thoughts and rumblings.

it's so true that you start missing somethings when they are gone.
yeahh, gone are the normal school days with the used-to-be-much-dreaded tutorials and lectures.
no more daily sights of classmates, friends and teachers.
human, it's just so funny.
or is it just me.
during Compass when my CT mentioned about many things
including the last day in school and his much-needed "humour" within the serious stuff.
i could feel the many many emotions welling up inside me.
yeahh, managed to contain them pretty well
with the help of my pretty chem notes.
bleahh..! chem notes where got pretty de.
enough of emotions.
i realised the harsh reality allows non of these.
no emotions, no feelings.
if not, why would it be called harsh.
it's such an ugly world.
the competition makes it even worse.
the ugly side of human just keep coming up in my mind.
i hate them..

*****

im so so sorry.
i think i've been really caught up with my work
that i've really neglected those council dearies of mine.
i so feel like giving them a tight hug now.
especially jojo.
she made a pretty pretty sketch book.
yeahh, hand made.
and of course during this hectic period!
i dont know how to describe how i was feeling when flipping through the pages.
reading, feeling the lil details in it.
we used to mention how much we regret joining this organisation.
come to think about it,
if we don't join, would we have met one another??
*HUGS!*

*****

it's gonna be over soon.
i shall stop going in circles i shall make the best out of it.
seems like we will again be unable to pass our prelims.
so what?
what it matters is still the A's.
please give me some strength...
to finish off this last lap of journey..
with tenacity...

school this week.

TGIF!!
okays, now it's TGIS, thank god it's saturday.
weekends are really wonderful creation.
they are the days when you are at your own pace,
no physical stress from those around you.
when i can do things at my own pace and not restricted.
i hope ive finally caught on the mad rush for preparation.
and not sleep so much.
sleeping too much is such a pain when you wake up feeling so grouchy and filled with guilt
because you've not gotten anything done.
it's just so hateful.
things around me may not be pleasing now,
but i believe i can turn it around with the lil patience i have left in me.
just hope people around me will also be more patient with me.
last week of school next week.
it may sound good,
but scary as well.
once we are on our own,
we wouldnt have the external push to improve..
sighhss..
sum it all up,
school is just as boring as ever

the "MOST" interesting "event" that happened: THERE"S A COCKROACH IN MY HOMEROOM!!
in school okays!
and it's humongous.
of course the girls many screamed.
and me sitting in the first row wasn't spared as well.
but a small and petite girl girl just crushed it to it's death,
not once, but twice!
damn pro right!
and yet another classmate beside her still screamed when it's crushed.
women is just so contradictory.
but it's just so hilarious :)
exciting right..

the most scary thing that happened:
my GP teacher was apparently at "war" with us during one of our lesson.
yeahh, cos we didnt do our "concept clarification"
it's something the most basic in essay planning which we didn't do.
of course she's mad at us right.
but imagine for the whole about 50 mins
when she will just shoot us questions and asking us to provide with points
when she will just stand there and wait for our GOOD answer with her uber big eyes.
if the answers are bad,
they will be SHOT down.
with criticism.
27 people all sitting down, but more than half of them don't talk during her lesson.
it's really painful for those who talk.
and slowly more and more people refuses to talk after they are "shot" down.
jw and i were like nearly dying,
cos we are the oly two girls who talked the most in class.
our brain like auto-shut down when she left the class.
cos both of us didn't do our work and didnt leave the class when she asked us to,
oh yeahh,
the first line when she stepped in was,
"those who didn't do your essay plan please leave the class."
yeah yeah, apparently almost the whole class didnt do.
if you dont consider a few scribbles as essay plan
just like she didnt.

there's my "interesting" week for you.
sometimes i dread the weekends,
cos it would mean the exams are drawing nearer and nearer.
no wonder we've been warned right from the start that term 3 of jc 2 goes super fast.
now i get what you mean.
it really flies that you wouldn't feel anything.

something that i look forward to during weekends :))
the cute lil boy!

kynan boy and proud mommy :)

but too bad i need to go elsewhere to study,
cos he's too irresistible that he distracts me if i were to study at home.

