crazy..

i cant understand what's the difficulty
what is it that you want
i can only pick up hints
from your actions
it's driving me nuts...!

-it just make me regret more...-

sweet escape

im so tired tired
from all the shopping craze, flights and blah blah blah
plus come back and do all the council's favourite shitty stuff
i can like sleepwalk back when im walking home at night
and the last time i managed to do this is during a camp
when it's really "early" in the morning
now it's just the energy being totally drained out..

enough of whining!
at least i can feel that we are more bonded
and not just the usual few..

ive lost track of the days.
everyday seem so similar..
homework still undone
trouble looming near...

this will be over in a few months
the long journey..
we must perservere...

*****

i stand firm.
you cant solve the problem by escaping
maybe im just too kind...
i wonder i wonder
i wonder cluelessly...

-kindness not reciprocated or just sweet escape...?-

video

i cant help but post again
cos more thoughts came to my mind..

the video was really nice
great job, JOEL!!
at least you're not so useless after all!!!
your efforts are definitely appreciated.
the video had shown us,
or at least me,
that the long process that we've managed to endured
the so many many things that we did together
and the satisfaction that are derived..
it's just too touching and sweet
beyond words can described
thus all the photos did the talking..

*****

i cant read your mind...

-i stand firm and proud of myself...-

i am happier

pre-MERRY X'MAS greetings

*****

i realise something
the gift in me..
i observe things around me well..
perhaps too well...

i am happier..
i think i am...

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This was the best feeling

-it was...-

. a d i o s .

going off!

i don't know where to begin.
i've been going through my days aimlessly..
did not stick to my schedule
EXCEPT
the part on relaxing on Saturday!
which also means that ive not completed my holiday assignment..

felt guilty.
clear of the consequences.
but not feeling the stress yet.
wait for the time to come...

the past few days sorta flew by
with my long hours of sleep and play and eat
had the KFC buddy meal with MY MUM.
and I've found something gross inside the coleslaw
something black and disgusting!!
i'm like freaked out and left the rest of it untouched
my mum went to inform the one of the workers at the counter
cos she cant find any manager
[probably hiding behind in the kitchen..]
and the girl just go "OHHHHH..."
and showed her fellow colleague the disgusting stuff
what a brilliant service!
and thou shall not touch any KFC coleslaw
at least in the near future when the picture of the gross stuff is clearly imprinted in my brian!!

gotten some last minute stuff before the trip..
and im told not to change money...
well...
im in no control
perhaps..

bathed my old lil puppy!
since don't know when is the last time i bathed him
shall hug my clean lil pup to sleep later on!

im flying off in a few hours!
not exactly excited,
but just felt happy to be able to go away
to places which there isnt so much people i knew
and new faces at the new places...
no stress.
no work.
no conversation topic that makes me sick.
and of course,
shopping sprees!!!
these definitely make the joy!


*****

at least relieved..
for some things..
not for others...

-when i can go away forever...-

kynan!!!

here's my cute nephew~!!!!



isn't his laughter uber-ly adorable!!
here's another one..



and this is the women behind the sound..
and him again!!



randoms randoms again...
been uploading this since 5pm in the evening..

-i am happier this way, at least i think.....-

My loveTOADstool.. with snow-capped mountains!

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person.

There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

randoms randoms...

i hate the flower part.

because once you said garden,

everyone will sure think of flowers..

-i wish i wish.. i wish upon a star...-

hatred

now a proper post.
the previous one is just throwing one of my tantrums
i just cant find anyone to relate my emotions
as in really relate properly

enough of that
moving on..

banner painting!
finally went back to school after the camp!
and seeing them back again
but halfway through i just feel that something is amiss
not sure what
and i just went home
so sorry to the other painters
esp haoyan
didn't stayed throughout..

today went to school for meeting
and after that was lunch and i went to KC house
supposed to do hw we ended up chatting and pigging in
which is also sleeping!
met up again the bz and wl at night
and chatted into the next day
at least ive seen most of them once more..
hahaas..
chat and chat
too bad my problem not solved yet
though there were many funky ideas..

*****

what do you want..

-when ive made a painful decision that you didn't..-

im angry
im scared
i thought i know what i want
but i dont know what to do now...

run my own life!!

