crazy..

i cant understand what's the difficulty
what is it that you want
i can only pick up hints
from your actions
it's driving me nuts...!

-it just make me regret more...-

sweet escape

im so tired tired
from all the shopping craze, flights and blah blah blah
plus come back and do all the council's favourite shitty stuff
i can like sleepwalk back when im walking home at night
and the last time i managed to do this is during a camp
when it's really "early" in the morning
now it's just the energy being totally drained out..

enough of whining!
at least i can feel that we are more bonded
and not just the usual few..

ive lost track of the days.
everyday seem so similar..
homework still undone
trouble looming near...

this will be over in a few months
the long journey..
we must perservere...

*****

i stand firm.
you cant solve the problem by escaping
maybe im just too kind...
i wonder i wonder
i wonder cluelessly...

-kindness not reciprocated or just sweet escape...?-

video

i cant help but post again
cos more thoughts came to my mind..

the video was really nice
great job, JOEL!!
at least you're not so useless after all!!!
your efforts are definitely appreciated.
the video had shown us,
or at least me,
that the long process that we've managed to endured
the so many many things that we did together
and the satisfaction that are derived..
it's just too touching and sweet
beyond words can described
thus all the photos did the talking..

*****

i cant read your mind...

-i stand firm and proud of myself...-

i am happier

pre-MERRY X'MAS greetings

*****

i realise something
the gift in me..
i observe things around me well..
perhaps too well...

i am happier..
i think i am...

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This was the best feeling

-it was...-

. a d i o s .

going off!

i don't know where to begin.
i've been going through my days aimlessly..
did not stick to my schedule
EXCEPT
the part on relaxing on Saturday!
which also means that ive not completed my holiday assignment..

felt guilty.
clear of the consequences.
but not feeling the stress yet.
wait for the time to come...

the past few days sorta flew by
with my long hours of sleep and play and eat
had the KFC buddy meal with MY MUM.
and I've found something gross inside the coleslaw
something black and disgusting!!
i'm like freaked out and left the rest of it untouched
my mum went to inform the one of the workers at the counter
cos she cant find any manager
[probably hiding behind in the kitchen..]
and the girl just go "OHHHHH..."
and showed her fellow colleague the disgusting stuff
what a brilliant service!
and thou shall not touch any KFC coleslaw
at least in the near future when the picture of the gross stuff is clearly imprinted in my brian!!

gotten some last minute stuff before the trip..
and im told not to change money...
well...
im in no control
perhaps..

bathed my old lil puppy!
since don't know when is the last time i bathed him
shall hug my clean lil pup to sleep later on!

im flying off in a few hours!
not exactly excited,
but just felt happy to be able to go away
to places which there isnt so much people i knew
and new faces at the new places...
no stress.
no work.
no conversation topic that makes me sick.
and of course,
shopping sprees!!!
these definitely make the joy!


*****

at least relieved..
for some things..
not for others...

-when i can go away forever...-

kynan!!!

here's my cute nephew~!!!!



isn't his laughter uber-ly adorable!!
here's another one..



and this is the women behind the sound..
and him again!!



randoms randoms again...
been uploading this since 5pm in the evening..

-i am happier this way, at least i think.....-

My loveTOADstool.. with snow-capped mountains!

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person.

There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

randoms randoms...

i hate the flower part.

because once you said garden,

everyone will sure think of flowers..

-i wish i wish.. i wish upon a star...-

hatred

now a proper post.
the previous one is just throwing one of my tantrums
i just cant find anyone to relate my emotions
as in really relate properly

enough of that
moving on..

banner painting!
finally went back to school after the camp!
and seeing them back again
but halfway through i just feel that something is amiss
not sure what
and i just went home
so sorry to the other painters
esp haoyan
didn't stayed throughout..

today went to school for meeting
and after that was lunch and i went to KC house
supposed to do hw we ended up chatting and pigging in
which is also sleeping!
met up again the bz and wl at night
and chatted into the next day
at least ive seen most of them once more..
hahaas..
chat and chat
too bad my problem not solved yet
though there were many funky ideas..

*****

what do you want..

-when ive made a painful decision that you didn't..-

im angry
im scared
i thought i know what i want
but i dont know what to do now...

run my own life!!

