emo emo

it is more difficult to forget about something than i thought it takes

any slightest things brings back fond memories..

you took my courage away

the day our gazes no longer enter into each others..

i'm just being over-sensitive...

as always...

emotions running wild...

through my head

over and over again

the pain never ends just there...

-how i wish i wasn't me myself...-

life and it's conquers

I'm supposed to be conquering my mountains and mountains of tutorials..
but after attacking some of it
i cant get myself to continue it.

my weekends are like uber-ly boring
no more shoppings and long nappings in the afternoon.
no more using of com throughout the entire lazy sunday afternoon.
just lots and lots of brain damage by those awful tutorials.
came up with some lame cheer for the tutorials
[following the tune of the Awesome Miranda cheer!]

AWFUL oh wow!
like totally freaked me out
AWE-FUL-e
awful tutorials!
TOTALLY!!

i dont think it makes any sense.
but at least it humour me..

while i'm mugging hard,
few random thoughts came into my awfully damaged brain.

we, human always amplify the mistakes that others make
by sharing with others [aka bitching sessions]
by remembering those mistakes and forgetting those help they had provided in the past..
and NOT thinking what is the mistake you had committed YOURSELF..

one great example is when you lost something.
the first thing that come into your mind is who could have taken it
and not where had you last placed it..

i think im feeling guilty regarding this as well..
oh wells..
we gotta learn the best way is to learn from our mistakes
remember to forgive and forget the mistakes that others made
while to learn from those you had committed
wont life be better
wont the world be better
if everyone is to learn together...

i'm becoming more and more philosophical
that there's a point when i wish i could enter into someone else's brain
and change the perception he or she is thinking..
sighs..
knowing more
means having more to handle..

going back to my conquer..
i would not be affected..
no, i wont allow them to...

*****
maybe i needa do something drastic...
to change my life..
to the way i want it to be...
and not what you want it to be...

-am i as strong as i thought i would be??-

teardrops

school's been real hectic with so many things ongoing.
be it physically and emotionally,
all as draining..

chem test at least once every week
tutorials are went through at a breakneck speed
such that need to complete at least an entire tutorial PER subject
which is also equals to 4 hours or more..
running every PE lesson for the whole of last 2 weeks
though sometimes i looked forward to it
if it's in a nice cooling weather.
when i run at night,
the silence in my own world with the company of the greatest friend!
who's training just ended and tomorrow's her PE day..
the chilling wind blew me off
chasing those thoughts off my head.

many many things are happening in council
so many that i think no one have a time and space for breather
we must hang in there, peoples!
unite together and we will be formidable
we can overcome the obstacles together
remember the endurance run..
when we would not be able to continously run 6++ km early in the morning if not for the presence of the other 32 of us encouraging one another.
we can do it again and overcome anything...
when things dont seem well,
see it in a different perspective..
focus more on the positives and not the negatives.
things are not as bad as you think..
to think i can comfort people when i always go to someone for comfort.

today, Saturday, 26th January 2008..
i ran my first competitive race in my entire 18 years..
wow, like so big like that..
yeah, i've learnt from it..
winning is when you stay strong and continue perservering
winning is when you just put in your best efforts..
i've won my race.
when i felt so queasy and unwell mid way through the race
when i perservered..
and completed the entire route...
minah.. though i dont think you will see this
you won your race too..
cos you really put in your best efforts despite everything..
takKires of yourself, okie dokes minah!!

*****

the decision is beginning to seep in..
the day will soon come
i will make it, regardless of anything

now i'm so afraid everything will start again.
i fear it so so much..
i shall maintain my focus

this song just touched me so
with those words
tears welling in my eyes..

.Teardrops on My Guitar.
Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful,
that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me,
I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone
when he's with me
He says he's so in love,
he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do

Drew walks by me,
can he tell that I can't breathe
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight,
give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do

So I drive home alone,
as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see.

-the innocence in me caused these tears...-

photos!

here's some of the photos taken during the Hong Kong trip..

these days are just so different
when we are in our own paradise..

-when nothing happening is worse than something happening..-

CouncilCounsellor

some joke that some people tried to crack..
what did the fat cow say to the thin cow?
"moo..moo..."
this wont make any sense unless you know who im referring to..!

i felt so relieved.
that i'm not so involved in the stress and organising
but at least i will be more of a help,
giving support by the side.
maybe i can be CouncilCounsellor. =)
and i uphold confidentiality!
you guys must brave
really hang on there
overcome the obstacles and you'll be stronger..
jia yous okayyyys, peeps!!

i've been thinking lots and lots about all the random stuff except academically.

My take on "Beauty":
"Walk with pride and walk it far...the girl who can even make women's heads turn..."

*****

where did my determination go?
when i needed them all...
when the eyes will no longer meet
when the times runs out...

-i felt so like before again...-

bitchy me!

i had such joy today!! [minus the dumb chem lect test!]
found more people that thinks like me!
GREAT minds think alike, peeps!

WARNING!!!
the rest of the content of this blog will purely be a venting of my accumulated ideas, frustrations and blah blah blah. STOP here if you cant take it!

the past few days were just plain shitty
the school work really pile up like no one's business
even PE lesson also trying to kill people under the hot hot sun..
and my newly-found canteen is now my homeroom!
mad-rush to finish all the uncompleted homework
mad-rush during lectures to an extent i can just stare!
no matter what we can do it one, PEOPLES!!!
remember the four-letter word??
DON'T @#$%!!
QUIT LAH.. dont think dirty.
all the J2s are encountering about the same thing i guess
huge jump from J1 to J2.
what a nice feeling of being a senior!
[sense the sarcasm??]

the speed of the council work is also faster and faster.
closer deadlines and etc..
when people are more stress
people are more " *itchy "
endure endure..

i found a new side of me..
i hate COPYs!!
know there's something called the copyright law?!?!
where's your originality..
i realised something

beauty is not something you can control
it's from the inner...
.BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.

when one will never be able to lie your way through
try harder if wanna try...

*****
my next goal: to forget

-to forgive and forget is not as easily as said...-

lost will

i've lost the will to fight on
in everything
after so long..
though the decisions are made,
i just pray...

satisfaction

woww...
felt such great sense of satisfaction today
just finished packing the mobile FA kits
while waiting for my turn to bathe [im at rach's house!!]
and i even have time to blog!
TMP went rather smoothly with the help of everyone
and quek and i were crazy
we just realised that we did not pack any FA kits for MMM tomorrow
but we did the checking late at night
and we were very efficient!
our partnership were fun and lame
with the quekie girl around
it really make the atmosphere around lighter and more enjoyable
and i've danced mass dance!!!
finally!
since i did not even touch it even during OGL camp
and i did the both dance
though i did it halfway!

Orientation Azimuth!
proud of it!
but rather disappointing to hear that some freshies said that they didn't enjoy their day
when im so fascinated last year at this point of the year
by the way the school works
allowing students to really run an event
perhaps it's just how the council work used to fascinate me..
now it still does... =)

i yearn for the entire council to have a chance to really be TOGETHER
when will it ever happen??

i felt too many emotions in a day to mention it all..
ups and downs
highs and lows
all in a day
too overwhelmed..!

i've learnt something from FA:
"Smile and get over it.."
but it's not as easy as said...

*****

i miss the past
i thought about it
remembering those memories
but the sense of relief may be more satisfying..
where did my determination go...

-those memories seems so faraway...-