-i tremble with anger...what an irony..-

again

met up with SYC'07 Cultural Night peeps.
half of them at least
they are really great fun!
caught Alvin and the Chipmunks movie with them
it's great only at the beginning
and when going into the movie the plot sorta gets dull
when the voices no longer sounds as cute..
and im like shhhed by dunno which guy.
is one of us
but i cant see the face in the dark..

though we only knew each other for a few months
but we were like sharing the same opinions
LOLs..
having "open discussions"
think some of us will get the meaning of it!
and our next up-coming meet up
New Year's Eve eve.
party at BIM's house!!

i needa complete my homework real soon.
by FRIDAY!
den Saturday pack bag and relax
and off i go again on sunday!
so kelly!
follow the schedule!!!

BIN ah ma wants a lunch or dinner with me before i fly off
arent i so touched!
i also want one with the pri sch peeps
when wl fly back and before bz, kc and i fly off!
which is 19th night!
who can make it?!

*****

again..
i want to stay happy
for myself...

- i live life to the fullest.. hopefully with no regrets...-

sad in my world

"kopped" this from rubbish women's blog aka old mama almost non-existent blog!
just thought that it looked pretty and meaningful!
Daughtry - 'Home'

HOME

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love remains true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.I'm going home.

i went back home after the 7 days away from home..
when my dear old kaiser came wagging his tail
welcoming back home
then i realised how old he is
time had passed
for the past 7 years..
neglect.

what i can say about it
what i cant..
if time will just turn back into the past..
when we were like last time..
i'm willing to try.
are you?

i cant continue living in my own world!
though that would be my ideal one...
finding myself...

-i wonder for wonders to happen...-

SYC togther you and me

SUNBURST YOUTH CAMP
9th - 15th December 2007

Brunei . Cambodia . China . India . Indonesia . Kazakhstan . Laos . Malaysia . Myanmar . Philippines . South Korea . Singapore . Thailand . Vietnam .

together we all come together
the most extraordinary camp I have in my life
and the best of all
there were regulations instilled
yet everyone still have the freedom to do what they like
when we all tried our best to communicate to each and everybody
when we all had fun learning from everyone
when we cry, everyone, regardless of gender...

I'm allocated to receive Malaysia,
which is "my country"
so we went to the airport on Sunday
after which helping them to check in
and then bringing them out for dinner and shopping at Orchard Road

some of the activities that i've really enjoyed myself:

Outward Bound Singapore
it's on the first day of the entire camp
when we sorta had an ice breakers, Helium Hoop
this is the game which i think i've learnt alot from
though we did no succeed,
i've still managed to attain the objectives of this game
enabling UNO to bond and trust one another
afterwhich is learning to belay
and belaying my group members from other countries
was feeling really tired
and all the pain from the rope burns
but still with the determination
all of us managed to pull through
and we continued to the games part
which i've forgotten the actual name for it
we were supposed to play team building games and earn points
after which we will use the points collected to buy materials
which are then used to build a bomb launcher which can be unactivated by burning a fuse
graduated the OBS course with a cert
so proud of myself and the group!

Urban Challenge
This is something like a mini version of our school's MMM
The groups are supposed to take a group photo at the station
and answer questions about the places of interest
my opinion about this is that this game had allowed the participants from overseas to learn more about the countries
and really bring home memories and photos of the nation
UNO won this and my group met Tommy Koh
and also taken a photo with him!
it's so kind of him to volunteer to help us take our group photo.
and end up it's him in the photo :)
and of course
UNO won!
what we've gotten is a photo frame with all the photos inside
wheee!!!!

Jamming Night
everyone was totally high
before and after our informal performances
we all screamed and jumped
and danced..
were so high that many doesn't want to sleep early!

Late Night Rehearsals
these rehearsals were for the cultural night on the last night of the camp
we're all dead tired,
yet we all struggled down to the hotel and had our rehearsals
the nights when our instructors
chided us
joked with us,
O level standard, tone deaf, him covering his ears, him banging into the wall..
the pot-belly, tears, laughter
and so many other memories spent with the Singapore Cultural Night peeps!
you guys really rawks!!!