-i tremble with anger...what an irony..-

again

met up with SYC'07 Cultural Night peeps.
half of them at least
they are really great fun!
caught Alvin and the Chipmunks movie with them
it's great only at the beginning
and when going into the movie the plot sorta gets dull
when the voices no longer sounds as cute..
and im like shhhed by dunno which guy.
is one of us
but i cant see the face in the dark..

though we only knew each other for a few months
but we were like sharing the same opinions
LOLs..
having "open discussions"
think some of us will get the meaning of it!
and our next up-coming meet up
New Year's Eve eve.
party at BIM's house!!

i needa complete my homework real soon.
by FRIDAY!
den Saturday pack bag and relax
and off i go again on sunday!
so kelly!
follow the schedule!!!

BIN ah ma wants a lunch or dinner with me before i fly off
arent i so touched!
i also want one with the pri sch peeps
when wl fly back and before bz, kc and i fly off!
which is 19th night!
who can make it?!

*****

again..
i want to stay happy
for myself...

- i live life to the fullest.. hopefully with no regrets...-

sad in my world

"kopped" this from rubbish women's blog aka old mama almost non-existent blog!
just thought that it looked pretty and meaningful!
Daughtry - 'Home'

HOME

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love remains true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.I'm going home.

i went back home after the 7 days away from home..
when my dear old kaiser came wagging his tail
welcoming back home
then i realised how old he is
time had passed
for the past 7 years..
neglect.

what i can say about it
what i cant..
if time will just turn back into the past..
when we were like last time..
i'm willing to try.
are you?

i cant continue living in my own world!
though that would be my ideal one...
finding myself...

-i wonder for wonders to happen...-

SYC togther you and me

SUNBURST YOUTH CAMP
9th - 15th December 2007

Brunei . Cambodia . China . India . Indonesia . Kazakhstan . Laos . Malaysia . Myanmar . Philippines . South Korea . Singapore . Thailand . Vietnam .

together we all come together
the most extraordinary camp I have in my life
and the best of all
there were regulations instilled
yet everyone still have the freedom to do what they like
when we all tried our best to communicate to each and everybody
when we all had fun learning from everyone
when we cry, everyone, regardless of gender...

I'm allocated to receive Malaysia,
which is "my country"
so we went to the airport on Sunday
after which helping them to check in
and then bringing them out for dinner and shopping at Orchard Road

some of the activities that i've really enjoyed myself:

Outward Bound Singapore
it's on the first day of the entire camp
when we sorta had an ice breakers, Helium Hoop
this is the game which i think i've learnt alot from
though we did no succeed,
i've still managed to attain the objectives of this game
enabling UNO to bond and trust one another
afterwhich is learning to belay
and belaying my group members from other countries
was feeling really tired
and all the pain from the rope burns
but still with the determination
all of us managed to pull through
and we continued to the games part
which i've forgotten the actual name for it
we were supposed to play team building games and earn points
after which we will use the points collected to buy materials
which are then used to build a bomb launcher which can be unactivated by burning a fuse
graduated the OBS course with a cert
so proud of myself and the group!

Urban Challenge
This is something like a mini version of our school's MMM
The groups are supposed to take a group photo at the station
and answer questions about the places of interest
my opinion about this is that this game had allowed the participants from overseas to learn more about the countries
and really bring home memories and photos of the nation
UNO won this and my group met Tommy Koh
and also taken a photo with him!
it's so kind of him to volunteer to help us take our group photo.
and end up it's him in the photo :)
and of course
UNO won!
what we've gotten is a photo frame with all the photos inside
wheee!!!!

Jamming Night
everyone was totally high
before and after our informal performances
we all screamed and jumped
and danced..
were so high that many doesn't want to sleep early!

Late Night Rehearsals
these rehearsals were for the cultural night on the last night of the camp
we're all dead tired,
yet we all struggled down to the hotel and had our rehearsals
the nights when our instructors
chided us
joked with us,
O level standard, tone deaf, him covering his ears, him banging into the wall..
the pot-belly, tears, laughter
and so many other memories spent with the Singapore Cultural Night peeps!
you guys really rawks!!!

