life is pretty much the same.

people always try to look for similarities across one another

to connect to the person,

to feel belonged.

yet in other sense,

we're still different.

you wont know what you're looking for.

cos you are always looking out for different things.

one moment, you may feel relieved that somethings never happen.

yet at other time,

you felt that you just let an opportunity slipped by.

enough of things that i don really know where im going.

school getting tougher.

ive gotten myself into a ABP(Accelerated Bachelor Programme) group

simply speaking, my bell curve is competing against those gpa 4 and above.

welll donnnee KELLY.

not only that.

im added 2 electives,

so in total, i have like 22 AUs waiting for me to clear.

clear to me is to at least maintain my 3.5 gpa.

greeaaatttt!

i feel the burden mounting on my shoulders.

and i think i seriously need it,

before i start procrastinating my sem away.

1st week over.

no more fun for now.

serious and serious and more serious.

this is the only way that it can get!

ive been skipping a couple of pageant trainings and gatherings.

heehee.

but im not exactly putting it into good use.

there goes my social life for shows!

no kellyyy!!

calculate your own opportunity cost!!!

ive been hearing ppl getting attached,

be it my pageant ppl or other friends.

how sweet things may seem,

and when i hear about sustaining a relationship.

i realised how much effort is needed.

how much patience one needs to put in.

how bothersome it can get on top of your normal responsibilities.

this sucks

but people still want it.

how amazing human brain works...

-shall wait for more of murphy's law to happen to my life.

only when you're not looking for something, then it will come to you naturally.-

1st day of school

first day of school is over.

it was so awesome, that i did not understand half the math lecturer.

i shall be patient with it,

and im seriously thankful that both my lecturers sound like pure blood singaporean.

with nice, slight english accent.

awesommmee mucch(:

uni lecturers never fail to carry quirky accents.

either foreigners are cheaper, or they're really better. or worst still, there're no singaporean willing to lecture in singapore.

how sad can it be.

just pray hard the remaining of my mod will be as good as these 2.

am so glad for my fun loving coursemates.

they're just nice to the extent that we wont feel obliged to do things for one another,

yet in a sense we can do things together.

sounds complicated.

butttt. i just love it as it is.

no obligations, no bitching then.

we just know that we need to work hard together.

and enjoy the school days we have together(:

better start get cracking.

and to decode my notes soon!

arrgggh..

first day onnnllyyy):

not an emo post.

i realised i dislike so many things.
the tiny details that irks me.
well, that's me for your info.
and there's one thing i love.
running away(:
feigning ignorance.

yesh, i just admit that i'm superficial and sceptical.
i cant help it, i guess..
and i've learnt,
never be too nice to others,
or you'll just be unkind to yourself.

ps: i hate ppl saying i'm emo. cos im so not feeling screwed up at all.

-i hate you for who you are, then...-

and all shall not be said

sometimes if things were to be as simple as it seems,

human will not be needed on earth.

we complicate things,

we bear the pain

and we suffer it through

and just pray hard that we'll grow stronger from it.

i hope i will, too.

hopefully soon.

and all shall not be said,

my outlook.

im not sure how much i've grown and mature over these years.

its just those subtle thoughts coming through my head and stuffs.

as much as i enjoy those moments with the thought flowing through,

it doesnt seem to end.

and sometimes i wish that i can let the emotions just overflow,

and not control so much.

controlling myself with those encouraging thoughts

anyways, hope i can keep up with the positive outlook in life.

achieve what i aim for, and be happy for myself.

happy.

so easily spelled, yet tough to achieve.

anyways, my grades are fine.

not as good as last sem, as predicted.

but hope i can maintain the standardd!

hahahaa. second lower hons!! gogogogogo!

keep going like the past few months for 6 more sems?

certainly! i can do it!

geez, i sound so so positive(:

<3>

working hard for my taiwan trip!!

yeahhh! shopping sprees after oh-so-many-many months!!

and poor kai,

having some ulcers in the eye.

feels the pain for him,

and hope it will heal fast and he will be fine!

my old dogggggg!! ):

-You live life once.

You suffer the consequences of your actions.