An evening with SYC
this is the real night
the actual night of performance after so many months of rehearsals
we were dressed in our costume with thick make-up on
everyone looked pretty and nice
and we really enjoyed ourselves
and did the best we could
and of course seeing hot guys!
LOL
all was great!!!
followed by the entire night awake!

the week soon come to an end
when we had to send off the delegates from other countries
people really cried
though we only know each other fro the past 6 days
yet we all build that friendship
that we all hope will last

not only had i made friends with people from other countries
but also from SINGAPORE!
the BIMBOS!
all having our own "bimbotic" moments
laughing at ourselves
hope we could have our Club reunion someday..
those whom i really talked and shared our lives..
Izzati, Rina, Alina!!
you gals are just great!!!

these camp was really enriching
allowing me to have friends from so many countries
at first i'm still anxious on going to camp with so many strangers
only knowing 1 amongst the 150 plus people
but soon all became friends
this experience is really indescribable and priceless...

*****

i see the difference
between what's true and what's not...

-i've learnt.. i've learnt to be strong...-

. S Y C T O G E T H E R Y O U A N D M E .

goodbye

tears will never bring the time lost back
only actions can...

i've really neglected my friends real lots
special mention:
[in alphabetical order.. so dont fight!]
BeeSiang, BiZhen, HweeMay, KeeChen, PohYu, WunLing
so guilty
felt so lousy
imagine ive not seen them for more a month
and to think i've them around me for more than a decade for some of them
when they can stand by your side when the rest of your world crumbles down on you
so sorry guys..
i know i could have done better..
will try harder next time..
i assure..

stop dwelling on it..
"make the sacrifices worth it by doing the best out of what you are supposed to do;)"
quoted from keechen.
thanks for being so encouraging and forgiving..
your words will work wonders...!

tomorrow i will be off for camp..
thanks for all the care and concerns im showered upon by you people..
thanks for the heart to heart talk..
it made me feel blessed...
especially when i'm alone at night..
going home or all other nonsense..
all of those smses were just so sweet..

*****

when others can show more concern for me
than you should have
have you done what your role should have??
maybe sorry will never heal those pain you've brought
tears are all shed...
once again the last promise is broken...

-i cant help but tear.. though i shall leave all these behind.. -

.a d i o s.

my sweet escapade

i've come to realised
i've kinda neglected my family and friends real lots
my family supposed to have a family portrait taken
but because of my camp...
sis asking mum and i to go out
keechen and pohyu and some other peeps
waiting for me to be free
to arrange a tai-tai session aka mahjong session

BUT above all these,
i chose to stay at home
claiming i will do some homework before leaving them at home
and i needa pack my baggage for the next 7 days

BUTbut, i just feel so tired
and i feel like sleeping again
after my more than 12 hours of sleep

wondering if im real tired or just an excuse
to escape from all these..

*****

your self-proclaimed busy-ness...
is just another way to escape...
why cant i just take my mind off you...

-my sweet escapade...-

tiredOUT

Prom is officially over
seems like the project we have undertaken for so long
and it's a SUCCESS!!
at least i know i've gotten myself 2 close friends from this prom experience
and the some significant photos and memories..

insufficientSLEEP

headACHE

tiredOUT

my time for a breather is finally here
at least i'll be around strangers for the next 7 days...

-disappearing in your life...-

how you wish it did long long ago. my regret. im just too tired to constantly remind...

burst my own bubble

i seriously cant breathe properly..
i mean literally
my nose is like super blocked
it all started from yesterday's mad rush to finish all our stuff
we managed to complete everything
when i went to old mama's house to stay over
the "tonn" over night was really productive
keeping in mind that we had traveled on feet so much in the afternoon
when retrieving the Prom tickets
when i "misplaced" my trust on that rubbish OLD MAMA!
making me walk extra kilometers under the hot sun in the ulu ulu place..
but i just keep sneezing from that night
running in the rain early in the morning didn't really make things better.
and during the SA meeting my foot were sorta freezing..
and i thank myself for speaking up..

wasted my entire afternoon in the council room
when we tried waiting for the heavy downpour to stop
it's really good opportunity for me to sleep
if i had managed to escape home dry-ly..

i cant be bothered to post the details,
if not it will be JUN KAI's length's blog
just read from any other councillors blog,
since now practically everyone has one!

now i'm afraid to sleep so early.
though it's 12 plus midnight..
and tmr is PROM!!!
cos i just have a weird thinking that
every time when i'm about to fall sick,
the long hours of sleep supposedly to sub back in for the lost hours
will just be hours of free time for the bacteria in my body to breed in it
and then i will fall sick...
not sure why i have such theories either.

burst my own bubble..
[burst one of my symmetrical blisters as well]
i wish i could be more indifferent
like i am like in the past
it could have made my life easier..