An evening with SYC
this is the real night
the actual night of performance after so many months of rehearsals
we were dressed in our costume with thick make-up on
everyone looked pretty and nice
and we really enjoyed ourselves
and did the best we could
and of course seeing hot guys!
LOL
all was great!!!
followed by the entire night awake!

the week soon come to an end
when we had to send off the delegates from other countries
people really cried
though we only know each other fro the past 6 days
yet we all build that friendship
that we all hope will last

not only had i made friends with people from other countries
but also from SINGAPORE!
the BIMBOS!
all having our own "bimbotic" moments
laughing at ourselves
hope we could have our Club reunion someday..
those whom i really talked and shared our lives..
Izzati, Rina, Alina!!
you gals are just great!!!

these camp was really enriching
allowing me to have friends from so many countries
at first i'm still anxious on going to camp with so many strangers
only knowing 1 amongst the 150 plus people
but soon all became friends
this experience is really indescribable and priceless...

*****

i see the difference
between what's true and what's not...

-i've learnt.. i've learnt to be strong...-

. S Y C T O G E T H E R Y O U A N D M E .

goodbye

tears will never bring the time lost back
only actions can...

i've really neglected my friends real lots
special mention:
[in alphabetical order.. so dont fight!]
BeeSiang, BiZhen, HweeMay, KeeChen, PohYu, WunLing
so guilty
felt so lousy
imagine ive not seen them for more a month
and to think i've them around me for more than a decade for some of them
when they can stand by your side when the rest of your world crumbles down on you
so sorry guys..
i know i could have done better..
will try harder next time..
i assure..

stop dwelling on it..
"make the sacrifices worth it by doing the best out of what you are supposed to do;)"
quoted from keechen.
thanks for being so encouraging and forgiving..
your words will work wonders...!

tomorrow i will be off for camp..
thanks for all the care and concerns im showered upon by you people..
thanks for the heart to heart talk..
it made me feel blessed...
especially when i'm alone at night..
going home or all other nonsense..
all of those smses were just so sweet..

*****

when others can show more concern for me
than you should have
have you done what your role should have??
maybe sorry will never heal those pain you've brought
tears are all shed...
once again the last promise is broken...

-i cant help but tear.. though i shall leave all these behind.. -

.a d i o s.

my sweet escapade

i've come to realised
i've kinda neglected my family and friends real lots
my family supposed to have a family portrait taken
but because of my camp...
sis asking mum and i to go out
keechen and pohyu and some other peeps
waiting for me to be free
to arrange a tai-tai session aka mahjong session

BUT above all these,
i chose to stay at home
claiming i will do some homework before leaving them at home
and i needa pack my baggage for the next 7 days

BUTbut, i just feel so tired
and i feel like sleeping again
after my more than 12 hours of sleep

wondering if im real tired or just an excuse
to escape from all these..

*****

your self-proclaimed busy-ness...
is just another way to escape...
why cant i just take my mind off you...

-my sweet escapade...-

tiredOUT

Prom is officially over
seems like the project we have undertaken for so long
and it's a SUCCESS!!
at least i know i've gotten myself 2 close friends from this prom experience
and the some significant photos and memories..

insufficientSLEEP

headACHE

tiredOUT

my time for a breather is finally here
at least i'll be around strangers for the next 7 days...

-disappearing in your life...-

how you wish it did long long ago. my regret. im just too tired to constantly remind...

burst my own bubble

i seriously cant breathe properly..
i mean literally
my nose is like super blocked
it all started from yesterday's mad rush to finish all our stuff
we managed to complete everything
when i went to old mama's house to stay over
the "tonn" over night was really productive
keeping in mind that we had traveled on feet so much in the afternoon
when retrieving the Prom tickets
when i "misplaced" my trust on that rubbish OLD MAMA!
making me walk extra kilometers under the hot sun in the ulu ulu place..
but i just keep sneezing from that night
running in the rain early in the morning didn't really make things better.
and during the SA meeting my foot were sorta freezing..
and i thank myself for speaking up..

wasted my entire afternoon in the council room
when we tried waiting for the heavy downpour to stop
it's really good opportunity for me to sleep
if i had managed to escape home dry-ly..

i cant be bothered to post the details,
if not it will be JUN KAI's length's blog
just read from any other councillors blog,
since now practically everyone has one!

now i'm afraid to sleep so early.
though it's 12 plus midnight..
and tmr is PROM!!!
cos i just have a weird thinking that
every time when i'm about to fall sick,
the long hours of sleep supposedly to sub back in for the lost hours
will just be hours of free time for the bacteria in my body to breed in it
and then i will fall sick...
not sure why i have such theories either.

burst my own bubble..
[burst one of my symmetrical blisters as well]
i wish i could be more indifferent
like i am like in the past
it could have made my life easier..