the ugly world

some things that were bothering me for the past few days. i can seriously find faults in whatever is around me. contentment never seems to be in the minds of people in this world of ours. competition turns things ugly. superficial people makes things even uglier. pretty face or not, i dont like it. i hate it when you know people come to you with a purpose. or should i say with a motive. it's just so ugly ugly and more ugliness. even if the world is filled with all the pretty faces, it will be useless. criticism is just bringing someone down so that you will seem better? bullshit to me.. i just think confidence can bring the beauty out in you, but it also bring the other side of you if you cross the line. pretty or ugly it's not for us to decide, and to me, i think criticisms should only be made straight in someone's face if you're perfect. and i guess nobody are... yeahh, and maybe the whole world is just an illusion. those around you may not be there afterall...

i dont know what im getting to.
decided to stop there.


*****

sometimes im questioning myself, if it is really not going to happen, or is it that i dont wish to give in to it? im thinking on the basis of FRIENDS. will it be enough for a really close group of friends around you? afterall, they always say that it's the quality that counts. i dont know. the feeling of you treating someone as such, but yet those efforts are not reciprocated. it doesnt feel nice at all. the different expectations of mine of others and others of mine, is just so starkly different. the quote, "Do unto what you want others to do unto you." it just a whole lot of crap. nothing works in this way i think.. yeahh, maybe cause human is all crap and hence the world is as well.


*****

"the world is a beautiful place, until Man came into it..."

i just realise my ipod has some nice songs. been nuts over songs from Dido. the lyrics relate to my life maybe? yeahh, and the advice to stay away, i shall heed them soon. follow my heart and do what i deem is right. doesnt that means im like living on an island with no one to care about? why care when people doesnt..

*****

back to my normal life and not those thoughts of mine. brought my doggie down for a walk just now. the park was having some National Day celebration. it's so amusing when the songs they sing are all but those we learn when we are kids. Count on me Singapore etc etc.. but yet every year we have new national day songs? the purpose of it? the novelty is it?

recently i like blasting music into my ears. it brings me back to my own world, oblivious to those around me, and i observe others from my world. it's a cool and nice thing to do. maybe you guys should try it too. and maybe when you go back into the shared world of ours, you will do less of the silly things that makes you laugh when you are observing...

stop twirling your hair!

im so dead. i've just started my bad habit again. it's the sms-ing. i think it's seriously "unhealthy" for life. i certainly believe that smses cant carry the emotions that is required for a normal conversation to take place. so much things cant be conveyed through it properly. it's just a way for youngsters to escape the harsh truth, or to take the easier way out. i better stop my this very bad habit soon. Read from yesterday's papers too. they mentioned about the increase in injuries caused by people who sms. yepp, they themselves are the victims. as much as i found it very hilarious, how people bang into the lamp post when smsing, and landed themselves in the hospital, i just hope this will never happen to anyone around me nor me. it also mention that we are not multi-tasking when smsing and doing something else. but we are just focussing on smsing for one second and the other second doing the other thing. so no good... so people who smses while studying, not productive okays.. dont fool yourselves into thinking that you are maintaining a good friendship/relationship while studying, hence being productive. no such thing! only the guilty one will feel it..

*****

had a change of study plan. decided to start doing my homework in school first, since no matter how much nap i take i will still be KO-ed at home. i enjoy being with my secondary classmates. i like the drive in them i guess. not sure if it's cos a change of faces, from the ones i always see in class, to some people whom i seldom see. but i think this change is good.. shall see for myself the next week.

*****

i realise the need to love what every we are doing now. it gets mundane after a while. and the willingness and necessity of it will never be strong enough to keep you going. it's the love for it that does the job. i know what to do. so i shall start loving my notes, my teachers, my homework, my tys and so so important to miss, MY SUBJECTS. i can no longer regret what subjects ive taken, ive chosen them, i will do them well.


*****

ohh, i sound so totally positive in this post!
and the most dumb thing that happened in my this boring life of mine!
two of my teachers told me to "Stop twirling your hair!"
what's the problem with me doing that man..
sheesh, cos you cant do it right??
ultimate randomness..!