*****

i feel well...
UNAPPRECIATED
and i guess you are living your life normally..

-how would i know what am i supposed to do.. -if you dont say..

PISSED

*****

tiredOUT
all the attempts are just so screwed

no other comments.
FOR THEY WILL BE USELESS..
FULLSTOP!

when i stoop so low. and you gave no reply. im just beginning to hate you. so regretful of my actions. thinking of my dumb decision. you are just so freaking freakingly irritating. why must you treat me like this. i hate you i hate you...

-you will soon make me lose my cool...-

rumblings

shall start off my post with fazall's quote
as what i've promised him,
i will mention it here

"without love, the world will have less people crying..
but, without love, the world will also have less people smiling..."

we were just having our lunch after out meeting
and started this random topic
discussing about relationships, girls and guys..
it was certainly random
especially with the company whom i rarely talk to about these topics
or is it never before..
it certainly set me thinking more
and the caring barney just keep asking me to tell
somethings are better left unspoken, fuzzy..
cos comfort wont be able to resolve them..

*****

i read through my old posts, my rumblingsINmyBLACKbook, ....
my other side of my life
things are still pretty much the same
when no initiative is taken
i'm still thinking if time will really heal things that reasons cant..
i doubt it can
it will only allow people to forget about it
i dont want it that way
where is the happy ending...
happily ever after seems so far away...

i'm still waiting for the promises to be fulfilled
that date is coming again
another month is gone...
nothing much is improved
the sweetbitterness is here yet again
when the tears i shed for you,
when the trust i've placed in you
are all gone
probably with the tears that were long ago dried up...
i wish i can hate you
but i cant bring myself to do it
i bet you are now...

-i wish i wish.. i wish you've never existed in my life...-

youYOUyou

so many fun things had taken place this week
i've been out early in the morning and back home in the evening
just to change and freshen myself up
before leaving the house again for the night activities
i guess this is the only week i can enjoy
and really stay away from homework or any council stuff

i should settle down this coming week
got so much stuff to do
homework is like totally untouched!
PROM is coming up
and i've like lotsa stuff not done
and i must settle TMP before leaving for holidays
or else i will never enjoy it peacefully
after the screwed-up attempt during OGL camp.

i think i shall just elaborate my most FUNdayFIRDAY!
I've got rehearsal early in the morning.
which i had to leave house uber early cos the dance studio is all the way at some ulu corners of Queenstown.
at least i alight there when i took the train.. (:
i was 40 minutes late and we ended 5 mins early
how productive we were...
left there for school and went back just for the Mr Hon's meeting
too bad some of the people with the most to comment weren't there..
and off for a combined breakfastLUNCHdinner
it's just my only proper meal of the day
after that i had to rush back to my mum's childcare
and help to doll up the lil kids for their end year concert!
shall upload some pictures when i have the mood to!
styling up the hair for the lil boys were so fun
when they asked for hairstyles like Ultraman..
i guess those were just innocent ideas..
those long gone days
went home to bathe and off i went off to the combined FOURS&FIVES bbq
sitting on the breakwaters make me ponder on so many things
and after the rest of them left except for Old MAMA and i,
we sorta talked more..
talking about how our lives, mindset, characters had changed
before and after joining council.
is this what the enriching experience suppose to mean?
talked further and more stuff under the dark sky with the little little stars...
we hurriedly came down from the breakwaters cos we were afraid the tide will be too high
and we will be left stranded there for the night..
and we just continued on the sandy seaside
it's was a rather good feeling chatting under the stars
when we just showed our emotions..
or is it me only?
went back with her to her house
and KO-ed as soon as we finish setting up the bed
but still managed to struggled for my third bath of the day..
the bad thing is that we have to wake up so early the next day,
SATURDAY
getting ourselves to school...

other days of the week is equally fun
and i caught 3 movies in 3 days
ENCHANTEDgameplanBRATZ!!!
all with different company..
shall scrimp and save for my hols now..