*****

i feel well...
UNAPPRECIATED
and i guess you are living your life normally..

-how would i know what am i supposed to do.. -if you dont say..

PISSED

*****

tiredOUT
all the attempts are just so screwed

no other comments.
FOR THEY WILL BE USELESS..
FULLSTOP!

when i stoop so low. and you gave no reply. im just beginning to hate you. so regretful of my actions. thinking of my dumb decision. you are just so freaking freakingly irritating. why must you treat me like this. i hate you i hate you...

-you will soon make me lose my cool...-

rumblings

shall start off my post with fazall's quote
as what i've promised him,
i will mention it here

"without love, the world will have less people crying..
but, without love, the world will also have less people smiling..."

we were just having our lunch after out meeting
and started this random topic
discussing about relationships, girls and guys..
it was certainly random
especially with the company whom i rarely talk to about these topics
or is it never before..
it certainly set me thinking more
and the caring barney just keep asking me to tell
somethings are better left unspoken, fuzzy..
cos comfort wont be able to resolve them..

*****

i read through my old posts, my rumblingsINmyBLACKbook, ....
my other side of my life
things are still pretty much the same
when no initiative is taken
i'm still thinking if time will really heal things that reasons cant..
i doubt it can
it will only allow people to forget about it
i dont want it that way
where is the happy ending...
happily ever after seems so far away...

i'm still waiting for the promises to be fulfilled
that date is coming again
another month is gone...
nothing much is improved
the sweetbitterness is here yet again
when the tears i shed for you,
when the trust i've placed in you
are all gone
probably with the tears that were long ago dried up...
i wish i can hate you
but i cant bring myself to do it
i bet you are now...

-i wish i wish.. i wish you've never existed in my life...-

youYOUyou

so many fun things had taken place this week
i've been out early in the morning and back home in the evening
just to change and freshen myself up
before leaving the house again for the night activities
i guess this is the only week i can enjoy
and really stay away from homework or any council stuff

i should settle down this coming week
got so much stuff to do
homework is like totally untouched!
PROM is coming up
and i've like lotsa stuff not done
and i must settle TMP before leaving for holidays
or else i will never enjoy it peacefully
after the screwed-up attempt during OGL camp.

i think i shall just elaborate my most FUNdayFIRDAY!
I've got rehearsal early in the morning.
which i had to leave house uber early cos the dance studio is all the way at some ulu corners of Queenstown.
at least i alight there when i took the train.. (:
i was 40 minutes late and we ended 5 mins early
how productive we were...
left there for school and went back just for the Mr Hon's meeting
too bad some of the people with the most to comment weren't there..
and off for a combined breakfastLUNCHdinner
it's just my only proper meal of the day
after that i had to rush back to my mum's childcare
and help to doll up the lil kids for their end year concert!
shall upload some pictures when i have the mood to!
styling up the hair for the lil boys were so fun
when they asked for hairstyles like Ultraman..
i guess those were just innocent ideas..
those long gone days
went home to bathe and off i went off to the combined FOURS&FIVES bbq
sitting on the breakwaters make me ponder on so many things
and after the rest of them left except for Old MAMA and i,
we sorta talked more..
talking about how our lives, mindset, characters had changed
before and after joining council.
is this what the enriching experience suppose to mean?
talked further and more stuff under the dark sky with the little little stars...
we hurriedly came down from the breakwaters cos we were afraid the tide will be too high
and we will be left stranded there for the night..
and we just continued on the sandy seaside
it's was a rather good feeling chatting under the stars
when we just showed our emotions..
or is it me only?
went back with her to her house
and KO-ed as soon as we finish setting up the bed
but still managed to struggled for my third bath of the day..
the bad thing is that we have to wake up so early the next day,
SATURDAY
getting ourselves to school...

other days of the week is equally fun
and i caught 3 movies in 3 days
ENCHANTEDgameplanBRATZ!!!
all with different company..
shall scrimp and save for my hols now..

*****

at least these were a distraction
they kept me FROM thinking about you
am i really a changed person?
i have no idea on what else to do
if you dont wish to do anything
i'm still waiting..
why am i undergoing all these
when do i deserve all these

-i dont know what to reply when asked...-