How to balance between both?-

return me my peace in life.

it's always a bliss not to know so much.

i hate it so much to be deceived.

think to you they're just white lies,

but seriously they are not.

since it doesnt matters to you,

so what matters?

people are so great at making things to their disadvantage and not bother about what the others feel.

i can see that you are trying,

but trying isnt enough without the sincerity.

try harder, and i feel more put off instead.

i dont think you can handle so much in one go,

so please stop trying.

i dont meant to be personal with anyone.

if you think it's you,

then i think you must be one of there people.

for me, i think it does occur to me,

when my thoughts were selfish to others.

this is so called human nature.

im just sorry that we have such nature,

but i think we must learn how to handle it.

i will try harder..

remember my theory of karma, the golden rule and what nots..

what you do unto others, others will do unto you.

so true, but so easily forgotten.

come on kelly, why be affected by people who arent worth it.

move on, and get a life.

-i'll just take it as a trust misplaced. but seriously im feeling so disgusted.-

exams, pms, homesickness..

exams are sick.

tests before exams are worst.

not sure if i can endure so long before the start of the exams.

need to be stuck here in hall.

with no one i can talk to as and when i like.

no kaiser i can hug, no kynan whom i can hug.

eating the same old canteen food over and over again.

who says uni life is tonnes better than college days ought to be shot.

they are equally bad

just that in different sense.

hope i will be equally stressed throughout the weekdays.

so that i can complete my work fast and go home next week.

horrible staying in the room on my own.

but if i were to go out and mingle,

i know i wont be able to study.

such a dilemma!

argghss!

hateful but cant help it.

this bout of homesickness is real bad.

coupled with the stress and inconfidence for my papers.

if im not gonna S/U my korean,

i better put in ten fold more effort.

kelly, you better do it or you will regret.

if im unable to breakaway from the paper chase,

i better start working hard.

better than regretting and being remorseful after getting my grades.

sometimes i really pause and ponder,

what am i doing all these for.

and i will just end up with the same conclusion.

because i don have the courage to stop what i am doing

or the piece of degree than thousands others are pursuing with me;

i had to endure these shit.

it's just 3 and half more years.

thereafter,

life changes completely.

school stops,

and i will start complaining about how life sucks at that moment and how school used to be so wonderful.

life's like that,

im like that.

we will never be happy with what we have.

so much of telling myself to being contented.

i can only look up to my role models,

and tell myself to work harder to achieve what i've achieved.

no matter what my life turns out to be,

it's in my own hands.

if i want to continue wasting my life away,

living my life at my own pace,

who cares about me.

everyone, everybody everything still move on...

alrights,

pms stress and homesickness seriously ain't best friends):

-i will grow stronger from life's challenges.. yes i will...-

To whom it may concern:

To whom it may concern:

we spend so much of our lives trying to find out what we wanna be,

what we like, what we want to portray ourselves as.

so many a time, these effort are futile as we will never be satisfied with who we are.

we always try to please those who matters to us in that phase in our lives,

and when the important people changes,

you will be a new person.

changes for the better is certainly encouraged,

but not when you change till the extent you hurt those that once matters to you.

or when they are taken for granted.

we always mention how much we cherish this long friendship of ours

but to me, the time doesnt matters.

it is how much we have shared.

how much honesty and candid-ness,

how much ups and downs,

tears and joy

as well as the endless fun that we had when we hang out together.

so what if it is a year or two or even a decade.

it is still what we have done together.

it doesnt matter who this friendship started with and whats not.

cos we just enjoy hanging out with one another

cos we just enjoy the trust we hold amongst us

cos we just proud of the securities that each of us provide ourselves with.

now that something had occured.

we should never try to escape from the problem.

neither should we avoid discussing it.

if we were to do so,

it will just seems to be using something artificial to hold something together.

it will never be strong this way.

i agree things may not be the same as before

as a scar will always be there no matter what.

but how deep the scar that stays

depends on how forgiving we can be.

how willing we are to move on from the incident

and perhaps start everything on a new note, if need be.

we will always be ready to talk.

anger and tears are just useless emotions hindering us.

someone need to make a first step.

while the others should be willing to listen.

now everything may feels normal.

our normal lives with our busy schedules.

but when we stop and think about it,

it is once more different.

i hope we can talk about it soon

and not let the emotions die off

for it will take even greater courage to rake it up..

so how much effort is this friendship worth?