*****

at least these were a distraction
they kept me FROM thinking about you
am i really a changed person?
i have no idea on what else to do
if you dont wish to do anything
i'm still waiting..
why am i undergoing all these
when do i deserve all these

-i dont know what to reply when asked...-

you are such a bitch

why should i get so worked up over these lil lil things
why should i even be bothered when it did not even concern me
why is it bothering me when i should not even care
maybe i should stop observing others for once-- lizzie
maybe i should just stop reading so much into others-- joanna
maybe i should not let all these bother me when im supposed to relax-- old mama

i guess the reason it's bothering me because i feel the want of emulating me and be what i've been like through all the lil actions, expressions and so many others.

why should i even be bothered when this is just one of the ways to attract others

well, the world exists with many faces
which i certainly detest the fake-ness
the fake-ness that seems to let me ACCIDENTALLY see through
those accidents seeing through just makes me hate it!

after this post i shall stop mentioning about it..
i promise to be a good lil' girl...
like what all girls should be
and not ladies
cos ladies are more complicated i guess
and i would rather choose to be a lady...

*****

i just wanted to talk
not anything else...
should i just ask again
but i'm so afraid of being irritated.
i dont know the limit...

-when the wait prolongs...-

break camp

like what everyone's blog had been mentioning
OGL camp is OVER!!
the camp did not went that smoothly
but there were definitely many lessons learnt
and many close bonds formed
the 3 exco girls were sure crazy at nights
when we "pom together"
when we complain to one another
when we sadly miss the programmes together while having to do our duty
when we ran up and down the stairs
laughing at our own silly jokes
and they were really great when they stick to you
through whatever you are going through
they taught me the importance of sacrificing
the art of being cool tempered when things gone wrong
the patience you need when you're doing things while others is having fun
when you do not need to be appreciated...
you guys are awesome!
HUGS girls!!! (and remember the our meet up action, old mama!!)

shall not go into details of each and everyday
just too draggy

after breaking camp
went for lunchNdinner
laughed till we can train our abs
when the guys did those disgustingly hilarious moves
then when the 3 lonely souls do not wish to go home
we went to library to chat
about so many things that could not be revealed
when we exchanged many interesting facts
that i had not obsevered
maybe because i'm not as thirty-eight as them
sometimes things seems to be better as it is..
chatted finish at library and did not know
how we ended up continuing at mac
and i was really groggy and dozing off in every half a minute
anywhere and even when im standing..
went home and was so CONKED out!
but pantat!
i did not sleep so long okay!!!

*****

will that be your last promise?
like what ah bee's advice was...
get over this and things will get better
and also
asking myself
am i willing to give you up
after the so many many things
i doubt so...
i guess i can only wait for you to keep to your promise...

-when things gets complicated, and i do not know why...-

aar

wasn't really feeling right to blog now
was having too many emotions at one go
too many thoughts, all messed up.

the family that we always talked about
those words of concern really seems wierd coming out from the person
it touched me in a way
and also made me thought about so many other things
the long long morning jog in the morning
when we just encouraged one another although we ourselves are already tired...

reading fuzzy blog make me think even deeper
maybe things are not as perfect as it seems
i'm too blinded i guess
by all the fun i'm enjoying

perhaps we didn't make much sense of our status,
Students' Council
for the students,
yet we are having fun
is this our purpose? our vision?
all at the beginning
during CTC
all the drillings...

this walk of my life had certainly made me value people
i thank this new found family
at least it makes me not feel alone at times

changing the tone :)
greatly missed are my old mama and tooopiiiddd nuzie!
the hip old mama is off for OBS camp
miss all the bitings [sounds wrong..!]
miss all her nonsense
the way she helps me think when im just being unfair
the courage that she taught me to have
esp throwing face in the public!
toopid nuzie!
dont dwell too much while at home
you will soon join us
and we can enjoy during the camp!
as least e-learning rocks my socks!!!!

*****

the times alone

when i pondered
when i began to realised
maybe it's me who's expecting too much
i guess i didn't gave you the chance to speak
or is it that you dont wish to?
im just as confused as ever
perhaps im just in denial...
but still i'm afraid..

- i just cant help but fear...-

yesterday

i shall not elaborate too much already.
thus i've cut down on some posts.

yesterday was an enjoyable one
went with lizzie for er ren she jie.
cos other councillors were occupied with their own stuff
while we two don't wish to go home so early
we actually wanted to watch Gameplan at vivo
but do not have jacket
and we were in our shorts and shirt
so we just shopped and shopped
showed her where one of the MMM stations will be at
the St James Power Station and the pretty pretty swing seats
we lingered around there and really chatted..
and even shared our darkest secrets
went off after a scary incident and since we began to feel "seasick"
we were so frightened by the incident..

we then went with the Habourfront people
since they finished their recce
and off we go to bugis
went to the food court for lunch
and played a few but LONG
"cheating" rounds of Bridge!
we were laughing our asses off
and there's one point when the fat pantat rolled on the floor laughing

at least the day was happy happy one
to drive away other thoughts
lizzie and i shared so many lil things about ourselves..
just hope we can have another of this day soon..

*****

time will heal things that reason cant.
is it true??

- the days we enjoyed together seems to be a part of history...-

bye...

*****
i just keep thinking about it
the bye seems forever
even though i hope it doesn't
this period of waiting...

i love you so. i miss you so.. but it doesnt seems the other way.. when will you be back??

- i pray hard...-

the open post

these few days were very "happening"
J1 bash is over,
hope all the Meridians enjoyed!
next few events will be OGL camp and PROM!!
i'm just too lazy to talk more about them..

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JUN KAI!
it's so fun and easy to smear cake on the two lil pigs rolling on the ground!

*****

it's been so long
it's been the same
i keep trying
my patience will run dry...

to others: do not ask me any about this, even if you know, don't know or think you know...read and forget

will it just go away with the tears??

-when will you paint my rainbow?-

그럴리 없다고 아닐꺼라고 믿었죠
It wasn't possible, so I believed it wasn't true
내가 그댈 사랑한단 이 말도 안되죠
Me loving you, these words don't even make sense
괜한 질투일꺼라고 내가 외로운가보다고
I'm probably just jealous, I guess I'm getting lonely
자신을 속여봤지만 이제 더는 난 감출 수가 없는걸요
I hid my feelings before but I just can't do it anymore
우린 안어울린다고 친구 그게 딱 좋다고
Maybe we are not suited to each other
It would be good if we are just friends
하나부터 열개 도대체 뭐 한개라도 맞는게 없는데
From one to ten, we never agree on anything
How can we have a relationship?
어떻게 사귈 수있냐고 말도 안돼는 얘기라고
People say we won't be able to do it
말하며 둘러 댔지만 이제더는 난 그러기가 싫은걸요
I've been surrounded by those words and I don't want to be anymore.

난 몰랐죠 그대라는걸 Woo 왜 못봤죠 바로 앞인데
I didn't realize how I felt about you,Why couldn't I see?
It was right in front of me
그동안 이렇게 바로 내곁에 있었는데 왜 이제서야 사랑이 보이는건지That whole time you were right next to me
Why is it now that I finally see that it is love?


I think I love you 그런가봐요
I think I love you that's how it seems
Cause I miss you 그대만 없으면
Cause I miss you when you're not around
난 아무 것도 못하고 자꾸 생각나고 이런걸 보면 아무래도
I can't do anything except think about you
If I look at how things are I know
I'm falling for you 난 몰랐지만
I'm falling for you, I didn't realize it but
Now I need you 어느샌가 내 맘
Now I need you, somehow deep in my heart it grew.......

sick of it

*****
so sick--fever, sore throat, flu
so sick of it...
i dread it...
i'm in no position to control this
i'm in no position to give advice

immissingyousomuch.ihateittoend.iloveyouso.whenallthepromisesseemssofar.whenallthe"always"arefake.whenallthe"loveyou"aremeaningless.....

-when will the pain ever ends?? living on those memories...-

missing you lots

the past few days had been so hectic..
here's a photo with the talk-a-deng man and us 3 after our OP


it was hilarious hanging out with them,
although this seems to be like our first time.
went home late cos all of us are too happy to fully regain our freedom
breaking free from the reins of PW

wed we had our vending comm breakkie..!
cos the entire vending comm was there for the restock
although all of us was late:)
which is like finally..
rushed home to prepare and then off to BASH recce
PLUSH!!

e pretty LADIES that all girls will love to camwhore in..
go Fahrenheit 652 or you will regret when you miss out all the fun!!
dinner till super late..
with the usual "bitching"
dead tired already..

thursday was deepavali
but i still have to wake up like very early for the SYC rehearsals
but still i was late, uber late!
so sorry sherman ):
rehearsed the dance till my legs were aching
somemore i still had to drag myself for the class bbq
and me and jia wen did something real foolish
i shall not elaborate it here
late at night when the drinks ran out,
me, jia wen and elmer were still sent out to get drinks
when we had to nearly walk all the was to parkway parade
if we did not manage to find the ulu 7-eleven stall
reached home and nearly immediately collasped to sleep

woke up even earlier
and this time for council recce!
quek and i chose to follow the uberLY LOUD JUN KAI
for the fun!
we were supposed to recce habourfront-vivocity area then tampines
it's always wrong to leave 5 girls and 2 guys at such a hugh shopping place
when they feel awkard entering Forever 21 to grab us 5
we were soon hoarded out of it..
practically pulled us to the mrt station..
tampines was even worst
with the hot sun and the long route that the GOOD MMM IC brought us
nearly got sun burnt
but luckily not...
shopping and dinner at bugis after our recce
when this time, we dragged and pull JUN KAI there
went home late late too...

saturday i finally had time to sleep in later
but i still went back to school for banner painting!
doing all these for the BASH!

at this point,
im like already half sick-- sore throat and flu
hope my holidays will not be like these forever
kinda miss hanging out with the CLIQUE 5/6
was so sad when i met them to take the feeder bus home
when all 5 of them had fun for the past few days
and all those times i missed out
i guess i cant have the joy of both sides of the world
I MISS YOU GUYS!
i miss you so....

whenmemyselfisregretingsomuchaboutit,andyeti'mgivingadvicetoothers..howiwishiwasntthatrashthen.. thingswerebetterwhenfriends..the3monthsseemssolongandardous...imissyouso..thesilenceseemss undeserving..whenwillyoucareaboutme...?

-those regrets will only bring tears to the eyes, they cant help...-

painnn

shaggg..
so tired
went to PLUSH for recce
managed to settle much stuff
and was so tired,

but i still cant get a good rest at home tmr,
need to go for camp rehearsal from morning to afternoon [luckily it was cut short]
den after that got class bbq!
finally my class got something planned for ourselves!!
and 3 teachers are going!
ms WONG yu teng, ms karen NG, mr randall CHA
so sweet of them!!
too bad ms judy TAN cant make it..
well, hope we will have lotsa fun tog! [even though there is a "BIG presence"!!]

how i wish my life next year will be the same as this year
no changes to the people in my life
nor the things happening around
i fear changes....
whenwilltheawkardsilencegoingtoend?whenwillwebelikethepast?shalli justwaitorforget it...ireallydon'tunderstandwhy. idontknowwhatwrong haveidonetodeserveallthese.. undertheignoranceofsomanypeople. youguyswillreallyneverknowwhaislingeringbeneaththesurface.. mytearswillsoonrundryforyou,whenmyfeelingsbecomenumbaswell... i'mchangingmyself, whenifearchanges.. pullmeoutofthis.. howtosalvageall these, icantdothesealonewithoutyourefforts... ifthosewhoarenotinvoledbutseethis, pleasejustkeepyourmouthshut! sometimesithurtsenough...

- i wish for all these to be like the past...-

cut hair!

today another happy happy day
i've submitted my InR final!
which also meant that the entire course of PW is OVER!
which is like finally..

before submitting, still was "caught" by qiani and shu hui for programmes meeting
and they bombarded me with so many questions
shall get started on that soon..

and i went to cut hair!
it's about half of my old ponytail length
so sad, there goes my long hair..
my mum actually still say it's long
cos she suggested me cutting the "bob" hairstyle the day before
my heart will ache even more if i cut that..

oh yahh,
forgotten to add in that when i went to the dance area
that the LOUD! junkai scared me
with his awfully loud voice
dumb dumb..!

shall stop here to figure out how to link my hp to com
or else jia wen will have to continue scolding me..
tataa..!

*****

-the happy moments will last-

ahhh!, I'm going crazy.
driven crazy by the construction noise
right outside the house
imagine them starting drilling at 8 plus
when this is my 1st day off PW
what a plain torture!!
plus, my dog is trembling like mad as well
i can imagine how afraid he is,
with the dark clouds looming, thunders and the booming sound
that he even climbed onto me when i woke up,
the entire body shivering..
poor him..
having such sensitive ears are also torturous..

and now i'm just blasting music into my ears.
I'm eating breakfast, listening music, buffing my nails, blogging a post
and SUPOSSED to do InR..
hahaa, just dont feel like doing yet
anyways, i only have gotten back my draft on
and just had to edit for the final.
i guess this is the first time i'm thankful to my BELOVED pw teacher
for making us do this so early

i'm feeling so happy today
i'm going to cut hair later in the evening
i'm asked to go swimming..
i've had such a peaceful sleep [minus how i was awoken up]
i'm just want to run away from the noise as soon as possible!

sharing something i came across randomly

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me

I used to say all you need
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
Like Ben
Like Ben

aren't her voice great..
it's really very sweet!
then the gaps in her mouth is so cute!
this is still not the best yet
i think this song is still her best song

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

this is even better right..
her voice can really melt people's heart.
but she didn't win ):
this is a competition when the winner will get to sing for the queen
too bad she didn't win

*****

people are just assuming
it is not what you guys are thinking..
it's just some other things

this is just a phase..
i will get it over soon..
i hope.

- i wish upon a star, will it come true...?-

the garden

"round and round the garden went the teddy bear
one step, two step,
tickle under there..!"

spent the whole afternoon at my mum's workplace after my lunch
the simple giggles and tears the lil' kids share
the teachers scolding them for the simple things
when we would have just smile and gotten over it
their rehearsals for their concert is just so simple for us
how cute they can get with their moves..

i guess the times had passed and will never come back
the light of the childhood will never shine on us again..

*****

"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

the words will never sound in my life...

-living on those memories, thanks for giving them to me...-

simplicity

had been sleeping for the past 12 hours..
and i've taken a 2 whole hours of nap in the evening.
the sweet nap + the pig-in times,
guess this is one of my missing part of my life since i've stepped into my 17th year on earth.

i've been blog-hopping for the past many days
and those afternoons when i'm off to have fun, or home
yet they are busy finishing off their revision
these things are like what i will suffer in the next year
[see the word "suffer!"]
the A's which many of them are taking.
seems so horrible and scary
it just takes away your happiness and dump the whole lot of stress on your shoulders
it's just e govt way of testing how much we had learnt for the past 2 years
yet it's so-freaking-people's-life-out
nonetheless,
we had to cross this huge boulder to get to the other side to see light,, .
well, just had to say,
ALL THE BEST to those taking them


thinks this song is not bad..
deep with simplicity..

*****

isn't life the same as it
i choose to not to divulge anything
and i shall stick to my words
the anything seems to be next to nothing

*****
yeahh,
i've found someone to lunch with!!
will continue this blog later on (:

photos blog

i don't know which side to stand
the confusion life the ironies of life
the sweet~nothingness
i feel like screaming out loud
but no voice would come out...

randoms..
was just searching for "screams!!" on google images and they gave me this:
cute yeahh..??
at least i smile a tiny smile..
it's from this interesting links i chanced upon..
http://blog.photoblogs.org/2006/05/



life can seem how cruel or pretty...
the stark contrast
either i fall or i not



my answer to my doubts:

Cover your eyes from the lies right in front of you

-shall thou just stop thinking...-

.preoccupied.

tomorrow is the second last paper for the year
MOTHER TONGUE!!
so peeps!
good luck to all =))
i ought to be studying.
but i don't have the mood to..
too preoccupied with some other thoughts

*****

I'm feeling nonetheless.
I'm just expecting more...
it doesn't require your presence to distract me...
i can't stop it...

-I've realized the avarice:greed in me...-

1 litre of tears

ooops, i realised i've forgotten to wish pohyu happy birthday..
felt so guilty.
so here's one now.. =))
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, pohPOH!!!
ump-hummpphh!
when's our tai-tai mahjong session??

*****

here's something i found meaningful on my friend's MSN nick
LOVE asked FRIENDSHIP, "Why do you exist when I already exist?"
FRIENDSHIP simply replied, "To put a smile when you leave tears.."
doesn't it makes so much sense..

this video is about the show "1 litre of tears"
i watched this show last year..
but watching this videos still revoke the feelings inside me.



1 Litre of Tears also called A Diary with Tears is a Japanese television drama about a girl who was diagnosed with an incurable degenerative disease at 15, but was able to continue her life until her death at the age of 25.

this is the song the class sang for her.



i guess this is the meaning of cherishing those around you..

-i can't help but relate..-

Your Body is Producing 230 Watts!

This is 8% LESS wattage than the average person

• You could light up 2 light bulbs
• You could power 58 iPods
• You could power 1 Xbox 360
• 4 of you would be needed to keep a refrigerator running

If you want to share your power output, copy and paste the HTML code below to display it on your own site.

230 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing
when things get too boring
and i just have no mood to study for Chinese..
idea struck me when i was browsing takky's blog

- i cant feel where is my heart...-